Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Mid quarter update!

Well Hello!!!!

So, follow-up on the boy child, he received a very minor sentence since it was his first offense he got a diversion process – had to complete 3 things pay some fines and he would be done with it. Collect some food for the food bank, go through a DUI impact panel, receive a drug/alcohol assessment. He did all 3… however the assessment came back that my baby boy has a bit of an addiction… so.. off to treatment he went… 3 days a week… one night a week is “family group counseling” that I’m not impressed with, as it has nothing to do with families, and more to do with just sitting there and listening. But I am there, once a week, for the next 8 weeks to support my son, and make sure he knows that we all make mistakes and we all come out of it. We learn and we grow and it is what it is. Hell I was there at that age too…

What amazes me, is out of the 11 kids in this group session… only a handful of parents attend, what amazes me is some parents attend, then don’t come back. What amazes me are the stories I hear from these teens of the psycho parents they have at home, or the lack of parenting that takes place. Yes, I realized there are these types of parents out there. Yes Yes I realize that my kid is not perfect nor am I a perfect parent, but I am involved! Your asking yourself, how can you be involved when your child has an addiction…didn’t I see it? No.. that’s just it… I didn’t see it.. because my son’s behavior never changed. There was no drastic changes in his behavior. Looking back I can see the little subtle changes….NOW.. but at the time.. nothing.. he still spent time with the family… he still laughed… he still had an appetite.. he didn’t withdraw.. there were no signs… that’s what’s so crazy…but he’s going on almost 70days sober…Im so very very proud of him!

My daughter is handling this all pretty well, except for the fact that all the attention has been focused on her brother and not her. So that’s been very hard for her to handle, but she’s handling it pretty well. She has cheer tryouts soon, I think she’s nervous, cheer is very cut throat, and vicious. I hope she makes it and yet, I have been talking to her about if she doesn’t make it that will be ok too. She seems to have the confidence that she will. Confidence is great… but being disappointed in the outcome I think is worse.

I quit smoking… January 4, and in return I’ve packed on some extra ass weight! Along with a spare tire, so started a life change today, eating healthier, drinking more water and just attempting little baby steps at getting this to go away.

The BF and I broke up… I dumped him about a month ago, he went out, got fall down stupid ass drunk came home and punched a hole in my hall wall and called my daughter a fucking little cunt. He’s lucky my brother was there when it all went down, or my son and I would of ended up in jail that night. The boy came flying out of his room ready to defend his sister. It warmed my heart. Even though the siblings fight like WWIII. So I’m single again… very happy about that.

Ok, That’s all folks

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Just need to breath

I totally forgot all about my little blog here.. well not totally forgot, just kind of put it to the far back areas of my brain and just left it to form cobwebs.

Well, August until about a week ago have been rather uneventful, so I suppose that’s always a plus, life has been trudging along. Work is work, home is home.

Until Friday.. when the police showed at my front door, with my 16yr old son. He decided to go out drinking with some buddies… then proceeded to get in a car w/some 22 yr old dumbass, who thought it would be fun to go joy riding…. They crashed… no, my son wasn’t driving… he was a passenger, the 22 yr old guy was driving.. he provided the kids alcohol, my son went along for the ride because…well I don’t rightly know why he went along for the ride. I have talked to this kid over and over and over again concerning drinking and driving and how you NEVER get into a car with someone who has been drinking. Sadly, the transmission did not actually make it into his brain cavity and imbed itself.

No one was hurt during the crash, thank GOD! The car was crashed into a utility pole. The idiots walked away from the accident and left the car wrapped around the pole. The Police found them at the 22yr olds residence. My son was arrested and brought home. The 22 yr old was arrested and hauled to jail. With a DUI, contributing to minors, & Hit and run charges.

My son is looking at a MIP/MIC (minor in possession/minor in consumption) charge. Im an evil Mother and told the police that I want the DA to pick up the charges because my kid did something horribly wrong and made a horribly bad judgment call and I will NOT allow him to feel he can get away with this!

So, were waiting for the court date to see what’s next. I have never felt so disgusted with my son, nor have I ever wanted to physically harm him. I asked the officer if he truly wanted to leave him in my custody. Because I have a temper and I could feel the blackout coming on. I can honestly say I had to hold my hands together. I did not yell. I did not fight. I looked at my son and told him. I loved him, I was glad he was safe and that no one else was hurt. However I was so disgusted and disappointed in him that I couldn’t look at him and to go to bed. I spoke to him Saturday evening. Cuz it took me that long to calm down. The “what if’s” kept me up all night.

So now it’s a hurry up and wait game……

As for the rest of my life… I think me and the man are done.. I haven’t completely decided… he’s so needy, and insecure, and needy… yes I know I already said needy… but he is. And not independent. I thought it was cute for awhile, but over the last month OY. It’s getting tiring. Follows me around like a little puppy dog. I just can’t think anymore. More on that later. I just need to think about it.

My daughter is doing ok, she’s backed up again, which reminds me Im off to make a Drs appt for her.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Catch up... not ketchup

Wow, I logged in after months of being away from blog land and see that I have 39 followers, just when did that happen? I'm flattered. Thank you..

So, I guess Ive been a little MIA... OK, not really life has been throwing some huge ass curve balls, as of yet I haven't been hit in the head with a fast pitch but damn my thigh hurts!

So, lets see whats new in my little slice of hell? I finally got my bike endorsement, I finally decided that I needed to feel the vibrations of my own big engine between my legs, one that I had control of, so I went out and passed the class and I am now legal!
I made the hard mental decision to allow my 16 yr old to start drivers education and obtain his driving permit, so far he's only tried to put us in a ditch once, so I suppose he's doing rather well.
My teenage daughter is having some medical issues... basically she's full of shit.. literally..no lie.. she's full of shit and the meds she is on are not working, I'm thinking it's gonna have to be some kind of procedure to un-shit the child (oh she would be mortified if she knew I was writing about this)

My oldest brother has moved in with me, that has been a HUGE undertaking, I never realized what a self-centered, egotistical, male chauvinistic ass he was, I mean is. Holy Wow what an eye opener it has been.

4 weeks til the kidletts are back in school... I am thankful that my kids are teenagers, I have a few high school friends who are just now starting their families, and frankly I just do not understand as to why? We will be 40 in a few short years, why oh why would you want to live these years w/small, crying, running amuck children? Then again, I guess they lived their lives early on. I am looking forward to my 40's with no small ones at my heels.

I am still employed.. woo hoo.. in this day an age that is a huge accomplishment!

Got a new man, ok ok, we have been together going on 9 months, that is HUGE.. He's good to me.. he's good to my kids.. and well I hate to say it, he spoils me to know end and treats my like a princess... well, a dark princess as I hate the flowers/frill and fluff.. but, he's good people, wonder how long before I fuck this one up?

Cheers everyone!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Who would of thunk it....

Well one of my loyal readers nominated me for a blog award.

At first I thought it was a big joke, but turns out someone really does like me.
Thank you loyal reader. Much appreciated....

so with that being said..... go vote for me, although I think I only have a few readers one or two is better than none to zero Righht

Sadly Im sitting in a hotel on hotel wi-fi... and I cant seem to get anything to link up the way it's suppose to.

I decided to take a small vaca away from life and responsibilities and drove my happy ass to Reno.
So far the winning gods have been very fickle. But, the drinking gods have been kind. Meaning I havnt woke up with a hangover yet, so either the drinks are weak or Im just not drinking.
Either way Im relaxing and that's what is important.
Heading home tomorrow (Wednesday) gonna make that lovely drive home back to the world of responsibilities, work, kids, animals and and and... woo hoo... life is life I suppose.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

It's an Orange...

You know life sometimes gets in your way, prohibits you from being who you are, who you want to be, where you currently are, or where u really wish to be. That has been me. My days have made me feel like a rat, running in circles on a large metal wheel. Not really feeling like I'm getting anywhere, just running in circles in place... over and over and over again.

Yes, there have been some bright spots. Some joyous moments. My kids are doing great. I got an awesome bonus from work. I moved out of my hell hole apartment into a beautiful big house. I finally met the man of my dreams. Who adores me, my kids and the Noah's ark that I have created.

But some days, I still feel that there is something missing. But what? What is it that could make me feel all that much more complete? Honestly, I have my health, which by the way was touch and go for awhile with the damn pneumonia and bronchitis and stupid ass colds that just wont let go. I have my children.. who have been doing marvelous. I have my new Man... who adores my big butt... my tummy w/the imperfections... my wild antics... he is so mellow compared to me.. we fit amazingly well together, and most importantly my kids really like him.
So the question is what?

Hmmmm... maybe it's time to stop thinking of whats missing, and start moving through life thinking that all's well. Nothing is missing, life is finally where it's suppose to be.

That's a novel concept huh?!


Monday, November 02, 2009

Lack of want

Lately it’s been abnormal to see a smile on my face, life has been so crazy busy, hectic, stressful, dull, annoying and well pissy!
That when I do actually have a smile on my face people tend to wonder what I am actually up to. I hate to sound like a broken record and I’m most positive that I’m not the only one w/in this great big world of ours that is not having a great 2009. I’m truly hoping for a bright 2010.

But lately, life has been full of one big disappointment after another.

My kid’s fathers… huge disappointments in the Daddy arena. They just can’t seem to pull their heads outta their asses to step up and do what needs to be done to take care of their half of the responsibilities. My son’s father blames it all on me.. I left him, so therefore it’s all my responsibility. My daughters father… well… I don’t even know where to begin there, so let’s just suffice it to say that it’s most important for him to either impregnate as many women as possible or smoke up his entire life.
Im telling ya, I sure do know how to pick them!

But lately… there has been very little to smile about. My kids make me smile. Even if they are teenagers, and are slowly driving me drink (kidding I don’t drink anymore than normal) I’ve been really sick… the plus side of being sick is that I’ve pretty much kicked the smoking habit. Although I’m not saying I’m a non-smoker. I’m just saying... I haven’t had one for a week now because I’ve been so sick and I do not even desire one. So that’s a plus.

I met someone who makes me smile.
It’s all about the person’s personality.

I adore his personality.
He makes me laugh
He makes me smile
He makes me feel
He makes me happy

I don’t want to feel, be happy, laugh or smile

Because when it all goes away what are you left with?


I can’t go there again

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The teen years can suck my dick!!!

This sucks! I can not remember a time in my life where I have ever felt like my kids have been so out of control.

The teen years. Yes.. the dreaded awful teen years!
I'm surprised the fire department hasn't appeared at my home more often with all the smoke rising from the rafters - due to my head exploding.

Where to begin?
The boy child... holy wow.. he's almost 16 -sophmore in High School - 3 months shy of driving privileges - however his attitude and grades are stopping him from ever receiving his right to drive under my roof. Yet, he continuously bugs me about letting him drive. I say "I'm sorry, you have no permit to drive"
Do you know what happens next?
That's right - I get called names. I'm the most uncool Mother in the world.
The unfairness of it all!
Im told Im unfair - Im making stupid rules - his friends are allowed to drive (oh wait THEY have permits)
Needless to say.... he hates me...
He seems to have forgotten also the fact that he lives there too - he can make any mess he wants and yet he doesnt have to clean it up. No picking up after himself - no dishes - that he can come and go as he pleases - I ask him to do something I get the response "I'll do it later" but amazingly enough Later never seems to come.. it's more along the lines of NEVER - and now he also seems to think that he doesnt have to do homework.

The girl child - I cant deal with hormonal tween girls - she's going to be 13 - in just over 2 weeks she will be 13 - I think she has been possesed w/the demon from Emily Rose... she is going to cause me to commit random acts of violence. D R A M A!
Holy shit.. Ive never seen so much drama in my life - everything is a catastraphe - everything is an emergency - everything is all about her.. right at that moment..and all moments inbetween!
Her life is her friends & her cell phone.
She seems to think it's ok to talk to me any damn way she feels is necessary to get what she wants.

Ive had enough!
Im going to loose it!
Im regaining my home!
Im regaining myself!

I have informed my children that Im not here to be their friend.
Im here to be their parent and to make sure that they make it to the age of 18 w/good solid fundementals under their belts and hopefully smart enough to make some good choices in their lives.
But - until that point moment and time.. IM IN CHARGE!

the teen years... can suck my DICK!