Thursday, January 24, 2008

Insane Asylum ramblings

It's sad, when you sit back and start analyzing your life.... Im 35 yrs old.. and I feel like I have accomplished none of the things in life that I would of like to of accomplished by now.
Yet, I have overcome so much in my life, that in a sense, I have over come so much.
I kicked drugs...
I finished school..
Got off the streets...
Have a great job (even if Im not impressed w/it at the moment)
I have 2 beautiful children.. when I was told at 16 that I would never carry a child to term

So why is it, that I am so unhappy with my situation?

******subject change******

2/8/08 - Im going to a Bi-gathering at a alternative lifestyle home. Hell, Im not sure exactly what you wanna call it. However, Im really excited.. oh oh.. it's a swinger party gathering place. I guess that's what you call it. So anyhow, this Friday they are having new couples night.. but I found out to late, so Im unable to attend.. but on the 8th, it's Bi female night.. and since that's what I want to explore.. Im going!!!!! I just hope that guys are invited too.. cuz Im NOT going by myself. Besides...I think he would get a total kick outta watching a couple girls go at each other.. LOL - and I think it would be a turn on, having him watch me and someone else playing around with each other.. cuz well that's the type of thing he's into..

That damn man is a drug.. I swear, I have tried and tried to brk it off w/him.
But, something draws me back to him. I dont know what exactly it is.. but something just keeps me coming back for more... the sex is FABULOUS.. but there's other things too.. I dont know... because I probably really should move on.. but he is helping me to explore things that I really am curious about.. then again.. I could end up in a shit load of trouble too..
gotta think on that...

And that's all I got..
Nothing else..

Im out

Monday, January 14, 2008

A statistical nightmare

As I was speaking to a co-worker today about children and adolescence behaviour.
She made a statement to me that caused me to pause.

I was discussing how I had to go head to head w/my daughters school counselor and principal just to get her tested because all of the sudden her grades dropped and she went from an A student to a D-F student and I felt that the school was leaving her behind.

The co-worker states to me...
"There are very few women that intimidate me, and I can honestly say, you are one that does!"

It caused me to pause when she said this.
I wasnt sure how to re-act, or what to say..
I stood there, looked at her, and basically just moved on and said nothing.

So I then brought it up to another co-worker...
and I asked him...if he thought I was intimidating.. his reply is as follows:

Me: Seriously.. am I intimidating?
him: Physically as a guy no--for your brains yes at times
him: You are a statistical nightmare at times with your breadth of knowledge of things
him: and how quick you can spit them via memory
me: statistical nightmare.. LOL.. that's funny
Me: I just thought it was kind of a weird statement
Him: You can be menacing
me: menacing.. ???
me: Webster defines menacing as:a person whose actions, attitudes, or ideas are considered dangerous or harmful
me: Im a pussy cat
me: w/claws
him: Yes like when you play ping pong
him: I saw you threaten M with Physical violence
me: well yeah.. that's M tho..
Him: Yes but others would see that and then fear
me: only those that dont know me.. M just laughs at me

Ping of our depts here in the office decided to put a ping pong table in the lunch room, and took it out as a dept expense.. not sure how they got that one ok'd.. but.. it's turned into a HUGE success...
Our office has aprox, 250+ employee's.. soooo... we have tournaments and when some of us get really stressed we head down and hit that little ball around. It's been a pretty interesting release, plus Ive met employees' I wouldnt normally meet..
So.. that's what he's talking about.. cuz I didnt know how to play ping pong.. and then M wanted to play one day so down we went, and I would threaten him.. hahah.. just cuz he's really good.. and me.. Not so much..

Guess I should get back to work..


Thursday, January 10, 2008

2008 - new beginnings

Every new year, you make resolutions to better yourself. To loose weight, clean the house, take better care of yourself, stop smoking, not drink so much, be nice to friends and family... blah blah blah..

This year.. Im making only one resolution...
To get intouch with myself better.... to explore my sexual nature.

Last February, I experienced my first bi-moment - is that what the techincal term would be?Not sure...
At first, I wasnt to keen on the idea, I wasnt sure if I would or wanted to even experience it.
But, as the evening wore on. The more I drank, the more the idea appealed to me.

Having another womens hands skimming my body was actually quit the afrodisiac.
Looking down, into a womens eyes, while she suckled on my breast, was something I never expected to find to be such a turn on.
Feeling her fingers, circle my clit, then to dart in and out of my hot, moist, wet..... well.. anyhow.. sorry, this isnt a porn site, but I think you get the picture...

Ive dreamt about the evening alot.. I mean, I had kissed women before, but it usually was during moments of complete and total drunkenness.. so it really never mattered, but the idea's had or have always been there.

I never did go down on her, I couldnt bring myself to do that, I guess I expected her to do all the work, but now, I think to myself.. I want to experience more (and damn could that women lick!!)
I did finger her, that was interesting.. to bring another women to climax just by my fingers. It was rather exhilirating... but, can I bring myself to bring her to climax w/my tongue? I dont know.. but it's something I need & want to explore.

So, this years resolution is to finally fulfill one of my "fantasy's"... for lack of a better term. Just thinking about it gets me excited. I guess Im finally ready to really explore a different side of my sexuality. Dont get me wrong... I still love men... but.. I find myself looking at women in a different light. I look at their breast's, their lips, their hands. How they look, how they smell.
Their voices, manner of speach... it's a turn on.

So.. Im bi curious. It's not a bad thing, and Im really looking forward to exploring this.
Im looking forward to seeing if what Im missing in life, that piece that is missing during sex, that over all fulfillment.. Im looking forward to seeing if it's the same w/a women.

So.. I will keep you updated - for those that are curious....and for those that this gross's you out.. well sorry.. there's an X up in the right hand corner that can take you out of here - lickity pun's intended...

Happy 2008!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Tagged and Im it!!!!

Ok Weekends.. here ya go..

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.Seven random/weird facts about me...

1) I love my soda (when I drink it) room temperture.. I can NOT stand my soda cold..
same w/my water.. it has to be room temp..

2) When I scoop ice cream out of the carton into my waiting bowl.. I have to pop it into the microwave for 10-15 seconds....

3) I pick my toes... I know I know.... gross gross gross... but I love to dig at my toenails, and clean out all the "gunk" before I go to bed

4) I work in an office full of about 30 people.. some days it's like working in a morgue.. sooo.. I will pop off loudly singing show tunes.. such as "Love Boat" or "The Great Space Coaster"

5) Im a finger tapper.. Im always tapping my fingers against, desks, cups, steering wheel what ever is there and will make noise

6) Im a popper (just like weekends) my knuckles, knees, back, toes, neck.. anything to release the stress

7) The kids and I have fart wars... so far my daughter has the longest...... the boy has the stinky, eye's watering, burn the back of your throat.. and well mine.. LOUD!!!!

Thank you all for reading...
Im not gonna tag anyone.. but.. if you want to play along, leave it in my comments.. sometimes it's fun to learn about your fellow blogging buddies!!!!


Christmas turned out pretty good.. amazingly enough

We had our family Christmas part on the 21'st.. it's not a Christmas w/out at least one family argument.. and this year was not a let down.. my brother and his wife had a huge falling out about 3 days prior to our family party.. it was HUGE.. he moved out even... sides were being chosen, new arrangments for the family get together were being made...

When I finally called an end to it!!! I told both of them to let go and move the hell on.. this wasnt the time of year to be arguing and trying to have sides drawn.

Amazingly enough, all turned out well.. and we had a FABULOUS time...

Christmas Eve... nothing to write home about.. didn nada..
Christmas Morning.. the ex mom in law came over to watch the kiddies open up presents, then when she left, we headed over to other relatives to open up presents..
It actually snowed Christmas Day afternoon.. to the point where I was snowed in and had to stay the night.. so my brother and I drank, laughed and then we all played the game of Life.. another family tradition.. it was a good day..

New years.. I drank to much at the Casino.. and was walking thru yelling Happy New Year, and then I would walk up to random groups of men, and say something stupid like "Hey.. I can blow"
and blow into my little noise maker.. I found this to be absolutely hilarious..ok ok.. stupid I know.. but hell.. Im old and have to get my kicks somewhere.. :)

And now Im back at work.. trying to find the... uummmpppfffff to get a move on..

Happy 2008 everyone.. I hope this year brings all of you great memories...
Good times.. and enjoyment!!! not to be confused w/pure joy!!!!