What's up w/the title bar? Like I need this frustration today..
asshats!!!!

ok..so Yadda yadda yadda.. blah blah blah..
that's the mood.. w/a touch of anger twinning its way thru... loving the red streak of anger.. just put's me on edge!!!!

Where to start..
Happy Belated Birthday America.. I spent the 4th of July driving.. to Canada..
Oh Canada....lalalalala.. sorry..dont know anymore than that..

Driving thru some mountain pass on our way to Vernon BC... tried to kill ourselves.
Ive had near death experiences, however, I dont think I have EVER put my childrens lives at risk before, and that was a whole new out of body experience. Driving down an 8% downgrade, going into a little town call Princeton.. the motor-home decided it didnt want to slow down or stop. Down shifted, it wouldnt slow down.. pumping the brakes, no help.. in 1st gear, standing on the brakes, locked the damn things up, switchbacks... Oh God!!! We were all gonna die!!!
But.. thank God.. we didnt.. but it was an extremely scary situation.. brakes were checked in the next town and they were good to go.. so we moved forward to our final destination....
Camping, swimming, dog show.. our meathead did well, he got dumped the first day, won his class and took reserve the second day, and the third day he won his class, and got best opposite (beat by a bitch) - drive home was hot, humid, sticky but un-eventful..

Other than that.. my life aint shit.. sad huh?!
this weekend I am headed to a little biker gathering in a small southern town of WA...
Do Wa Diddy baby!!! OMG.. I will download pics and write about that when I get back on Monday.. The Do Wa is always a good time, it's my job to obtain money for the "titty" contest, now see, in order for money to be gathered for the winners, one has to go around and "show their goods" I have NO problem flashing, there just boobs, and well even if I do say so myself, I have a nice set of ta-ta's... :) (if I get enough encouragment.. I may just post them here) And well, my dad sends me off to take donations from our fellow bikers!!!! There are anywhere between 700-1200 bikers that show for this event, a good time is had by all.. my other responsibilities are to be security.. now if you knew me, you would understand that I have NO issue here either, I have no problem getting in the face of some drunken 300lb dude... I should probably have some fear.. but I dont, maybe it's because of my past experiences.... or.. maybe Im just stupid!!!

Havnt heard from my fuck buddy.. well I have, maybe 2 emails, but nothing inviting, just a "had a great time, lets do it again" and a "hi" email.. that's it.. I did however hear from his cousin, wanting to know why I would meet up w/the f-buddy but not w/him.. as I told him, could be because the cousin is married and the f-buddy aint.. yeah.. I think that's a good answer!!!

Ok.. I think that's about it. Im looking so forward to a weekend of no kids, adult drunken conversation, the twins coming out, as they need some fresh air, and if I get really lucky, I will have some drunken adult action in a hot tent.. well.. that usually doesnt happen, only because Ive noticed in my old age Im starting to get a little picky when it comes to dropping my knickers! LOL

Peace
Me

TMI... on Wednesday

1. Does the carpet match the drapes?
Im blonde.. the carpet used to be blonde... but over the years of shaving, then growing back, and re-shaving.. Ive noticed that it's now a mixture of blonde & light brown..with some darker hairs mixed in too.. but I guess that's normal right?
2. Have you ever used personal information about someone to blackmail them?
No.. I have stuff I could use on people.. more than I wanna know about some people.. but.. why would I blackmail them? There really is no need, it's their shit, their backyard, my theory is, that they day they hit judgment door, it's the higher powers that be who needs to figure it out. Not me!!!
3. What is your favorite thing to lick?
I really enjoy giving head.. I enjoy hearing him, and feeling his hands on my head, and looking up and seeing the look on his face. Adding a little extra flavor doesnt hurt either, whether it be whip cream, chocolate sauce or some sort of added flavor from your local sex shop..
4. Have you ever had sex in a place of worship? (i.e., church, temple, mosque, etc.)
What kind of question is this? Um.. NO!!! Hell, I walk into a church Im sure the lightening rod's will strike me dead before I ever even reach the pews...let alone to strip and get nasty.. no.. that's just all kinds of WRONG!!!
5. If you watch video porn, do you buy it in a store, from a catalog, online, or download it?
Ive bought one porn video in my life.. and it was the most boring porn Ive ever seen.. so I rent them from my local Dick does Jane video store.. sometimes there good, sometimes there bad, sometimes they make me laugh.. you know it's a good porn when all the sudden Im all over him and I cant get enough!!!!

;)Bonus (as in optional): How often, if ever, do you "fake it?"
hmmm... if it's the right guy, and he's doing what he needs to do, Im not faking it AT ALL!!!

Drama

Hi all...

It's been crazy around here, with school getting out, end of year baseball tourney's (which we lost!!) Dance recitals, birthdays, dog shows. And well.. Im plum tuckered out!!!

So.. a brief update.. I GOT LAID!!!
Yeah.. for me it's a HUGE occurance.. well because.. it's been so damn long!!!
Saturday night, he clld me out of the blue, hadnt talked to him in a long time. He called, said he would be in town, and he would call me when he got in town.. umm..ok.. usually I dont believe a word he says, cuz well, he lives about 30 min from me, and normally doesnt make it down to my neck of the woods.. and/or.. doesnt actually show..

Among all the drama Saturday night, w/my BFF (best friend forever) it being her B-day... her in-laws invited themselves along.. and well.. they normally dont get along sober, you throw some alcohol in on that equation, and the night turned into a fucking drama-fest!!!
Lets just say, it was a full blown, screamin match at the bar, so dear ol' me got to break it up, and drive the drunken people home (luckily I wasnt drinkin) he calls me just as I get back to the bar, he's getting into town.. so I run in, slam a few drinks, cuz well.. everyone needs liquid courage..

Then we headed to a hotel, and that fine piece of man ROCKED MY WORLD!!! Just thinking about it is making my nether regions tingle!!!! and D A M N.. I want M O R E!!!!

We had a long talk inbetween sessions, and he proceeded to tell me that Im not the normal type of "white women" who fall's for a "black man"... ok.. um.. he blew me away with that.. cuz.. well.. I didnt realize there was a "type"??? So.. what in the hell did he mean by that? Yes, of course I asked him.. he just said that I dont fit the typical mold! HUH?
Well, he distracted me by this point.. and we didnt get to end the conversation...
But, it's got me perplexed... what does he mean by that? Please someone explain it to me....

Then we got into the whole discussion about trying other things... meaning, he's been invited to this place, that's semi-local, where it's all about "adult entertainment" ... oh hell, Im trying as delicate as possible of describing it.. but.. whatever.. the Redmond Ranch, it's a large house, that offers the swinger lifestyle...the whole partner swap kind of thing.. now.. yes, Ive had three-somes.. and well.. it's a mind set, ok for some, not for others.. personally, I dont think I could watch my guy fuck someone else.. however.. I wasnt in a relationship during the time I had my three-somes.. it was me, a good male friend of mine and his girlfriend (and I will say.. that girl knew what to do with her tongue!!!) anyhow.. it was an interesting evening.. and.. well, I kind of think I would go there again, only a little more sober, as I was pretty wasted my first time and I would like to "remember" a little more!!!!

Oh, sorry, I totally got side tracked (Im on a work conf call... typing this out and not paying any kind of attention.. bad bad me)
Anyhow.. so, he was asking me if I would be interested in attending a "party" with him..the way he explained it, is he doesnt want to sleep w/anyone else, he perfers the whole voyeur side of things, he likes it when guys hit's on "his women" and not that he wants me to do anything w/anyone else.. but, he wouldnt object to me giving him a blow job while others watch...... hmmmmmmmmmm.... I dont have an issue w/sex or my body, and I realize it's a chose lifestyle for others..and well.. Ive had sex in the same room w/others.. but as I get older, Im realizing Im turning into, more of a me & him... or possibly throwing another couple in there.. but.. hmmmm....

Something I will have to think about.. there's is just so much to think about...

Anyhow... I got laid.. damn.. that man is G O O D!!! and now.. I want more..
so Im gonna have to get a hold of him and let him know he just wetted my appitite.. and he needs to satisfy me some more... :)

Ok.. hope to hear from you all
Peace

How to Drop a Deuce at work

HOW TO DROP A DEUCE AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked backin our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK DEUCE Is inevitable. For those who hate crapping at work, the following is theSurvival Guide for taking a deuce at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not inyour area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it camefrom. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop Until the full fart hasbeen expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make Sure the smell has leftyour pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come backagain. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE:A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing adeuce in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretendit did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a deuce, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the deuce hits the water.This reduces the amount of air time the deuce has to stink up thebathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET DEUCER: A colleague who deuces at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Deucer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Deucer before entering the bathroom.

DEUCING FRIENDS NETWORK (D. F. N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency deucing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the where abouts of Out Of The Closet Deucers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.This will reduce the odds of a deucer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a deuce at work. If this occurs,remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with anFRED ASTAIRE.

FRED ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars That you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall isoccupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the deucer can crap in peace.

WATERMELON: A deuce that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in The toiletwater. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE REED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could Spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Reed makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to deuce when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you aswell as the other bathroom attendees.

TMI!!!!

1. What is the meanest thing you've ever done/said to a lover/loved one?
I couldnt even began to name the meanest things... I can get pretty cruel... and I have no issues w/arguing... however.. I remember once.. back when my ex and I had seperated, cuz he decided to start doing a stripper... I went thru a phase of making myself feel pretty by being a, um, well.. yeah.. to many one nighters.. anyhow... I remember he undressed I looked at it.. and said.. "Youve got to be kidding me!" needless to say.. he got dressed and left..

2. Have you ever had sex on an elevator?
no...

3. Have you ever lied about a rash and said it was a birthmark? OR Have you ever lied about a birthmark and said it was a rash?
um.. no rashes here.. and no birthmarks.. I was found under a rock...

4. Have you ever had sex on a beach or in the water at a beach/pool?
Yes to the beach! It was a spur of the moment thing.. no blanket.. and sand in the ass isnt NOT fun!!!! not in the water at the beach.. but I have done it in a lake, and hot tub..

5. How old are you? 34
How old do you feel? depends on the day.. some days I feel like Im in my late teens early 20's.. other days.. I swear Im on deaths door..

6. Have you or your partner been injured so badly during sex that you/they had to go to the hospital? we injured ourselves alright.. but due to the "enhanced" state of ourselves.. we decided not to go to the ER or DR or anything.. we were both flying high on Acid.. and well.. you dont "cum" until you come down.. and well.. Acid can be hours worth of flying high pleasure.. but.. well.. 5 hrs later.. I hurt SO BAD..raw.. I dont know how else to put it.. raw raw raw

7. Have you been to a strip club or "titty bar"? (Hooters does NOT count.) If so, did you get a lap dance? LOL.. LMAO.. oh my god!!! Here's a hell of a story!!!
Feb 2007 - Family went to Reno... my dad.. 2 brothers, their wives.. and little ol' me....
My Dad & oldest brother were sitting at some video poker games as I walked by.. we all started talking and then Dad brings up the idea to head to the strip club next door..
And off we went.. and let the games began!!!!

We walk in.. sit down.. start drinking.. proceed to drink.. the strippers are dancing.. this was one of the higher class joints.. spendy drinks.. low lights, alot of red and black material on the walls.. plush leather seats.. and hardly anyone in the place.. the "bouncers" wore black dress pants & white dress shirts w/ties..
Happy hour roll's around.. thank gawd... the drinks started flowing.. at first..I was a little uncomfy.. until a stripper walks around.. and she's talking to my dad, then looks at me... walks over and try's to convince me that I want a lap dance.. Im not drunk enough..Im good..
this gal..who was barely 21.. puts her hand on my shoulder and slowly runs it down my shoulder to the top of my chest... into my shirt..and starts playing w/my nipple..
People.. I was in utter & complete shock.. I wasnt drunk.. but I was slightly buzzed.. and well.. my only response to her was.. Damn..your hands are cold!!!
Dad & Brother laughed.. the girl laughed.. and told me to let her know when I was ready for the lap dance...

Were sitting, were drinking, were watching.. and this guy walks over.. ask's me if I will give the dancer a dollar.. um.. sure.. I walk up to the dancer.. hand her my dollar.. turn around..sit down..
he thanks me.. and then I start asking him questions.. like.. why doesnt he do it.. He's shy.. get over his shyness do it himself.. oh no.. he's to shy... so forth and so on..
he gives me more $$ to take to the next "dancer" I walk up.. try to hand her the $$.. she decides she's gonna take the dollar stick it down my shirt ( I was wearing a tanktop) and pull it out w/her teeth..while her hands were feeling me up.. oh yeah.. that's right..
Then.. she stopped in the middle of her little seductive dance, and asked me where I got my boob job done.. cuz my Dr did an excellent job.. they feel so REAL... um.. honey.. they are real..
natural 42DD that's me.. still firm.. even after 2 kids!!! This gal was amazed.. so she grabs the top of my tank..and rips it down..and expose's my boob.. which.. didnt really bother me.. cuz.. well..Im a flasher.. I will flash my boobs w/no issues.. I dont care.. there just mounds of flesh..

My father & brother were laughing there ass's off.. what a family bonding moment!!!
The evening progressed.. I was D R U N K !!! in fact we all were.. totalled.. gone.. buh buy.. oh my..
toasted.. so much more happene.d. but.. this is long enough..

Lets just say.. my sis n law was P I S S E D at my brother.. cuz he was so toasted.. my step n mommy.. well.. she just laughed it off..

My Dad, Brother and I had 5 hrs of hilarious, good old-fashioned family bonding at the Reno strip club!!!

I dont see dead people

Well.. I know you all have been sitting on the edge of your seats.. waiting and waiting for me to give you an update.. so here it is..

I don't see dead people..
mainly.. by the time Saturday night rolled around.. I was so exhausted.. that I stayed home
pathetic huh?

Around 10:30 I did receive a phone call, stating that there was someone at the bar waiting for me. However.. I could barely keep my eyes open, and I believe I mumbled into the phone..that's nice, tell him Hi.. and another time.. and hung up :(

Yeah.. I guess sub-consciously I really didn't care if I saw him or not.
Maybe it's best to just keep him in my memory banks.

On to other news:

My son has decided to lie again.. about school, and grades... so.. I did the one and only thing I could think of.. ok..well two things..
I yanked away his summer vacation.. and sighned my happy little liar up for summer school.
Called his father, said.. oh so sorry.. as much as I know you want your son.. and as much as I NEED a vacation.. he will not be coming to Texas.. amazingly enough.. his father agreed, and instead of Wonder Mutt heading to see him, his Pop's will coming here to spend a week w/him while he's in summer school.. that's fine.. have fun..
However, we did discuss that if Wonder Mutt carries good grades, and passe's.. and since Summer school is only 4 weeks.. that maybe.. and I mean MAYBE... he will be able to go to Texas for 2 weeks.. but Im not telling Wonder Mutt that.. he needs to figure out that what Mamma says.. Mamma means!!!

Booga Butt was suppose to go to Minnesota for some time this summer to hang out w/Grammy, but damn if I cant find cheap airfare.. holy hell...
plus.. Im leaving in October to head to Cabo for a much needed week of relaxation.. I figured it's my 35th Birthday this year.. Im going on a freakin vacation w/no wee one's under foot.. no dog's to deal with.. no NOTHING.. just me, 7 close friends.. sand - sun - and a bucket of beer.. or 20!!! :)

Ok..that's it.. I got's to get my ass back to work.. or Im gonna get farther behind.. and trust me.. my ass is big enough!!! hahhahahaha.. I made funny..

Later
Peace

Walking Dead

One of my memories that I posted about on my Friday memories post.. was concerning a guy I dated in high school. I was 16 he was 23. (my apologies Im not sure how to link the post to this, as Im not puter savvy)
Anyhow...
About 5 yrs ago, a dear friend of mine called to inform me that he had passed away. It broke my heart, I cried, I mourned, I grieved, I processed I moved on.

Tuesday night.. my dear friend called me, we were talking and all the sudden he says..
"oh.. Jim's not Dead"
As I sat there, processing what he said.. I started thinking.. this is a cruel sick joke.
Which I said out loud..
"seriously.. he's not.. he's been in San Diego for the last 7 yrs... it wasnt his obit in the paper!"
my reply.. "excuse me?"
I believe for every time my friend told me what happened... I continued to say excuse me
As my mind whirled.. my heart beat, and my breathing becomes irratic....
"excuse me? How do you know for sure? Did you see him?"
"yes" he replies " he came back into town on Friday.. and we hung out all day Saturday.. seems there was another guy, same aprox age, same first and last name.. from same area...
Mind boggeling..

So.. he's alive.. in town.. and here...
I have been trippin.. for lack of better words..
my mind has been racing..

So.. Ive decided that Im going to go find him.. I found out where he's gonna be Saturday night..
and Im going to look up my old' high school sweetheart.. and look into those piercing blue eyes.. and just say Hi..

should be interesting to say the least...

Till Death do us part

Death is on the for front for me today..

Friday a guy I knew.. not really well, but knew of, passed away.
I feel for his family.. he has 2 young children.. and a girlfriend who worshipped him.
He was only 28 yrs old.

This brings things to close to home.. as I sit and think all the "what ifs"

What if, god forbid, I was to pass..
talking about it, makes my skin crawl, it's almost as if I will bring it to close to home.
Im not afraid to die.. it's part of the natural progression of things. But it worries me, just because of my wee ones.

Makes me realize all the things I need to put into place if that day were to come sooner than expected. Who will they live with? The fact that they need to stay together, and that I dont want them split up and I do NOT want them going to be w/their fathers.
Why not their fathers?
Wonder Mutt's dad is fine, they have a good relationship, they love one another, and his father would take good care of him. But then what about Booga Butt?
Her father is worthless, cant hold a job, does drugs, has no place to live. No, that wont do at all..
and shouldnt they be together? Raised together, under the same roof? Allowed to be w/one another to support each other in times of need?

But I know what will happen... there will be a never ending court battle.. each father will want their child. Regardless if it will be the right thing or not.
Wonder Mutt's father, because of love..
Booga Butt's father.. because of the life insurance... not because of the love..

What to do? I need to put something in place.. living will or something..
will it make a difference? Will my wishes be met?
Will the best interest of the children be met?
Will I never find eternal peace?
Because, my soul will never rest until they are of an age to defend themselves.. until I know they are safe. I will forever float the earth, verifying that the wee ones are secure, safe, and loved.


Rest in Peace Kevin... you will be greatly missed by all those that loved you, knew you, and cherished you.

Peace

The Beautiful One

Again, Im here.. to write about nothingness
What's up with that?
My life has become so non-existant that NOTHING is happening.
I guess it's to be expected, my teen years were far from ordinary.

So.. I guess I will fill you in on my boy child.. Wonder Mutt!

I recieved a call on Wed from his Science teacher, concerning his low grade average.
So, yesterday morning I decided to drive my Wonder Mutt to school, and have an impromptu conf w/the teacher. Little did I realize, there are panic buttons installed at spots thru out the room to bring other teachers at the drop of a hat.

As I sat there, speaking to his science teacher, I realize she has a look upon her, one of panic or scorn.. or maybe both.. as we sat there, and she starts telling me what a defiant, argumentative child I have, the door opens, and in walks another teacher.. sits down.. and then.. the door opens.. in walks another teacher.. sit's down... by this time.. Im feeling as if Im in the hot seat now. Not Wonder Mutt... me.. the Mommy.. the parent..the giver of life.. Im in the hot seat, I am transformed back to my pre-adolesence.. back to the time's when I was called in front of the teacher w/my own parents. Back to a time when corporal punishment was allowed in schools.
Back to when the words were spoken out of my fathers mouth. "You have my permission to swat her ass!" oh yeah.. I remember that swat from the Principal to this day. I was in 6th grade, got busted for shooting spit wads on the school bus at Lori. I think my ass still stings from that swat, w/the wooden paddle that had holes drilled into it, and was bright red.

Sitting there, listening to those teachers, looking at me, w/wonder on their faces as to what kind of parent am I, these givers of knowledge, wondering, how this young beautiful mother, could be a parent at such a young tender age. How could she, be the mother of this defiant, argumentative spawn. Then my son opens his mouth, to argue w/his teacher, and this young, vibrant, beautiful mother's head starts spinning out of control, and words of hystaria start spewing from her mouth, and she smacks her kid in the arm in front of the teachers.....
Wonder Mutt, doesnt react, he realizes his gorgeous mother has lost her cool...and he best close his mouth
The Givers of Knowledge.. sit in awe... realizing they are in the presence of greatness... that this young beautiful mother will control her young!






Ok..enough bullshit... my kid is a little shit!!! and yes, I did smack the boy in his arm for trying to argue, in front of me, w/the teacher.. I informed the teachers I am but a phone call away ( I only work 10 min away from the school) and I have NO issue w/showing up at school and taking Wonder Mutt by his hand, walking him to each class, and sitting w/him. If he needs me to hold his hand thru the day.. I will be HAPPY to do it..

As you see, this young, vibrant, beautiful Mother.. has a twin, the evil, sadistic Mom.. whose head spins around and spew's words of meanness... and lives to embarrass her young..
I warned the young punk.. that if he didnt behave.. I would wear something so awful to school that I would make DAMN sure I would embarass him, so that in his senior year of high school they will STILL be talking about his crazy ass, sadastic, yet beautiful, Mommy!!!

TMI Tuesday and other ho hums

3 day weekends are great.. except the coming back to work part.
Why is it that 4 day work weeks are longer than your regurlar 5 day work week?

Memorial weekend was uneventful... yet busy.. no drama thank gawd.. well.. except one small piece of drama, that doesnt directly affect me.. but none-the-less it pissed me right the fuck off.
As you have all read in previous post's I used to date a guy by the name of Rick... we dated about..hmm... almost 2 yrs a year ago.. when he and I started dating.. he was down and out.. no job, no place to live.. and like I normally do.. I pick up these guys, dust them off and attempt my best to get them back on their feet... (dont ask, Im a sucker for losers)
Well.. my brother got him a job, paid overtime, medical benefits.. and I allowed him to move in with me.. all was great.. things were moving right along, until one day he and I decided that after a year of dating.. it just wasnt worth it anymore.. time to move on from one another (the main issue was, he decided that drinking was more important than paying his part of the bills)

So fast forward to now.. he and I lost touch.. last I heard, he went back to his old scummy ways.. went to jail for 8 months.. for theft.. he and his brother decided to go back to their ways of breaking and entering, stealing, and whatever the hell else those losers do. Well his brother is in prison now.. 8 yrs for 1st degree theft (hope he rots there) and Rick is looking at 10 yrs, assuming the fucker ever gets caught... he's got warrants out for his arrest.

Well.. Sunday evening.. my brother gets a call to come to his office.. seems good ol' rick decided to steal from my brother.. syphon some gas out of some work trucks.. him and his other brother..
Now.. this doesnt directly affect me.. or does it? After all my family has done for this worthless piece of shit, he turns around and steals from him? Well my brother showed up, and DOESNT CALL THE COPS!!!! Talks to him, gets his side of the story.. and then lets him have some old old gas thats been sitting around in a dead car.. and sends him on his way!!!!
My brother.. is either really stupid.. or is living in a rose colored world.

I wonder what my brother would say, if I told him that the guy that was with Rick was his LEVEL 3 sex offender brother!!!! yeah.. I said it.. he just got out of prison...
Gawd I know some really scum of the earth people!!!

I swear, if I ever see that ten-dick-a-day-scum-gutter-guzzeling-whore again... it will be to soon ( I figure that analogy will be best as that's what he's gonna become in prison)
He's gonna get my fist, straight into his effing nose!!!

Ok.. Onto TMI Tuesday..


1. When you orgasm, do you hold your breath? Yes... but, sadly I raraely orgasm..it really hard for me to orgasm.. but when I do.. I tend to stop breathing...and my body twitches.. there are a handful of guys that have given me orgasms!

2. Have you ever had sex or played around with a celebrity? um.. do my dreams count? They get pretty graphic

3. Do you think prostitution should be legal? yes
Why or why not? I think if it was legal, we would have less sex crimes.. but, prostitues, male/female, need to be registered, and made to take all STD test's every 3 months..

4. How do you masturbate? Do you romance yourself? romance myself? huh? whisper sweet nothings into my ear? LMAO.. that's funny
Get straight to the point? depends on how horny I am.. sometimes.. I get in the mood to just get down and dirty.. and go to town w/Bob... other times.. I want to play in the shower w/myself.. rubbing soap all over my body and just feeling my self..
Read erotic material? I dont read erotic material.. but.. I do get those occasions where I enjoy a good porno.. something about watching someone get slammed.. is kind of erotic... :)

5. Which gives you the most pleasure - intercourse, masturbating for/with your partner, being masturbated by your partner?
Honestly... I think it's a mood thing.. I mean.. if every time is the same, doesnt sex w/your partner get boring?
it all boils down to.. being sensual.. to erotic, to aggressive, to trying new things.. I like variety.. but it's a mood thing.. a time thing..make up sex... so forth and so on..

You know what I mean?

Ok.. Im out..
Peace

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had a crush on a relative?

Ramblings from an exhausted women

It's hard to post when there really isnt anything worthy of posting about.
So my apologies to all my 5 readers out there in blogger land, however, like you really want to read about my ho hum existance.

I havnt kept up w/anything, my Friday Confessionals have wavered, not that I dont have more tantalizing stories to bore you to tears, it's just that, some of the stories I have to tell you, Im just not sure how to put them down onto blogger roll. I read back over some of my other posts and I think to myself.. what.. am I in middle school again? My writing seems to me like some bad essay that I failed misreably on.

My current life seems to be stuck in a black hole, that is slowly spiraling. I take steps forward, just to have to remove my shoes, retrace my steps; clean off my souls since I have stepped in a ton of shit along my path. Sooner or later, there has to be a platform up ahead where I can take a seat and order a stiff drink and put my feet up. Wonder to myself if this craziness will ever cease.

I have put in 18 hrs of overtime in the last 3 days, Im completely exhausted. I cant see straight, cant think straight, and as I type this, I continuelly have to go back delete what I have written just to correct the wording or the spelling. If my grammar teacher could read this now there is no doubt in my blonde head he would flunk my ass and make me repeat his happy-ass class!

On these ramblings.. as that's all Im doing now, Im off to figure out why I have a customer trying to establish SS7 with another provider when they have direct connections with them, and dont need to be going thru a 3 party vendor. How much easier my life would be if I could just win a few million measly dollars.

Cio bella!!
Peace

TMI...

1. Have you ever used foods in your sexual activities (ie; whipped cream, syrup, popsicles) and how did you use them?
Yes.. whip cream is always fun.. however there is something about ice.. I love it when he has an ice cube in his mouth and then goes down on me.. OMG..!!!! his hot mouth w/that combination of coldness up against me...turns me on!!!

2. If your SO asked you to get them off using only your toes - would you do it and how?
Im sorry WHAT?

3. Would you ever participate in an orgy? Have you?
would I??? Depends on how much tequila I have drank.. Ive had three-somes.. me 2 guys.. and me a girl and a guy.. those were um.. hmm.. interesting to say the least.. but honestly.. an all out orgy.. I think that would just kind of gag me.. to many noises, however.. I could do the whole voyeur thing.. can I just watch???

4. What can a lover do to turn you on instantly?
kiss my neck.. I dont know what it is, but come up behind me, slowly run your hands across my lower back and start nuzzeling my neck.. and Im yours...

5. Describe your favorite piece of lingerie or undergarments on yourself or your mate. (PICS PLEASE!!!) yeah..no pics.. however..
I have a black long nighty, that's lace across the bust w/tiny thin straps.. slit up both sides, low dip in the back.. I want to feel his hands running across the satin...

Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best orgasm you've ever had. ;)
oh lord... the one I remember the fondest.. was years ago.. he was away on military leave.. had been gone for 3 weeks.. came home for a weekend.. we didnt even make it to the bedroom.. we attacked each other, in the front room as he was backing me towards the bedroom, we landed on the floor in the door way of the hall way and bedroom.. OMG... that orgasm was the longest Ive ever had.. and I had some nasty ass carpet burn on my lower back..
I miss that.. I want another like it :(

TMI Tuesday....

Here we go....

1) What sight, sound, smell, object or whatever most remind you of a special someone?
hmm.... Im not sure if any of these really remind me of him.. I think it's just memories that remind me of him.. or certain times of the day that will bring on a memory of some sort..

2. Favourite body part/parts of the opposite (or same) sex?
Im a hands gal.. I love men's hands.. I think it's because the bigger their hands, the more skin they can touch on my body. Plus I have big hands.. not fat.. just big.. and I want my man to have hands that are bigger than mine.
Same sex.. Im a boobs gal.. I dont care how big.. or how small.. but either way they have to be real.. I dont wanna be touch silicone.. no offense to anyone.. It's just me...

3. Do you prefer to give or receive? Im a giver.. I love to please him.. I want to hear him moan/groan and say things... It makes me feel good to know that I can please him, I think that's a turn on in itself... however.. he sure as hell better be giving it to me in the end!!! LOL

4. One night stands- What's the protocol? Stay the night or get the hell outta there?
Sadly..Ive had my few one-nighters.. my protocol.. get the hell outta there.. wham bam... thank you.. now buh bye!!! There's a reason it's called a one-nighter.. you dont wanna mess up the good karma by all the messy talking in the morning!!!

5. What is the strangest place you've had sex?
Strangest place.. a bathroom in the downtown area after the 4th of July firework display.. little did we know that there was a line outside the door waiting for us to get done. Everyone started clapping cuz we carried on so loudly..

Bonus (as in optional): How old were you when you lost your virginity? Im gonna sound like such a slut here..but whatever.. I was almost 13..
Who was it to? his name was Sean
Describe the event:
describe the event.. oh wow.. it all started out as a huge joke.. my friend at the time wanted his friend at the time.. but.. his friend wouldnt date my friend, unless I dated his friend.. did that make any sense???? So.. I started to date Sean.. my friend Suz started dating his friend Cody.. and one thing led to another and Sean and I ended up in his room at his house on his bed.. and my clothes ended up on the floor.. I woke up the next morning to his Mother standing at the end of the bed, telling us to get up.. our breakfast was on the table.. that's right..
His Mother caught us.. however.. she said not a word to either of us.. we got up, got dressed, went to the table, his mom walked into his room.. stripped the bed.. and I was so fucking mortified.. I just got up and walked out of the house and ran to my friends house.. little did I realize.. it was all a setup.. Sean wanted me.. Cody didnt want Suz.. they did nothing..
All in all.. no biggie.. Sean and I dated maybe 3 whole days.. before I said.. buh bye..
and that's the end of that!!!

Feel me?

It's Monday Monday!!! my weekend was good.. I can actually say that I have met someone who I think will stop me from all this self loving that's been going on in my bedroom!

Saturday was Cinco de Meyo.. so off to T-Town to a small get together. I invited my friend R - whom I have posted about prior, my one time fuck buddy who sadly he and I just kind of went our seperate ways. We continued to email.. but we never were able to contact in that oh so intimate way again.

Amazingly enough he showed up Saturday night, it was rather late, and the majority of the pary go'ers were gone, but there were a few of us left and we continued to talk and laugh and had a great time. It had been months since I had seen him and it was good to just reconnect w/him on a intellectual level. In all honesty, in the past he and I never really had just "talked" it was all about just gettin down and gettin dirty, which of course was a-ok w/me!!! But it was great to get to know him on a more serious side.
However my girlfriend, who had one to many Corona's decided she was gonna give him a piece of her mind and proceeds to lay into him about how he's been disrespecting me, and Im a great gal and he should wake up and realize this and so forth and so on and blah blah blah! He handled it with such a good sense of humor I was suprised! He agreed w/her, informed her that the relationship that he and I had in the past was "gonna change" (not sure what that means), his next statement thru me for a loop and Im still not sure if it was ment as a compliment or a slam.
Were chit chatting.. and as Im standing there, but obviously not really there as everyone is talking about me in front of me, R and my gal pal start talking about my qualities.. and R said that Im just like a guy... I say whats on my mind, Im overly honest, and I dont sugar coats things, at first when he met me he wasnt sure about me, but over the years he's come to appreciate me.
I looked at him and told him, straight up.. I dont have time for all the games and bullshit. Life is to short to attempt to sugar coat things and put a nice spin on everything. This is me, like it or dont.. he just smiled at me..
Anyhow.. the night continued on we all started talking about relationships and communication and what's important, I honestly have no clue how we got onto this subject by this time there were just 4 of us left standing me, R, T (my girlfriend) and another guy, who did nothing but laugh all night, he really was a great guy... kind of good looking too ;)
so, about 3:30ish... R decided it's time for him to go home, we head out to his car, he's all hugging me and kissing me.. tellin me he has really missed me, that his player days are over, he hopes to see me this weekend, so forth and so on...

He leaves and it freakin hits me!!! He's gonna be 39 w/in the next two weeks.. I remember him telling me a few times over the course of us knowing each other, he wants to be settled by 40! HA!!! Soooo... he's ready to settle down and get serious about dating? No more of this, gonna have her and her and her and her!
Well best of luck... I wont be in the running for him.. Im sure.. Im to much of a "guy"
ok ok.. I guess it kind of bugged me..

Anyhow.. so.. will he call this week to see me this weekend???? Does he truly miss me???
Im just like a guy??? WTF?!

Well I finally got home around 4:30... and had my way with myself.. I had to search the house for new batteries, as Bob I guess has been getting to much of a work out and needed to be revived!!!

Hmmm..will I hear from him?
Shit.. I feel like a fucking teenager!!!!

Peace Im out!!!

Self Love

It's been almost a year since Ive felt a man inside me.
sometimes I wonder if it's me or the vibes that I am sending off?
Im not an unattractive women, more along the lines of just being fed up with the whole cat & mouse game of finding that perfect lover. Lets face it, no lover is perfect! There is always room for improvment. Whether that be him or me.

But what does it boil down to? I keep remembering that episode of Sex n the City where one of the girls gets a new dildo and refuses' to leave her apartment. Me and my play toy have had a lot of fun over the last few months. However I think Im getting tired of it.. I need some new vibrations :)

What's weird is that I have a huge sex drive, and I can read something, or think of something and instantly get turned on, I feel those nether regions of mine to start to tingle and get a little moist and then I cant stop thinking about getting into bed that evening and allowing my hands to roam my body, then pulling out bob (battery operated boyfriend) and having my way with him!
I rarely feel guilty over my enjoyments... I mean seriously why should I? I have been masterbating since I figured out what pleasure I could bring myself. Hell I started having sex at the young tender age of 12.. ok ok.. I was almost 13.. but.. once I figured out what I needed to do, what I enjoyed it was all about the release.

But, coming full circle, like I said, it's been almost a year. why so long you ask.. well.. I kind of swore off men, mainly because of the song and dance.. it's so much damn effort to get to know someone, to understand them, to figure out if there is a connection. All the games of dating are lost on me. Lets just get it on.. but.. on the flip side of this, is the whole STD issues. I dont want any of that.. I know I know there are condoms available... but.. I aint taking them back to my place I dont want some random stranger knowing where I live, and I sure as hell dont wanna go to their place... so then what?

I really need a fuck buddy... or a beneficial friend.. no strings attatched.. it's just sex.. like Pretty Women, no kissing cuz that makes it to intimate!!! HAHA...

Ok.. on this note all this talking makes me horny baby... guess I should head home, think about bed and let bob out of his drawer.. oh... yeah.. a nice hot shower w/the water beating down on ya is great too!!! haha... oh yeah ladies and gentlemen.. there is NOTHING wrong with a little self love!!!

Peace

What an ASS!!!

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons,"
where: :) means a smile
:( is a frown.
Sometimes these are represented by :-) :-(
Well, how about some "A$$ICONS?" Here goes

(_!_) a regular a$$

(__!__) a fat a$$

(!) a tight a$$

(_*_) a sore a$$

{_!_} a swishy a$$

(_x_) kiss my a$$

(_X_) leave my a$$ alone

(_zzz_) a tired a$$

(_E=mc2_) a smart a$$

(_$_) Money coming out of his a$$

(_?_) Dumb A$$


hahahaha.. just wanted to share some of my ass with you..

It's another day in the week

I skipped out on Friday.. not from work.. but from blogging..
work has been so caotic, that I swear my boss has her boot up my ass.. because work is a total pain in my ass!!!!

So.. just a brief memory...

I started babysitting when I was about 12, probably rather young to be watching other peoples kids.. but it was a way for me to earn extra money... or to get my drugs...
I was introduced to pot around the same time.. I keep trying to remember what got me started into my corrupt world.. and for the life of me, I can not honestly remember.
It could be this reason, or that reason, or this time or that time... in all honestly I think it's a whole mess of cluster fucks that got me started on my down hill spiral.

S met this lady, I have no clue where nor can I remember her name at the moment..nor can I remember her kids name... but I remember her boyfriend.. and you will understand why.
Anyhow.. S met this lady, who loved to drink and smoke a whole lotta Mary Jane... she called S up one day and asked if there was a possibility of her babysitting her two young kids.. I remember there were 2.. a toddler and a baby... S's mom said that she couldnt go alone, so.. low and behold, S and I went to sit on a couple of snot nosed brats.

The wee ones were in bed when we arrived, (oh.. I just remembered her name.. the lady who we baby sat for.. Sandy!!!! LOL the memory is a weird thing) anywho....
so.. like I was saying, we arrived her wee one's were in bed, she heads off to do some drinking w/her friends, informs us that her boyfriend will be home around midnight but he will just go to sleep and she will take us home when she get's home around 2ish... uh huh...
around midnight, the boyfriend shows up.. S & I are sitting in the kitchen playing some card game (as there was no tv) and I look up and see this old grizzly looking guy standing in the doorway.... just standing there... staring at us.. w/this cocky little smile on his face...

That moment will be etched in my memory forever... he finally introduces himself as Wayne.. walks over, grabs a beer from the fridge, offers S and I one.. sure what the hell.. pulls up a chair.. sit's down and pulls out a pipe and his pot.. proceeds to load a bowl hands it to me... now.. so what does a girl do.. she smokes it.. and that pipe was passed between the 3 of us for ever... and ever.. and ever.. and ever.. and ever.. I was so ripped I fell off the chair.. and laughed and laughed.. Wayne picked me up.. and sat me on his lap.. and we laughed.. and laughed and laughed.. but people.. nothing happened... I know what your all thinking.. but no..
he was a pervert.. there's no doubt about that.. but he never touched us in an inappropriate way... he just got us drunk.. and got us high.. would rub our backs, our thighs, I suppose looking back on it now... he was "grooming" us.. but.. nothing ever happened....

That night was the beginning of many many nights... it got to the point where they stopped paying us in $$ and started paying us w/drugs... to watch there kids.. who were always in bed by the time S and I got there. Sometimes, we would use the excuse that we were babysitting, just to go over to Sandy & Wayne's when the kids werent even there. They were at their fathers, but Sandy/Wayne would let us come over and we would invite our boyfriends over while they were gone.. Wayned always came home before Sandy.. and he would sit around w/us and drink and get us high..

Then one day.. Sandy decided that S & I werent allowed to babysit anymore.. seems her and Wayne had a huge fight over us... Wayne told her that he enjoyed our company more than hers.. and she didnt take kindly to it.. We had been babysitting for them for almost 2 yrs... things never got out of hand.. we were always in our own beds by morning.. we never allowed Wayne to touch us inappropriately.

Looking back, I suppose we should of never gotten in those car's with those drunken, high, out of control people.. but at that young stupid age, what did we know? All we knew was that it was a way to get high, to get out of our house's... to see our boyfriends.. to do what we wanted to do.

Stupidity....... at such a young age..
If I could.. would I go back and change anything? No.. I dont think so, I was one of the lucky ones I came out of all the bullshit alive, and with my eyes wide open.

Young Lady.. Put that down!

Ive been sitting here racking my brain on what to post about..
There are a ton of memories.. but.. which ones do I post about?

So.. I have decided to write about the lake, being drunk, broken beer bottles, and the Police.

Where to start......
Cast of Characters
Jim
Me
S
Wally
Mark
John
Tonya
Scoot
Dex
Some other gals that I cant remember who the hell they are.
OPD - coppers!!!

Location:
Louise Lake - Washington

We all arrived in our seperate POS vehicles (piece of shits).... I believe at the time I was just barely 16, I had a job that I rarely showed up for, seems I was always ill for some reason or another. We arrived at the lake farely early, around 10 am. Ready and raring for the fun to begin. The 5th's of alcohol started being passed, the pipes were pulled out, the pot started smoldering. By 12:30 we were all toasted... gone.. laughing, pushing each other in the lake, some were wondering off behind tree's and getting their freak on, S was breaking empty beer bottles on large rocks... (that's how we got caught)

As I sat on a log, over looking the lake, I picked up a 5th of Jack and heard a twig snap behind me, I didnt think much of it, as I brought that 5th up to my lips I hear "Young lady, put that down!" I slowly turn, as if Im in a dream and see our town's finest in blue standing there. Hand on his gun, ready to draw.... so.. I slowly put the bottle down.. raise my hands up, cuz hell I didnt wanna get shot... stood up, turned around.. he took one look at me.. and knew who I was.

Officer: Your so & so's daughter arnt you?
Me: maybe
Officer: Where's S?
S: Im here (as she comes out from behind a tree)

= side note.. S's mom was the Sheriff's secretary.. so they all knew her.. knew me as my father know's EVERYONE!!!!

Officer: (looking around.. ) Sir.. please come here (talking to Jim)

Jim that dumb fuck drunk/stoned jumps into the lake and attempts to swim to the other side.. that didnt work out to well for him, he headed back to shore, comes out of the water, I remember looking at him coming out of the water thinking to myself.. that's my man.. he's mine.. what a GOD!!!! (pathetic now) anyhow...
he was arrested for contributing to minors, handcuffed, thrown into the back of the cop car, so was Wally, Mark, Scoot, Dex on outstanding warrents.... S & I.. well..
they called my father.. and my loving father told them to throw my ass into Juvi... he didnt know what to do with me anymore.... they called S's mom.. and she said she would come pick both of us up..

She showed up shortly there of.. put us into her car (as we were sitting in a cop car waiting for her) took us back to her house, informed us to pack our belongings as she was taking us on a 20 mile over night hiking trip. The biggest mistake she made, was she left and headed back to work! I remember after she left, S & I looked at each other.. said HELL NO.. packed our belongings alright.. but we hightailed it outta there and headed out to find our "friends"

Amazingly enough... we located everyone.. for whatever reason they let everyone go.. no charges were pressed, we got down to our home away from home - the White house - and there sat Dex, Scoot, Mark, Wally... however.. Jim was nowhere to be found..
He had been released, but he disappeared from the jail and noone had seen him.
We went about our partying ways that night... and the next day...
Jim finally showed up.. smelling clean, freshly shaved, washed clothing... but where was he?
He had a bout of conscious so he said.. he said that when he watched me being handcuffed and put into the back of a cop car he realized this was no life for he and I. When he got released he went to friends house, cleaned up and found a part time job. He wanted us to be together forever he said.. and the only way he could see that happening is if he finally got a job and was able to provide for me.
Little did I realize he went thru my belongings that night.. and threw away my birthcontrol pills. He thought that if I were to get pregnant that would be a sure fire way for he and I to be together forever.

I remember him saying to me...
"I want to know what forever is"

I was home w/in 2 weeks of that adventure.. only for a brief stay... to get cleaned up.. wash some clothes.. get some $$ and then I was gone again.. onto my next wild adventure..
each adventure was always with the same people... they were my friends.. my confidents, my allies... they had my back, I had there's.

15 yrs later.. S and I are still the best of friends.. but we have both grown up so much.. Jim has passed away.. Scoot & Dex grew up and have families and are doing well.. Mark & Wally - who were brothers.. I have no idea what happened to them. John.. disappeared.. Tonya.. I hear she's still a strung out mess.

It amazes me how people can continue to live like that. How they can continue to be strung out, living just for the high. What about growing up? What about moving forward in life? What about your children? What about yourself?

Anyhow..
Peace

The big pond in the sky

Bitchy Big Hair has left this world and moved onto the big fish pond in the sky.
I mean.. it was time.. I know that.. he was over 4 yrs old, and normally Betta's dont live that long. How he made it that far I will never know... but... so long my little blue fishy friend. I will see you in another life.

Other than that.. I feel like crap... nasty ass crap in my nose, moving to my chest, causing coughing spells, sinus headaches, running down the back of my throat, into my tummy.. which in turn is causing nausea... oh yeah.. I feel great!!!!


Whatelse.. Oh..I started the Atkins diet.. last week.. figured I will loose some damn weight before the Do Wa... ( large biker gathering in July) I will loose at least 20lbs by then.. so anyhow.. started last week.. Ive lost at least 6 lbs so far.. so cross your fingers.. as soon as this fucking cold goes away I will get back to the gym too!!!

Ok.. I didnt post on Friday due to this cold, I ended up leaving work early.. so.. I will double up my Friday post this friday.. gotta sit down and think about some juvenile shit that I did... hahaha...

Peace..Im off to the drug store.. must buy drugs!!!

Feelings.... nothing but feelings...

Tuesday afternoon, the sun is shinning, I hear the lawn mowers out side
the wind is a bit chilly.

I have nothing to write about. Im full of so much doubt lately. My negativity has blossomed to the point of hatred. I hate those around me, I hate myself and I need to change that. Was it the dull days of winter that brought about all the self pity and gloom? Is it all that winter fat that I have gained? What is it? Why have I become so negative? My life isnt bad. It's not perfection either, but hell.. after all the things Ive been thru, all the roller coaster rides Ive put myself thru.. I have survived.. and I will continue to survive. Maybe the difference now is the fact that I have two small wonders looking up at me looking for direction, council, guidance, & love.

Part of me feels so empty and hollow, like I have nothing more to give. I have nothing more to state, nothing to feel, that part wants to curl up and just wither away. To be left alone. Allowed to wallow in my gloom and self doubt, and yet there is a larger part of me that wants to break free, be recognized, loved, cherished, accepted. I want to dance and scream at the top of the mountain.. but if I do dance and scream what will the village people think? Will they laugh and point and call me names? Will I be forced to run away? Why do I care what others think of me?

Their is anger too, simmering under the surface like a caged animal. I can feel it attempting to lash out, it takes all my strength to keep it rained in. Why is it so powerful? The red hues' are on the fringes of my vision. The anger will cut and tear pieces of me away. To the point of mass destruction. It will wreck havoc among those not able to with-stand the evil. Lashing out until there is complete caos. Then what? What will become of those around me if I allow it to escape? Currently it's festering, and will boil over at any time.

Then what?
What now?
What will become of me?

SLB/SLG

Gangs are running rampid through out the United States
Im not going to claim to know anything about them.. all Im going to say..
it's that it's down right fucking scary!

During my street living days.. the police dept decided to start looking into this whole gang related lifestyle.. for whatever reason, they seemed to think that a group of us, were forming a gang.
Granted, there were a few of our "group" that were contineously in trouble with the law, in and out of jail, not just for drugs, but for assault, burglarly, felonies, consumption, and god only knows what else. (note..I was NOT one of those)

The "men" of our group decided that since we were being stereotyped that we may as well come up with a name for our little "group". The SLB was born.. Street Lover Boys... the girls... SLG... Street Lover Girls (kind of corny huh?)
The guys had tatoo's on there for arms, some of the girls got tat's too.. luckily I never fell into that.. but.. the Police Dept didnt take to kindly to us forming our "gang".

During my street living times, I would wonder home once in awhile, stay for a few weeks, remembered why I didnt want to live with my father, and would take off again. It was during one of my brief home visits while I was at school, that I realized just how serious the SLB was taking their little "gang". During a school assembly, the Police Dept was there to discuss with student/teachers & parents the threat that was living on our Downtown streets.

As I sat in that school gymnasium, I see pictures flashing up on the wall coming from a projector.. pictures of my Jim, pictures of D & R & J & everyone else I know.. and then.. the girls.. the SLG.. there's me.. and S & T & others of our association ... oh yeah.. as I sat in that gymnasium.. in a room full of my peers, there I am, up on screen the whole school being informed that I am a gang member. That we deal drugs, organize assualts, theft and other things that are associated to crime activities.

That assembly was so intense, little did I realize that I was associated with a "gang". Little did I realize that I was being watched for "gang" activities. Little did I realize that I associated with "gang" members. I had no part in a gang. I took no part in any assualts (well except the ones that pushed me first) I took no part in dealing of drugs ( I just consumed the drugs I didnt deal them) I took no part in any thefts ( only thing I have ever stollen was a bottle of nail polish when I was 11 on a dare) so how in the world was I being associated with a gang?
Ahhh... that's just it.. I associated with the SLB.. I was dating an older guy, one of the "leaders" of this so called gang..

We were just a group of strung out, under indulged teenagers. Looking for a good time, a way to get high or drunk. Now.. I look back and I think about those days.... sure.. there were assualts.. I do remember some of the guys stealing to get money.. I remember some bad ass things.
Like the time R came running down the street, blood dripping from his hand, yelling he just stabbed someone.
I remember some of the guys intimidating a witness in a rape case.. ( I had nothing to do with it)
but.. I remember .. I remember... I do rememer some things..

Does that make us a gang?
Or does that make us a group of dumb asses?

48 Hr Build

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness.. from birth until I finally left the "congregation" when I was 12.

The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witness's didnt like to spend lot's of money, so when a new Hall needed to be built, they would do a 48 hr build. Yep, you guessed it, a Hall would be errected and finished w/in 48 hours. Now, Im sure some of you would say impossible.. but.. in all truth.. not impossible.. it was amazing to watch ground breaking, to walls errected, to furniture put in, to the cutting of the ribbon.. all w/in 48 hrs.

Let me break it down a little for you.
Land clearing would take place a week prior.. the Brothers & Sisters would do ALL the work that was required.. we would pull in electricions & plumbers from other congregations to assist... handymen, contractors, builders, engineer's, you name it.. the JW's had them somewhere, some place.. and in some cases they would fly in from other states if another congregation absolutely needed them!!!! All at their own expense too.. the Watchtower Society never paid for their Brother & Sister's to go help a 48 Hr Build.. at least.. not to my knowledge.

The last 48 hr build I attended, was the turning point of my life.. I think anyway.. I dreamt of this last night, and figured that I should blog about it..
So anyway.. like I said, my last 48 hr build was I like to think now.. my turning point.
A group of us took off into the adjacent woods.. I think I was 11, there was me.. my friend S.. who was the only worldy friend my Mother allowed me to have, and that only reason was because she lived across the street from us, and we went to school together. So.. on this particular God-Fearing event.. S accompanied me...

Like I was saying, S & I.. and the Martinez brothers, and 4 others.. whom I cant remember their names for the life of me.. all took off into the woods.. our parents were busy building, sweeping, sawing, cleaning, cooking.. and whatever else our parents did at these builds. Us wee ones shirked our responsibility and high tailed it outta there..
We sat in a circle.. and basically started a cool game of spin the bottle..
And whenever that bottle got spun, some type of no-no-no was being done.
Kissing, groping, more kissing.. more groping..
Things that good little JW boys & girls were NOT allowed to do.

I was sent off into the woods w/one of the Martinez brothers..
Our dare, was to see how far the two of us would go?
I was 11 years old.. he was 11 years old..
What did we know of "going all the way"?
What did we know of any of this stuff?
The majority of us were raised in a strict enviroment.. but not the Martinez boys..
oh now.. they were new to the "fold" they had been worldly first.. at that time, I think they had only been witnesses for maybe 2 yrs.

Oh yeah.. 11 yrs old.. w/no previous knowledge of the birds & the bee's.. no real knowledge of the outside world.. sure.. my friend S.. but she lived in a single one parent home, and her mom kept a tight rule on her.. and she was Catholic!!!

So.. off into the woods he and I go.. he lays his jacket on the ground.. I lay down.. he joins.. he's kissing me.. and his hand starts to go up my shirt..
and I got a bad case of the giggles.. which turned into a loud case of the laughs.. followed by, him looking at me.. and wondering what in the hell possesed me..

We got up, went back to the group, I know my face was red.. and I was still laughing.. lord oh lord.. I couldnt stop laughing..that pretty much broke up our little game of spin the bottle.. but.. on that cold, over casted day.. I got a taste of what true freedom was!
I got a taste of what else there was in the world.. I got a taste of forbidden advances, of things you were only allowed between two married people.
I had a taste for Freedom!!!!!

I walked away from the Congregation just before my 13th birthday... I discovered so many other things.. cigarrettes, drinking, pot... and sex.. I lost my virginity at the age of the summer before I turned 13.... that time in the woods at the 48 hr build.. was the beginning to the end.. the end to my innocence.. the begging to a whole new world..

There are still some things I believe in from my JW days.. some scriptures that are still imbedded in my mind.. thoughts & teachings that were taught that are still a part of me today.

But.. I wouldnt change anything..
cuz regardless of all the things Ive done to myself.. I am still proud of me!!!

2007 Words to Memorize

Blamestorming:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager:
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves

Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Cube Farm:
An office filled w/cubicles.

Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on .

Mouse Potato:
The on-line wired generations answer to the couch potato.

Sitcoms:
Single Income, two children, oppressive mortgage. What yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home w/the kids.

Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Adminisphere:
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404:
Someone who's clueless. From the world wide web error message "404 not found" meaning that the requested site could not be located.

Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

Ohnosecond:
The minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake ( like after hitting send on an email by mistake)

Woofs:
Well-Off Older Folks

Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a cube farm.

Dark Days w/a view of sunshine

As many of you know..I was homeless off and on thru out my teen years.
This had nothing to do w/my parents.. it was all me.. my choices...my decisions...

Sleeping arrangments were always hard to come by. However there were 2 spots that we normally slept.

The White House
Dubbed this because it was a big 2 story run down, if a stiff wind came along it would blow over, white house... full of other "bum's" that lived downtown.
But this was one of my havens, it sat smack dab in the middle of Downtown Oly. Why it took the city so long to knock it down I dont know. Maybe because they realized if that white house wasnt there, us slacking/strung out demons of society would descend onto the streets of downtown oly late at night attempting to cop a squat in doorways or fine establishments such as the Governors House..

Abondended Warehouse

We mainly stayed at the warehouse, it was cold, damp, large and free from other's.
But the memories that place holds, are some of my fondest, we had many long philosophical acid tripping conversations sitting in this warehouse. The local PD would bring us coffee and donuts on those cold rainy/windy/wintery mornings. Some of the actual OPD actually kept an eye on us, I personally think it was because our families were in touch w/the police and that's how they kept in touch with us (especially since one of my friends mother was the secretary to the local Sherriff)

Both buildings are gone now... the white house lot has been replaced by a large city transit statioin.
The Warehouse...has been torn down, and is now just a vacant lot.. however..what I find interesting, is the fact that there is a problem in my current location where homelessness is an issue. We have a group of homeless men & women who setup a "tent city" on the Warehouse lot, to demenstrate that the city needs to address the homeless situation.
My thoughts on that.. if you dont want to be homeless, then dont be, there are a ton of programs out there that will assist you. I dont feel sorry for the homeless population.
I feel sorry for some of the ones who are elderly and/or mentally handicapped..and the children of parents who dont know how to care for them.
But, the others, the ones in their late teens and into their whatever age, that can care for themselves but are to damn lazy to do anything..
thats not my problem.. it's there's.. been there done that.. and cleaned my ass up.. they can too!!!

Any how..
Food..
We ate at the local Salvation Army... that was a treat.. cuz you had to be there for dinner by a specefic time... and if you showed up late.. you didnt get fed..
so we found other ways to eat too.. no..I never did the whole dumpster diving.. I could NEVER bring myself to that.. but.. the a few of the AM/PM's at midnight would throw out their pre-made food because they would have to make new.. so we would show up and instead of them throwing it away.. they would give it to us.. burrittos', taquitos, hamburgers, corn dogs.. and sometimes they would let us take a large fountain drink...

Oh..I know this sounds all depressing... but.. if I could go back in time, Im not sure if I would change anything. I had a blast living the way I wanted to, doing what I wanted to do, with who I wanted to be with. Being where I wanted to be. I had no one to answer too.. and when your high.. things really arnt all that bad.

Dont get me wrong.. I sure as hell couldnt live like that now.. I like my comfy bed, my tv at night, my warm meal, and driving my wee little car.. the clean clothes on my back, and being able to take a shower when ever I damn well feel like it.
Speaking of showering.. I befriended an elderly lady who worked for the local community center.. she would allow my friend and I to come in every other day and use the showering facilities.. normally it was 5ocents... but she would pay for it..and provide all the hygiene products.. she was the sweetest little ol' women.. in turn, S & I would help clean up the restrooms so she wouldnt have to.. that was our payment to her for allowing us to shower.

See... we may of been homeless, on drugs, unruly at times, but one thing our parents did teach us, was you dont steal.. you dont lie.. and you dont cheat people..
of course they brought up the whole drug stuff too..but I obviously didnt listen to that!!

We have all pretty much cleaned up and gotten our lives straight..
a few have OD'd and have gone onto whatever their next life was.
A few have stayed in the same lifestyle..

Either way.. it was fun.. it was some whacked memories..
maybe there will be more to come

Nose Candy

Doing my memories today... Thursday... mainly because I will not be near a computer tomorrow as I have to drive up to Everett to pick up my new car!!! Yeah me!!!

I dont remember my first time snorting meth... I wish I could, I wish I could remember why I made that decision. Why I decided that it was ok to put that up my nose, into my brain, and allow it to flow thru my blood stream. But I honestly dont remember it at all!!

What I do remember are flash backs of times, places, events... and I remember that I was strung out on that crap for almost 5 yrs. How I survived, I have no effing clue.. but I like to think that the higher powers that be had some kind of hand in it.

When I was 19 I was dating the father of my son ( our son wasnt even a twinkle in my eye yet)... we were living in a house in downtown Oly, w/2 other couples. All of us were heavy users... my ex was growing plants in our bedroom closet.. one of our roommates was a pot dealer..the other roommates were just users.. users of people and of their supply... Dumbass (the ex) only had 2 plants growing, (personal consumption he always told me) Pretty Dumb (the dealer) was something.. not sure how to really explain her, but she was something.. this women was older, in her 40's, looked like she was in her 60's... and she had a son who was around my age, who was always in trouble w/the law.

One afternoon, Pretty Dumb's son - Even Dumber showed up.. we all started hanging, snorting, smoking and just having a typical Saturday afternoon.. when Pretty Dumb and her even dumber son get into a huge ass fight.. things were being thrown around the house, slaps were being exchanged.. the neighbors called the police.
Knock at the door.. and everyone.. took off in different directions. Pretty Dumb locks herself in her bedroom, Even Dumber (her son) decides to hide up in the attic, Dumbass (the ex) try's to hide in the bathroom shower... the Users (other roommates) werent home.. so.. Here I go.. and answer the door..
4 OPD's standing at my door.. me being stupid.. open up the door and let them in.. come on in boys'!!!!
I sit down on the couch in the back rec room.. Im so freaking high I dont know who's where, who's who, or who I am.. the mirror is under the couch cushion (the one we did our lines on) the meth is in my pocket.. there are plants growing in my closet.. Im thinking to myself.. what's this all about.. why are they here.. please leave.. I have things to do...

they found Pretty Dumb, locked in her bedroom.. she made it look like she had been in bed sleeping.. They found dumbass in the shower... he did get smart and take off his clothes and turn on the shower.. but the stupid ass forgot to take off his socks..

They open up my closet doors.. and there are those wee little plants.. and halogen lights, and thermometers, and potting soil, and plant food, and buckets of water.. and the officer ask's me what they are.. I look at Dumbass and tell him to deal with it, and you know what he tells' the cops..

"there tomatos officer"
"tomatos? "
"yes sir, tomato's"
"I dont believe you boy, looks like Marijuana to me, you wanna fess up now"
"no sir, I swear.. that there is tomotos"
"well..Im gonna give you a break.. I will be back tomorrow morning.. you have tonight to clean this whole mess up, and put your clothes back in this closet.. and get rid of everything illegal in this house"

And the officers walked out of the house...
We cleaned up everything that night..
The officers never came back that morning..
But there sure were alot more cops in the neighborhood
They never found Even Dumber
Dumbass and I moved out 2 weeks later

We tried to clean our act's up.. but didnt work so much.. it got to the point where Dumbass and I couldnt even stand to be together.. we continued to live together, but we werent together.. he was semi-clean.. he had gotten off of the meth/acid.. still smoking pot
I on the other hand, couldnt let go of the meth..

I wish I could remember why I decided so many years ago, why I made the decision to snort that line. What I do remember is it all started with Ricky..

Ricky.. I really need to tell you about him.. but I dont know where to start..
I need to figure out where and when I met him.. how I met him..
and how he and I ended up being a part of each other's lives for so long...

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I miss those old days.. once in awhile I get the craving for things that I KNOW I should not have. I guess that's the user in me.. the inner demon that still posses me. No matter how many times it try's to claw it's way out, I will NEVER return to that life style. I look at them now and think to myself how could I have allowed myself to be drugged into such a life? And yet, I did.. and yet, I still crave that excitment, that caos, that total loss of control. Somedays it's just a step away from going there... but.. every day I get stronger..

Ive been clean and sober off of drugs for 14 years... if someone was to put a line down in front of me.. I dont honestly know how I would react.. I know I should walk away... but it's the temptation.. it's the memories that flow thru me.. it's the what if's that I live with..

Im pretty positive tho, I would say NO..

Peace!!!

Oh Ricky you WERE so fine...

ok... lets see how much you remember...

I dated Jim for about 3 yrs...during those 3 yrs, we took a number of "breaks" from each other...
during one of those breaks, the longest one he and I had.. I was dating Rick....
I was 16.. he was 14 (OMG... Im a cradle robber)

Ricky, was one of those guys, that got up under my skin and found another spot in my otherwise cold heart. He and I dated for aprox 8 months (which I was dating others too when he wasnt around) He lived in a boys home in another town and recieved weekend passes twice a month. Those weekends were full of some magical evenings.
Ricky was one of 8 kids, all of which had been removed from the home for some reason or another. His family was and still is one of the most fucked up, dysfunctional families I have EVER met. 8 children and I dont think his mother knew who half the fathers were of her kids!

Any how.. Ricky and I would have some of the most outreageous weekends when he would visit.
Between the drugs, the partying, the sex it was out of control. It's like we were on a journey together to see how fucked up each of us could get. Trying to out do the other the only way we knew how.

For Instance:
There were a group of us living in an apt. This apartment complex was one huge drug infested, run down, party all the time sess pool. Some of the lowest dregs of society resided here, and of course, this is where I laid my head down at night on a borrowed pillow.

My friend S was dating Ricky's brother J. J showed up w/a quart sized baggy of "shrooms" which I had not done up until that time. So what the hell, I was already drunk I grabbed a handful and downed them. Little did I realize, I was in for a 3 day ride!!!

That was one of my longest, eventful trips in my drug history days.
Sitting in some chick's apartment, I remember taking off my jewelry because I felt as if my skin was crawling, I laid it on the floor next to me, got up went to the bathroom, came back and all my jewelry was gone. My watch, my gold rose ring that my mother had given me for my 16th birthday, my emerald ring that was my Grandmothers... Gone.. gone.. gone..
I looked everywhere, I pow-wowed w/the others looking for it.. I cried, I thought my head & heart was going to burst out of me. I got depressed.. those two rings ment more to me than any other posession that I had and I had lost them.

I remember walking out of that bitches apartment, and thinking to myself that the owner of the apt. had a look on her face that didnt sit well with me. I marched back into her place grabbed her, swung her around slammed her up a against a wall, and looked at her hand. Guess what that bitch had on her hands? My rings, and my watch around her wrist. I made her give my rings back, take off my watch. I put them in my pocket, and then.. I remember beating the living hell out of that bitch. Now... beating a chick or anyone when your so raged, and strung the fuck out.. not a good thing. I think I broke her nose :( But hey.. the cops never did show up!!! :) not this time anyway....

I went back up to the apt I was squatting in.. Me S/J and Ricky... we were tripping out on Christmas lights, because I think it was around that time of year. When all the sudden, Ricky grabs my hand, tells me he loves me, but.. he cant live on this world anymore.. so he's gonna go jump off the bridge. My rage had already left.. I was starting to find a peaceful inner being.. I never reacted.. all 3 of us, sat looked at Ricky and said.. "ok"
Ricky walked out the door, and didnt return.

We all sat there, sadly it never phased us, none of us reacted, we carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until, I would say 2 or so hours later, I looked up at S and asked where Ricky was........ the silence.. I remember that silence.. when J finally spoke and said that he went to jump off the bridge.
We jumped up, ran down the road to the bridge, crawled down under there looking for a body, I remember crying, and then the rage again.. Thank God we never found a body.. but as I was crawling back up the embankment, I look across the street of the bridge, where an Arco Station sat, and there sitting on top of a picnic table to the side of the Arco Station was my Ricky.
He had been waiting for us, and watching us. I ran across the street, right up to him, and slapped him across the face, then threw myself on him and yelled at him to never do that again.
He replied, he did it because he wanted to see how much I cared about him. He was about to jump off the bridge, because it had taken me so long to come locate him.

Wow.. Im not sure if any of that made sense, that memory is still really foggy in my head. I was in a mushroom induced state for almost 3 days. That same weekend, I got hauled off to juvi, for beating up some ass hole that lived in the apt I was squatting in. He was 22, sleeping w/a 13 yr old, and so.. I beat his ass.. he ran out of the apt to the pay phone and called the cops on me.. LOL. I found that so fucking hilarious, cuz he got hauled in for statutory rape.. I got hauled in for beatting up a 22 yr old punk ass mother fucker!!! He got more time than I did.. I got 6 days.. I think he got 3 yrs.. because it wasnt his first offense.

It's weird how the memory block's certain memories, some nights I dream of things that happened in the past, then when I awake I dont remember if they were real or not.
Some things I just write.. w/out really thinking about them...

They are just flashes of memory that come and go.. and I have to get them down as I remember them..

Thanks for reading..

Big Dogs!!!

Here are pics of the big dogs..
Just random pictures..

Easter 03.. Tink wasnt happy to have to wear the bunnie ears


Pepper & Bailey..
They normally dont sit still...this was a hell of a shot to get..
Bailey (the one sitting up) she's our short bus rider..
She's not show worth cuz her mouth isnt porportioned correctly
But.. she' marches to the beat of her own drum
Pepper did some showing.. but.. she's small for an English Mastiff
so now she's a stay at home puppers

Here's the boy..
Aint he gorgeous???!!!
Gunnar.. he's a horny bastard!!!



This is Tink..
She's Gunnars Mom.. and an International Champion..
She's beautiful!!!


Here's the boy again.. He's just over 2 now..
weighs about 180-200 (depending on if there's a girl in heat)
he's not done growing yet, he will get wider.. should top out around 220

Monday Memories

Since I was overwhelmed w/work on Friday I wasnt able to post.
And since my weekend was overwhelming I wasnt able to post.

This post is a tad graphic.... Im not proud.. but.. it's the truth..why lie!?

Monday work load is overwhelming.. but screw it.. Im gonna post!!!

As ya'll know, I was quit the fucked up teenager! Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll..
it's what I did.. it's how I lived my life.. it's who I was.

When I was 15, I was dating a guy named Scott... well actually..at the time I was dating a few guys.. there was Scott, and then there was another Scott.. and there was Rick.
yes.. I was a slut.. I slept w/them all...We would drink... we would fuck.. we would pass out. ( I didnt do them all at the same time, Im not that much of a slut)

Then... I got pregnant...I had no idea who the father was, and I told each of them that I was, and that there were 2 other guys in the running for Daddy hood... .. Scott the 1st... wanted it to be his so badly!!! He had our lives planned out,
Scott the 2nd... freaked out, and ran away...
and Rick, did a little of both... he freaked out, how was he going to raise a child, he was living in a boys home, and had no home of his own. But, after the first few weeks of shock, he came around and decided it would be "cool" to have a kid. HA!!!

I was 15 for gawds sake, what in the hell did I know about being a Mother?
I was living on the streets, I was strung out, I had no job, I had no home I had nothing!!!

I like to believe that God intervened. Because, I was about 9 weeks along.. when I started cramping & bleeding. I called my Father, whom I hadnt seen or spoken to in weeks.. maybe months.. explained to him what was going on (he knew I was pregnant because my Dr had called him and told him even tho she wasnt suppose to, but she did, because even tho I was a lost fucked up teen, my Dad still loved me and would check up on me the best way he knew how)
My Dad called the paramedics and met me at the hospital.

I miscarried... and found out along the way that I had other dark, nasty issues that Im so embarrassed about that I cant even write about them. Needless to say, I was in the hospital for 4 days. Then was informed that there was such severe damage to my uterus & fellopian tubes that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever have children.

At 15, being told your never going to have children, really isnt all that earth shattering.
During those 9 weeks, I had started to get used to the idea of having a small wee one to care for.
I was starting to love what was not ment to be.
I wont say I was devestated.. I will say I was saddened.
But, in the long run, I look back and think to myself that God did intervene (or whatever higher power that exists) understood that I wasnt ready, my body wasnt ready, my mind wasnt ready.
I was in NO shape to care for another life. I couldnt even take care of myself, how was I suppose to care for another life?

Scott the 1st.. was so disappointed about the miscarriage, he tried to talk me into trying it again and having a child...
Rick.... oh my Rick... that's a whole different post.. in fact.. that will be Friday's post :)

I went home for a breif period of time after my hospital stay.. But I shortly returned to my wayward life.

I thank those higher powers that be, that I did finally get pregnant and carry to full term twice. Luckily it came later in life, I dont believe anyone is truly ready to bring a life into the world. No matter how ready you truly are, you are not prepared for anything.
My first child's birth was a nightmare.. for me, I know there are those out there that sadly had much worse births. Anytime a parent has to watch & wonder if their baby is going to live thru the night is a nightmare. My son was in the NICU unit until he was just pass 3 weeks old. But, Im happy to report he's 13 now, alive and kicking, and getting older and draggin me w/him!!!
My second pregnancy... she was happy and healthy..even tho the little bugger tried to come out at 28 weeks!!! So bed rest for me.. but.. she's 10 now.. who thinks shes 25 and knows EVERYTHING!!!!

Anyhow...
I thank those higher powers that be, for not allowing me to carry to term when I was 15. Someone or something was looking down on me and realized that that baby wasnt ment for me.. maybe the forces took that babies soul and put it into another mother who was ready to care & love a child. ( I know kind of a weird thought process)

So.. anyhow.. yeah.. that's all I got.. I thought about it over the weekend.. and realized that It would of been the end of Feb that that child would of been born.

Ok.. that's it..
Peace

Dog Days

Sorry, it's been awhile since I last posted..

nothing has been happening.. sad really...

but that's the truth.. I have no life..

I have a dog.. actually there are 6 total dogs..

Breed & show & raise English Mastiff's

but.. there's a 6th one.. a little black mut that my daugther rescued from an old neighbor because he was abusing it..

This little black flea (as she jumps so high up) that has captured my heart.. even tho she makes me sooooo mad!!!

A little back ground..

My daugher.. bless her wee little heart.. saw this little black puppy running up and down our street.. new it was the asshat neighbors (thanks Ozfeeme love that word) so she went to tell the neighbor his beloved puppy was out running the streets.. and he promptly told my daughter, who was 9 at the time, that he hoped the "Damn dog would get hit by a car"

NIIIIIICE!! ASSHAT!!!

Now.. mind you.. she is my daughter, and since Mommy dearest speaks her mind w/out a care in the world.. so does the daughter.. who prompltly told neighbor, he was a big mean jerk, and she was taking the puppy home to love and care for it, and she hope he got hit by a car instead!!!

In comes my wee little love, w/a wiggly puppy.. Promptly informs me that the neighbor is a big mean jerk.. and says " Mom.. we CANT give the dog back.. he will kill it!!!"

Oh lordy!! so.. enters this weeee little black dog into our big dog world!

Well... moving forward, after words w/the neighbor (thank gawd we were in the process of moving) and $300 worth of Vet bills cuz this wee little puppy whom I thought was maybe 2 months old..turned out to be almost 7 months old, had not been the vet and therefore needed shots, and worming, and fixed and and and.. that asshat said I owed him $90 cuz that's what he paid for. So I promptly handed him the Vet bill and told him that as soon as he paid me the amount of the Vet bill he could have the dog back (no... I would not of given the dog back)

He said we were even.. Your damn right Spidey!!! Were even.. Asshat!!!!

Moving forward... this dog.. is a flea.. did I mention that.. she jumps over the back of the couch, she jumps over the backs of the big dogs, she chases the big dogs, she jumps up the side of the sliding glass door.. and touches the top.. she's a damn flea!!! And she has found a permanent spot in my cold ass heart!!! Damn Flea Dog!!!

I bought new shoes.. they were the cutest pair of black pumps.. I hadnt gotten to wear them..
I left them on the floor in the bedroom.. I put the little black flea in there. cuz she cant be out when the big dogs are eating.. cuz well.. that's just bad!!!

I guess she was hungry.. SHE ATE MY BRAND NEW BLACK PUMPS!!!!

I guess she was hungry?

But.. her food was w/her.. my new black pumps must of looked more appetizing!

Damn Flea Dog!!!

She wouldnt sit still long enough for me to get her pic..
But.. here ya go.. my daughter and here were playing in the motor home.. why I dont know.. they love to play in there..
Weird kid.. and Damn Little Flea Dog!!
We named her.. Mercy May May..
dont ask me why!!!!