Gangs are running rampid through out the United States
Im not going to claim to know anything about them.. all Im going to say..
it's that it's down right fucking scary!
During my street living days.. the police dept decided to start looking into this whole gang related lifestyle.. for whatever reason, they seemed to think that a group of us, were forming a gang.
Granted, there were a few of our "group" that were contineously in trouble with the law, in and out of jail, not just for drugs, but for assault, burglarly, felonies, consumption, and god only knows what else. (note..I was NOT one of those)
The "men" of our group decided that since we were being stereotyped that we may as well come up with a name for our little "group". The SLB was born.. Street Lover Boys... the girls... SLG... Street Lover Girls (kind of corny huh?)
The guys had tatoo's on there for arms, some of the girls got tat's too.. luckily I never fell into that.. but.. the Police Dept didnt take to kindly to us forming our "gang".
During my street living times, I would wonder home once in awhile, stay for a few weeks, remembered why I didnt want to live with my father, and would take off again. It was during one of my brief home visits while I was at school, that I realized just how serious the SLB was taking their little "gang". During a school assembly, the Police Dept was there to discuss with student/teachers & parents the threat that was living on our Downtown streets.
As I sat in that school gymnasium, I see pictures flashing up on the wall coming from a projector.. pictures of my Jim, pictures of D & R & J & everyone else I know.. and then.. the girls.. the SLG.. there's me.. and S & T & others of our association ... oh yeah.. as I sat in that gymnasium.. in a room full of my peers, there I am, up on screen the whole school being informed that I am a gang member. That we deal drugs, organize assualts, theft and other things that are associated to crime activities.
That assembly was so intense, little did I realize that I was associated with a "gang". Little did I realize that I was being watched for "gang" activities. Little did I realize that I associated with "gang" members. I had no part in a gang. I took no part in any assualts (well except the ones that pushed me first) I took no part in dealing of drugs ( I just consumed the drugs I didnt deal them) I took no part in any thefts ( only thing I have ever stollen was a bottle of nail polish when I was 11 on a dare) so how in the world was I being associated with a gang?
Ahhh... that's just it.. I associated with the SLB.. I was dating an older guy, one of the "leaders" of this so called gang..
We were just a group of strung out, under indulged teenagers. Looking for a good time, a way to get high or drunk. Now.. I look back and I think about those days.... sure.. there were assualts.. I do remember some of the guys stealing to get money.. I remember some bad ass things.
Like the time R came running down the street, blood dripping from his hand, yelling he just stabbed someone.
I remember some of the guys intimidating a witness in a rape case.. ( I had nothing to do with it)
but.. I remember .. I remember... I do rememer some things..
Does that make us a gang?
Or does that make us a group of dumb asses?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
48 Hr Build
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness.. from birth until I finally left the "congregation" when I was 12.
The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witness's didnt like to spend lot's of money, so when a new Hall needed to be built, they would do a 48 hr build. Yep, you guessed it, a Hall would be errected and finished w/in 48 hours. Now, Im sure some of you would say impossible.. but.. in all truth.. not impossible.. it was amazing to watch ground breaking, to walls errected, to furniture put in, to the cutting of the ribbon.. all w/in 48 hrs.
Let me break it down a little for you.
Land clearing would take place a week prior.. the Brothers & Sisters would do ALL the work that was required.. we would pull in electricions & plumbers from other congregations to assist... handymen, contractors, builders, engineer's, you name it.. the JW's had them somewhere, some place.. and in some cases they would fly in from other states if another congregation absolutely needed them!!!! All at their own expense too.. the Watchtower Society never paid for their Brother & Sister's to go help a 48 Hr Build.. at least.. not to my knowledge.
The last 48 hr build I attended, was the turning point of my life.. I think anyway.. I dreamt of this last night, and figured that I should blog about it..
So anyway.. like I said, my last 48 hr build was I like to think now.. my turning point.
A group of us took off into the adjacent woods.. I think I was 11, there was me.. my friend S.. who was the only worldy friend my Mother allowed me to have, and that only reason was because she lived across the street from us, and we went to school together. So.. on this particular God-Fearing event.. S accompanied me...
Like I was saying, S & I.. and the Martinez brothers, and 4 others.. whom I cant remember their names for the life of me.. all took off into the woods.. our parents were busy building, sweeping, sawing, cleaning, cooking.. and whatever else our parents did at these builds. Us wee ones shirked our responsibility and high tailed it outta there..
We sat in a circle.. and basically started a cool game of spin the bottle..
And whenever that bottle got spun, some type of no-no-no was being done.
Kissing, groping, more kissing.. more groping..
Things that good little JW boys & girls were NOT allowed to do.
I was sent off into the woods w/one of the Martinez brothers..
Our dare, was to see how far the two of us would go?
I was 11 years old.. he was 11 years old..
What did we know of "going all the way"?
What did we know of any of this stuff?
The majority of us were raised in a strict enviroment.. but not the Martinez boys..
oh now.. they were new to the "fold" they had been worldly first.. at that time, I think they had only been witnesses for maybe 2 yrs.
Oh yeah.. 11 yrs old.. w/no previous knowledge of the birds & the bee's.. no real knowledge of the outside world.. sure.. my friend S.. but she lived in a single one parent home, and her mom kept a tight rule on her.. and she was Catholic!!!
So.. off into the woods he and I go.. he lays his jacket on the ground.. I lay down.. he joins.. he's kissing me.. and his hand starts to go up my shirt..
and I got a bad case of the giggles.. which turned into a loud case of the laughs.. followed by, him looking at me.. and wondering what in the hell possesed me..
We got up, went back to the group, I know my face was red.. and I was still laughing.. lord oh lord.. I couldnt stop laughing..that pretty much broke up our little game of spin the bottle.. but.. on that cold, over casted day.. I got a taste of what true freedom was!
I got a taste of what else there was in the world.. I got a taste of forbidden advances, of things you were only allowed between two married people.
I had a taste for Freedom!!!!!
I walked away from the Congregation just before my 13th birthday... I discovered so many other things.. cigarrettes, drinking, pot... and sex.. I lost my virginity at the age of the summer before I turned 13.... that time in the woods at the 48 hr build.. was the beginning to the end.. the end to my innocence.. the begging to a whole new world..
There are still some things I believe in from my JW days.. some scriptures that are still imbedded in my mind.. thoughts & teachings that were taught that are still a part of me today.
But.. I wouldnt change anything..
cuz regardless of all the things Ive done to myself.. I am still proud of me!!!
The Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witness's didnt like to spend lot's of money, so when a new Hall needed to be built, they would do a 48 hr build. Yep, you guessed it, a Hall would be errected and finished w/in 48 hours. Now, Im sure some of you would say impossible.. but.. in all truth.. not impossible.. it was amazing to watch ground breaking, to walls errected, to furniture put in, to the cutting of the ribbon.. all w/in 48 hrs.
Let me break it down a little for you.
Land clearing would take place a week prior.. the Brothers & Sisters would do ALL the work that was required.. we would pull in electricions & plumbers from other congregations to assist... handymen, contractors, builders, engineer's, you name it.. the JW's had them somewhere, some place.. and in some cases they would fly in from other states if another congregation absolutely needed them!!!! All at their own expense too.. the Watchtower Society never paid for their Brother & Sister's to go help a 48 Hr Build.. at least.. not to my knowledge.
The last 48 hr build I attended, was the turning point of my life.. I think anyway.. I dreamt of this last night, and figured that I should blog about it..
So anyway.. like I said, my last 48 hr build was I like to think now.. my turning point.
A group of us took off into the adjacent woods.. I think I was 11, there was me.. my friend S.. who was the only worldy friend my Mother allowed me to have, and that only reason was because she lived across the street from us, and we went to school together. So.. on this particular God-Fearing event.. S accompanied me...
Like I was saying, S & I.. and the Martinez brothers, and 4 others.. whom I cant remember their names for the life of me.. all took off into the woods.. our parents were busy building, sweeping, sawing, cleaning, cooking.. and whatever else our parents did at these builds. Us wee ones shirked our responsibility and high tailed it outta there..
We sat in a circle.. and basically started a cool game of spin the bottle..
And whenever that bottle got spun, some type of no-no-no was being done.
Kissing, groping, more kissing.. more groping..
Things that good little JW boys & girls were NOT allowed to do.
I was sent off into the woods w/one of the Martinez brothers..
Our dare, was to see how far the two of us would go?
I was 11 years old.. he was 11 years old..
What did we know of "going all the way"?
What did we know of any of this stuff?
The majority of us were raised in a strict enviroment.. but not the Martinez boys..
oh now.. they were new to the "fold" they had been worldly first.. at that time, I think they had only been witnesses for maybe 2 yrs.
Oh yeah.. 11 yrs old.. w/no previous knowledge of the birds & the bee's.. no real knowledge of the outside world.. sure.. my friend S.. but she lived in a single one parent home, and her mom kept a tight rule on her.. and she was Catholic!!!
So.. off into the woods he and I go.. he lays his jacket on the ground.. I lay down.. he joins.. he's kissing me.. and his hand starts to go up my shirt..
and I got a bad case of the giggles.. which turned into a loud case of the laughs.. followed by, him looking at me.. and wondering what in the hell possesed me..
We got up, went back to the group, I know my face was red.. and I was still laughing.. lord oh lord.. I couldnt stop laughing..that pretty much broke up our little game of spin the bottle.. but.. on that cold, over casted day.. I got a taste of what true freedom was!
I got a taste of what else there was in the world.. I got a taste of forbidden advances, of things you were only allowed between two married people.
I had a taste for Freedom!!!!!
I walked away from the Congregation just before my 13th birthday... I discovered so many other things.. cigarrettes, drinking, pot... and sex.. I lost my virginity at the age of the summer before I turned 13.... that time in the woods at the 48 hr build.. was the beginning to the end.. the end to my innocence.. the begging to a whole new world..
There are still some things I believe in from my JW days.. some scriptures that are still imbedded in my mind.. thoughts & teachings that were taught that are still a part of me today.
But.. I wouldnt change anything..
cuz regardless of all the things Ive done to myself.. I am still proud of me!!!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
2007 Words to Memorize
Blamestorming:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager:
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves
Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Cube Farm:
An office filled w/cubicles.
Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on .
Mouse Potato:
The on-line wired generations answer to the couch potato.
Sitcoms:
Single Income, two children, oppressive mortgage. What yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home w/the kids.
Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Adminisphere:
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404:
Someone who's clueless. From the world wide web error message "404 not found" meaning that the requested site could not be located.
Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
Ohnosecond:
The minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake ( like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
Woofs:
Well-Off Older Folks
Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a cube farm.
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager:
A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves
Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Cube Farm:
An office filled w/cubicles.
Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on .
Mouse Potato:
The on-line wired generations answer to the couch potato.
Sitcoms:
Single Income, two children, oppressive mortgage. What yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home w/the kids.
Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Adminisphere:
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404:
Someone who's clueless. From the world wide web error message "404 not found" meaning that the requested site could not be located.
Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
Ohnosecond:
The minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake ( like after hitting send on an email by mistake)
Woofs:
Well-Off Older Folks
Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a cube farm.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Dark Days w/a view of sunshine
As many of you know..I was homeless off and on thru out my teen years.
This had nothing to do w/my parents.. it was all me.. my choices...my decisions...
Sleeping arrangments were always hard to come by. However there were 2 spots that we normally slept.
The White House
Dubbed this because it was a big 2 story run down, if a stiff wind came along it would blow over, white house... full of other "bum's" that lived downtown.
But this was one of my havens, it sat smack dab in the middle of Downtown Oly. Why it took the city so long to knock it down I dont know. Maybe because they realized if that white house wasnt there, us slacking/strung out demons of society would descend onto the streets of downtown oly late at night attempting to cop a squat in doorways or fine establishments such as the Governors House..
Abondended Warehouse
We mainly stayed at the warehouse, it was cold, damp, large and free from other's.
But the memories that place holds, are some of my fondest, we had many long philosophical acid tripping conversations sitting in this warehouse. The local PD would bring us coffee and donuts on those cold rainy/windy/wintery mornings. Some of the actual OPD actually kept an eye on us, I personally think it was because our families were in touch w/the police and that's how they kept in touch with us (especially since one of my friends mother was the secretary to the local Sherriff)
Both buildings are gone now... the white house lot has been replaced by a large city transit statioin.
The Warehouse...has been torn down, and is now just a vacant lot.. however..what I find interesting, is the fact that there is a problem in my current location where homelessness is an issue. We have a group of homeless men & women who setup a "tent city" on the Warehouse lot, to demenstrate that the city needs to address the homeless situation.
My thoughts on that.. if you dont want to be homeless, then dont be, there are a ton of programs out there that will assist you. I dont feel sorry for the homeless population.
I feel sorry for some of the ones who are elderly and/or mentally handicapped..and the children of parents who dont know how to care for them.
But, the others, the ones in their late teens and into their whatever age, that can care for themselves but are to damn lazy to do anything..
thats not my problem.. it's there's.. been there done that.. and cleaned my ass up.. they can too!!!
Any how..
Food..
We ate at the local Salvation Army... that was a treat.. cuz you had to be there for dinner by a specefic time... and if you showed up late.. you didnt get fed..
so we found other ways to eat too.. no..I never did the whole dumpster diving.. I could NEVER bring myself to that.. but.. the a few of the AM/PM's at midnight would throw out their pre-made food because they would have to make new.. so we would show up and instead of them throwing it away.. they would give it to us.. burrittos', taquitos, hamburgers, corn dogs.. and sometimes they would let us take a large fountain drink...
Oh..I know this sounds all depressing... but.. if I could go back in time, Im not sure if I would change anything. I had a blast living the way I wanted to, doing what I wanted to do, with who I wanted to be with. Being where I wanted to be. I had no one to answer too.. and when your high.. things really arnt all that bad.
Dont get me wrong.. I sure as hell couldnt live like that now.. I like my comfy bed, my tv at night, my warm meal, and driving my wee little car.. the clean clothes on my back, and being able to take a shower when ever I damn well feel like it.
Speaking of showering.. I befriended an elderly lady who worked for the local community center.. she would allow my friend and I to come in every other day and use the showering facilities.. normally it was 5ocents... but she would pay for it..and provide all the hygiene products.. she was the sweetest little ol' women.. in turn, S & I would help clean up the restrooms so she wouldnt have to.. that was our payment to her for allowing us to shower.
See... we may of been homeless, on drugs, unruly at times, but one thing our parents did teach us, was you dont steal.. you dont lie.. and you dont cheat people..
of course they brought up the whole drug stuff too..but I obviously didnt listen to that!!
We have all pretty much cleaned up and gotten our lives straight..
a few have OD'd and have gone onto whatever their next life was.
A few have stayed in the same lifestyle..
Either way.. it was fun.. it was some whacked memories..
maybe there will be more to come
This had nothing to do w/my parents.. it was all me.. my choices...my decisions...
Sleeping arrangments were always hard to come by. However there were 2 spots that we normally slept.
The White House
Dubbed this because it was a big 2 story run down, if a stiff wind came along it would blow over, white house... full of other "bum's" that lived downtown.
But this was one of my havens, it sat smack dab in the middle of Downtown Oly. Why it took the city so long to knock it down I dont know. Maybe because they realized if that white house wasnt there, us slacking/strung out demons of society would descend onto the streets of downtown oly late at night attempting to cop a squat in doorways or fine establishments such as the Governors House..
Abondended Warehouse
We mainly stayed at the warehouse, it was cold, damp, large and free from other's.
But the memories that place holds, are some of my fondest, we had many long philosophical acid tripping conversations sitting in this warehouse. The local PD would bring us coffee and donuts on those cold rainy/windy/wintery mornings. Some of the actual OPD actually kept an eye on us, I personally think it was because our families were in touch w/the police and that's how they kept in touch with us (especially since one of my friends mother was the secretary to the local Sherriff)
Both buildings are gone now... the white house lot has been replaced by a large city transit statioin.
The Warehouse...has been torn down, and is now just a vacant lot.. however..what I find interesting, is the fact that there is a problem in my current location where homelessness is an issue. We have a group of homeless men & women who setup a "tent city" on the Warehouse lot, to demenstrate that the city needs to address the homeless situation.
My thoughts on that.. if you dont want to be homeless, then dont be, there are a ton of programs out there that will assist you. I dont feel sorry for the homeless population.
I feel sorry for some of the ones who are elderly and/or mentally handicapped..and the children of parents who dont know how to care for them.
But, the others, the ones in their late teens and into their whatever age, that can care for themselves but are to damn lazy to do anything..
thats not my problem.. it's there's.. been there done that.. and cleaned my ass up.. they can too!!!
Any how..
Food..
We ate at the local Salvation Army... that was a treat.. cuz you had to be there for dinner by a specefic time... and if you showed up late.. you didnt get fed..
so we found other ways to eat too.. no..I never did the whole dumpster diving.. I could NEVER bring myself to that.. but.. the a few of the AM/PM's at midnight would throw out their pre-made food because they would have to make new.. so we would show up and instead of them throwing it away.. they would give it to us.. burrittos', taquitos, hamburgers, corn dogs.. and sometimes they would let us take a large fountain drink...
Oh..I know this sounds all depressing... but.. if I could go back in time, Im not sure if I would change anything. I had a blast living the way I wanted to, doing what I wanted to do, with who I wanted to be with. Being where I wanted to be. I had no one to answer too.. and when your high.. things really arnt all that bad.
Dont get me wrong.. I sure as hell couldnt live like that now.. I like my comfy bed, my tv at night, my warm meal, and driving my wee little car.. the clean clothes on my back, and being able to take a shower when ever I damn well feel like it.
Speaking of showering.. I befriended an elderly lady who worked for the local community center.. she would allow my friend and I to come in every other day and use the showering facilities.. normally it was 5ocents... but she would pay for it..and provide all the hygiene products.. she was the sweetest little ol' women.. in turn, S & I would help clean up the restrooms so she wouldnt have to.. that was our payment to her for allowing us to shower.
See... we may of been homeless, on drugs, unruly at times, but one thing our parents did teach us, was you dont steal.. you dont lie.. and you dont cheat people..
of course they brought up the whole drug stuff too..but I obviously didnt listen to that!!
We have all pretty much cleaned up and gotten our lives straight..
a few have OD'd and have gone onto whatever their next life was.
A few have stayed in the same lifestyle..
Either way.. it was fun.. it was some whacked memories..
maybe there will be more to come
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Nose Candy
Doing my memories today... Thursday... mainly because I will not be near a computer tomorrow as I have to drive up to Everett to pick up my new car!!! Yeah me!!!
I dont remember my first time snorting meth... I wish I could, I wish I could remember why I made that decision. Why I decided that it was ok to put that up my nose, into my brain, and allow it to flow thru my blood stream. But I honestly dont remember it at all!!
What I do remember are flash backs of times, places, events... and I remember that I was strung out on that crap for almost 5 yrs. How I survived, I have no effing clue.. but I like to think that the higher powers that be had some kind of hand in it.
When I was 19 I was dating the father of my son ( our son wasnt even a twinkle in my eye yet)... we were living in a house in downtown Oly, w/2 other couples. All of us were heavy users... my ex was growing plants in our bedroom closet.. one of our roommates was a pot dealer..the other roommates were just users.. users of people and of their supply... Dumbass (the ex) only had 2 plants growing, (personal consumption he always told me) Pretty Dumb (the dealer) was something.. not sure how to really explain her, but she was something.. this women was older, in her 40's, looked like she was in her 60's... and she had a son who was around my age, who was always in trouble w/the law.
One afternoon, Pretty Dumb's son - Even Dumber showed up.. we all started hanging, snorting, smoking and just having a typical Saturday afternoon.. when Pretty Dumb and her even dumber son get into a huge ass fight.. things were being thrown around the house, slaps were being exchanged.. the neighbors called the police.
Knock at the door.. and everyone.. took off in different directions. Pretty Dumb locks herself in her bedroom, Even Dumber (her son) decides to hide up in the attic, Dumbass (the ex) try's to hide in the bathroom shower... the Users (other roommates) werent home.. so.. Here I go.. and answer the door..
4 OPD's standing at my door.. me being stupid.. open up the door and let them in.. come on in boys'!!!!
I sit down on the couch in the back rec room.. Im so freaking high I dont know who's where, who's who, or who I am.. the mirror is under the couch cushion (the one we did our lines on) the meth is in my pocket.. there are plants growing in my closet.. Im thinking to myself.. what's this all about.. why are they here.. please leave.. I have things to do...
they found Pretty Dumb, locked in her bedroom.. she made it look like she had been in bed sleeping.. They found dumbass in the shower... he did get smart and take off his clothes and turn on the shower.. but the stupid ass forgot to take off his socks..
They open up my closet doors.. and there are those wee little plants.. and halogen lights, and thermometers, and potting soil, and plant food, and buckets of water.. and the officer ask's me what they are.. I look at Dumbass and tell him to deal with it, and you know what he tells' the cops..
"there tomatos officer"
"tomatos? "
"yes sir, tomato's"
"I dont believe you boy, looks like Marijuana to me, you wanna fess up now"
"no sir, I swear.. that there is tomotos"
"well..Im gonna give you a break.. I will be back tomorrow morning.. you have tonight to clean this whole mess up, and put your clothes back in this closet.. and get rid of everything illegal in this house"
And the officers walked out of the house...
We cleaned up everything that night..
The officers never came back that morning..
But there sure were alot more cops in the neighborhood
They never found Even Dumber
Dumbass and I moved out 2 weeks later
We tried to clean our act's up.. but didnt work so much.. it got to the point where Dumbass and I couldnt even stand to be together.. we continued to live together, but we werent together.. he was semi-clean.. he had gotten off of the meth/acid.. still smoking pot
I on the other hand, couldnt let go of the meth..
I wish I could remember why I decided so many years ago, why I made the decision to snort that line. What I do remember is it all started with Ricky..
Ricky.. I really need to tell you about him.. but I dont know where to start..
I need to figure out where and when I met him.. how I met him..
and how he and I ended up being a part of each other's lives for so long...
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I miss those old days.. once in awhile I get the craving for things that I KNOW I should not have. I guess that's the user in me.. the inner demon that still posses me. No matter how many times it try's to claw it's way out, I will NEVER return to that life style. I look at them now and think to myself how could I have allowed myself to be drugged into such a life? And yet, I did.. and yet, I still crave that excitment, that caos, that total loss of control. Somedays it's just a step away from going there... but.. every day I get stronger..
Ive been clean and sober off of drugs for 14 years... if someone was to put a line down in front of me.. I dont honestly know how I would react.. I know I should walk away... but it's the temptation.. it's the memories that flow thru me.. it's the what if's that I live with..
Im pretty positive tho, I would say NO..
Peace!!!
I dont remember my first time snorting meth... I wish I could, I wish I could remember why I made that decision. Why I decided that it was ok to put that up my nose, into my brain, and allow it to flow thru my blood stream. But I honestly dont remember it at all!!
What I do remember are flash backs of times, places, events... and I remember that I was strung out on that crap for almost 5 yrs. How I survived, I have no effing clue.. but I like to think that the higher powers that be had some kind of hand in it.
When I was 19 I was dating the father of my son ( our son wasnt even a twinkle in my eye yet)... we were living in a house in downtown Oly, w/2 other couples. All of us were heavy users... my ex was growing plants in our bedroom closet.. one of our roommates was a pot dealer..the other roommates were just users.. users of people and of their supply... Dumbass (the ex) only had 2 plants growing, (personal consumption he always told me) Pretty Dumb (the dealer) was something.. not sure how to really explain her, but she was something.. this women was older, in her 40's, looked like she was in her 60's... and she had a son who was around my age, who was always in trouble w/the law.
One afternoon, Pretty Dumb's son - Even Dumber showed up.. we all started hanging, snorting, smoking and just having a typical Saturday afternoon.. when Pretty Dumb and her even dumber son get into a huge ass fight.. things were being thrown around the house, slaps were being exchanged.. the neighbors called the police.
Knock at the door.. and everyone.. took off in different directions. Pretty Dumb locks herself in her bedroom, Even Dumber (her son) decides to hide up in the attic, Dumbass (the ex) try's to hide in the bathroom shower... the Users (other roommates) werent home.. so.. Here I go.. and answer the door..
4 OPD's standing at my door.. me being stupid.. open up the door and let them in.. come on in boys'!!!!
I sit down on the couch in the back rec room.. Im so freaking high I dont know who's where, who's who, or who I am.. the mirror is under the couch cushion (the one we did our lines on) the meth is in my pocket.. there are plants growing in my closet.. Im thinking to myself.. what's this all about.. why are they here.. please leave.. I have things to do...
they found Pretty Dumb, locked in her bedroom.. she made it look like she had been in bed sleeping.. They found dumbass in the shower... he did get smart and take off his clothes and turn on the shower.. but the stupid ass forgot to take off his socks..
They open up my closet doors.. and there are those wee little plants.. and halogen lights, and thermometers, and potting soil, and plant food, and buckets of water.. and the officer ask's me what they are.. I look at Dumbass and tell him to deal with it, and you know what he tells' the cops..
"there tomatos officer"
"tomatos? "
"yes sir, tomato's"
"I dont believe you boy, looks like Marijuana to me, you wanna fess up now"
"no sir, I swear.. that there is tomotos"
"well..Im gonna give you a break.. I will be back tomorrow morning.. you have tonight to clean this whole mess up, and put your clothes back in this closet.. and get rid of everything illegal in this house"
And the officers walked out of the house...
We cleaned up everything that night..
The officers never came back that morning..
But there sure were alot more cops in the neighborhood
They never found Even Dumber
Dumbass and I moved out 2 weeks later
We tried to clean our act's up.. but didnt work so much.. it got to the point where Dumbass and I couldnt even stand to be together.. we continued to live together, but we werent together.. he was semi-clean.. he had gotten off of the meth/acid.. still smoking pot
I on the other hand, couldnt let go of the meth..
I wish I could remember why I decided so many years ago, why I made the decision to snort that line. What I do remember is it all started with Ricky..
Ricky.. I really need to tell you about him.. but I dont know where to start..
I need to figure out where and when I met him.. how I met him..
and how he and I ended up being a part of each other's lives for so long...
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I miss those old days.. once in awhile I get the craving for things that I KNOW I should not have. I guess that's the user in me.. the inner demon that still posses me. No matter how many times it try's to claw it's way out, I will NEVER return to that life style. I look at them now and think to myself how could I have allowed myself to be drugged into such a life? And yet, I did.. and yet, I still crave that excitment, that caos, that total loss of control. Somedays it's just a step away from going there... but.. every day I get stronger..
Ive been clean and sober off of drugs for 14 years... if someone was to put a line down in front of me.. I dont honestly know how I would react.. I know I should walk away... but it's the temptation.. it's the memories that flow thru me.. it's the what if's that I live with..
Im pretty positive tho, I would say NO..
Peace!!!
Friday, March 02, 2007
Oh Ricky you WERE so fine...
ok... lets see how much you remember...
I dated Jim for about 3 yrs...during those 3 yrs, we took a number of "breaks" from each other...
during one of those breaks, the longest one he and I had.. I was dating Rick....
I was 16.. he was 14 (OMG... Im a cradle robber)
Ricky, was one of those guys, that got up under my skin and found another spot in my otherwise cold heart. He and I dated for aprox 8 months (which I was dating others too when he wasnt around) He lived in a boys home in another town and recieved weekend passes twice a month. Those weekends were full of some magical evenings.
Ricky was one of 8 kids, all of which had been removed from the home for some reason or another. His family was and still is one of the most fucked up, dysfunctional families I have EVER met. 8 children and I dont think his mother knew who half the fathers were of her kids!
Any how.. Ricky and I would have some of the most outreageous weekends when he would visit.
Between the drugs, the partying, the sex it was out of control. It's like we were on a journey together to see how fucked up each of us could get. Trying to out do the other the only way we knew how.
For Instance:
There were a group of us living in an apt. This apartment complex was one huge drug infested, run down, party all the time sess pool. Some of the lowest dregs of society resided here, and of course, this is where I laid my head down at night on a borrowed pillow.
My friend S was dating Ricky's brother J. J showed up w/a quart sized baggy of "shrooms" which I had not done up until that time. So what the hell, I was already drunk I grabbed a handful and downed them. Little did I realize, I was in for a 3 day ride!!!
That was one of my longest, eventful trips in my drug history days.
Sitting in some chick's apartment, I remember taking off my jewelry because I felt as if my skin was crawling, I laid it on the floor next to me, got up went to the bathroom, came back and all my jewelry was gone. My watch, my gold rose ring that my mother had given me for my 16th birthday, my emerald ring that was my Grandmothers... Gone.. gone.. gone..
I looked everywhere, I pow-wowed w/the others looking for it.. I cried, I thought my head & heart was going to burst out of me. I got depressed.. those two rings ment more to me than any other posession that I had and I had lost them.
I remember walking out of that bitches apartment, and thinking to myself that the owner of the apt. had a look on her face that didnt sit well with me. I marched back into her place grabbed her, swung her around slammed her up a against a wall, and looked at her hand. Guess what that bitch had on her hands? My rings, and my watch around her wrist. I made her give my rings back, take off my watch. I put them in my pocket, and then.. I remember beating the living hell out of that bitch. Now... beating a chick or anyone when your so raged, and strung the fuck out.. not a good thing. I think I broke her nose :( But hey.. the cops never did show up!!! :) not this time anyway....
I went back up to the apt I was squatting in.. Me S/J and Ricky... we were tripping out on Christmas lights, because I think it was around that time of year. When all the sudden, Ricky grabs my hand, tells me he loves me, but.. he cant live on this world anymore.. so he's gonna go jump off the bridge. My rage had already left.. I was starting to find a peaceful inner being.. I never reacted.. all 3 of us, sat looked at Ricky and said.. "ok"
Ricky walked out the door, and didnt return.
We all sat there, sadly it never phased us, none of us reacted, we carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until, I would say 2 or so hours later, I looked up at S and asked where Ricky was........ the silence.. I remember that silence.. when J finally spoke and said that he went to jump off the bridge.
We jumped up, ran down the road to the bridge, crawled down under there looking for a body, I remember crying, and then the rage again.. Thank God we never found a body.. but as I was crawling back up the embankment, I look across the street of the bridge, where an Arco Station sat, and there sitting on top of a picnic table to the side of the Arco Station was my Ricky.
He had been waiting for us, and watching us. I ran across the street, right up to him, and slapped him across the face, then threw myself on him and yelled at him to never do that again.
He replied, he did it because he wanted to see how much I cared about him. He was about to jump off the bridge, because it had taken me so long to come locate him.
Wow.. Im not sure if any of that made sense, that memory is still really foggy in my head. I was in a mushroom induced state for almost 3 days. That same weekend, I got hauled off to juvi, for beating up some ass hole that lived in the apt I was squatting in. He was 22, sleeping w/a 13 yr old, and so.. I beat his ass.. he ran out of the apt to the pay phone and called the cops on me.. LOL. I found that so fucking hilarious, cuz he got hauled in for statutory rape.. I got hauled in for beatting up a 22 yr old punk ass mother fucker!!! He got more time than I did.. I got 6 days.. I think he got 3 yrs.. because it wasnt his first offense.
It's weird how the memory block's certain memories, some nights I dream of things that happened in the past, then when I awake I dont remember if they were real or not.
Some things I just write.. w/out really thinking about them...
They are just flashes of memory that come and go.. and I have to get them down as I remember them..
Thanks for reading..
I dated Jim for about 3 yrs...during those 3 yrs, we took a number of "breaks" from each other...
during one of those breaks, the longest one he and I had.. I was dating Rick....
I was 16.. he was 14 (OMG... Im a cradle robber)
Ricky, was one of those guys, that got up under my skin and found another spot in my otherwise cold heart. He and I dated for aprox 8 months (which I was dating others too when he wasnt around) He lived in a boys home in another town and recieved weekend passes twice a month. Those weekends were full of some magical evenings.
Ricky was one of 8 kids, all of which had been removed from the home for some reason or another. His family was and still is one of the most fucked up, dysfunctional families I have EVER met. 8 children and I dont think his mother knew who half the fathers were of her kids!
Any how.. Ricky and I would have some of the most outreageous weekends when he would visit.
Between the drugs, the partying, the sex it was out of control. It's like we were on a journey together to see how fucked up each of us could get. Trying to out do the other the only way we knew how.
For Instance:
There were a group of us living in an apt. This apartment complex was one huge drug infested, run down, party all the time sess pool. Some of the lowest dregs of society resided here, and of course, this is where I laid my head down at night on a borrowed pillow.
My friend S was dating Ricky's brother J. J showed up w/a quart sized baggy of "shrooms" which I had not done up until that time. So what the hell, I was already drunk I grabbed a handful and downed them. Little did I realize, I was in for a 3 day ride!!!
That was one of my longest, eventful trips in my drug history days.
Sitting in some chick's apartment, I remember taking off my jewelry because I felt as if my skin was crawling, I laid it on the floor next to me, got up went to the bathroom, came back and all my jewelry was gone. My watch, my gold rose ring that my mother had given me for my 16th birthday, my emerald ring that was my Grandmothers... Gone.. gone.. gone..
I looked everywhere, I pow-wowed w/the others looking for it.. I cried, I thought my head & heart was going to burst out of me. I got depressed.. those two rings ment more to me than any other posession that I had and I had lost them.
I remember walking out of that bitches apartment, and thinking to myself that the owner of the apt. had a look on her face that didnt sit well with me. I marched back into her place grabbed her, swung her around slammed her up a against a wall, and looked at her hand. Guess what that bitch had on her hands? My rings, and my watch around her wrist. I made her give my rings back, take off my watch. I put them in my pocket, and then.. I remember beating the living hell out of that bitch. Now... beating a chick or anyone when your so raged, and strung the fuck out.. not a good thing. I think I broke her nose :( But hey.. the cops never did show up!!! :) not this time anyway....
I went back up to the apt I was squatting in.. Me S/J and Ricky... we were tripping out on Christmas lights, because I think it was around that time of year. When all the sudden, Ricky grabs my hand, tells me he loves me, but.. he cant live on this world anymore.. so he's gonna go jump off the bridge. My rage had already left.. I was starting to find a peaceful inner being.. I never reacted.. all 3 of us, sat looked at Ricky and said.. "ok"
Ricky walked out the door, and didnt return.
We all sat there, sadly it never phased us, none of us reacted, we carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until, I would say 2 or so hours later, I looked up at S and asked where Ricky was........ the silence.. I remember that silence.. when J finally spoke and said that he went to jump off the bridge.
We jumped up, ran down the road to the bridge, crawled down under there looking for a body, I remember crying, and then the rage again.. Thank God we never found a body.. but as I was crawling back up the embankment, I look across the street of the bridge, where an Arco Station sat, and there sitting on top of a picnic table to the side of the Arco Station was my Ricky.
He had been waiting for us, and watching us. I ran across the street, right up to him, and slapped him across the face, then threw myself on him and yelled at him to never do that again.
He replied, he did it because he wanted to see how much I cared about him. He was about to jump off the bridge, because it had taken me so long to come locate him.
Wow.. Im not sure if any of that made sense, that memory is still really foggy in my head. I was in a mushroom induced state for almost 3 days. That same weekend, I got hauled off to juvi, for beating up some ass hole that lived in the apt I was squatting in. He was 22, sleeping w/a 13 yr old, and so.. I beat his ass.. he ran out of the apt to the pay phone and called the cops on me.. LOL. I found that so fucking hilarious, cuz he got hauled in for statutory rape.. I got hauled in for beatting up a 22 yr old punk ass mother fucker!!! He got more time than I did.. I got 6 days.. I think he got 3 yrs.. because it wasnt his first offense.
It's weird how the memory block's certain memories, some nights I dream of things that happened in the past, then when I awake I dont remember if they were real or not.
Some things I just write.. w/out really thinking about them...
They are just flashes of memory that come and go.. and I have to get them down as I remember them..
Thanks for reading..
Monday, February 26, 2007
Big Dogs!!!
Here are pics of the big dogs..
Just random pictures..
Easter 03.. Tink wasnt happy to have to wear the bunnie ears
Pepper & Bailey..
They normally dont sit still...this was a hell of a shot to get..
Bailey (the one sitting up) she's our short bus rider..
She's not show worth cuz her mouth isnt porportioned correctly
But.. she' marches to the beat of her own drum
Pepper did some showing.. but.. she's small for an English Mastiff
so now she's a stay at home puppers
Here's the boy..
Aint he gorgeous???!!!
Gunnar.. he's a horny bastard!!!
This is Tink..
She's Gunnars Mom.. and an International Champion..
She's beautiful!!!
Here's the boy again.. He's just over 2 now..
weighs about 180-200 (depending on if there's a girl in heat)
he's not done growing yet, he will get wider.. should top out around 220
Just random pictures..
Easter 03.. Tink wasnt happy to have to wear the bunnie ears
Pepper & Bailey..
They normally dont sit still...this was a hell of a shot to get..
Bailey (the one sitting up) she's our short bus rider..
She's not show worth cuz her mouth isnt porportioned correctly
But.. she' marches to the beat of her own drum
Pepper did some showing.. but.. she's small for an English Mastiff
so now she's a stay at home puppers
Here's the boy..Aint he gorgeous???!!!
Gunnar.. he's a horny bastard!!!
This is Tink..
She's Gunnars Mom.. and an International Champion..
She's beautiful!!!
Here's the boy again.. He's just over 2 now..
weighs about 180-200 (depending on if there's a girl in heat)
he's not done growing yet, he will get wider.. should top out around 220
Monday Memories
Since I was overwhelmed w/work on Friday I wasnt able to post.
And since my weekend was overwhelming I wasnt able to post.
This post is a tad graphic.... Im not proud.. but.. it's the truth..why lie!?
Monday work load is overwhelming.. but screw it.. Im gonna post!!!
As ya'll know, I was quit the fucked up teenager! Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll..
it's what I did.. it's how I lived my life.. it's who I was.
When I was 15, I was dating a guy named Scott... well actually..at the time I was dating a few guys.. there was Scott, and then there was another Scott.. and there was Rick.
yes.. I was a slut.. I slept w/them all...We would drink... we would fuck.. we would pass out. ( I didnt do them all at the same time, Im not that much of a slut)
Then... I got pregnant...I had no idea who the father was, and I told each of them that I was, and that there were 2 other guys in the running for Daddy hood... .. Scott the 1st... wanted it to be his so badly!!! He had our lives planned out,
Scott the 2nd... freaked out, and ran away...
and Rick, did a little of both... he freaked out, how was he going to raise a child, he was living in a boys home, and had no home of his own. But, after the first few weeks of shock, he came around and decided it would be "cool" to have a kid. HA!!!
I was 15 for gawds sake, what in the hell did I know about being a Mother?
I was living on the streets, I was strung out, I had no job, I had no home I had nothing!!!
I like to believe that God intervened. Because, I was about 9 weeks along.. when I started cramping & bleeding. I called my Father, whom I hadnt seen or spoken to in weeks.. maybe months.. explained to him what was going on (he knew I was pregnant because my Dr had called him and told him even tho she wasnt suppose to, but she did, because even tho I was a lost fucked up teen, my Dad still loved me and would check up on me the best way he knew how)
My Dad called the paramedics and met me at the hospital.
I miscarried... and found out along the way that I had other dark, nasty issues that Im so embarrassed about that I cant even write about them. Needless to say, I was in the hospital for 4 days. Then was informed that there was such severe damage to my uterus & fellopian tubes that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever have children.
At 15, being told your never going to have children, really isnt all that earth shattering.
During those 9 weeks, I had started to get used to the idea of having a small wee one to care for.
I was starting to love what was not ment to be.
I wont say I was devestated.. I will say I was saddened.
But, in the long run, I look back and think to myself that God did intervene (or whatever higher power that exists) understood that I wasnt ready, my body wasnt ready, my mind wasnt ready.
I was in NO shape to care for another life. I couldnt even take care of myself, how was I suppose to care for another life?
Scott the 1st.. was so disappointed about the miscarriage, he tried to talk me into trying it again and having a child...
Rick.... oh my Rick... that's a whole different post.. in fact.. that will be Friday's post :)
I went home for a breif period of time after my hospital stay.. But I shortly returned to my wayward life.
I thank those higher powers that be, that I did finally get pregnant and carry to full term twice. Luckily it came later in life, I dont believe anyone is truly ready to bring a life into the world. No matter how ready you truly are, you are not prepared for anything.
My first child's birth was a nightmare.. for me, I know there are those out there that sadly had much worse births. Anytime a parent has to watch & wonder if their baby is going to live thru the night is a nightmare. My son was in the NICU unit until he was just pass 3 weeks old. But, Im happy to report he's 13 now, alive and kicking, and getting older and draggin me w/him!!!
My second pregnancy... she was happy and healthy..even tho the little bugger tried to come out at 28 weeks!!! So bed rest for me.. but.. she's 10 now.. who thinks shes 25 and knows EVERYTHING!!!!
Anyhow...
I thank those higher powers that be, for not allowing me to carry to term when I was 15. Someone or something was looking down on me and realized that that baby wasnt ment for me.. maybe the forces took that babies soul and put it into another mother who was ready to care & love a child. ( I know kind of a weird thought process)
So.. anyhow.. yeah.. that's all I got.. I thought about it over the weekend.. and realized that It would of been the end of Feb that that child would of been born.
Ok.. that's it..
Peace
And since my weekend was overwhelming I wasnt able to post.
This post is a tad graphic.... Im not proud.. but.. it's the truth..why lie!?
Monday work load is overwhelming.. but screw it.. Im gonna post!!!
As ya'll know, I was quit the fucked up teenager! Sex, Drugs & Rock n Roll..
it's what I did.. it's how I lived my life.. it's who I was.
When I was 15, I was dating a guy named Scott... well actually..at the time I was dating a few guys.. there was Scott, and then there was another Scott.. and there was Rick.
yes.. I was a slut.. I slept w/them all...We would drink... we would fuck.. we would pass out. ( I didnt do them all at the same time, Im not that much of a slut)
Then... I got pregnant...I had no idea who the father was, and I told each of them that I was, and that there were 2 other guys in the running for Daddy hood... .. Scott the 1st... wanted it to be his so badly!!! He had our lives planned out,
Scott the 2nd... freaked out, and ran away...
and Rick, did a little of both... he freaked out, how was he going to raise a child, he was living in a boys home, and had no home of his own. But, after the first few weeks of shock, he came around and decided it would be "cool" to have a kid. HA!!!
I was 15 for gawds sake, what in the hell did I know about being a Mother?
I was living on the streets, I was strung out, I had no job, I had no home I had nothing!!!
I like to believe that God intervened. Because, I was about 9 weeks along.. when I started cramping & bleeding. I called my Father, whom I hadnt seen or spoken to in weeks.. maybe months.. explained to him what was going on (he knew I was pregnant because my Dr had called him and told him even tho she wasnt suppose to, but she did, because even tho I was a lost fucked up teen, my Dad still loved me and would check up on me the best way he knew how)
My Dad called the paramedics and met me at the hospital.
I miscarried... and found out along the way that I had other dark, nasty issues that Im so embarrassed about that I cant even write about them. Needless to say, I was in the hospital for 4 days. Then was informed that there was such severe damage to my uterus & fellopian tubes that it was extremely unlikely that I would ever have children.
At 15, being told your never going to have children, really isnt all that earth shattering.
During those 9 weeks, I had started to get used to the idea of having a small wee one to care for.
I was starting to love what was not ment to be.
I wont say I was devestated.. I will say I was saddened.
But, in the long run, I look back and think to myself that God did intervene (or whatever higher power that exists) understood that I wasnt ready, my body wasnt ready, my mind wasnt ready.
I was in NO shape to care for another life. I couldnt even take care of myself, how was I suppose to care for another life?
Scott the 1st.. was so disappointed about the miscarriage, he tried to talk me into trying it again and having a child...
Rick.... oh my Rick... that's a whole different post.. in fact.. that will be Friday's post :)
I went home for a breif period of time after my hospital stay.. But I shortly returned to my wayward life.
I thank those higher powers that be, that I did finally get pregnant and carry to full term twice. Luckily it came later in life, I dont believe anyone is truly ready to bring a life into the world. No matter how ready you truly are, you are not prepared for anything.
My first child's birth was a nightmare.. for me, I know there are those out there that sadly had much worse births. Anytime a parent has to watch & wonder if their baby is going to live thru the night is a nightmare. My son was in the NICU unit until he was just pass 3 weeks old. But, Im happy to report he's 13 now, alive and kicking, and getting older and draggin me w/him!!!
My second pregnancy... she was happy and healthy..even tho the little bugger tried to come out at 28 weeks!!! So bed rest for me.. but.. she's 10 now.. who thinks shes 25 and knows EVERYTHING!!!!
Anyhow...
I thank those higher powers that be, for not allowing me to carry to term when I was 15. Someone or something was looking down on me and realized that that baby wasnt ment for me.. maybe the forces took that babies soul and put it into another mother who was ready to care & love a child. ( I know kind of a weird thought process)
So.. anyhow.. yeah.. that's all I got.. I thought about it over the weekend.. and realized that It would of been the end of Feb that that child would of been born.
Ok.. that's it..
Peace
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Dog Days
Sorry, it's been awhile since I last posted..
nothing has been happening.. sad really...
but that's the truth.. I have no life..
I have a dog.. actually there are 6 total dogs..
Breed & show & raise English Mastiff's
but.. there's a 6th one.. a little black mut that my daugther rescued from an old neighbor because he was abusing it..
This little black flea (as she jumps so high up) that has captured my heart.. even tho she makes me sooooo mad!!!
A little back ground..
My daugher.. bless her wee little heart.. saw this little black puppy running up and down our street.. new it was the asshat neighbors (thanks Ozfeeme love that word) so she went to tell the neighbor his beloved puppy was out running the streets.. and he promptly told my daughter, who was 9 at the time, that he hoped the "Damn dog would get hit by a car"
NIIIIIICE!! ASSHAT!!!
Now.. mind you.. she is my daughter, and since Mommy dearest speaks her mind w/out a care in the world.. so does the daughter.. who prompltly told neighbor, he was a big mean jerk, and she was taking the puppy home to love and care for it, and she hope he got hit by a car instead!!!
In comes my wee little love, w/a wiggly puppy.. Promptly informs me that the neighbor is a big mean jerk.. and says " Mom.. we CANT give the dog back.. he will kill it!!!"
Oh lordy!! so.. enters this weeee little black dog into our big dog world!
Well... moving forward, after words w/the neighbor (thank gawd we were in the process of moving) and $300 worth of Vet bills cuz this wee little puppy whom I thought was maybe 2 months old..turned out to be almost 7 months old, had not been the vet and therefore needed shots, and worming, and fixed and and and.. that asshat said I owed him $90 cuz that's what he paid for. So I promptly handed him the Vet bill and told him that as soon as he paid me the amount of the Vet bill he could have the dog back (no... I would not of given the dog back)
He said we were even.. Your damn right Spidey!!! Were even.. Asshat!!!!
Moving forward... this dog.. is a flea.. did I mention that.. she jumps over the back of the couch, she jumps over the backs of the big dogs, she chases the big dogs, she jumps up the side of the sliding glass door.. and touches the top.. she's a damn flea!!! And she has found a permanent spot in my cold ass heart!!! Damn Flea Dog!!!
I bought new shoes.. they were the cutest pair of black pumps.. I hadnt gotten to wear them..
I left them on the floor in the bedroom.. I put the little black flea in there. cuz she cant be out when the big dogs are eating.. cuz well.. that's just bad!!!
I left them on the floor in the bedroom.. I put the little black flea in there. cuz she cant be out when the big dogs are eating.. cuz well.. that's just bad!!!
I guess she was hungry.. SHE ATE MY BRAND NEW BLACK PUMPS!!!!
I guess she was hungry?
But.. her food was w/her.. my new black pumps must of looked more appetizing!
Damn Flea Dog!!!
She wouldnt sit still long enough for me to get her pic..But.. here ya go.. my daughter and here were playing in the motor home.. why I dont know.. they love to play in there..
Weird kid.. and Damn Little Flea Dog!!
We named her.. Mercy May May..
dont ask me why!!!!
Friday, February 16, 2007
Oh Memories!!!
I have so many memories running through my head this morning, getting preparation of today's post. As I stood in the shower this morning thinking about days gone by, I made the decision (in a lack of caffeine induced state) to start at the beginning. Well.. today anyway, I reserve the right to change my mind. Cuz, well I can!!!!
So.. sit down, and grab a cup of coffee/tea/vodka.. whatever your little heart desires, and lets take a stroll down my memory lane.
1982 - I was 10, and thought my life was pretty secure and set in it's ways. My Mother was a god fearing, church going fanatic. I'm not talking your basic run of the mill church, I'm talking, no birthdays, no Christmas, no Easter, no Holidays. No NOTHING. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Complete with door shacking, week long gatherings, "meetings" 3x a week. I was only allowed to consort w/other JW children. I wasn't allowed to watch the smurfs, as mom said they were little blue devils (???????) I wasn't allowed to say the pledge of allegiance in school, I wasn't allowed to participate in any of the reindeer games... sorry.. had a Rudolph moment :) seriously tho, if we had a Valentines party at school, I had to go sit in the office, or Easter party, Christmas party.. whatever.. I was the only JW in the school.. which in turn, made me the FREAK!!!
My father was not a JW... he was as rough as they came, from my little girl eyes. A biker, who had some seedy friends. How my mother and him ever made it 22 yrs in marriage I will never understand, they were as opposite as night & day. I vaguely remember my dad in those early years. I knew that there was a man living in our house, who didn't have much to do with us kids, because my mom had us so brain washed. Whenever he would attempt to intervene, dear ol' Mom would step in and take charge. My brothers state that they remember alot more of dad than I do. Maybe it was because he was closer to the boys because Mom didn't become a JW until right after I was born, so my two older brothers had a relationship w/dad prior to the JW world kicking in. That, and the fact I was a girl, he had NO clue what to do with a little girl.
Dad lost his job due to down sizing w/in his company, so he took a new job, and our family decided to make a move to Aztec, New Mexico. Now, let me set a picture for you. I moved from a small city with local bus routes, walking to school, movie theaters, the hustle and bustle of city life. To a one horse town, 30 miles from the nearest mall (not that I did the mall scene often I was only 10) We moved to a house in the middle of absolutely no where, off of Old Route 99, it was a 45 min yellow limo ride to school. The sign into town said something like "Welcome to Aztec, population 600 and 6 grumpy old men" I met one of those grumpy old men, he made me cry when I was 11 from door shaking.. yeah.. what a culture shock.
My parent's marriage slowly deteriorated once we moved to Aztec, my parents arguments started getting worse and worse, and my father started drinking more and more and more, and staying out later and later and later. Mom started relying on her faith more and more and more, my brothers started becoming more resistant on going to "meetings", and if my memory serves me right, dad finally stepped in and said enough was enough, mom could take me, but the boys were allowed to live there own life's!
My oldest brother got married at 18, had his first kid at 19, second at 21.. and that's a whole different story. My other brother.. I'm not really sure what he did during those 3 yrs of living in Aztec, he was my nemesis.. and he and I didn't have alot to do w/each other.
Jump forward to when I turned 12, Dad decided he was going to have something to do with me, and since dad was an avid hunter, he decided that it was time for me to learn the rules of gun safety and to kill my first deer. I was so excited!!! I was finally going to spend time with my father, who by this time was a shadow in my life. I went thru gun safety class, passed it w/flying colors ( I could out shoot any of the guys in the class) and my first hunting trip w/my dad and my brothers and 2 other friends of my father came all to quickly... my life changed forever on that trip.
We setup camp, we ate, dad started drinking, the guys all decided to play a card game called bullshit. I got to play too.. but the one rule, was.. I actually had to say bull shit!!! me.. the good little JW girl, got to swear.. I remember I was so embarrassed. I thought that the heavens above would open up and a lightening bolt would come down and kill me on the spot. But it never happened. Towards the end of the game, I was yelling bullshit.. BULLSHIT!!!! and I think I even copped a little buzz... because I kept taking swigs off my dad's beer when he wasn't looking. AAAHHHH... my wayward days started early!!!
The next morning, we got up early and went tracking. Didn't see much, but that fateful day will be etched in my memory banks forever. The boys went in one direction, dad's friends in the other, and my father and I, were alone... Together.. just he and I. Finally, after 12 yrs on this earth, it was just me and my Daddy. What else could a girl ask for, but time with her Dad.
We tracked, we walked, we waited. We saw deer, moose, birds.. but nothing worthy of me showing to my dad that I could shoot Bambie.
What I remember most tho... is walking down that old logging road, with a 30/30 slung over my shoulder. The sun just rising over the valley, birds waking up, the grass still dewy from the fog. My father looking at me, and saying. "Barney.. your mother and I have decided we are going to separate. We no longer love each other and our lives are going in different directions, I'm moving back to Washington w/your brother B and you and your mom will follow later. But, her and I will be getting a divorce, I felt it was my responsibility to tell you"
I stopped in the middle of that road, and just stood there staring at my father.. seeing the sun rise behind him. Me, 12 yrs old, in my flannel shirt, hiking boots, a 30/30 slung over my shoulder. Thinking to myself............................................................................................................
It's about damn time!!!!
He asked what I thought, if I had any questions..
I looked at my father and told him... Good.. you two are not meant for each other.
Little did I realize that day sealed my fate. It opened up a whole new world for me. As the coming years would bring new friends, bad friends, new & bad experiences into my life.
Little did I realize it was an awakening for me. For me to spread my wings, step out from underneath my Mother's faith and to learn who I truly was.
Little did I realize, that fateful day would turn me into a drug addict!
So.. sit down, and grab a cup of coffee/tea/vodka.. whatever your little heart desires, and lets take a stroll down my memory lane.
1982 - I was 10, and thought my life was pretty secure and set in it's ways. My Mother was a god fearing, church going fanatic. I'm not talking your basic run of the mill church, I'm talking, no birthdays, no Christmas, no Easter, no Holidays. No NOTHING. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Complete with door shacking, week long gatherings, "meetings" 3x a week. I was only allowed to consort w/other JW children. I wasn't allowed to watch the smurfs, as mom said they were little blue devils (???????) I wasn't allowed to say the pledge of allegiance in school, I wasn't allowed to participate in any of the reindeer games... sorry.. had a Rudolph moment :) seriously tho, if we had a Valentines party at school, I had to go sit in the office, or Easter party, Christmas party.. whatever.. I was the only JW in the school.. which in turn, made me the FREAK!!!
My father was not a JW... he was as rough as they came, from my little girl eyes. A biker, who had some seedy friends. How my mother and him ever made it 22 yrs in marriage I will never understand, they were as opposite as night & day. I vaguely remember my dad in those early years. I knew that there was a man living in our house, who didn't have much to do with us kids, because my mom had us so brain washed. Whenever he would attempt to intervene, dear ol' Mom would step in and take charge. My brothers state that they remember alot more of dad than I do. Maybe it was because he was closer to the boys because Mom didn't become a JW until right after I was born, so my two older brothers had a relationship w/dad prior to the JW world kicking in. That, and the fact I was a girl, he had NO clue what to do with a little girl.
Dad lost his job due to down sizing w/in his company, so he took a new job, and our family decided to make a move to Aztec, New Mexico. Now, let me set a picture for you. I moved from a small city with local bus routes, walking to school, movie theaters, the hustle and bustle of city life. To a one horse town, 30 miles from the nearest mall (not that I did the mall scene often I was only 10) We moved to a house in the middle of absolutely no where, off of Old Route 99, it was a 45 min yellow limo ride to school. The sign into town said something like "Welcome to Aztec, population 600 and 6 grumpy old men" I met one of those grumpy old men, he made me cry when I was 11 from door shaking.. yeah.. what a culture shock.
My parent's marriage slowly deteriorated once we moved to Aztec, my parents arguments started getting worse and worse, and my father started drinking more and more and more, and staying out later and later and later. Mom started relying on her faith more and more and more, my brothers started becoming more resistant on going to "meetings", and if my memory serves me right, dad finally stepped in and said enough was enough, mom could take me, but the boys were allowed to live there own life's!
My oldest brother got married at 18, had his first kid at 19, second at 21.. and that's a whole different story. My other brother.. I'm not really sure what he did during those 3 yrs of living in Aztec, he was my nemesis.. and he and I didn't have alot to do w/each other.
Jump forward to when I turned 12, Dad decided he was going to have something to do with me, and since dad was an avid hunter, he decided that it was time for me to learn the rules of gun safety and to kill my first deer. I was so excited!!! I was finally going to spend time with my father, who by this time was a shadow in my life. I went thru gun safety class, passed it w/flying colors ( I could out shoot any of the guys in the class) and my first hunting trip w/my dad and my brothers and 2 other friends of my father came all to quickly... my life changed forever on that trip.
We setup camp, we ate, dad started drinking, the guys all decided to play a card game called bullshit. I got to play too.. but the one rule, was.. I actually had to say bull shit!!! me.. the good little JW girl, got to swear.. I remember I was so embarrassed. I thought that the heavens above would open up and a lightening bolt would come down and kill me on the spot. But it never happened. Towards the end of the game, I was yelling bullshit.. BULLSHIT!!!! and I think I even copped a little buzz... because I kept taking swigs off my dad's beer when he wasn't looking. AAAHHHH... my wayward days started early!!!
The next morning, we got up early and went tracking. Didn't see much, but that fateful day will be etched in my memory banks forever. The boys went in one direction, dad's friends in the other, and my father and I, were alone... Together.. just he and I. Finally, after 12 yrs on this earth, it was just me and my Daddy. What else could a girl ask for, but time with her Dad.
We tracked, we walked, we waited. We saw deer, moose, birds.. but nothing worthy of me showing to my dad that I could shoot Bambie.
What I remember most tho... is walking down that old logging road, with a 30/30 slung over my shoulder. The sun just rising over the valley, birds waking up, the grass still dewy from the fog. My father looking at me, and saying. "Barney.. your mother and I have decided we are going to separate. We no longer love each other and our lives are going in different directions, I'm moving back to Washington w/your brother B and you and your mom will follow later. But, her and I will be getting a divorce, I felt it was my responsibility to tell you"
I stopped in the middle of that road, and just stood there staring at my father.. seeing the sun rise behind him. Me, 12 yrs old, in my flannel shirt, hiking boots, a 30/30 slung over my shoulder. Thinking to myself............................................................................................................
It's about damn time!!!!
He asked what I thought, if I had any questions..
I looked at my father and told him... Good.. you two are not meant for each other.
Little did I realize that day sealed my fate. It opened up a whole new world for me. As the coming years would bring new friends, bad friends, new & bad experiences into my life.
Little did I realize it was an awakening for me. For me to spread my wings, step out from underneath my Mother's faith and to learn who I truly was.
Little did I realize, that fateful day would turn me into a drug addict!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Friday Memories
Ive decided that every Friday I will re-live an old memory from my past.
Some may be entertaining, embarrassing.. or having you think..WTF????
So.. Here we go...
Many Many years ago.. I was a really wayward teen. I didn't know my ass from a whole in the ground.. and gawd forbid if any authority figure attempted to tell me what to do, how to do it, or where to do it.
When I was 16, I made a decision to drop out of school, and hit the streets, mind you, I had been on & off the streets since I was 13, but when I was 16, I decided I was done w/parental guidelines.
So.. bye bye to comfort, hello to sleeping in cars, missing meals, no showers, and dirty clothes. Why? All for a man. I say man, because he was 23... so..not mature himself, yet, 7 years older than I. Jim... he was my all back then, he gave me comfort when I felt I wasn't getting it from home, along w/a lifestyle that I thought I wanted to be a part of.
Jim was my everything back in those days... what ever he said to do.. is what I did. So... one sunny summery day, he and I.. S & J.. decided.. to head to Eastern WA... and live like nomads, and just be.. we had an old beater car (how that P.O.S. made it over the pass..I have no clue)
So..off we went, landed in Richland, and decided to live outta the car on the Columbia River.
Oh.. it was gorgeous, warm weather, freedom.. oh the smell of freedom!!
Little did I realize, what was to come next... ownership... oh.. the acid smell of ownership. Jim decided, he owned me.. he decided that I was his.. he was my master. I was to do what he said, when he said, how many times he said to do..whatever it was he wanted me to do.
He never laid a hand on me, he never said a cross word to me, at least, not in the beginning, he always told me I was his everything, I was his all. He would tell me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was. However, if I was to talk to another male, things would turn ugly. What little personal possesions I had with me, would be ripped apart and destroyed. How those times broke my heart, and tear me apart. I never realized what he was doing to me, emotional abuse is the rawest. Little did I realize, he was ripping me apart from my past, so that I would forget my family that I walked away from. So that he would become my world. Little by little.. he did become my world..
Dont get me wrong, I had some great times on those river banks...S & I would drink, and dance, drink and dance. We promised each other we would always be there for each other, no matter what would happen, our friendship would last the test of time... thank the lucky stars above, our friendship has lasted, and to this day (20+yrs later we are still very close)
We met many a cool people that summer, S & I gave each other homemade tattoo's w/needles, thread, and indian ink.. we smoked to much weed.. and drank to much Nighttrain. We laughed under the pale moon light. Crazy things, we should of been children of the 60's..but... we were children of the late 80's! Jamming out to Def Leppard, Poison, Skid Row, Metallica, and whatever else our portable stereo would play for us.
Finally, I think reality started to set in w/all of us. Jim started getting mean, cross words were starting to be said. The occasional slap, to keep me in line, to show me he cared was his reasoning, and that I needed to pay attention. Then, the night came.. when finally I decided it was time to go home
But.. I never made it home, I ended up.... in Los Angeles California...
To this day, Im unsure of what he gave me to keep me asleep all that time, I remember bit's & pieces of the road trip..but not much, he wanted me to myself.. w/no one else around.
So.. he stole a car, put me into it, w/the help of another guy he met along the way. And off we went.. into the wild blue wonder.
Los Angeles... WOW!!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room.. where he got money for that.. no idea..
I had an Aunt & Uncle who lived in LA.. I called.. they picked me up.. Thank you..
they saved me.. for a brief period of time.. they saved me.
I bounced around Cali.. LA... to Torrence.. to San Fran.. Hayward.. Castro Valley..
finally home.. back to WA.. where my friends and family were..
Back to those, that loved me.. back into the arms of love.
I found salvation, in Community Youth Service (another post.. )
then.. 6 months after being home, and finding myself..
I look up from my table, and who do I see?
Jim..
he's back.. I was told later, I went white, I stopped breathing, started shaking
and then passed out.. right in the middle of the yogurt shop. Cold as could be..
Gone!!! took them forever to revive me Im told.
I steared clear of Jim as much as possible, but word was out, he was looking for me.
Word was out he was a man on a mission, and that he was telling everyone he would find me
and I would be his again. That things were different, his family straightened him out (as they lived in San Diego) and that he was a new man, a better man.. and he wanted to prove it.
Seriously, at 16.. what do you believe? Who do you believe? What do you choose? Who do you choose?
I made a choice, right or wrong.. I made a choice.. finally I agreed to see him, and listen to what he had to say. The man I fell in love with once upon a time, stood in front of me, his crop of curly brown hair, his piercing blue eyes, looking at me once again.. like I was his world.. his all.. his everything... and I fell in love all over again!!!
I was off the drugs, he was off the drugs.. ahhh... but.. we still drank(some habits are hard to break..LOL).. but.. it was so much different this time.. we were fun again.. no bad words, no hits, no nothing..
everything was good.. we dated for 2 more yrs (so much happened in those 2 yrs).. then when I turned 19.. I decided.. it was time to get a life.. a home.. and he decided... he wanted to go back to drinking & druggin..
And I moved on.. turned my life around.. got off the drugs completly.. and cleaned myself up.
Ran into Jim from time to time, and everytime I did, it would break my heart a little bit each time. To see how he was deteriorating. But to see that face, his eyes, his hair, and that smile, always warmed a small piece of my heart.
He finally did one to many drugs, and OD' in 2000. When he passed, a piece of me passed with him. Because regardless for all that he and I went thru, he had a huge part to do with a piece of my life. A piece of my history that I would never change. We had our bumpy road, we fixed it, and things were so much better. I will always miss my friend.
Every Friday I will post some memory.. there is so much more to tell of Jim..
so many good times that he and I shared..
so many other times that I had w/others..
some of those days are still very blury for me, as I blocked out alot and face it
I was strung out on multiple forms of whatever to pass the time that it's really fuzzy..
Please dont judge, unless youve walked a mile in my shoes
Peace
Some may be entertaining, embarrassing.. or having you think..WTF????
So.. Here we go...
Many Many years ago.. I was a really wayward teen. I didn't know my ass from a whole in the ground.. and gawd forbid if any authority figure attempted to tell me what to do, how to do it, or where to do it.
When I was 16, I made a decision to drop out of school, and hit the streets, mind you, I had been on & off the streets since I was 13, but when I was 16, I decided I was done w/parental guidelines.
So.. bye bye to comfort, hello to sleeping in cars, missing meals, no showers, and dirty clothes. Why? All for a man. I say man, because he was 23... so..not mature himself, yet, 7 years older than I. Jim... he was my all back then, he gave me comfort when I felt I wasn't getting it from home, along w/a lifestyle that I thought I wanted to be a part of.
Jim was my everything back in those days... what ever he said to do.. is what I did. So... one sunny summery day, he and I.. S & J.. decided.. to head to Eastern WA... and live like nomads, and just be.. we had an old beater car (how that P.O.S. made it over the pass..I have no clue)
So..off we went, landed in Richland, and decided to live outta the car on the Columbia River.
Oh.. it was gorgeous, warm weather, freedom.. oh the smell of freedom!!
Little did I realize, what was to come next... ownership... oh.. the acid smell of ownership. Jim decided, he owned me.. he decided that I was his.. he was my master. I was to do what he said, when he said, how many times he said to do..whatever it was he wanted me to do.
He never laid a hand on me, he never said a cross word to me, at least, not in the beginning, he always told me I was his everything, I was his all. He would tell me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was. However, if I was to talk to another male, things would turn ugly. What little personal possesions I had with me, would be ripped apart and destroyed. How those times broke my heart, and tear me apart. I never realized what he was doing to me, emotional abuse is the rawest. Little did I realize, he was ripping me apart from my past, so that I would forget my family that I walked away from. So that he would become my world. Little by little.. he did become my world..
Dont get me wrong, I had some great times on those river banks...S & I would drink, and dance, drink and dance. We promised each other we would always be there for each other, no matter what would happen, our friendship would last the test of time... thank the lucky stars above, our friendship has lasted, and to this day (20+yrs later we are still very close)
We met many a cool people that summer, S & I gave each other homemade tattoo's w/needles, thread, and indian ink.. we smoked to much weed.. and drank to much Nighttrain. We laughed under the pale moon light. Crazy things, we should of been children of the 60's..but... we were children of the late 80's! Jamming out to Def Leppard, Poison, Skid Row, Metallica, and whatever else our portable stereo would play for us.
Finally, I think reality started to set in w/all of us. Jim started getting mean, cross words were starting to be said. The occasional slap, to keep me in line, to show me he cared was his reasoning, and that I needed to pay attention. Then, the night came.. when finally I decided it was time to go home
But.. I never made it home, I ended up.... in Los Angeles California...
To this day, Im unsure of what he gave me to keep me asleep all that time, I remember bit's & pieces of the road trip..but not much, he wanted me to myself.. w/no one else around.
So.. he stole a car, put me into it, w/the help of another guy he met along the way. And off we went.. into the wild blue wonder.
Los Angeles... WOW!!!!
He left me alone in a hotel room.. where he got money for that.. no idea..
I had an Aunt & Uncle who lived in LA.. I called.. they picked me up.. Thank you..
they saved me.. for a brief period of time.. they saved me.
I bounced around Cali.. LA... to Torrence.. to San Fran.. Hayward.. Castro Valley..
finally home.. back to WA.. where my friends and family were..
Back to those, that loved me.. back into the arms of love.
I found salvation, in Community Youth Service (another post.. )
then.. 6 months after being home, and finding myself..
I look up from my table, and who do I see?
Jim..
he's back.. I was told later, I went white, I stopped breathing, started shaking
and then passed out.. right in the middle of the yogurt shop. Cold as could be..
Gone!!! took them forever to revive me Im told.
I steared clear of Jim as much as possible, but word was out, he was looking for me.
Word was out he was a man on a mission, and that he was telling everyone he would find me
and I would be his again. That things were different, his family straightened him out (as they lived in San Diego) and that he was a new man, a better man.. and he wanted to prove it.
Seriously, at 16.. what do you believe? Who do you believe? What do you choose? Who do you choose?
I made a choice, right or wrong.. I made a choice.. finally I agreed to see him, and listen to what he had to say. The man I fell in love with once upon a time, stood in front of me, his crop of curly brown hair, his piercing blue eyes, looking at me once again.. like I was his world.. his all.. his everything... and I fell in love all over again!!!
I was off the drugs, he was off the drugs.. ahhh... but.. we still drank(some habits are hard to break..LOL).. but.. it was so much different this time.. we were fun again.. no bad words, no hits, no nothing..
everything was good.. we dated for 2 more yrs (so much happened in those 2 yrs).. then when I turned 19.. I decided.. it was time to get a life.. a home.. and he decided... he wanted to go back to drinking & druggin..
And I moved on.. turned my life around.. got off the drugs completly.. and cleaned myself up.
Ran into Jim from time to time, and everytime I did, it would break my heart a little bit each time. To see how he was deteriorating. But to see that face, his eyes, his hair, and that smile, always warmed a small piece of my heart.
He finally did one to many drugs, and OD' in 2000. When he passed, a piece of me passed with him. Because regardless for all that he and I went thru, he had a huge part to do with a piece of my life. A piece of my history that I would never change. We had our bumpy road, we fixed it, and things were so much better. I will always miss my friend.
Every Friday I will post some memory.. there is so much more to tell of Jim..
so many good times that he and I shared..
so many other times that I had w/others..
some of those days are still very blury for me, as I blocked out alot and face it
I was strung out on multiple forms of whatever to pass the time that it's really fuzzy..
Please dont judge, unless youve walked a mile in my shoes
Peace
Thursday, February 08, 2007
So it's been written....
So.. it's been written
in the chronicles of Barney that some things should be real....
The feel of hands on my body
The feel of silk against my skin
The feel of something real
The feel of a cool breeze against my flushed skin
The feel of my lovers lips across my breast
The feel of something real
To feel whole again
To feel a part of something again
To feel something real
To feel the newness
To feel the wholeness
To feel something real
So it's been written in the chronicles
but.. do the chronicles ever come to be real?
in the chronicles of Barney that some things should be real....
The feel of hands on my body
The feel of silk against my skin
The feel of something real
The feel of a cool breeze against my flushed skin
The feel of my lovers lips across my breast
The feel of something real
To feel whole again
To feel a part of something again
To feel something real
To feel the newness
To feel the wholeness
To feel something real
So it's been written in the chronicles
but.. do the chronicles ever come to be real?
Friday, February 02, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Trouble at 9!
Article from local paper:
TACOMA -- A court hearing is scheduled next month to determine whether a 9-year-old boy who ran away from home and talked his way onto two flights to Texas may be charged in a car theft and police chase.
Semaj Booker, whose determined effort to get to his grandfather in Dallas made national headlines earlier this month, appeared briefly Monday before Superior Court Judge John A. McCarthy, who ruled there was probable cause for a hearing in the car theft case.
The boy is accused of stealing a neighbor's car on Jan. 14 in Lakewood, a suburb south of the city, and leading police on a chase at speeds up to 80 mph on State Route 512 before the engine blew.
Unable to find a juvenile detention center to accept the boy because of his youth, police returned him to his mother, who reported him missing the next morning.
He was detained that night, Jan. 15, in San Antonio, where he managed to fly from Seattle with a plane change in Phoenix after giving Southwest Airlines agents a false name and claiming to be 12 years old.
The court case concerns charges of second-degree car theft and attempting to elude a pursuing police vehicle, both felonies, and driving without a valid driver's license.
Under state law, a child 8 to 11 years old is presumed to be incapable of committing a crime unless prosecutors prove he understood what he did and knew it was wrong. McCarthy scheduled a ''capacity hearing'' to answer those questions for Feb. 12.
The boy remained in the custody of his mother, Sakinah Booker, but the judge ordered that he remain under constant adult supervision, be kept home except for attending school and not drive any motor vehicles.
April Kettner, whose car was stolen, attended the hearing and said afterward that the vehicle remained inoperable and impounded.
''I would just like to see them held accountable for what he's done,'' Kettner said
So.. this is open for discussion..
Im mixed on this.. I think a few things need to happen here
First and for most, this child needs to understand that for every action there is an effect.
That when you do a crime, of any form regardless of the severity, there are consequences.
However, at the age of 9, does this child understand any of this?
I realize alot is dependant upon the childs understanding, meaning does he have the intelligance to understand right from wrong.
At the age of 9, one would hope that he has the basic fundementals to understand right from wrong, but what about his home life?
Is it stable?
Loving/caring enviroment?
understanding?
Taught the basic priniples of life?
Do not steal! ( this is already proven to be null)
Do not lie (again.. proven to be null as the boy lied multiple times at the airport)
Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Be respectful of yourself and others, to both your person and to others belongings (do I need to say it?)
So forth and so on..
In another of news reports, the mother stated how proud she was of her son. Proud? Proud of the ingenuity her son showed.. ok... I can sort of grasp that..but not really.. how embarrassing as a mother to have a child who has no care for others around him.. to show to the world that your parenting skills are so lacking that your 9 yr old steals/lies & cheats.
What type of child will he grow up to be?
Or.. do you feel that this child is crying out for help?
After all... other reports state, all he wanted to do was get to his Grandfather who lives in Texas.
So.. open up for forum..
what are your thoughts on this matter?
TACOMA -- A court hearing is scheduled next month to determine whether a 9-year-old boy who ran away from home and talked his way onto two flights to Texas may be charged in a car theft and police chase.
Semaj Booker, whose determined effort to get to his grandfather in Dallas made national headlines earlier this month, appeared briefly Monday before Superior Court Judge John A. McCarthy, who ruled there was probable cause for a hearing in the car theft case.
The boy is accused of stealing a neighbor's car on Jan. 14 in Lakewood, a suburb south of the city, and leading police on a chase at speeds up to 80 mph on State Route 512 before the engine blew.
Unable to find a juvenile detention center to accept the boy because of his youth, police returned him to his mother, who reported him missing the next morning.
He was detained that night, Jan. 15, in San Antonio, where he managed to fly from Seattle with a plane change in Phoenix after giving Southwest Airlines agents a false name and claiming to be 12 years old.
The court case concerns charges of second-degree car theft and attempting to elude a pursuing police vehicle, both felonies, and driving without a valid driver's license.
Under state law, a child 8 to 11 years old is presumed to be incapable of committing a crime unless prosecutors prove he understood what he did and knew it was wrong. McCarthy scheduled a ''capacity hearing'' to answer those questions for Feb. 12.
The boy remained in the custody of his mother, Sakinah Booker, but the judge ordered that he remain under constant adult supervision, be kept home except for attending school and not drive any motor vehicles.
April Kettner, whose car was stolen, attended the hearing and said afterward that the vehicle remained inoperable and impounded.
''I would just like to see them held accountable for what he's done,'' Kettner said
So.. this is open for discussion..
Im mixed on this.. I think a few things need to happen here
First and for most, this child needs to understand that for every action there is an effect.
That when you do a crime, of any form regardless of the severity, there are consequences.
However, at the age of 9, does this child understand any of this?
I realize alot is dependant upon the childs understanding, meaning does he have the intelligance to understand right from wrong.
At the age of 9, one would hope that he has the basic fundementals to understand right from wrong, but what about his home life?
Is it stable?
Loving/caring enviroment?
understanding?
Taught the basic priniples of life?
Do not steal! ( this is already proven to be null)
Do not lie (again.. proven to be null as the boy lied multiple times at the airport)
Treat others as you wish to be treated.
Be respectful of yourself and others, to both your person and to others belongings (do I need to say it?)
So forth and so on..
In another of news reports, the mother stated how proud she was of her son. Proud? Proud of the ingenuity her son showed.. ok... I can sort of grasp that..but not really.. how embarrassing as a mother to have a child who has no care for others around him.. to show to the world that your parenting skills are so lacking that your 9 yr old steals/lies & cheats.
What type of child will he grow up to be?
Or.. do you feel that this child is crying out for help?
After all... other reports state, all he wanted to do was get to his Grandfather who lives in Texas.
So.. open up for forum..
what are your thoughts on this matter?
Monday, January 29, 2007
Monday... things
I really dont have much of anything to post.. so I will post random items
1) Company holiday party Saturday night.. way after the holidays..
which I guess is ok... so anyhow... it was in T-Town at the Glass musuem, which was nice looking at all the blown glass sculptures. To recap the evening really quick..
a) I had to dress up.. skirt, heels, makeup, hair, nylons
normally this wouldnt be a bad thing.. but I dont dress up for work.. and I guess I had forgotten how much effing trouble it is to attempt to get all "gussied" up... and my feet still hurt :(
b) Suppose to be there by 7, didnt get there until 7:30, which not to bad, still got a nice table.. but not w/those I really wished to sit with..but they were still sociable people.
c) The food sucked!!!! But.. there was an open bar
d) I drank them out of rum.. and I didnt get drunk.. cuz there wasnt that much rum
e) My picture was taken.. holy shit Im fat!!!
f) My feet hurt
g) I never did get drunk
h) we left early, as my friends husband was bored.. and didnt want to be there any longer, and since I road w/them.. I kind of had to go...
which in itself was kind of a bummer, cuz the band was just starting and I wanted to kind of stay and socialize.. but.. I guess it's a good thing we left.. because we got back to her house........and well..........................................................................................
dinner didnt stay in my tummy!!! :(
2) Havnt heard from not so smart daddy.. which is fine.. whatever.. either he doesnt remember how to turn on his computer and check his email.. or.. he didnt understand what I wrote.
3) Im going to kill the dogs!!!! We have English Mastiff's the really huge drooling, giant, road block of a dog.. (we raise, show & breed) one of the bitches is in heat.. and the male is going INSANE!!!! picture 210 lbs of dog attempting to smash thru the door!! oh yeah.. it's been fun, I cant wait until that kennel is built.. finally got the funding.. yeah!!!!
4) I was just informed my tire is flat on my car :( yeah.. fun.. niiiiice
5) My coffee taste's funny...
6) Im hungry.. but.. the pics from the party, made me realize.. Im not so pretty anymore, Im starting to look like the good year blimp, think Jenny Craig would pay me to loose weight like they did for Kristie Alley? 2 things would be accomplished, I would loose weight and get money, 2 things I want and need badly!!
7) My son is 13, and is hormonal and if he doesnt straighten up Im gonna either end up in Western State or prison..
8) I found some old friends I went to high school with on myspace... it was fun to re-connect and chat and see how they are doing.
9) I think my fish is dying.. I have a betta on my desk at work, he's 4yrs I think, which is old for a betta.. his name is Bitchy Big Hair.. but, I think he's gonna be heading down that swirling pool of water soon. That saddens me!
10) My hands are dry... my lips are chapped, and my nose is clogged..
Its' gonna be a great day.
Peace!!!
1) Company holiday party Saturday night.. way after the holidays..
which I guess is ok... so anyhow... it was in T-Town at the Glass musuem, which was nice looking at all the blown glass sculptures. To recap the evening really quick..
a) I had to dress up.. skirt, heels, makeup, hair, nylons
normally this wouldnt be a bad thing.. but I dont dress up for work.. and I guess I had forgotten how much effing trouble it is to attempt to get all "gussied" up... and my feet still hurt :(
b) Suppose to be there by 7, didnt get there until 7:30, which not to bad, still got a nice table.. but not w/those I really wished to sit with..but they were still sociable people.
c) The food sucked!!!! But.. there was an open bar
d) I drank them out of rum.. and I didnt get drunk.. cuz there wasnt that much rum
e) My picture was taken.. holy shit Im fat!!!
f) My feet hurt
g) I never did get drunk
h) we left early, as my friends husband was bored.. and didnt want to be there any longer, and since I road w/them.. I kind of had to go...
which in itself was kind of a bummer, cuz the band was just starting and I wanted to kind of stay and socialize.. but.. I guess it's a good thing we left.. because we got back to her house........and well..........................................................................................
dinner didnt stay in my tummy!!! :(
2) Havnt heard from not so smart daddy.. which is fine.. whatever.. either he doesnt remember how to turn on his computer and check his email.. or.. he didnt understand what I wrote.
3) Im going to kill the dogs!!!! We have English Mastiff's the really huge drooling, giant, road block of a dog.. (we raise, show & breed) one of the bitches is in heat.. and the male is going INSANE!!!! picture 210 lbs of dog attempting to smash thru the door!! oh yeah.. it's been fun, I cant wait until that kennel is built.. finally got the funding.. yeah!!!!
4) I was just informed my tire is flat on my car :( yeah.. fun.. niiiiice
5) My coffee taste's funny...
6) Im hungry.. but.. the pics from the party, made me realize.. Im not so pretty anymore, Im starting to look like the good year blimp, think Jenny Craig would pay me to loose weight like they did for Kristie Alley? 2 things would be accomplished, I would loose weight and get money, 2 things I want and need badly!!
7) My son is 13, and is hormonal and if he doesnt straighten up Im gonna either end up in Western State or prison..
8) I found some old friends I went to high school with on myspace... it was fun to re-connect and chat and see how they are doing.
9) I think my fish is dying.. I have a betta on my desk at work, he's 4yrs I think, which is old for a betta.. his name is Bitchy Big Hair.. but, I think he's gonna be heading down that swirling pool of water soon. That saddens me!
10) My hands are dry... my lips are chapped, and my nose is clogged..
Its' gonna be a great day.
Peace!!!
Monday, January 22, 2007
Dear Not so smart Daddy
Letter to my son's father.. concerning him thinking he's being so smart.. as to not give his son his birthday present, all because, his son decided to spend his birthday.. the way he wanted to..
Dear Dumbass:
I spoke with K-Man last night, he informed me of your decision of not giving him his birthday present , that he instead has to earn it back.
Showing a child his birthday present and then not allowing him to have it, just because you are upset at him, is pretty rough. With his foot surgery, K-Man has been through an awful lot lately and many of the things he likes to do have been "taken away" through no fault of his own.
He made a poor choice, to which he has apologized for, but you basically just taught him that you don't forgive. And that your love is something that is earned, not given freely.
He shouldn't have to earn your love or your forgiveness.
As you certainly can attest, being a parent is about the ups & downs of raising children. Sadly, he will disappoint you from time to time, either with bad grades, lack of judgment, immaturity, or speaking w/out thinking. This is all part of growing up and we will continue to work with those issues as they come up .
K-Mans view is that you don't trust him, nor forgive him for his mistakes.
If you expect K-Man to meet a certain level of expectations, you will have to assist in reaching the levels you are setting. A gift is just that.. a gift, and children are gifts, to be cherished..
On this line is the women in your life... I was trying to get K-Man to open up the evening the two of you showed up, however K-Man doesn't feel he can speak to either of you, because you hold things over his head, and because you don't forgive, and get upset with him when he doesn't attempt to explain how he feels.
However, The women in your lifes condecending tone can be upsetting to him as are the little guilt trips about not coming and visiting. She is always complaining to him about him not coming up, or not calling . But K-Man says that he has to stay in his room in the mornings until either of you are out of bed and that it is cold because the heat is never turned on .
The comment was made by the women in your life the evening you two showed up, " that the two of you refuse to entertain K-Man. " Granted, he can find things to do on his own, however he comes to visit YOU, to spend time w/YOU... things do need to be done w/him... talking to him, playing a game, watching a movie, he is 13, doesn't always make the correct choices, and still does need some supervision.
Last concern.. your Mother.... I realize your Mother is his Grandmother, however, if she does not cease on the religious talk and the "damning" aspects of life, she will push K-Man so far away, he wont ever want anything to do with her. As is now, he doesn't even like to spend long periods of time w/Your Mother due to her preaching at him. When I try to speak to her about this, I make no progress . So.. its up to you to handle that ... or.. she wont have a Grandson, not because of me, but because K-Man doesn't want to hear it.
She is not his mother, and therefore, it is NOT her responsibility to inject religion into his life.
I continuously tell K-Man to use his words w/all three of you, but he continuously explains to me, that he can't. He doesn't feel you listen to him, nor does he feel that you would even take anything he says into consideration. He has feelings, he has thoughts, he has opinions ----He is now a 13 year old boy.
Instead of making him feel guilty for not spending HIS birthday with you, feel appreciative over the fact you have a son, who does want to spend time with you and make the most of it .
I wrote this not to start an issue but simply because your son was hurt by the actions of the last weekend--it is important to me that we give K-Man the best life he can have and teach him the best values we can.
Its been a tough end of year with the foot surgery--I am trying to keep his spirits up the best I can, and hope you will assist with that....
Your Bitchy Ex (as Im sure that's exactly what he will take from it)
Dear Dumbass:
I spoke with K-Man last night, he informed me of your decision of not giving him his birthday present , that he instead has to earn it back.
Showing a child his birthday present and then not allowing him to have it, just because you are upset at him, is pretty rough. With his foot surgery, K-Man has been through an awful lot lately and many of the things he likes to do have been "taken away" through no fault of his own.
He made a poor choice, to which he has apologized for, but you basically just taught him that you don't forgive. And that your love is something that is earned, not given freely.
He shouldn't have to earn your love or your forgiveness.
As you certainly can attest, being a parent is about the ups & downs of raising children. Sadly, he will disappoint you from time to time, either with bad grades, lack of judgment, immaturity, or speaking w/out thinking. This is all part of growing up and we will continue to work with those issues as they come up .
K-Mans view is that you don't trust him, nor forgive him for his mistakes.
If you expect K-Man to meet a certain level of expectations, you will have to assist in reaching the levels you are setting. A gift is just that.. a gift, and children are gifts, to be cherished..
On this line is the women in your life... I was trying to get K-Man to open up the evening the two of you showed up, however K-Man doesn't feel he can speak to either of you, because you hold things over his head, and because you don't forgive, and get upset with him when he doesn't attempt to explain how he feels.
However, The women in your lifes condecending tone can be upsetting to him as are the little guilt trips about not coming and visiting. She is always complaining to him about him not coming up, or not calling . But K-Man says that he has to stay in his room in the mornings until either of you are out of bed and that it is cold because the heat is never turned on .
The comment was made by the women in your life the evening you two showed up, " that the two of you refuse to entertain K-Man. " Granted, he can find things to do on his own, however he comes to visit YOU, to spend time w/YOU... things do need to be done w/him... talking to him, playing a game, watching a movie, he is 13, doesn't always make the correct choices, and still does need some supervision.
Last concern.. your Mother.... I realize your Mother is his Grandmother, however, if she does not cease on the religious talk and the "damning" aspects of life, she will push K-Man so far away, he wont ever want anything to do with her. As is now, he doesn't even like to spend long periods of time w/Your Mother due to her preaching at him. When I try to speak to her about this, I make no progress . So.. its up to you to handle that ... or.. she wont have a Grandson, not because of me, but because K-Man doesn't want to hear it.
She is not his mother, and therefore, it is NOT her responsibility to inject religion into his life.
I continuously tell K-Man to use his words w/all three of you, but he continuously explains to me, that he can't. He doesn't feel you listen to him, nor does he feel that you would even take anything he says into consideration. He has feelings, he has thoughts, he has opinions ----He is now a 13 year old boy.
Instead of making him feel guilty for not spending HIS birthday with you, feel appreciative over the fact you have a son, who does want to spend time with you and make the most of it .
I wrote this not to start an issue but simply because your son was hurt by the actions of the last weekend--it is important to me that we give K-Man the best life he can have and teach him the best values we can.
Its been a tough end of year with the foot surgery--I am trying to keep his spirits up the best I can, and hope you will assist with that....
Your Bitchy Ex (as Im sure that's exactly what he will take from it)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I got nothing!!!
I have nothing to report people
I have no life
It's home
Work
Kids
their lives
that's it..
repeat
My son went thru his surgery just fine.. he's mending well
My daughter is doing great.. except for her 30 yr old attitude..
but, she's figuring out that even if her head spins around and she
has projectile coming out of her nose.. she still isnt gonna get what she wants.
I have NO love life.. hell..I dont want love.. I would just like to get laid!!!
but yeah.. that aint happening either.
Im on a diet.. cuz Im a fat ass.. maybe that's why Im man less..
but Im a nice person..
Im not unattractive..
Oh well..
Maybe this year will bring something good...
Peace
I have no life
It's home
Work
Kids
their lives
that's it..
repeat
My son went thru his surgery just fine.. he's mending well
My daughter is doing great.. except for her 30 yr old attitude..
but, she's figuring out that even if her head spins around and she
has projectile coming out of her nose.. she still isnt gonna get what she wants.
I have NO love life.. hell..I dont want love.. I would just like to get laid!!!
but yeah.. that aint happening either.
Im on a diet.. cuz Im a fat ass.. maybe that's why Im man less..
but Im a nice person..
Im not unattractive..
Oh well..
Maybe this year will bring something good...
Peace
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Remember When:
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem toget food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too.
Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light re flectors, I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option...even for stupid kids!
I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school , we all sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.
Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We were told to go outside and play, that ment, staying outside and finding things to do, climb trees, play ball, roll in the dirt. Not come back in in 5 min and tell your parents there is nothing to do!
Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $149 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.
I recall Sandy from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
Happy New Year everyone..
nothing really to tell..
just another year.. but this one, will be a good one!!!!
Hope you enjoyed my Remember when!!!
Peace
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too.
Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting ecoli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE... and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light re flectors, I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking gym was not an option...even for stupid kids!
I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school , we all sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.
Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations. We were told to go outside and play, that ment, staying outside and finding things to do, climb trees, play ball, roll in the dirt. Not come back in in 5 min and tell your parents there is nothing to do!
Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $149 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.
I recall Sandy from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many social ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac!
How did we ever survive?
Happy New Year everyone..
nothing really to tell..
just another year.. but this one, will be a good one!!!!
Hope you enjoyed my Remember when!!!
Peace
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