Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Spooks/Ghouls & night creatures

Ah.. Halloween.. Im not a huge fan...
Last night my daughter reminds me as we are leaving the gym that I havnt gotten her a Halloween costume yet... (bad bad bad Mommy)

So we rush over to Party City... and rush into a hord of people who are all just like me and waiting til the last minute to accomplish what needs to be done for their little demons.......
Of course.. we got slim pickin's...
Tinkerbelle???? doesnt fit...
A devil.... no.. to cold
An ange... so not her
A Baby... to normal
so forth and so on.. she pulled out costumes.. she tried them on.. she carried things around.. she would put them back..
After an Hr... I say..
Forget it.. you can go as yourself.. lets get out of here!!!!

Mind you.. I have my costume.. a pink fuzzy hat, beads, and Margarita sunglasses.. Im Mardi Gras baby!!!

My daughter decides....................... Clown
thats it.. a clown..
hair, socks, makeup, tie, shoe covers, suspenders... and gawd only know's what else cuz I dont remember...
We finally get out of there...
and only spent $80!!!! on what?????

so.. a little scary story to share:

4 yrs ago... I awoke to a noise in the apartment... a deep male voice saying
now.. hmm.... since it was just me and my kids.. and no grown men.. yeah.. got a little freaked..
and I hear again... " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE"
I sit up in bed, and think to myself.. where are the kids.. my daughter was in bed w/me, as she had crawled in w/me.. and my son was in his room.. or was he???
I get up quietly.. I grab my bat and head into the hall way..
There is my son... standing in his bedroom door.. looking down the hall way and says to me
"There is a man in the front room Mom, go back to bed, I have it under control!"
Excuse me...???? Go back to bed??? You have it under control???? Mind you, my wee little boy is normally afraid of his shadow...and he was only like 10 at the time..
and I hear again...
I flip on the hall light..
and there is NOONE there.. I checked the whole house..
noone.. anywhere.. doors locked.. all windows locked.. empty.. beside me & the kids..
I go back to my son.. and he's curled up on the floor in my room next to my bed..
I wake him up..
he looks at me and says..
"Mom.. there was a man floating in the hall way.. did you make him leave????"
"yeah baby... he's gone.. get in bed"

The next morning.. he remembers nothing...
He doesnt remember the voice... he doesnt remember curling up on the floor..
all he remembers is that his room got really cold.. and he couldnt get warm...

Where did the voice come from?????

Happy Tricking!!!!
Hope everyone gets a treat!!!


Monday, October 30, 2006


Yep.. Thank Gawd it's Monday.. and my weekend is over!

Saturday evening... Halloween party was actually fun. Good Times were had by all.. little drama.. but not much.. well except for S is no longer talking to me. Cuz I had enough and called her on her shit, in front of J.. and other friends.

Yep..Im the bitch..
Yep... I put a stop to everything
Yep.. Im ok with it.

Did I do the right thing? Probably not.. but.. grow up.. be mature.. be a fucking ADULT!!!
it's ok to look and to admire..
it is not ok to touch.. that is going over the limits..
she touched..
I said something..

J.. well... he and I talked exstensively on Sunday.. and he just wants to make sure that I believe and trust him. He said that he really wants me to believe and trust him, it's important to him, I dont understand why.. but.. I do.. because as of yet, he has done nothing to where that would be null and void.
I informed him.. he looses my trust, then there is no friendship! He will cease to exist to me.

I dont know what to beleive..
what I hate to admit.. is that... he's a good guy.. decent..fun to hang with and I enjoy his company.
Since another gentlemen that I would really like to enjoy has disappeared yet again in my life. I could easily pass the time w/J...that scares me.....

S blamed the whole thing on me.. of course she did.. that's fine.. I told her Im done.. I cant continue on this fucked up path that seems to be the road her and I contineousely walk down together. I refuse to accept the blame.. she is an adult, and can make her own choices/decisions. Nice thing about taking responsibility for your actions.. you have a choice.. and she choose what she did..

Im saddened at the turn of events tho. Because it put her in a totally different light than what Ive always known her to be.
I dont know how to deal with that.
The fact that I told her I liked J...(so that she would think twice b4 reacting the way she did) and to know that she would hit on him anyway..
1) while she's married
2) when there are others around
3) knowing that me, her BF, is in "like" w/him.. and she did it anyway...

I need new friends I think!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Devils Advocate!!

Yep..thats me, Devils Advocate.. or.. am I just adding fuel to the fire?
Or both???

So, last night S & I are sittin' around, having a few drinks talking. She's telling me about her messed up life.. so forth and so on... and me in my brilliant wisdom..
lets txt J..
dumb dumb dumb..

long story short.. tomorrow night J & I and some other friends were going to go to a Halloween party.. my friend got sick.. so she has cancelled, I informed J to come up w/plan B.. and he asked if I had.. and I had.. and me in my stupid buzzed state invited him along.
Now.. you would think.. whats the big????

Well S & her husband will be there!!! dumb dumb dumb duuuuumb!!!!
he say's its no big deal, he wont hit on her, he says he's past it..
she is overly excited cuz she gets to see him.
and Im right dab stuck in the fucking middle of it.. why?
well duh..I put myself there...why???
Two reasons... one.. they need to get the fuck past it..
two..she asked for it.. I just figured it will be better w/her husband there..

Well? dont hold back.. tell me your thoughts..
wait..am I in high school again????

Thursday, October 26, 2006

I got Tagged...


I got Tagged!!!! This one was from ~D~...
My first Tag... sweet!!!! here we go.. hold on for the ride

1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Where to start.. um.. he didnt realize that having another baby while w/me was a no no.. he didnt realize that stealing all the money from my purse and wiping out my checking account and totalling my car was a no-no.. I guess he just didnt realize that he should stop breathing and leave this earth... go away and never return again.. then again.. I realized to late what a dumb ass he is!!

2. When was the last time you shaved? Every morning in the shower.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? just gettin to work, gettin my breakfast, coffee, and opening everything up.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading ~D~'s blog, checking email

5. Are you any good at math? hm...lets think about this.. NO!!!!

6. Your prom night? Was not attended by me... I was probably sitting in some back alley, smoking a bowl or doing a line.. (see previous posts)

7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Rumor has it, that I may be related to Rober The Bruce (King of Scotland) havnt been able to confirm that.. but.. who knows

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Yep..and took me FOREVER to pay off!!!

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?

10. Last thing received in the mail? a dentist bill... lovely...

11. How many different beverages have you had today? coffee.. just IV drip the coffee into my veins.. that will do pig..that will do!!

12. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine? depends on who Im calling

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? hmmm... that was a long ass time ago.. I believe it was Areosmith... from what I remember it was a good concert!!

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? no.. but I draw weird little designs

15. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had? getting my braces tightened my freshmen yr of high school.. that fucking dentist wrenched so hard on my teeth that I ended up hitting him. Needless to say, he told my mother to find a new orthodontist :)

16. What is out your back door? the yard.. fenced in, with to many freakin dogs running around...

17. Any plans for Friday night? taking my daughter to her first concert. She loves country music, so Im taking her to see Jodee Messina...

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? yep.. to much popcorn..but yummy

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? um.. dont think so

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? yeah.. I can get 2 showers outta one towel

22. Some things you are excited about? excited about? Im going to Reno next weekend.. Im excited about that.. other than that.. not much..I lead a boring life!!!

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Im gonna use the same answer here from ~D~.. I don’t eat jello anymore. I got grossed out when I found out what jello is. however.. jello is ok when there are shots involved!! JELLO SHOTS BABY!!!!

24. Describe your keychain(s)? it's just keys.. well until a few days ago.. my daughter put a Washington DC key ring on it that she found when cleaning her room.

25. Where do you keep your change? In the bottom of my purse.. I clean it out once a month and put it all in a large jar.. when the jar get's full the kids and I take it to one of those coin counters in the grocery store, and depending on how much is there we use it to treat ourselves to whatever. Movies, ice cream, skating.. its our fun :)

26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? every Friday at our staff meeting, there are 32 in our group.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own? I have a black leather jacket, and a down green jacket.. I need a new one tho.. but.. I hate shopping

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? sunny I think.. I dont remember..that was um.. over 15 yrs ago.

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? yes... I cant stand being closed in!!!

This was fun.. thanks ~D~

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Drama cooled off.. and now.. he wont leave me be!!

So the drama finally cooled down..
not after my friend S's friend M called me and wanted me to give her his #
and I got all sorts of pissy again...
standing in my kitchen, and started yelling.. then I took it outside, and was still yelling
and needless to say..we have all come to an understanding..
he and I are still associating w/each other.. it has no reflection on me what he does and whom he does it with, as long as he leaves me and my friends out of it.
S & I decided that we would not discuss him anymore... and that it was a closed issue and she and I are good to go.
J keeps txtng me.... saw him last Saturday and he got pissy that I was ignoring him and not talking to him so he left early. Wanted to know what my problem was and why was I being so grouchy. I wasnt.. Im just disappointed in him, and well, he's not worth my time. I dont get it..
any ideas?

On to other notes.. I have no life!!!
oh.. wait.. hear me out before you judge..
I once befriended a girl at work...she met a guy.. they got together.. I went with her to his house once, his cousin was there.. we all started playing a board game, nothing happened, we all got a little tipsy, she decided to go to bed, the cousin went to bed too that left the BF and I sitting at the table.
I stood up, was standing in the kitchen door way, we were talking. He got up, came towards me, and put his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him and tried to kiss me. I stopped him (never mind that he is extremely attractive and I liked him)
I decided it was time to go home.
the next day I fought w/myself to determine if I should tell my friend or not.. I decided I should..and he of course denied it. So be it.
They were together off and on for a few yrs. Her friendship and mine took it's toll as she was emotionally unstable, I couldnt handle it any longer so I ended the friendship.
He and I stayed in contact, via email and phone.
Then.. one night, he and I got together, and I experienced some mind blowing sex. OMG!!
At the time, she was still my co-worker and had NO clue what was going on between he and I. They were no longer together, however she contineously was contacting him and beggin him for a 2nd chance.
Do you know how hard that is to be laying in bed w/him and listening to him talk to her. Listing to her cry and plead to give her a 2nd chance?
Then to have to face her the next day at work?

Anyhow.... he moved away for some time, to get himself in order and now, he's back.
We have seen each other since he's been back. But we have not been together since he's been back, he told me at one point that he wanted to prove to me that he was not the person he once was. That he's someone else.

I want him. I need to be with him. I could find myself totally falling for him. And that scares the hell out of me. I dont want to fall for him, because he will more than likely hurt me. Why do I think that? Because I sabatoge all my relationships. Waiting for the ineviteble to happen.
But I could find myself loving him.
And that would freak my family out. Why? Because, he's African-American! Not so much my family. But one brother and my father. They would tweak! not that they are prejudice. Just, well, stand-offish..
I have told him that I care. I dont think he believes me, because of the hard-ass core that I portray myself to be.

It scares the hell out of me.
but I would love to be in his arms right now.


Thursday, October 19, 2006

Drama belongs in High School

Drama makes the world go round..

Round 2!!!
Text messaging war!!!

me: Steppin out on your spouse/significant other is a form of cheating.. and your ok w/that?
J: How do you know she is happy? You could be obstructing her happiness!
me: What did she say to you that made you think she wasnt?
me: Ive known here for 20+ yrs... she happy... bark up another tree!!!!
J: then why does she want to see me?
me: she was flattered someone besides her hubby was paying attention to her
J: Im not buying that!
me: it wasnt for sale!

At this point, I got pissed, and I was driving ( it's really fucking hard to drive and txt message) so I called him...
Me: Hi.. look.. you dont have an effing clue what is going on w/her and her husband.. she is happy.. she get's tipsy.. she hit's on guys.. but it goes NO where from there.. deal with it.. and dont even think about it. I didnt realize you were that kind of guy..
are you really that type of guy?
J: wouldnt be the first.. or the last, what business is it of yours what she does.. or who she does it with.
me: your right.. it's none of my business.. normally.. but this is my business.. I love her hubby like a brother.. and Im a surrogate Aunt to her chilren!!!
Wow.. that's all I gotta say..Wow..
J: what are you wow'in me for
me: my opinion of you just rolled to the bottom of my shoes..you are now lower than the scum that is on the bottom of my shoe. You want to mess w/married women..be my guest, but you leave my friends out of it. Have a good evening and good bye

And I hung up!

he txt me back
J: are you going to talk to me anymore, or am I automattically a dick
me: your a dick.. and Im extremely disappointed!
J: Well Im not married so dont be mad
me: but she is!
J: True... but dont be hatin
me: Im not hatin... it takes emotions & feelings to hate another.. I feel nothing for you.. your nothing!
J: are we still on for the Halloween part?
(mutual plans were made prior to all this for me to attend a Halloween party w/a friend of mine which is where I met him)
me: Im still going
J: you dressing up?
me: nope.. so your still going?
J: yea...aint txt messaging fun?
me: it's a way to communicate
J: and it's fun too... so there!!!!

ok.. can I ask a question here now? WTF?
and yes.. I txt him back..Im so OCD (opsessive compulsive disorder) when it comes to messaging..I have to answer.. I have to have the last word!!!

me: dressing up for Halloween means you can be someone your not
J: what are you trying to say?
me: look in a mirror.. be someone else!
J: it will be fun, Im looking forward to it
me: it's fun to get out of the house
J: hell yeah it is
me: yep yep

I win... !!!! I had the last word.. aww yea!!!

I called S... and told her that he wanted her #.. but I refused to play a part in it, and I told him no..she said...... are you ready.... "dont you think that is my decision to make?"
my reply..was.. yep..it's your decision.. but Im gonna play devils advocate here, and tell you.. his # is on my cell.. you want it.. fine.. dont let me find out that your seeing him, and steppin out on your hubby.. cuz if I do.. I will tell.. because I will NOT play a part in this.. and if he's willing to allow you to cheat on your hubby..what does that tell you about his character..
to which she replied.. what does that say about my character if I want to step out on my husband.. I love my husband.. I only wanted to see him again because I was drunk.. and because it's nice to feel attractive, and wanted.. from someone else beside your husband.. I dont WANT him..
And now.. she really doesnt want to see him.. (so she says)

Im still upset.. why?
who knows..

Im still infatuated.. hopefully I will see Mr.Ib (infatuation boy)
soon.. cuz I need to feel validated.. :)


Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I dont get people

So.. continued on from my birthday evening...

J (the guy my friend S threw herself at)
just called..
he wants her #... he wants to see her
he didnt call me.. he called another friend of mine..
so.. I sent him a txt msg.. and told him that I would not provide him her #
because I would not play a part in breakin up her marriage, she was drunk..
and there are small children at home.. and who the hell does he think he is to want that?

Yeah..Im pissed.. then again.. to be honest w/myself.. I know why Im pissed.. we all went out last weekend.. w/out my friend S.. and I thought he and I hit it off.. stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!
I should of known.. NOONE ever goes for me..

but still.. she's married.. OMG!!!!
you cant be serious.. yeah..Im pissed.. really really pissed
and so I txt him.. and he see's nothing wrong w/it..

OH.. Im mad at that!!!!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

My Birthday evening

My day of birth.. came and went.. good day.. here's a quick run down...

Woke up early.. (why do I always wake up early on the weekends? Yet, cant get my ass outta bed in the mornings for work?)
Got my wee man to his baseball game, and we lost.. damn it!!! But, it was a good game.
Headed home, my brother was there and he made me a big birthday lunch.. B-B-Que chicken, corn on the cob, potato salad.. yummy yummy yummy...
Hung w/him for awhile.. and then went to meet my friend S for a few drinks when she got of work.. we talked, we drank and good times...
Around 6:30... time for me to get home get fancied up head to T-Town to meet some other friends.. only.. S.. doesnt want to go home, so she get's permission from her hubby to go w/me..
and the fun begins!!!!

Lord almighty did she get wasted.. and proceed to hit on every man in the bar.. especially my friend T's ex-brother in law.. which by the way, doesnt know she's married..
one thing leads to another.. and I finally have to let him know.. um.. hey.. she's married...

No..they didnt make out, they didnt sleep together.. but, hands were roaming.. and looks/winks/words were exchanged..

It's been a few weeks since that night.... and she is still talking about him.. and how she has to see him and wants me to set it up, and Im mad at that!
She's fucking married.. she said her I do.. she has a man..
leave the single ones to those that are single.. damn it!!!
Yes Ive talked to her, but she says I dont understand. Ok..what dont I understand????
Oh..that YOUR MARRIED!!!!!?????????????????

Im infatuated w/someone... and I cant get him outta my mind.. and it's been along time since Ive felt this way about someone.. and Im freaked out, cuz he's beautiful.. good looking.. and hot.. and well.. Im so NOT his type.. so help me snap the fuck outta this ok?!

yeah.. work. gotta work..

Friday, October 06, 2006

Happy Birthday!!! To.......

It's my birthday tomorrow..
It's my birthday tomorrow..
another year older.. but am I any wiser?
Sure I am.. hey... it's my birthday.. and if I wanna be wiser
then so be it!!!

I got into work.. and my cube is all decorated..
confetti, streamer, birthday signs...
the one that cracks me up..

Life is not passing you by.. it's trying to run you over!
LOL.. love it..

I have to vases' of roses... I love roses's.. and I never get rose's..
I got Pot o Gold chocolates..
Homemade Blackberry wine..
and...the whole dept made a huge breakfast spread..
French toast, sausage, eggs, fruit, bacon, potatoes
makin's for breakfast burritos
chocolate milk, oj, apple juice

They like me..
they really like me!!!!

Sometimes you wonder..
if your liked..
I think I am..


Monday, October 02, 2006


I attended a funeral yesterday, and I started thinking about death ever after (or is that marriage.. diff post)

As I sat there listening to all the things that were accomplished for her 70+ years on this earth, I started to think.. what have I accomplished???? What will be remembered for my time on this earth? Will I be remembered? Im sure I will be..
But.. what do I want my memorial to be like?
I want a party!!!
Prop my dead ass up in the corner recliner, wearin' jeans/t-shirt.. throw on some sunglasses, and put a nice cold drink in my cold stiff hand... pull the keg outta the closet.. and put on some loud tunes.. I want everyone to rejoice.. that I came, I lived, I loved, and moved on..

But what am I moving on to? Is it Heaven or Hell for me?
Neither.. as Im not a believer.. once ya die.. you die.. and that's that..
my SNL (sis n law) is a believer..
She says I will go to Heaven.. but will I?
so.. here's what I came up with.. there has to be different stages to Heaven.
Because.. what about those of us.. who care, just not that much.. we kind to animals and the elderly. We dont steal, we dont kill, but yet we cuss, and have sex w/out marriage.
Well... we will get to heaven..
but instead of Heaven w/wings and halos'..
it's the servents entrance... but hey.. it's still heaven.. so all's well.

So.. when I die, I will be pulled from my death bed by a messenger of the higher power that is, given a number,and over the loud speaker.. we will hear
" Welecome to the last ride of your life... heading to your after-life, if your paper has a 1, please get off the elevator on Floor 1, servents entrance.. as you were semi good during your human existance.. you will now need to perform a number of tasks to be granted your wing's & halo's.. please step outta the elevator, and stand outside the puter gates... those with a 2.. .welecome to Heaven.. the pearly gates will be directly in front of you once the elevator doors open. Wings & halos are to the left. Thank you for riding the Everafter Express"

Im ok w/the servents quarter.. I mean hell doesnt sound like such a hot place after all.. get it.. HOT.. LOL.. I crack my ass up!!!
but hey... I look at it this way.. At least I get to taste the Philly Cream Cheese before I have to deliver it.. LMAO!!!!