How the hell did my father deal with me as a teenager?
How the hell do I deal with my kids now that they are teenagers?
I didnt have a cell phone when I was 15 or 12...
I didnt have the internet either..
I rode around in the back of pick up's
I drank water out of the hose
I played hide n seek way past dark
Remember when:
Atari was the thing...
Rubiks cube..
Big hair...
Leg warmers (what I wouldnt give for leg warmers again..Im cold damn it)
Fraggle Rock?
Ripped jeans w/spandex underneath...
OMG... Jelly shoes!!!
Friendship braclets...
Hair bands...
Flashdance....Breakfast Club.... Sixteen candles?
Rode in cars w/out seatbelts
Here's a poem I found... it actually pertains to other years.. but.. I miss the 80's...
TO ALL OF US WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70'S and 80'S!!
Ø First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
Ø They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Ø Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.
Ø We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.
Ø As infants & children, we would rode in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.
Ø Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
Ø We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
Ø We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.
Ø We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
Ø We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.
Ø We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few
times, we learned to solve the problem.
Ø We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no person al computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
Ø We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
Ø We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
Ø We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
Ø We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
Ø Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
Ø The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
Things need to go back in time..
I miss the good ol' days...
What do you miss/remember?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Oh.. Drama.. Puhleez!!!
I'm the youngest of three - I have two older brothers, Choo & Burnt (names are changed to protect the identities of others)
Choo is the oldest brother - he's got his head on straight, married to Weenie (its a girl) and she's actually one of my best friends... how often do you get to say that? That your sister n law is a good friend!? I personally believe that makes me very lucky.
Now.. Burnt... he's the middle child - Mr. Perfection Personified.. Mr. Do No Wrong!
He's my current nightmare.... Burnt has many children... claims to be a christian... and did I mention he thinks he perfect? I don't believe in his parenting style, which everyone has their own way to parent, I get that. Use the rod, don't spare the child kind of thought process...If I'm saying that right.
Anyhow.. Burnts oldest - Fryer Tuck - just turned 20 - and he is about as worthless as boobs on a nun..... Fryer Tuck was home schooled and was the gopher child, go for that, go get me this, you understand? He was the red-headed step child I suppose you could call it, not the current wife's son... but the son from a teenage evening where two hormonal teenagers had to much fun... Burnt always liked to tell Fryer Tuck he was the crash test dummy child.. I think that took a toll on Fryer Tuck.. cuz now - he's living in a motor home with his underage slut puppy girlfriend - he drives this motor home around town and parks it where ever - I guess we all should be happy at the fact that he at least has a roof over his head and is semi-warm during these cold evenings were having.... I'm off subject...
Anyhow.. Fryer Tuck got busted a few months ago for intent to deliver to an undercover officer.... can u say dumb ass! Fryer Tuck went to jail, and Burnt decided that he should step up and be a Daddy now - and instead of making Fryer Tuck deal w/his own irresponsible life choices, Daddy Dearest is making all the decisions.... Fryer Tuck decided that he wanted the drama off of him for awhile - so, he decided to start some shit between me and Burnt, by dragging my oldest, Monkey Boy, into the mix.
Fryer Tuck informed Burnt that he saw a video on you tube of my son smoking pot... which I know for a fact Monkey Boy isn't - long story... I just know! Anyhow.. here's my question to you...
If your child told you that he saw this video concerning your nephew wouldn't you call your sibling to inform them of this?
Well not in my family!
Burnt told Choo - Choo told Weenie - Weenie called me...
Now Burnt says that if Monkey Boy ever wants to come to his house again, he needs to take a piss test and pass it before he will allow him to hang out with his other children...
Amazing.. considering that Fryer Tuck is strung out on meth & Oxycontin and so is the slut puppy he's dating and they are there all the time - but that's different, as that's his son... not his nephew...
So.. Ive washed my hands of my Burnt..... I told his wife - (whom I like) that as far as I'm concerned - Burnt is no more - he's a hypocritical bastard - and those that live in glass houses should not throw stones...
Talking to Monkey Boy about all of this, and Ive learned over the years to tell when my son lies to me...he was saddened about how his uncle feels about him. I asked him if he had ever smoked pot, and he said no.. and yes, I do believe him... why? Because remember I was a strung out mess for many many years.. I know the signs.. I know my son isn't on drugs... and I know he hasn't tried them (yes I had him tested not long ago by his Dr)
I was strung out on meth for 4 yrs back in high school.. I smoked pot everyday for many years w/monkey boys father - before monkey boy came along... I know the signs.. and I know that Monkey Boy is clean...
Besides - he told me that his friends offered him some not long ago.... Monkey Boy said no thanks.. when his friends asked him if he was scared.. he said
"Guys.. have you met my Mother? She's a fucking Ogre.. she scares the shit out of me!"
I'm OK with that.. a little fear of your parent is healthy..
Don't you agree?
Choo is the oldest brother - he's got his head on straight, married to Weenie (its a girl) and she's actually one of my best friends... how often do you get to say that? That your sister n law is a good friend!? I personally believe that makes me very lucky.
Now.. Burnt... he's the middle child - Mr. Perfection Personified.. Mr. Do No Wrong!
He's my current nightmare.... Burnt has many children... claims to be a christian... and did I mention he thinks he perfect? I don't believe in his parenting style, which everyone has their own way to parent, I get that. Use the rod, don't spare the child kind of thought process...If I'm saying that right.
Anyhow.. Burnts oldest - Fryer Tuck - just turned 20 - and he is about as worthless as boobs on a nun..... Fryer Tuck was home schooled and was the gopher child, go for that, go get me this, you understand? He was the red-headed step child I suppose you could call it, not the current wife's son... but the son from a teenage evening where two hormonal teenagers had to much fun... Burnt always liked to tell Fryer Tuck he was the crash test dummy child.. I think that took a toll on Fryer Tuck.. cuz now - he's living in a motor home with his underage slut puppy girlfriend - he drives this motor home around town and parks it where ever - I guess we all should be happy at the fact that he at least has a roof over his head and is semi-warm during these cold evenings were having.... I'm off subject...
Anyhow.. Fryer Tuck got busted a few months ago for intent to deliver to an undercover officer.... can u say dumb ass! Fryer Tuck went to jail, and Burnt decided that he should step up and be a Daddy now - and instead of making Fryer Tuck deal w/his own irresponsible life choices, Daddy Dearest is making all the decisions.... Fryer Tuck decided that he wanted the drama off of him for awhile - so, he decided to start some shit between me and Burnt, by dragging my oldest, Monkey Boy, into the mix.
Fryer Tuck informed Burnt that he saw a video on you tube of my son smoking pot... which I know for a fact Monkey Boy isn't - long story... I just know! Anyhow.. here's my question to you...
If your child told you that he saw this video concerning your nephew wouldn't you call your sibling to inform them of this?
Well not in my family!
Burnt told Choo - Choo told Weenie - Weenie called me...
Now Burnt says that if Monkey Boy ever wants to come to his house again, he needs to take a piss test and pass it before he will allow him to hang out with his other children...
Amazing.. considering that Fryer Tuck is strung out on meth & Oxycontin and so is the slut puppy he's dating and they are there all the time - but that's different, as that's his son... not his nephew...
So.. Ive washed my hands of my Burnt..... I told his wife - (whom I like) that as far as I'm concerned - Burnt is no more - he's a hypocritical bastard - and those that live in glass houses should not throw stones...
Talking to Monkey Boy about all of this, and Ive learned over the years to tell when my son lies to me...he was saddened about how his uncle feels about him. I asked him if he had ever smoked pot, and he said no.. and yes, I do believe him... why? Because remember I was a strung out mess for many many years.. I know the signs.. I know my son isn't on drugs... and I know he hasn't tried them (yes I had him tested not long ago by his Dr)
I was strung out on meth for 4 yrs back in high school.. I smoked pot everyday for many years w/monkey boys father - before monkey boy came along... I know the signs.. and I know that Monkey Boy is clean...
Besides - he told me that his friends offered him some not long ago.... Monkey Boy said no thanks.. when his friends asked him if he was scared.. he said
"Guys.. have you met my Mother? She's a fucking Ogre.. she scares the shit out of me!"
I'm OK with that.. a little fear of your parent is healthy..
Don't you agree?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Axes to Axes... somethings gotta give
I am almost afraid to write this post. I'm afraid that by putting this into words, something awful will happen and all that I have to say will come not true. Is that possible? Is Karma such a bitch that she may just turn it all around on me?
Well here it is anyway.
This last week has been pure heaven.
There have been no arguments in my home.
My children are getting along with everyone
They are doing their chores WITHOUT being asked
They are doing their homework WITHOUT being asked
They are actually a joy to be around.
They are even getting along with "him"
He is getting along with them
Oh and "him"
I don't know how to explain it.. but things are good there
not perfect, but honestly is there such thing as perfection in a relationship?
I don't believe so, right now the only huge issue is the economy and the fact that he's out of work.
Yeah, that's putting a huge strain on us.. but.. damn he's keeping everything at home in total order.. doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, applying for jobs all day, cooking dinner... hell.. he makes a better house bitch than I EVER would.. sorry..don't tell him I said that.. :)
Did the earth tip on it's axes?
Is Karma playing a cruel joke on me?
Global warming kick into overdrive and started melting everyone's ice around their hearts?
What?
Whatever it is.. can it please last..
for another 6 yrs at least?
I'm not asking for much.. just 6 more years... OK OK... 10.. then they will both be in their 20's.. and someone else's' problem....
pleeeeeeezzzzzeeeeeee???????
Well here it is anyway.
This last week has been pure heaven.
There have been no arguments in my home.
My children are getting along with everyone
They are doing their chores WITHOUT being asked
They are doing their homework WITHOUT being asked
They are actually a joy to be around.
They are even getting along with "him"
He is getting along with them
Oh and "him"
I don't know how to explain it.. but things are good there
not perfect, but honestly is there such thing as perfection in a relationship?
I don't believe so, right now the only huge issue is the economy and the fact that he's out of work.
Yeah, that's putting a huge strain on us.. but.. damn he's keeping everything at home in total order.. doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, applying for jobs all day, cooking dinner... hell.. he makes a better house bitch than I EVER would.. sorry..don't tell him I said that.. :)
Did the earth tip on it's axes?
Is Karma playing a cruel joke on me?
Global warming kick into overdrive and started melting everyone's ice around their hearts?
What?
Whatever it is.. can it please last..
for another 6 yrs at least?
I'm not asking for much.. just 6 more years... OK OK... 10.. then they will both be in their 20's.. and someone else's' problem....
pleeeeeeezzzzzeeeeeee???????
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tidal waves
I have always been in control of my feelings, how I feel about people, about situations that surround me. I never second guess my decisions I always put great thought into what I'm going to do, why I'm going to do it. If I should go to this place or that place with these people or those people.
Yet, here I sit... with so much inner turmoil rolling around inside of me. I can feel the confusion swirling like a great tidal wave ready to crash upon unsuspecting organs. Which in turn will ware down the body and I will go into full blow illness. I need to control my tidal wave but I don't know how. Between the bleakness, confusion, uncertainty & anger I feel that at any point I will snap.
Did I make the right decision by allowing the past to move in? Or was I just caught up in what was and didn't put any thought into the now and the what will be.
I miss him... I never realized how much I would miss him. The scent of his skin, the feel of his arms, the sound of his voice.
My heart actually aches to think of him in the arms of someone else, and yet it is I who turned him away. Because I thought there never would be a time when there would be anything more than what was....and now? I don't want what is... I want what was.
I never fully allowed myself to feel for him. I never allowed myself to think of him as more than just the "friends" that we were. For 6 years we have been nothing more than just "friends" I knew that he would never give to me what I ultimately wanted. Yet, here I am... living with the past and missing the present.
All the lost chances, the quiet moments where things were never spoken. No confessions, no wants, no desires. Just laying there in the after glow thoughts and feelings running through the mind. Little things done that would make me think that maybe... but then it was gone.
Now... Now I sit and think to myself, why? Why didn't I push further? Question more? Demand more? Ask the questions.
He made me feel beautiful, wanted, desired.... made me feel like a women should feel.
Things were said, little actions were taken... I played it to "cool"... kept it all so close to my heart never allowing truths to be told.
Have I lost?
The confusion just keeps swirling and swirling around inside me.
At some point I need to make a decision for myself.
But, what is that decision?
Either way someone will get hurt. Someone will loose, and it's all in my hands.
Or is it? Am I putting something into that 6 yrs that really isn't there?
If I end what is now.... can he promise me forever?
Yet, here I sit... with so much inner turmoil rolling around inside of me. I can feel the confusion swirling like a great tidal wave ready to crash upon unsuspecting organs. Which in turn will ware down the body and I will go into full blow illness. I need to control my tidal wave but I don't know how. Between the bleakness, confusion, uncertainty & anger I feel that at any point I will snap.
Did I make the right decision by allowing the past to move in? Or was I just caught up in what was and didn't put any thought into the now and the what will be.
I miss him... I never realized how much I would miss him. The scent of his skin, the feel of his arms, the sound of his voice.
My heart actually aches to think of him in the arms of someone else, and yet it is I who turned him away. Because I thought there never would be a time when there would be anything more than what was....and now? I don't want what is... I want what was.
I never fully allowed myself to feel for him. I never allowed myself to think of him as more than just the "friends" that we were. For 6 years we have been nothing more than just "friends" I knew that he would never give to me what I ultimately wanted. Yet, here I am... living with the past and missing the present.
All the lost chances, the quiet moments where things were never spoken. No confessions, no wants, no desires. Just laying there in the after glow thoughts and feelings running through the mind. Little things done that would make me think that maybe... but then it was gone.
Now... Now I sit and think to myself, why? Why didn't I push further? Question more? Demand more? Ask the questions.
He made me feel beautiful, wanted, desired.... made me feel like a women should feel.
Things were said, little actions were taken... I played it to "cool"... kept it all so close to my heart never allowing truths to be told.
Have I lost?
The confusion just keeps swirling and swirling around inside me.
At some point I need to make a decision for myself.
But, what is that decision?
Either way someone will get hurt. Someone will loose, and it's all in my hands.
Or is it? Am I putting something into that 6 yrs that really isn't there?
If I end what is now.... can he promise me forever?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
House full of flu victims
The flu is running rampant through my house
He has it...
The girl child has it....
The boy child is starting to show signs of it....
I refuse to get it!!!!!
Wish me luck
He has it...
The girl child has it....
The boy child is starting to show signs of it....
I refuse to get it!!!!!
Wish me luck
Friday, February 06, 2009
Nosy Nelly
I'm nosy, so nosy in fact that when I'm driving at night and I see homes with lights on in their windows and the TVs are on, I want to pull over and peek through their windows. Not to scope out their homes, but I just want to see how others conduct themselves. How do they live?
Do they curl up on their couches w/a blankie and a drink and watch TV? While their children snuggle in with them and have some cuddle time?
Are the parents in one room while the kids are somewhere else?
Are they living life like Leave it to Beaver? The youngest laying on the floor coloring while the parents drink their coffee from their matching recliners?
What is actually going on in those homes?
Is it complete chaos? Is dad sitting there while mom is up cornering children, dealing w/homework, doing laundry, cleanup up the dinner dishes, getting kids' baths done.. all the while dad is yelling for some quiet...
Is it a home of a single parent?
Inquiring minds want to know.. I want to know.. because I'm nosy.. I want to know how others live.. how they cope, how they survive... are they like me? (God I hope not this world would be doomed)
New thought:
I hate large groups of people..they can royally piss me off, however I love to go to the mall on Saturday afternoons, grab my favorite cup of coffee and have a seat and watch people. Think to myself, how could that person actually think they look good? Seriously, that's a bad hair cut!
So on and so on and so on... watching peoples reactions to situations, wondering what possessed them to put those clothes together, or wear their makeup like that, or get their hair cut like that... what made them decide to get up that morning and do what they do... ( I realize others probably look at me and think the same thing.. but I'm perfectly sane thank you)
So anyhow... I installed some map locator on my blog... cuz I'm nosy....
it shows that I have had allot of visits between Oct 14 2008 & Feb 4 2009
USA - 354
Brazil - 71
Canada - 24
Australia - 12
United Kingdom - 6
France - 2
Belgium - 2
Mexico - 2
Argentina - 2
Germany - 1
Austria - 1
South Africa - 1
Malaysia - 1
Netherlands - 1
Ireland - 1
El Salvador - 1
Philippines - 1
Puerto Rico - 1
Bahamas - 1
Senegal - 1
Portugal - 1
India - 1
I'm sure all the single visits were done in error... but hey.. I never realized my sad little blog got that far.. so does this mean I get around? LOL....
so yes..I'm nosy.. so feel free to share anything that you may feel I would benefit from. Cuz well I'm nosy. And my life has been such a hellish ride that I need something that is totally and completely idiotic right now.
Welcome all of you, and those that have stopped by in error... grab a seat, your favorite beverage, sometimes the communications on this blog will make you laugh, or just shake your head, if that's the case feel free to hit that X in the top right corner.
Peace lovies!!!
Do they curl up on their couches w/a blankie and a drink and watch TV? While their children snuggle in with them and have some cuddle time?
Are the parents in one room while the kids are somewhere else?
Are they living life like Leave it to Beaver? The youngest laying on the floor coloring while the parents drink their coffee from their matching recliners?
What is actually going on in those homes?
Is it complete chaos? Is dad sitting there while mom is up cornering children, dealing w/homework, doing laundry, cleanup up the dinner dishes, getting kids' baths done.. all the while dad is yelling for some quiet...
Is it a home of a single parent?
Inquiring minds want to know.. I want to know.. because I'm nosy.. I want to know how others live.. how they cope, how they survive... are they like me? (God I hope not this world would be doomed)
New thought:
I hate large groups of people..they can royally piss me off, however I love to go to the mall on Saturday afternoons, grab my favorite cup of coffee and have a seat and watch people. Think to myself, how could that person actually think they look good? Seriously, that's a bad hair cut!
So on and so on and so on... watching peoples reactions to situations, wondering what possessed them to put those clothes together, or wear their makeup like that, or get their hair cut like that... what made them decide to get up that morning and do what they do... ( I realize others probably look at me and think the same thing.. but I'm perfectly sane thank you)
So anyhow... I installed some map locator on my blog... cuz I'm nosy....
it shows that I have had allot of visits between Oct 14 2008 & Feb 4 2009
USA - 354
Brazil - 71
Canada - 24
Australia - 12
United Kingdom - 6
France - 2
Belgium - 2
Mexico - 2
Argentina - 2
Germany - 1
Austria - 1
South Africa - 1
Malaysia - 1
Netherlands - 1
Ireland - 1
El Salvador - 1
Philippines - 1
Puerto Rico - 1
Bahamas - 1
Senegal - 1
Portugal - 1
India - 1
I'm sure all the single visits were done in error... but hey.. I never realized my sad little blog got that far.. so does this mean I get around? LOL....
so yes..I'm nosy.. so feel free to share anything that you may feel I would benefit from. Cuz well I'm nosy. And my life has been such a hellish ride that I need something that is totally and completely idiotic right now.
Welcome all of you, and those that have stopped by in error... grab a seat, your favorite beverage, sometimes the communications on this blog will make you laugh, or just shake your head, if that's the case feel free to hit that X in the top right corner.
Peace lovies!!!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
The walls of hell are HOT!
Well, I took back my house.. and had a week of purgatory.. I can honestly say that when I die and go to hell... I will feel like I'm on a paradise island.. because nothing can compare to the over reactions of a 12 yr old hormonal preteen girl......
I'm tired... oh lord help me, I'm exhausted.
But I'm happy to say the last few days have been easy. Sure there have been a few small bumps a few raised voices but all in all things have turned around and the spawn of satan has been kicked to the curb.
I just wish she would take lessons from her brother who is just happy there is another male in the house and he's no longer out numbered! My new man and the boy child get along as well as can be expected. They joke around together, they wrestle, they talk, they watch discovery channel together. I was afraid that the boy child would feel threatened but he seems to be taking it all really well.
Me on the other hand, Im still trying to decide if Im relationship material. It's a learning experience for me that's for sure. It's alot of work to live with someone, I had forgotten how much work it was. Compromise, communication, remembering someone else's feelings.
All will work out Im sure. He's having a hard time finding employment right now, and his cash flow is starting to run out and Im afraid some kind of depression is going to kick in. Then what? I cant deal with that. He started getting all teary eyed the other day cuz he was having difficulty finding employment... my response to him was to suck it up, were in the middle of a damn recession!
Rude huh?
Im a bitch...
Im not good with others feelings....
Im not good relationship material......
Oh well!
That is me. deal!
I'm tired... oh lord help me, I'm exhausted.
But I'm happy to say the last few days have been easy. Sure there have been a few small bumps a few raised voices but all in all things have turned around and the spawn of satan has been kicked to the curb.
I just wish she would take lessons from her brother who is just happy there is another male in the house and he's no longer out numbered! My new man and the boy child get along as well as can be expected. They joke around together, they wrestle, they talk, they watch discovery channel together. I was afraid that the boy child would feel threatened but he seems to be taking it all really well.
Me on the other hand, Im still trying to decide if Im relationship material. It's a learning experience for me that's for sure. It's alot of work to live with someone, I had forgotten how much work it was. Compromise, communication, remembering someone else's feelings.
All will work out Im sure. He's having a hard time finding employment right now, and his cash flow is starting to run out and Im afraid some kind of depression is going to kick in. Then what? I cant deal with that. He started getting all teary eyed the other day cuz he was having difficulty finding employment... my response to him was to suck it up, were in the middle of a damn recession!
Rude huh?
Im a bitch...
Im not good with others feelings....
Im not good relationship material......
Oh well!
That is me. deal!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Nightmares...do come true
Remember when you were a kid, and you made that mistake of walking into your parents bedroom, just as they were getting it on?
Remember how grossed out and disgusted you were?
Traumatized for life?
Well, my daughter walked in on me and my S.O. last night.. the difference is, my bedroom door was shut and locked, and my little girl broke the lock on the door and walked right in. Then proceeded to yell, scream, and throw a temper tantrum on how sick and disgusted we are, she hates me, I'm suppose to wait until she is grown and out of the house before I proceed with my life!
Long story short...
Remember me telling ya'll earlier on, how my long lost love from my teen years looked me up on myspace? We struck up a convo...and 3 months later.. he's moved in. (yes I know.. way soon... )
So far so good.. things are working out really well....
Except for my beautiful baby girl...has turned into the spawn of the devil!
She's doing, saying, reacting, lying, stealing whatever you can think of to rip it all apart.
Who is she? Ive tried talking to her, Ive tried to understand her, Ive even given in to her demands to make peace in the house. I have become the biggest push over in the history of Mommy hood!
But I'm here to tell everyone..right here, right now
NO MORE!
She will no longer act like she is the parent in MY house
She will no longer dictate to me what is going to happen and how it is going to be
She will no longer undermine my ever word and my every action
My biggest nightmare, of having a teenage child who is beyond control has come true...
I just want to lay down and sleep and wish this nightmare away
I know that I cant allow her to continue down this destructive path
I must take back control of my house
Hell...she already tells me she hates me..
what else can go wrong?
Remember how grossed out and disgusted you were?
Traumatized for life?
Well, my daughter walked in on me and my S.O. last night.. the difference is, my bedroom door was shut and locked, and my little girl broke the lock on the door and walked right in. Then proceeded to yell, scream, and throw a temper tantrum on how sick and disgusted we are, she hates me, I'm suppose to wait until she is grown and out of the house before I proceed with my life!
Long story short...
Remember me telling ya'll earlier on, how my long lost love from my teen years looked me up on myspace? We struck up a convo...and 3 months later.. he's moved in. (yes I know.. way soon... )
So far so good.. things are working out really well....
Except for my beautiful baby girl...has turned into the spawn of the devil!
She's doing, saying, reacting, lying, stealing whatever you can think of to rip it all apart.
Who is she? Ive tried talking to her, Ive tried to understand her, Ive even given in to her demands to make peace in the house. I have become the biggest push over in the history of Mommy hood!
But I'm here to tell everyone..right here, right now
NO MORE!
She will no longer act like she is the parent in MY house
She will no longer dictate to me what is going to happen and how it is going to be
She will no longer undermine my ever word and my every action
My biggest nightmare, of having a teenage child who is beyond control has come true...
I just want to lay down and sleep and wish this nightmare away
I know that I cant allow her to continue down this destructive path
I must take back control of my house
Hell...she already tells me she hates me..
what else can go wrong?
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Greetings from Whoville
A new year, a new beginning... out with the old in with the new and hoping everything in my path turns to gold... which wont happen, but its a nice dream.
Christmas, was nothing to write home about... I didn't put up a tree this year... I didn't even decorate, my daughter did.. I was NOT in the Holiday spirit... I won a poinsettia from work. it was huge.. I brought it home and that was our "tree" LOL...
I did make a nice big Christmas dinner... got a few gifts for the kids.. made a deal with both kids and the boy wrapped his sisters and the girl wrapped her brothers.. then I filled their stockings and hung them by the fireplace with care.. well not really..I set them under the "tree" cuz they were to heavy to hang.. but whatever...another day... another dollar....
We got hit with some ridiculous amounts of snow this year over the Holiday... worse the Pacific Northwest has seen in about 30 yrs... the snow in my back yard was up to my knee in some areas... I was snowed in.... couldn't get anywhere for days... it was crazy!!! Now, it's raining.. it's all melting and lucky us, were on flood warnings..
The New Year was brought in w/family at the casino.... I drank... I ate..and ate...and ate.....and was home by 11:30..I'm such a party animal.. About 12:30 I was getting ready for bed.. and got a hysterical phone call from a good friend...
Her hubby plowed his truck into the front of another car...
I made it from my house to her house in just under 7 minutes.. it's normally a 15 min drive.. the accident was not even 100 ft from her front door...
Luckily no one was hurt... everyone walked away... it's the hubby's fault..
he blew almost a 2...
They have a long road ahead of them...
Note to self.. Never drink and drive.. not only is it expensive (as I would say there looking at aleast 10k)
stay home... have some drinks.. if you go out, call a taxi.. call a friend..call your Mom..
Never.. NEVER get behind the wheel of that car.. no reason to drive.. NONE!!!
Happy New Year Everyone...
Christmas, was nothing to write home about... I didn't put up a tree this year... I didn't even decorate, my daughter did.. I was NOT in the Holiday spirit... I won a poinsettia from work. it was huge.. I brought it home and that was our "tree" LOL...
I did make a nice big Christmas dinner... got a few gifts for the kids.. made a deal with both kids and the boy wrapped his sisters and the girl wrapped her brothers.. then I filled their stockings and hung them by the fireplace with care.. well not really..I set them under the "tree" cuz they were to heavy to hang.. but whatever...another day... another dollar....
We got hit with some ridiculous amounts of snow this year over the Holiday... worse the Pacific Northwest has seen in about 30 yrs... the snow in my back yard was up to my knee in some areas... I was snowed in.... couldn't get anywhere for days... it was crazy!!! Now, it's raining.. it's all melting and lucky us, were on flood warnings..
The New Year was brought in w/family at the casino.... I drank... I ate..and ate...and ate.....and was home by 11:30..I'm such a party animal.. About 12:30 I was getting ready for bed.. and got a hysterical phone call from a good friend...
Her hubby plowed his truck into the front of another car...
I made it from my house to her house in just under 7 minutes.. it's normally a 15 min drive.. the accident was not even 100 ft from her front door...
Luckily no one was hurt... everyone walked away... it's the hubby's fault..
he blew almost a 2...
They have a long road ahead of them...
Note to self.. Never drink and drive.. not only is it expensive (as I would say there looking at aleast 10k)
stay home... have some drinks.. if you go out, call a taxi.. call a friend..call your Mom..
Never.. NEVER get behind the wheel of that car.. no reason to drive.. NONE!!!
Happy New Year Everyone...
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Dog Rescue!!!
I dont normally do this.. but I was involved in this rescue... the trip into Langley BC was exhausting.. not to mention the control on my anger strings was near to breaking.. it took everything I had not to hurt someone badly, for the way these dogs were treated. I am a member of PNMF - Pacific Northwest Mastiff Fanciers... I help educate, rescue & breed English Mastiffs... Any help would be appreciated.. $5 can go a long long way..
(there is SO much more to this story.. the ordeal that the Breeder and I went thru was horrific! And yet I would NOT hesitate to do it again)
Thursday night one of our club members received a call from someone that they had placed 2 puppies with. (One was placed at 8 weeks, Finnegan, and one was placed as an older puppy, Tony.) This was someone that already had a Mastiff, Loki, from a different breeder…a breeder back east. These breeders both felt that this was a good home or they would never have placed their puppies there.
The oldest, Loki, is almost 4yrs old and the other two, Finny and Tony, are almost 3yrs old. About 8 months ago this puppy buyer lost contact with their breeders. There was concern of drug addiction and other problems in this home at this point. Jumping ahead to very late last Thursday night…the local breeder, one of our club members, received a phone call from this puppy buyer. She was very distraught. 2 of the dogs, Finny and Loki, were currently at the animal shelter. She was no longer living at the home where the dogs had been living. 1 of the dogs, Tony, was at the home of her son’s friend. The other 2 had somehow gotten out of the yard and been picked up by animal control. She was living in an apartment and didn’t have the money to ‘bail them out’.
Without hesitation…our club member said, “No problem…she would get the boys taken care of.” (Both her puppy as well as the one from back east.)Friday morning she, the breeder, waited for the puppy buyer to get back with her to let her know exactly where the dogs were, etc. She also set the wheels in motion to get the other breeder notified and make arrangements for travel to the shelter. Did I mention that this was a shelter in CANADA??
Of course it happened when her SUV was in the shop, too! Now, because of the situation with drugs, etc…she did not feel comfortable going in to this situation by herself. Who was she going to get on such short notice that was able to go to Canada with her?? Her husband was not able to go as he couldn’t find his Birth Certificate. Oh, yeah…has anyone picked up that this was the holiday weekend?? The Thursday mentioned above…yes…that was Thanksgiving!!The other breeder was contacted and she agreed…GET THOSE DOGS OUT OF THERE!!
A friend and new Mastiff owner, that had just made a long round trip drive from Olympia down into Oregon, did not hesitate to go with her to Canada. Yes, she had family over but at a moment’s notice was able to leave the family and kids in the hands of more family and fellow Mastiff owner. Again, no hesitation.
So, with the money set aside for Christmas shopping for her family in hand…these two ladies left late Friday night and drove to Canada, had a couple of fit-full hour of sleep at a hotel, just so that they could track down the puppy buyer and be at the shelter when it opened. After finding the puppy buyer’s apartment they had to pound on her door to get her to answer. And while they probably should not have been…they were shocked by her appearance. This was not the person that the breeder had seen just a year or so before. The drug use had taken it’s toll on her! What else had the drugs affected?? They were about to find out.
The arrival at the shelter was bitter sweet. It was apparent that the dogs were in very serious condition…both physically and mentally. And the worst was yet to come. The following hours were spent fighting for the right to claim these dogs. Contracts, AKC registration papers, Microchips…well, let’s just say that it wasn’t that simple to “prove” ownership. The dogs were in absolutely horrible condition. The shelter had listed Finny as being 6yrs old and Loki as being 7 or 8 yrs old. Not the 3yrs and 4yrs they really were! Finny had gone very grey from his ordeal. Both are suffering from severe malnutrition. Finny was the only one fed at his "home" the son stated he was unable to feed both dogs, so he intentionally starved Loki to feed his "buddy" Finny...
Loki has 2 cruciate injuries (knees). Finny has atrophied muscles in his rear and weakness to the bones, tendons and ligaments due to the malnutrition. And both had many underlying problems such as dehydration, possible UTI’s, etc. And yet both dogs were sooooo happy to see their ‘saviors’!! Loki was listed as aggressive and yet he crawled into our laps and licked our faces and wagged his tail... Loki was released fairly easily because no one wanted him. Can you believe this??
Finny, the dog from our breeder…well, she had to fight for him as the son (who had allowed the starvation and mistreatment of the dogs) wanted him and ownership had to be proven. After many heart wrenching hours and international phone calls…at the very last second…literally (the son had paid the fine and they were bringing the dog out to him) the last second…through the intervention of a very dear lady, who is an attorney…Finny was released to his breeder.
Both dogs had to get rabies vaccinations before they could be brought into the country. More money and more time. More in and out of the vehicle for these poor dogs…and Loki could barely stand!Our breeder and her friend had not eaten since they crossed the border the night before. They didn’t have time! All their time and energy was given to rescuing these poor dogs. After the dogs were safely in the car and they were safely across the border, they did stop for a quick bite to eat…this was late Saturday night.
These girls didn’t get to their perspective homes until around midnight. At that time, our breeder still had to care for the two boys and get them settled in. Her youngest daughter was in tears and didn’t understand how anyone could possibly do this to an animal! Her entire family shaken to the core that one of their babies and his friend were in such a condition…and full of worry for the one not yet saved. So, now these two dogs are safe.
However, there are still many concerns. Loki really needs to get back to his breeder. She is equipped to give him the care that he will need to recover from this ordeal. Both medically and physically. Today we were told that he COULD fly by next week! This is the fastest and best way to get him home. (Back to Alabama to his breeder who wants him back to get him the care he so rightly deserves)
Finny needs a lot of medical care, rehabilitation, etc so that he can go to a forever home that will allow him to live the life he should have had all along! And then there is the one left behind, Tony. Work is in progress to get him home, too!
But, this could be expensive and time consuming.This plea is going out to all of you. We are looking for all the help we can get to help out with these 3 boys. This is a terrible time for everyone…budgets are stretched to the breaking point. We know and we understand. Whatever you can do to help these dogs will be much appreciated!
Shortly there will be a link available from the Pacific Northwest Mastiff Fanciers website (www.pnmf.org) that will take you to a page for the Finny, Loki & Tony fund. Pictures will be posted of the boys when they are available. There will be the availability to donate probably via PayPal or an address to send donations to if you do not do PayPal. On this page you will also be able to find contact information if you are able to help with miles or even if you just have other ideas and ways to help! Our first goal is raising the money to get Loki home within the next 2 weeks. After that will come the medical bills, legal aid, etc. Let’s all pull together to get these boys “Home for the Holidays!” (Any money left over will go to PNMF Education and Rescue, LLC.)Remember…this could be any one of your puppies!!
Drugs can take control of any home at any time. And how many lives are affected by just one person’s drug usage? So, go hug your babies and spread the word!! Regardless of the four legged friend you have in your home.. love them.. (PLEASE…SPREAD THE WORD!!) Let’s see what we can do to help these boys out. I know that if the shoe were on the other foot…these breeders would be there to help us. And as a side note…neither one of these breeders have ASKED for this help!!Permission is given to cross post this!! Until the page is available from the PNMF Website any questions can be directed to mastiffinfo@fairpoint.net.
(there is SO much more to this story.. the ordeal that the Breeder and I went thru was horrific! And yet I would NOT hesitate to do it again)
Thursday night one of our club members received a call from someone that they had placed 2 puppies with. (One was placed at 8 weeks, Finnegan, and one was placed as an older puppy, Tony.) This was someone that already had a Mastiff, Loki, from a different breeder…a breeder back east. These breeders both felt that this was a good home or they would never have placed their puppies there.
The oldest, Loki, is almost 4yrs old and the other two, Finny and Tony, are almost 3yrs old. About 8 months ago this puppy buyer lost contact with their breeders. There was concern of drug addiction and other problems in this home at this point. Jumping ahead to very late last Thursday night…the local breeder, one of our club members, received a phone call from this puppy buyer. She was very distraught. 2 of the dogs, Finny and Loki, were currently at the animal shelter. She was no longer living at the home where the dogs had been living. 1 of the dogs, Tony, was at the home of her son’s friend. The other 2 had somehow gotten out of the yard and been picked up by animal control. She was living in an apartment and didn’t have the money to ‘bail them out’.
Without hesitation…our club member said, “No problem…she would get the boys taken care of.” (Both her puppy as well as the one from back east.)Friday morning she, the breeder, waited for the puppy buyer to get back with her to let her know exactly where the dogs were, etc. She also set the wheels in motion to get the other breeder notified and make arrangements for travel to the shelter. Did I mention that this was a shelter in CANADA??
Of course it happened when her SUV was in the shop, too! Now, because of the situation with drugs, etc…she did not feel comfortable going in to this situation by herself. Who was she going to get on such short notice that was able to go to Canada with her?? Her husband was not able to go as he couldn’t find his Birth Certificate. Oh, yeah…has anyone picked up that this was the holiday weekend?? The Thursday mentioned above…yes…that was Thanksgiving!!The other breeder was contacted and she agreed…GET THOSE DOGS OUT OF THERE!!
A friend and new Mastiff owner, that had just made a long round trip drive from Olympia down into Oregon, did not hesitate to go with her to Canada. Yes, she had family over but at a moment’s notice was able to leave the family and kids in the hands of more family and fellow Mastiff owner. Again, no hesitation.
So, with the money set aside for Christmas shopping for her family in hand…these two ladies left late Friday night and drove to Canada, had a couple of fit-full hour of sleep at a hotel, just so that they could track down the puppy buyer and be at the shelter when it opened. After finding the puppy buyer’s apartment they had to pound on her door to get her to answer. And while they probably should not have been…they were shocked by her appearance. This was not the person that the breeder had seen just a year or so before. The drug use had taken it’s toll on her! What else had the drugs affected?? They were about to find out.
The arrival at the shelter was bitter sweet. It was apparent that the dogs were in very serious condition…both physically and mentally. And the worst was yet to come. The following hours were spent fighting for the right to claim these dogs. Contracts, AKC registration papers, Microchips…well, let’s just say that it wasn’t that simple to “prove” ownership. The dogs were in absolutely horrible condition. The shelter had listed Finny as being 6yrs old and Loki as being 7 or 8 yrs old. Not the 3yrs and 4yrs they really were! Finny had gone very grey from his ordeal. Both are suffering from severe malnutrition. Finny was the only one fed at his "home" the son stated he was unable to feed both dogs, so he intentionally starved Loki to feed his "buddy" Finny...
Loki has 2 cruciate injuries (knees). Finny has atrophied muscles in his rear and weakness to the bones, tendons and ligaments due to the malnutrition. And both had many underlying problems such as dehydration, possible UTI’s, etc. And yet both dogs were sooooo happy to see their ‘saviors’!! Loki was listed as aggressive and yet he crawled into our laps and licked our faces and wagged his tail... Loki was released fairly easily because no one wanted him. Can you believe this??
Finny, the dog from our breeder…well, she had to fight for him as the son (who had allowed the starvation and mistreatment of the dogs) wanted him and ownership had to be proven. After many heart wrenching hours and international phone calls…at the very last second…literally (the son had paid the fine and they were bringing the dog out to him) the last second…through the intervention of a very dear lady, who is an attorney…Finny was released to his breeder.
Both dogs had to get rabies vaccinations before they could be brought into the country. More money and more time. More in and out of the vehicle for these poor dogs…and Loki could barely stand!Our breeder and her friend had not eaten since they crossed the border the night before. They didn’t have time! All their time and energy was given to rescuing these poor dogs. After the dogs were safely in the car and they were safely across the border, they did stop for a quick bite to eat…this was late Saturday night.
These girls didn’t get to their perspective homes until around midnight. At that time, our breeder still had to care for the two boys and get them settled in. Her youngest daughter was in tears and didn’t understand how anyone could possibly do this to an animal! Her entire family shaken to the core that one of their babies and his friend were in such a condition…and full of worry for the one not yet saved. So, now these two dogs are safe.
However, there are still many concerns. Loki really needs to get back to his breeder. She is equipped to give him the care that he will need to recover from this ordeal. Both medically and physically. Today we were told that he COULD fly by next week! This is the fastest and best way to get him home. (Back to Alabama to his breeder who wants him back to get him the care he so rightly deserves)
Finny needs a lot of medical care, rehabilitation, etc so that he can go to a forever home that will allow him to live the life he should have had all along! And then there is the one left behind, Tony. Work is in progress to get him home, too!
But, this could be expensive and time consuming.This plea is going out to all of you. We are looking for all the help we can get to help out with these 3 boys. This is a terrible time for everyone…budgets are stretched to the breaking point. We know and we understand. Whatever you can do to help these dogs will be much appreciated!
Shortly there will be a link available from the Pacific Northwest Mastiff Fanciers website (www.pnmf.org) that will take you to a page for the Finny, Loki & Tony fund. Pictures will be posted of the boys when they are available. There will be the availability to donate probably via PayPal or an address to send donations to if you do not do PayPal. On this page you will also be able to find contact information if you are able to help with miles or even if you just have other ideas and ways to help! Our first goal is raising the money to get Loki home within the next 2 weeks. After that will come the medical bills, legal aid, etc. Let’s all pull together to get these boys “Home for the Holidays!” (Any money left over will go to PNMF Education and Rescue, LLC.)Remember…this could be any one of your puppies!!
Drugs can take control of any home at any time. And how many lives are affected by just one person’s drug usage? So, go hug your babies and spread the word!! Regardless of the four legged friend you have in your home.. love them.. (PLEASE…SPREAD THE WORD!!) Let’s see what we can do to help these boys out. I know that if the shoe were on the other foot…these breeders would be there to help us. And as a side note…neither one of these breeders have ASKED for this help!!Permission is given to cross post this!! Until the page is available from the PNMF Website any questions can be directed to mastiffinfo@fairpoint.net.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sad but True
I'm still in love with him... Him...the one who has been resurrected..... is it because that first true love never really goes away?
Is it because he is telling me all that I want to hear?
Is it because it's just something that has presented itself to me out of the blue and seems like it would be fun to re-acquaint myself with?
Or is it because I'm stupid and in denial?
At times he sounds like a well written Hallmark card... telling me that he has missed me like the deserts miss the rain.. that his soul cry's out for my touch, his soul longs for the touch of mine, his heart longs for the passion of my kiss & the twinkle in his eyes are as bright as the sun... he loves me.. that he's never stopped loving me, I have been in his thoughts every day for 15 yrs...little things remind him of me daily.. and so on and so forth.
I'm falling for him all over again, because Ive always longed to hear someone speak to me like that? Because I have always wanted to be truly romanced or am I falling for him because it's an old/familiar?
He's there..
I'm here..
we have not been in each others' presence.. we have not looked into each others eyes.. we have spoken on the phone.. we have emailed.. we have text.. but, can one truly care that much after so many years.. can two people commit to each other based entirely off of words that have been written, spoken to one another over a phone wire and yet not face to face?
Is it because he is telling me all that I want to hear?
Is it because it's just something that has presented itself to me out of the blue and seems like it would be fun to re-acquaint myself with?
Or is it because I'm stupid and in denial?
At times he sounds like a well written Hallmark card... telling me that he has missed me like the deserts miss the rain.. that his soul cry's out for my touch, his soul longs for the touch of mine, his heart longs for the passion of my kiss & the twinkle in his eyes are as bright as the sun... he loves me.. that he's never stopped loving me, I have been in his thoughts every day for 15 yrs...little things remind him of me daily.. and so on and so forth.
I'm falling for him all over again, because Ive always longed to hear someone speak to me like that? Because I have always wanted to be truly romanced or am I falling for him because it's an old/familiar?
He's there..
I'm here..
we have not been in each others' presence.. we have not looked into each others eyes.. we have spoken on the phone.. we have emailed.. we have text.. but, can one truly care that much after so many years.. can two people commit to each other based entirely off of words that have been written, spoken to one another over a phone wire and yet not face to face?
Monday, November 10, 2008
You have mail!......
I recieved an email last week from the dead. I was suprised to say the least, as I was unaware that hell had email service. Let alone that it would pass thru the other realms to actually show in my Myspace inbox. But I suppose I shouldnt of been surprised, I mean, the devil has ways of bringing back old memories, long forgotten and buried deep.
He's been dead for 14 years... I put him to rest once.. to find out he's still alive. Granted, someone told me he was still alive. But I kept him dead in my mind. It was easier to let him lay there. Dormant in my memories, to never resurface, never to bring back all those long forgotten days & nights.
I spoke to the dead last night.
I dreamt of the dead last night.
Long forgotten memories surfaced, clouded my memory.
Feelings left dormant brought to boiling now.
It's hard to forget your first.
Your first kiss
Your first experience
Your first love
How do I put him back where he belongs? Gone.. Forever?
I cut ties with that life. It no longer exist's.
Yet, I miss him....
It's been 20 years....
It's been 15 since I held him last.
Kissed those lips
Heared him say he Loved Me
How can it be, hearing a voice can bring back so many painful memories?
And yet, they arnt so painful.
Not painful to bring about hate
But painful to the point of making one's heart hurt, from the sheer force of the love that once was.
The love that is no more.. will never be more...
He was gone... never to be again.
To hear a voice over a phone wire... to talk to him and hear him say he has very fond memories
of the 3 yrs we spent together, to hear him speak as if it ment something.
To hear the sarrow in his voice now, about wasted time gone bye.
To hear that, brought about memories, feelings and a complete sense of unease to my soul.
I need him to be dead to me again.
How do I bury him again within my heart?
He's been dead for 14 years... I put him to rest once.. to find out he's still alive. Granted, someone told me he was still alive. But I kept him dead in my mind. It was easier to let him lay there. Dormant in my memories, to never resurface, never to bring back all those long forgotten days & nights.
I spoke to the dead last night.
I dreamt of the dead last night.
Long forgotten memories surfaced, clouded my memory.
Feelings left dormant brought to boiling now.
It's hard to forget your first.
Your first kiss
Your first experience
Your first love
How do I put him back where he belongs? Gone.. Forever?
I cut ties with that life. It no longer exist's.
Yet, I miss him....
It's been 20 years....
It's been 15 since I held him last.
Kissed those lips
Heared him say he Loved Me
How can it be, hearing a voice can bring back so many painful memories?
And yet, they arnt so painful.
Not painful to bring about hate
But painful to the point of making one's heart hurt, from the sheer force of the love that once was.
The love that is no more.. will never be more...
He was gone... never to be again.
To hear a voice over a phone wire... to talk to him and hear him say he has very fond memories
of the 3 yrs we spent together, to hear him speak as if it ment something.
To hear the sarrow in his voice now, about wasted time gone bye.
To hear that, brought about memories, feelings and a complete sense of unease to my soul.
I need him to be dead to me again.
How do I bury him again within my heart?
Thursday, November 06, 2008
HNT & other Bullshit
I normally don't play HNT.. mainly because I just don't feel good enough about myself to do so.. but today I figured fuck it..why not.. seriously why not? so..yeah.. it's not much..but it's something..
Life is not going according to plan at the moment.. nothing seems to be panning out the way I was intending it to. I have to keep reminding myself that it will get better, it will turn around. Ive been thru much worse and all will be ok.
My son got into a bit of trouble at school the other day. He got so pissed at some little shit at school that my son almost beat his ass, but at the last minute he changed his mind and took his anger out on a glass door.. which shattered.. lovely!
Once I found out what the complete circumstances were, I clld the principal and had a nice little chat with her... here's the breakdown
This little prick at school has been giving my son grief for a few weeks.. I was unaware of this, the kid has been calling my son a fag and gay wad, telling other kids in the P.E. class not to bend over or Monkey Boy (my son) was gonna fuck them in their asses. Now, my son isn't gay..but if he was I would love him regardless... Monkey Boy had had enough.. said some things to this little prick, who in turn ripped off my son's hat, shoved it down his pants rubbed it all over his junk and then smacked my son in the face with it saying.. that's as close to my ball's as you will ever get!
Monkey boy was gonna kick his ass, but decided against it because this other kid is an exchange student from Honduras and Monkey Boy just felt that it would end up turning into a race issue.
I clld the principal and basically told her that Monkey Boy was provoked & that Prick kid was sexually harassing & bullying my son! I would not tolerate it, and if this wasn't dealt with in a timely matter I would take it straight to the Superintendent along w/my lawyer! Lord was I H.O.T!
Monkey Boy begged me and begged me not to march into the school and slam that little Prick up against a wall! As I told the principal, regardless of the sexual orientation of someone, NO ONE should be subjected to that type of behaviour. I was most impressed, after speaking with her, there was resolution w/in 2 hrs... We are not being held liable for the damaged door. The other child has been severally punished.. and that little Prick had the nerve to ask Monkey Boy why he told! He was just "funning" and trying to fit... MB told him that he needed to stop being a prick and to act his age!
Anyhow... Booga Butt.. is hormonal.. OMG.. there I days I cant stand to be around her, and then there are days that she is the sweetest, kindest, most caring child..but sadly most days, I just look at her and wonder what did I do to deserve this type of torture. She did however take first place in her cheer competition.. well her squad anyhow.. that was awesome!!
I have been overly emotional lately... watching President Elect Obama be elected was something. Words cant describe how much joy filled me... and then wondering, I bet a ton of past presidents are rolling over in their graves at the fact that there is an African American in office... LOL..
I really do believe he will do great things for this country..
As for the beneficial friend and I...nothing has been decided. He wants to meet the kids.. my daughter has flat out forbidden me to date.. she just wants our lives to be the 3 of us, no "intruders" as she puts it. That I should just be happy w/her & Monkey Boy... Ive tried and tried and tried to talk to her about it. But she wont listen, I explained everything to beneficial friend.. he's not worried about it, he said sooner or later she will accept him.
We still need to talk.. seriously sit down and talk about a few things, but the timing is never right. We were suppose to get together Friday night and talk, but at the last minute I ended up going out w/friends. Which he wasn't happy about, he did show up, but he brought his best friend with him. Who is female.. he wanted us to meet. He sat in the car as he refused to come into the bar, and she sat there and texted him the whole time telling him what I was doing. I guess he got a little jealous. I'm a flirt.. its who I am..he knows this.. but he got upset at the fact that guys were buying me drinks and dancing with me. Whatever! I don't sleep around.. I flirt.. and with his "lifestyle" choices..what right does he have to be jealous over me?
anyhow..
ok.. that's all I got.. see.. nothing..
Life is not going according to plan at the moment.. nothing seems to be panning out the way I was intending it to. I have to keep reminding myself that it will get better, it will turn around. Ive been thru much worse and all will be ok.
My son got into a bit of trouble at school the other day. He got so pissed at some little shit at school that my son almost beat his ass, but at the last minute he changed his mind and took his anger out on a glass door.. which shattered.. lovely!
Once I found out what the complete circumstances were, I clld the principal and had a nice little chat with her... here's the breakdown
This little prick at school has been giving my son grief for a few weeks.. I was unaware of this, the kid has been calling my son a fag and gay wad, telling other kids in the P.E. class not to bend over or Monkey Boy (my son) was gonna fuck them in their asses. Now, my son isn't gay..but if he was I would love him regardless... Monkey Boy had had enough.. said some things to this little prick, who in turn ripped off my son's hat, shoved it down his pants rubbed it all over his junk and then smacked my son in the face with it saying.. that's as close to my ball's as you will ever get!
Monkey boy was gonna kick his ass, but decided against it because this other kid is an exchange student from Honduras and Monkey Boy just felt that it would end up turning into a race issue.
I clld the principal and basically told her that Monkey Boy was provoked & that Prick kid was sexually harassing & bullying my son! I would not tolerate it, and if this wasn't dealt with in a timely matter I would take it straight to the Superintendent along w/my lawyer! Lord was I H.O.T!
Monkey Boy begged me and begged me not to march into the school and slam that little Prick up against a wall! As I told the principal, regardless of the sexual orientation of someone, NO ONE should be subjected to that type of behaviour. I was most impressed, after speaking with her, there was resolution w/in 2 hrs... We are not being held liable for the damaged door. The other child has been severally punished.. and that little Prick had the nerve to ask Monkey Boy why he told! He was just "funning" and trying to fit... MB told him that he needed to stop being a prick and to act his age!
Anyhow... Booga Butt.. is hormonal.. OMG.. there I days I cant stand to be around her, and then there are days that she is the sweetest, kindest, most caring child..but sadly most days, I just look at her and wonder what did I do to deserve this type of torture. She did however take first place in her cheer competition.. well her squad anyhow.. that was awesome!!
I have been overly emotional lately... watching President Elect Obama be elected was something. Words cant describe how much joy filled me... and then wondering, I bet a ton of past presidents are rolling over in their graves at the fact that there is an African American in office... LOL..
I really do believe he will do great things for this country..
As for the beneficial friend and I...nothing has been decided. He wants to meet the kids.. my daughter has flat out forbidden me to date.. she just wants our lives to be the 3 of us, no "intruders" as she puts it. That I should just be happy w/her & Monkey Boy... Ive tried and tried and tried to talk to her about it. But she wont listen, I explained everything to beneficial friend.. he's not worried about it, he said sooner or later she will accept him.
We still need to talk.. seriously sit down and talk about a few things, but the timing is never right. We were suppose to get together Friday night and talk, but at the last minute I ended up going out w/friends. Which he wasn't happy about, he did show up, but he brought his best friend with him. Who is female.. he wanted us to meet. He sat in the car as he refused to come into the bar, and she sat there and texted him the whole time telling him what I was doing. I guess he got a little jealous. I'm a flirt.. its who I am..he knows this.. but he got upset at the fact that guys were buying me drinks and dancing with me. Whatever! I don't sleep around.. I flirt.. and with his "lifestyle" choices..what right does he have to be jealous over me?
anyhow..
ok.. that's all I got.. see.. nothing..
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Ass-sphincter says what?
So the day has finally arrived.. where Mr. Beneficial friend has put the question out there.
"Do you want to try to see if this is more than it really is?"
Ive been expecting it, after all, awhile ago he told me he had fallen in love with me.
I blew it off... figured it was just a bunch of bull, and didnt pay much attention to it.
He countered it with a "what do u want from me"
I countered it with telling him I wanted the white picket fence, and the happy ever after...
not expecting him to say "ok"
I already have the 2 kids, I dont want that part of the dream.
So, today..he wants to make it more.
Here's my dilemma...
He's a swinger.. meaning, he likes alot of variety in life.. not men.. but partner swaps...
Im a one guy...one girl kind of girl when Im in a relationship...
I honestly dont think I could handle watching, or knowing he was with another women. I honestly believe that would drive me insane. Yet, he likes to watch me with other men... (mind you, we've only done that once but he wants to do it again)
So.. that brings up the question..how do I actually feel about him?
I like him.. weve been "seeing" each other for almost 5 yrs..
yes, there's been a few in between here and there..
but, we always find our way back to each other.
I care about him, I may love him a little bit.. but.. could I trust him?
I dont know..
I dont know if I could or would trust him.
My problem is, I dont trust men.. I havnt for many many years.. trust me, Ive tried, oh lord have I tried.. I just dont know if I have it in me anymore.
He says he's not like that anymore.. that he doesnt need that type of lifestyle.. that it rarely happens.. and he can turn it down..
What it boils down to.. is me..
Im terrified of getting hurt again..
Can I trust him? Do I trust him?
Once a swinger/player.. always a swinger/player?
So.. what's your thoughts blog world? help me... cuz Im completely and totally confused here!
"Do you want to try to see if this is more than it really is?"
Ive been expecting it, after all, awhile ago he told me he had fallen in love with me.
I blew it off... figured it was just a bunch of bull, and didnt pay much attention to it.
He countered it with a "what do u want from me"
I countered it with telling him I wanted the white picket fence, and the happy ever after...
not expecting him to say "ok"
I already have the 2 kids, I dont want that part of the dream.
So, today..he wants to make it more.
Here's my dilemma...
He's a swinger.. meaning, he likes alot of variety in life.. not men.. but partner swaps...
Im a one guy...one girl kind of girl when Im in a relationship...
I honestly dont think I could handle watching, or knowing he was with another women. I honestly believe that would drive me insane. Yet, he likes to watch me with other men... (mind you, we've only done that once but he wants to do it again)
So.. that brings up the question..how do I actually feel about him?
I like him.. weve been "seeing" each other for almost 5 yrs..
yes, there's been a few in between here and there..
but, we always find our way back to each other.
I care about him, I may love him a little bit.. but.. could I trust him?
I dont know..
I dont know if I could or would trust him.
My problem is, I dont trust men.. I havnt for many many years.. trust me, Ive tried, oh lord have I tried.. I just dont know if I have it in me anymore.
He says he's not like that anymore.. that he doesnt need that type of lifestyle.. that it rarely happens.. and he can turn it down..
What it boils down to.. is me..
Im terrified of getting hurt again..
Can I trust him? Do I trust him?
Once a swinger/player.. always a swinger/player?
So.. what's your thoughts blog world? help me... cuz Im completely and totally confused here!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friends in high places.....
The last few days have been a whirlwind of on going action and drama.
My birthday....
My babies birthday...
My Sons first formal dance....
Crazy times.. Crazy adventures.. just crazy.....
Funny Monkey (my son) had his pride and joy stolen late Friday night early Saturday morning.
A $400 Fit/Pro or something.. anyhow... called the police to file a report, Officer Friendly would not file a report w/out the serial number. Whatever... seriously? Stolen items are stolen items...
It was suggested that I contact the schools security officer to see if maybe he would be able to obtain some information. I will give huge kudos here...because the security office went above and beyond his requirements to obtain names, addresses, and car information! Come to find out the kids that supposedly stole Funny Monkey's bike don't even attend school with him, they attend school on the other side of town.
I called Officer Friendly back.. who of course isn't in today... please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Yeah? ASAP? No.. I got transferred to one to many departments before I finally had a fit and left a not so nice message on someones voice mail.
So.. I received a call back.. almost immediately.. imagine that..
and what do I hear? A blast from my past!!!!
Deputy H...
As in.. my brothers best friend from high school!!!
Oh yeah... things are looking up for me!!
Long story short, He didn't understand why Officer Friendly wouldn't file a report a stolen bike.. is a stolen bike.. end of story...
As I type this, an officer is headed out to the school to talk to some hoodlums... and I have a case number in my hand..and if all works out well..
Funny Monkey will have his Pro Fit or Fit Pro or whatever back in his hot little hands soon.
Now.. do I press charges on these little shits?
(oooooh... and my son had his IPod stolen a month or so ago out of his gym locker... guess what was returned today at school? yep.. the IPod... some parents were snooping thru their daughters room and found it.. it was given to her by her boyfriend.. they returned it to the school... hmmm.. me thinks that the two will not be allowed to associate much with each other anymore...)
So, it is good to have friends in places of authority....
I so could be a cop.. then again... I don't have the calmness to be a cop...
I'm more of a..attack now, ask questions later...not a good combo!!!
My birthday....
My babies birthday...
My Sons first formal dance....
Crazy times.. Crazy adventures.. just crazy.....
Funny Monkey (my son) had his pride and joy stolen late Friday night early Saturday morning.
A $400 Fit/Pro or something.. anyhow... called the police to file a report, Officer Friendly would not file a report w/out the serial number. Whatever... seriously? Stolen items are stolen items...
It was suggested that I contact the schools security officer to see if maybe he would be able to obtain some information. I will give huge kudos here...because the security office went above and beyond his requirements to obtain names, addresses, and car information! Come to find out the kids that supposedly stole Funny Monkey's bike don't even attend school with him, they attend school on the other side of town.
I called Officer Friendly back.. who of course isn't in today... please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Yeah? ASAP? No.. I got transferred to one to many departments before I finally had a fit and left a not so nice message on someones voice mail.
So.. I received a call back.. almost immediately.. imagine that..
and what do I hear? A blast from my past!!!!
Deputy H...
As in.. my brothers best friend from high school!!!
Oh yeah... things are looking up for me!!
Long story short, He didn't understand why Officer Friendly wouldn't file a report a stolen bike.. is a stolen bike.. end of story...
As I type this, an officer is headed out to the school to talk to some hoodlums... and I have a case number in my hand..and if all works out well..
Funny Monkey will have his Pro Fit or Fit Pro or whatever back in his hot little hands soon.
Now.. do I press charges on these little shits?
(oooooh... and my son had his IPod stolen a month or so ago out of his gym locker... guess what was returned today at school? yep.. the IPod... some parents were snooping thru their daughters room and found it.. it was given to her by her boyfriend.. they returned it to the school... hmmm.. me thinks that the two will not be allowed to associate much with each other anymore...)
So, it is good to have friends in places of authority....
I so could be a cop.. then again... I don't have the calmness to be a cop...
I'm more of a..attack now, ask questions later...not a good combo!!!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Where's my cake Damnit??!!
Today is the official start of my downslide to 40.
The girls at work love me.. I love them...
I had Almond Joy's all over my desk.. there my favorite!!!!
And a nice big beautiful cake was baked for me..
and I got a box of Honey Bunches of Oats.. LOL.. cuz I eat it every morning
for breakfast..
My daughter decorated the house after I went to bed...
Well... we all went to bed, then all the sudden she jumps up and run's into my room and says..
OMG Mom, I forgot to clean the kitchen!!!
Yeah, Like Im gonna believe that she's all worried and stuff about the kitchen being dirty! HA!
My house looked like a streamer/crepe paper factory threw up.... but it was cute and thoughtful and I love her...
so, yeah, Im officially over the hump.... downsliding to 40....
the big
3 6!
Lets hope that this year brings some much needed.......something!!!!
The girls at work love me.. I love them...
I had Almond Joy's all over my desk.. there my favorite!!!!
And a nice big beautiful cake was baked for me..
and I got a box of Honey Bunches of Oats.. LOL.. cuz I eat it every morning
for breakfast..
My daughter decorated the house after I went to bed...
Well... we all went to bed, then all the sudden she jumps up and run's into my room and says..
OMG Mom, I forgot to clean the kitchen!!!
Yeah, Like Im gonna believe that she's all worried and stuff about the kitchen being dirty! HA!
My house looked like a streamer/crepe paper factory threw up.... but it was cute and thoughtful and I love her...
so, yeah, Im officially over the hump.... downsliding to 40....
the big
3 6!
Lets hope that this year brings some much needed.......something!!!!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Hazy Memories
I woke up this morning in a foggy haze, I dreamt last night, which isn't all that interesting usually but I dreamt of days gone bye, and long ago times.
When my only worries were the simple things in life. Where my next fix was coming from. Who was I going to get to buy that bottle of 20/20 for me. Where was I going to lay my head down that night.
I dreamt of walking thru a train tunnel, walking from the sunshine into complete darkness.
I dreamt of walking along the train edge. Only it wasn't a dream. It was real. I was there. And I lived it.
It was 1989 - the year the big San Francisco earthquake happened. My mom was living in San Fran at the time. I remember walking that train tunnel, hearing the train whistle coming. And thinking to myself.... maybe the train will just take me... maybe the train will smash me into little pieces and I wont have to feel anymore.
But, I wasn't that lucky.. or maybe I was that lucky...
Jim grabbed me as that train came barrelling down upon us.. he grabbed my hand and yanked me back out of the way. He smashed me up against a wall and covered me with his body. I felt the air fly by me. All I needed to do was reach out my hand and I could of touched that train. I remember thinking to myself how that train was a force to be reckoned with. I remember thinking... there goes my chance.
But what was my chance that I was thinking about? I had a death wish that year. I tried so many times to just walk into a train, walk into a lake fully clothed hoping that the weight of my clothing would drag me down. In taking so many chemicals into my body hoping that I would go to sleep and never wake up. But amazingly enough.. nothing I did to my body or attempted to do ever did the trick. I'm assuming it's because of those higher powers that be. Someone was watching out for me. Someone wanted me alive. But Why?
After the train incident, I graced my Father with my presence. I returned home, flying higher than I had ever been flying before. I think my father was both relieved to see me still alive, and disgusted that I was who I was. I remember it was a sunny day, the birds were singing, dogs were running and playing.. life for most was normal.
The earthquake happened. No one was home when I found out. In my drug induced state I wasn't really sure what took place. My neighbor came over to see how I was, he knew that my Mother resided there. I remember just looking at him, not comprehending what he was talking about. He turned on the television.. as I watched in horror the mass destruction that had or was taking place. Still so much of it is hazy in my memory. So much of what happened is just like a faint memory.
I remember it started out innocently.. him comforting me, I kept trying to call my Mother. I was shaking... he was trying to calm me. Rubbing my back, trying to hug me as we were sitting side by side on the couch, looking at troubling images flash on the screen. Then, he started kissing my neck. I still didn't realize what was taking place. I was in a haze - drug induced haze.
His hands were everywhere it seemed. He pushed me onto my back. He tried to take liberties that I was NOT willing to allow. I remember his hand sneaking up my shirt, his other hand rubbing down my side to my thigh and inching it's way to other areas. As if in a dream sequence, I turned my head, and I recall telling him. If he didn't remove his hands and himself, I would kill him.
There was a heated argument between he and I... I remember the agitation.. I remember my heart rate speeding up. I remember opening the front door, and demanding for him to leave. I remember telling him to never look my way again and to never utter another word to me.
I woke up this morning in a haze.
I still feel like I'm in a haze.
That dream was so life like, so real.
Then again, it was a dream.. it was real...
My mother was fine.. thank God...
She was there, but here apartment wasn't demolished and her and her roommate
lived to talk about it. It actually took 3 days to get ahold of her.
A very long 3 days!
Did I relive it?
When my only worries were the simple things in life. Where my next fix was coming from. Who was I going to get to buy that bottle of 20/20 for me. Where was I going to lay my head down that night.
I dreamt of walking thru a train tunnel, walking from the sunshine into complete darkness.
I dreamt of walking along the train edge. Only it wasn't a dream. It was real. I was there. And I lived it.
It was 1989 - the year the big San Francisco earthquake happened. My mom was living in San Fran at the time. I remember walking that train tunnel, hearing the train whistle coming. And thinking to myself.... maybe the train will just take me... maybe the train will smash me into little pieces and I wont have to feel anymore.
But, I wasn't that lucky.. or maybe I was that lucky...
Jim grabbed me as that train came barrelling down upon us.. he grabbed my hand and yanked me back out of the way. He smashed me up against a wall and covered me with his body. I felt the air fly by me. All I needed to do was reach out my hand and I could of touched that train. I remember thinking to myself how that train was a force to be reckoned with. I remember thinking... there goes my chance.
But what was my chance that I was thinking about? I had a death wish that year. I tried so many times to just walk into a train, walk into a lake fully clothed hoping that the weight of my clothing would drag me down. In taking so many chemicals into my body hoping that I would go to sleep and never wake up. But amazingly enough.. nothing I did to my body or attempted to do ever did the trick. I'm assuming it's because of those higher powers that be. Someone was watching out for me. Someone wanted me alive. But Why?
After the train incident, I graced my Father with my presence. I returned home, flying higher than I had ever been flying before. I think my father was both relieved to see me still alive, and disgusted that I was who I was. I remember it was a sunny day, the birds were singing, dogs were running and playing.. life for most was normal.
The earthquake happened. No one was home when I found out. In my drug induced state I wasn't really sure what took place. My neighbor came over to see how I was, he knew that my Mother resided there. I remember just looking at him, not comprehending what he was talking about. He turned on the television.. as I watched in horror the mass destruction that had or was taking place. Still so much of it is hazy in my memory. So much of what happened is just like a faint memory.
I remember it started out innocently.. him comforting me, I kept trying to call my Mother. I was shaking... he was trying to calm me. Rubbing my back, trying to hug me as we were sitting side by side on the couch, looking at troubling images flash on the screen. Then, he started kissing my neck. I still didn't realize what was taking place. I was in a haze - drug induced haze.
His hands were everywhere it seemed. He pushed me onto my back. He tried to take liberties that I was NOT willing to allow. I remember his hand sneaking up my shirt, his other hand rubbing down my side to my thigh and inching it's way to other areas. As if in a dream sequence, I turned my head, and I recall telling him. If he didn't remove his hands and himself, I would kill him.
There was a heated argument between he and I... I remember the agitation.. I remember my heart rate speeding up. I remember opening the front door, and demanding for him to leave. I remember telling him to never look my way again and to never utter another word to me.
I woke up this morning in a haze.
I still feel like I'm in a haze.
That dream was so life like, so real.
Then again, it was a dream.. it was real...
My mother was fine.. thank God...
She was there, but here apartment wasn't demolished and her and her roommate
lived to talk about it. It actually took 3 days to get ahold of her.
A very long 3 days!
Did I relive it?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Moving on
It may be time to shut down my blog....
I dont think there's anyone out here anymore..
No one is reading it.. and if you are, then your just lurking in the backgrounds..
Writing is a great release for me, Im not articulate, I dont write like the great novelist's of our century. But I do what I gotta do, to make myself feel better.
Yet, it would be nice to know that someone out there is reading me.
People need validation, and right now.. Im not getting any!
Ok..Im a needy bitch I'll admit it.
So.. if your lurking out there, reading this, just passing thru.
Let me know..
Even if it is just to drop a
"your a dumb ass" in my comments..
that works for me
I dont think there's anyone out here anymore..
No one is reading it.. and if you are, then your just lurking in the backgrounds..
Writing is a great release for me, Im not articulate, I dont write like the great novelist's of our century. But I do what I gotta do, to make myself feel better.
Yet, it would be nice to know that someone out there is reading me.
People need validation, and right now.. Im not getting any!
Ok..Im a needy bitch I'll admit it.
So.. if your lurking out there, reading this, just passing thru.
Let me know..
Even if it is just to drop a
"your a dumb ass" in my comments..
that works for me
Friday, September 19, 2008
Rainy Days
Upon my self-discovery tour, I realized I still have to stop and occasionally smell the flowers. Well in this part of the country, since the flowers are starting to wilt and die, I suppose I have to stop and smell, the rain.. assuming it ever shows again. We've had a rather dry spell lately, and I honestly miss the rain. How can one miss the rain? It's wet, and causes the roads to slick, and leave prints on the carpet and the paws from the doggies are muddy and then they leave muddy prints all over the carpet, not to mention my bed as they seem to think that my bed - since it's the biggest soft cushion in the house - is for them....rotten mongrels.
anyhow.. so, yeah I miss the rain. Nothing is better than sitting on my covered back porch, in the mornings, sipping a nice cup of coffee, with my morning paper or a good book, curled up in a blankie.. listening to the rain... as long as the wind isn't whipping, cuz if the wind is whipping about then well I'll get wet and well I don't want to get wet cuz then I would get cold and worse of all my coffee would get cold and that's just not acceptable.
Anyhow.. where was I.. ooohhh taking time out to enjoy things. Like that walk around the lake w/dogs & kids in tow. Sitting on a park bench in front of the fountains downtown watching the wee children of the community playing. Watching an eagle soar thru the sky. Whatever the case is, taking time out of your busy life to enjoy the small things. I never do that. It brings about a bit of peace, tranquility if you will. Life is so busy and non-stop that if you don't stop and look around you, your going to miss something.
Ive been trying to take the time out each week to do something. To take that extra 1/2 hr and just relax, appreciate, digest, whatever... it's important. I don't know if it actually brings a center of balance or whatever you want to call it. But for me. It helps. I'm always go go go go that I never stop and breath.
I get so worked up with the go go go that I tend to be on edge, not ok.. Ive had a hell of a road re-discovering who I am over the last few years.. the last few weeks have been even more of an eye opener for me. So many realizations of who I really am.. and how I really think. It's been mind opening.. and in some case's embarrassing and in other case's totally disgusting.
I had someone recently ask me to describe myself. I couldn't. How pathetic is that? I can physically describe me.. but to describe what I'm truly like, my thoughts, plans, outlook, who I perceive myself to be... I don't rightly know. Who I thought I was.. yeah.. but who I am upon this discovery road. I don't know.
So.. I asked a good friend of mine & co-worker to describe me. Normally, he has no problems with coming up with something. But he knows that I'm on this re-discovery. So he's going to think on it over the weekend. He says some of it I may not like, some of it may embarrass me, some of it I may argue about. But it will be a true & accurate out look.
Once I receive it.. I'll post it.. well maybe only the parts I like..
Anyhow.. other news:
Ive decided I'm never going to read our local paper again.
I know to many people in this sess pool that I call home.
This week alone, there have been 3 people that I personally know in the paper...
My son's uncle, from his dad's side of the family, he's a loser - meth addict.. got busted for pointing a laser pen at a State Patrol Plane that was in the air..
Then..a kid I used to watch, like 13 yrs ago, just registered as a Level 3 sex offender!!!
Todays paper... an ex friend of mine, had 31 animals seized from her home this week, and is facing animal & child neglect charges.
What a roller coaster week!!! Wow..
I need a new start..
Hmm.. maybe I'll move to Ireland, yeah, I don't know anyone there and I hear it's beautiful country
Peace & have a great weekend!!!
anyhow.. so, yeah I miss the rain. Nothing is better than sitting on my covered back porch, in the mornings, sipping a nice cup of coffee, with my morning paper or a good book, curled up in a blankie.. listening to the rain... as long as the wind isn't whipping, cuz if the wind is whipping about then well I'll get wet and well I don't want to get wet cuz then I would get cold and worse of all my coffee would get cold and that's just not acceptable.
Anyhow.. where was I.. ooohhh taking time out to enjoy things. Like that walk around the lake w/dogs & kids in tow. Sitting on a park bench in front of the fountains downtown watching the wee children of the community playing. Watching an eagle soar thru the sky. Whatever the case is, taking time out of your busy life to enjoy the small things. I never do that. It brings about a bit of peace, tranquility if you will. Life is so busy and non-stop that if you don't stop and look around you, your going to miss something.
Ive been trying to take the time out each week to do something. To take that extra 1/2 hr and just relax, appreciate, digest, whatever... it's important. I don't know if it actually brings a center of balance or whatever you want to call it. But for me. It helps. I'm always go go go go that I never stop and breath.
I get so worked up with the go go go that I tend to be on edge, not ok.. Ive had a hell of a road re-discovering who I am over the last few years.. the last few weeks have been even more of an eye opener for me. So many realizations of who I really am.. and how I really think. It's been mind opening.. and in some case's embarrassing and in other case's totally disgusting.
I had someone recently ask me to describe myself. I couldn't. How pathetic is that? I can physically describe me.. but to describe what I'm truly like, my thoughts, plans, outlook, who I perceive myself to be... I don't rightly know. Who I thought I was.. yeah.. but who I am upon this discovery road. I don't know.
So.. I asked a good friend of mine & co-worker to describe me. Normally, he has no problems with coming up with something. But he knows that I'm on this re-discovery. So he's going to think on it over the weekend. He says some of it I may not like, some of it may embarrass me, some of it I may argue about. But it will be a true & accurate out look.
Once I receive it.. I'll post it.. well maybe only the parts I like..
Anyhow.. other news:
Ive decided I'm never going to read our local paper again.
I know to many people in this sess pool that I call home.
This week alone, there have been 3 people that I personally know in the paper...
My son's uncle, from his dad's side of the family, he's a loser - meth addict.. got busted for pointing a laser pen at a State Patrol Plane that was in the air..
Then..a kid I used to watch, like 13 yrs ago, just registered as a Level 3 sex offender!!!
Todays paper... an ex friend of mine, had 31 animals seized from her home this week, and is facing animal & child neglect charges.
What a roller coaster week!!! Wow..
I need a new start..
Hmm.. maybe I'll move to Ireland, yeah, I don't know anyone there and I hear it's beautiful country
Peace & have a great weekend!!!
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