Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Old Memories = Good Times

Waking up this morning in my fogged sleep mind
bits and pieces of my dream started to come back to me,
I was dreaming about an old memory, back to the day I met
the first man I ever fell in love with. I was 16, well barely 16.
I met Jim, on a crisp fall day, after school, I was 2 weeks shy of my 16th birthday
and he was almost 24. Most would say, he was a pedophilia. I say, he was gorgeous,
kind, sincere, sensitive, and well... the one.

He literally swept me off of my feet that afternoon, took my breath away, we talked
for hours sitting at the park, we laughed & talked and it was as if, I had known him for years.
As if, he had been waiting for me forever.
Ok, now at this young tender age, what did I know about love? What did I know about being a grown-up, about being mature? Well the nice thing about it, is I didn't have to be a grown up, I didn't have to act mature. He wanted me for me. He didn't expect for me to change, and he didn't try to mold me into something that I wasn't. He wanted ME... Not someone else.

Once he found out I wasn't 16 yet, he told me that we couldn't start dating until that point. Ok, but had I ever told him that we would date?
2 weeks later, the day before my 16th birthday, his best friend Mark walked up to me, asked me if the following day was my birthday, I said yes, and he stated to me... " Tomorrow, your Jim's new girl!"
No question, no comments, and so mote it be.
I was ecstatic!!! The day I had dreamt about... I belonged to someone...
Jim and I started dating, and everything was great, he treated me like a queen
he placed me on a pedestal, and lavished me with small gifts, his laughter, his friendship
his trust. In return, I gave him everything I could, including my heart, my soul.. my all!!!

Jim and I dated off and on for almost 3 years, we had our bumpy roads, we had some of the best memories that I hope to never forget.
Now, my teen years were very turbulent.. As you have read from my first posts... I actually left home starting at 14 off and on till I was 18, I had some great times, some really scary times, and some really depressing times. But the 3 yrs I spent w/Jim.. were some of the happiest, and most highest times Ive ever had!

Of course, all good things have to come to an end. Jim was never far from my thoughts. Always a reminder of my youth and you never truly forget your true love.

I ran into him when I was about 27, years after he and I had gone our seperate ways. We rekindled a bit of the old magic, but then I realized that he wasnt truly the "one" but more along the lines of an old flame w/in my heart that would not go out. We seperated our ways and moved on in life, then when I was sitting at home one evening, I got a call from an old friend who I used to spend alot of time with, and recieved the bone chilling words that I will never forget.
"Are you alone? Are you sitting down? I have something to tell you and I dont know how to say this. But Jim was found yesterday morning, and he's dead."
I sat on my couch, listening to the T.V. and looking out the sliding glass doors, the rain was falling, the wind was blowing the sun was setting in the sky. And at that moment, a piece of me died w/him. A vision I will never forget, a screen shot w/in my mind of time standing still
Tears ran down my face, and scenes of yester-year flashed back like an old movie reel.
Things I had forgotte, or thought I had, remembered. Never forgotten

Memories are best never to be forgotten. He will never be lost, as long as I remember.
The laugh
The touches
The siren
The love

Forever and always James... you will always be close to my heart
and forever remembered.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Courageous Children

Driving in to work this morning, the rain has finally gone, and the sun was shinning, which was causing a traffic delay on the freeway as it was so bright and beautiful that it was blinding.
Listening to 106.1 over the last few days as they were doing their marathon for Childhood Disease's trying to raise money for the Childrens Hospital in Seattle (great cause donate now) , and realized as I was looking at the blinding sun rays, that I my life does have purpose, and I still have my children.

Im listening to Bender yesterday afternoon, as he plays back an interview w/an 8 yr old boy, who had cancer. Listening to the brave voice and words of a child who was so sick, but kept up such a brave front for everyone around him. Who defined in my eyes the true meaning of courage. As I am driving, I started to cry, thinking of my own children, and unable to even imagine for a second what it would be like to have to bury my child at the young tender age of 8.
After the interview w/this 8yr old (his name was Kevin) Bender the radio host starts to interview the father of this courageous child and you can hear the tears in his voice. Both the radio host and the father crying, talking about Kevin. And I realized, that I just needed to say Thank you to God. Selfish of me I know.. But, Thank you God, for not putting my family through such a horrific event.

To Kevin's family, the courageous 8 yr old, who lost his battle to cancer just before Christmas 2005. I am so very sorry for your loss.

To anyone who reads this. There are so many children out there, who have to fight day to day to just stay alive, to breath w/out pain and use every ounce of their being to wake up every morning.
Please donate to the Childrens Hospistal either w/in your own local community or here in Seattle. The monies go to research to find a cure for childhood disease so that these children can have a better chance at survival and to be able to wake up tomorrow w/out the worries and concerns that they currently have.

Please... support your local Childrens Hospital.

Fight today!!! For a better Tomorrow!!