Wednesday, June 27, 2007

TMI... on Wednesday

1. Does the carpet match the drapes?
Im blonde.. the carpet used to be blonde... but over the years of shaving, then growing back, and re-shaving.. Ive noticed that it's now a mixture of blonde & light brown..with some darker hairs mixed in too.. but I guess that's normal right?
2. Have you ever used personal information about someone to blackmail them?
No.. I have stuff I could use on people.. more than I wanna know about some people.. but.. why would I blackmail them? There really is no need, it's their shit, their backyard, my theory is, that they day they hit judgment door, it's the higher powers that be who needs to figure it out. Not me!!!
3. What is your favorite thing to lick?
I really enjoy giving head.. I enjoy hearing him, and feeling his hands on my head, and looking up and seeing the look on his face. Adding a little extra flavor doesnt hurt either, whether it be whip cream, chocolate sauce or some sort of added flavor from your local sex shop..
4. Have you ever had sex in a place of worship? (i.e., church, temple, mosque, etc.)
What kind of question is this? Um.. NO!!! Hell, I walk into a church Im sure the lightening rod's will strike me dead before I ever even reach the pews...let alone to strip and get nasty.. no.. that's just all kinds of WRONG!!!
5. If you watch video porn, do you buy it in a store, from a catalog, online, or download it?
Ive bought one porn video in my life.. and it was the most boring porn Ive ever seen.. so I rent them from my local Dick does Jane video store.. sometimes there good, sometimes there bad, sometimes they make me laugh.. you know it's a good porn when all the sudden Im all over him and I cant get enough!!!!

;)Bonus (as in optional): How often, if ever, do you "fake it?"
hmmm... if it's the right guy, and he's doing what he needs to do, Im not faking it AT ALL!!!

Monday, June 25, 2007


Hi all...

It's been crazy around here, with school getting out, end of year baseball tourney's (which we lost!!) Dance recitals, birthdays, dog shows. And well.. Im plum tuckered out!!!

So.. a brief update.. I GOT LAID!!!
Yeah.. for me it's a HUGE occurance.. well because.. it's been so damn long!!!
Saturday night, he clld me out of the blue, hadnt talked to him in a long time. He called, said he would be in town, and he would call me when he got in town.. umm..ok.. usually I dont believe a word he says, cuz well, he lives about 30 min from me, and normally doesnt make it down to my neck of the woods.. and/or.. doesnt actually show..

Among all the drama Saturday night, w/my BFF (best friend forever) it being her B-day... her in-laws invited themselves along.. and well.. they normally dont get along sober, you throw some alcohol in on that equation, and the night turned into a fucking drama-fest!!!
Lets just say, it was a full blown, screamin match at the bar, so dear ol' me got to break it up, and drive the drunken people home (luckily I wasnt drinkin) he calls me just as I get back to the bar, he's getting into town.. so I run in, slam a few drinks, cuz well.. everyone needs liquid courage..

Then we headed to a hotel, and that fine piece of man ROCKED MY WORLD!!! Just thinking about it is making my nether regions tingle!!!! and D A M N.. I want M O R E!!!!

We had a long talk inbetween sessions, and he proceeded to tell me that Im not the normal type of "white women" who fall's for a "black man"... ok.. um.. he blew me away with that.. cuz.. well.. I didnt realize there was a "type"??? So.. what in the hell did he mean by that? Yes, of course I asked him.. he just said that I dont fit the typical mold! HUH?
Well, he distracted me by this point.. and we didnt get to end the conversation...
But, it's got me perplexed... what does he mean by that? Please someone explain it to me....

Then we got into the whole discussion about trying other things... meaning, he's been invited to this place, that's semi-local, where it's all about "adult entertainment" ... oh hell, Im trying as delicate as possible of describing it.. but.. whatever.. the Redmond Ranch, it's a large house, that offers the swinger lifestyle...the whole partner swap kind of thing.. now.. yes, Ive had three-somes.. and well.. it's a mind set, ok for some, not for others.. personally, I dont think I could watch my guy fuck someone else.. however.. I wasnt in a relationship during the time I had my three-somes.. it was me, a good male friend of mine and his girlfriend (and I will say.. that girl knew what to do with her tongue!!!) anyhow.. it was an interesting evening.. and.. well, I kind of think I would go there again, only a little more sober, as I was pretty wasted my first time and I would like to "remember" a little more!!!!

Oh, sorry, I totally got side tracked (Im on a work conf call... typing this out and not paying any kind of attention.. bad bad me)
Anyhow.. so, he was asking me if I would be interested in attending a "party" with him..the way he explained it, is he doesnt want to sleep w/anyone else, he perfers the whole voyeur side of things, he likes it when guys hit's on "his women" and not that he wants me to do anything w/anyone else.. but, he wouldnt object to me giving him a blow job while others watch...... hmmmmmmmmmm.... I dont have an issue w/sex or my body, and I realize it's a chose lifestyle for others..and well.. Ive had sex in the same room w/others.. but as I get older, Im realizing Im turning into, more of a me & him... or possibly throwing another couple in there.. but.. hmmmm....

Something I will have to think about.. there's is just so much to think about...

Anyhow... I got laid.. damn.. that man is G O O D!!! and now.. I want more..
so Im gonna have to get a hold of him and let him know he just wetted my appitite.. and he needs to satisfy me some more... :)

Ok.. hope to hear from you all

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

How to Drop a Deuce at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked backin our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK DEUCE Is inevitable. For those who hate crapping at work, the following is theSurvival Guide for taking a deuce at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not inyour area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it camefrom. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop Until the full fart hasbeen expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make Sure the smell has leftyour pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come backagain. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE:A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing adeuce in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretendit did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal,pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a deuce, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the deuce hits the water.This reduces the amount of air time the deuce has to stink up thebathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET DEUCER: A colleague who deuces at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Deucer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Deucer before entering the bathroom.

DEUCING FRIENDS NETWORK (D. F. N): A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency deucing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the where abouts of Out Of The Closet Deucers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.This will reduce the odds of a deucer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a deuce at work. If this occurs,remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with anFRED ASTAIRE.

FRED ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars That you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall isoccupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the deucer can crap in peace.

WATERMELON: A deuce that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in The toiletwater. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE REED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could Spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Reed makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to deuce when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you aswell as the other bathroom attendees.


1. What is the meanest thing you've ever done/said to a lover/loved one?
I couldnt even began to name the meanest things... I can get pretty cruel... and I have no issues w/arguing... however.. I remember once.. back when my ex and I had seperated, cuz he decided to start doing a stripper... I went thru a phase of making myself feel pretty by being a, um, well.. yeah.. to many one nighters.. anyhow... I remember he undressed I looked at it.. and said.. "Youve got to be kidding me!" needless to say.. he got dressed and left..

2. Have you ever had sex on an elevator?

3. Have you ever lied about a rash and said it was a birthmark? OR Have you ever lied about a birthmark and said it was a rash?
um.. no rashes here.. and no birthmarks.. I was found under a rock...

4. Have you ever had sex on a beach or in the water at a beach/pool?
Yes to the beach! It was a spur of the moment thing.. no blanket.. and sand in the ass isnt NOT fun!!!! not in the water at the beach.. but I have done it in a lake, and hot tub..

5. How old are you? 34
How old do you feel? depends on the day.. some days I feel like Im in my late teens early 20's.. other days.. I swear Im on deaths door..

6. Have you or your partner been injured so badly during sex that you/they had to go to the hospital? we injured ourselves alright.. but due to the "enhanced" state of ourselves.. we decided not to go to the ER or DR or anything.. we were both flying high on Acid.. and well.. you dont "cum" until you come down.. and well.. Acid can be hours worth of flying high pleasure.. but.. well.. 5 hrs later.. I hurt SO BAD..raw.. I dont know how else to put it.. raw raw raw

7. Have you been to a strip club or "titty bar"? (Hooters does NOT count.) If so, did you get a lap dance? LOL.. LMAO.. oh my god!!! Here's a hell of a story!!!
Feb 2007 - Family went to Reno... my dad.. 2 brothers, their wives.. and little ol' me....
My Dad & oldest brother were sitting at some video poker games as I walked by.. we all started talking and then Dad brings up the idea to head to the strip club next door..
And off we went.. and let the games began!!!!

We walk in.. sit down.. start drinking.. proceed to drink.. the strippers are dancing.. this was one of the higher class joints.. spendy drinks.. low lights, alot of red and black material on the walls.. plush leather seats.. and hardly anyone in the place.. the "bouncers" wore black dress pants & white dress shirts w/ties..
Happy hour roll's around.. thank gawd... the drinks started flowing.. at first..I was a little uncomfy.. until a stripper walks around.. and she's talking to my dad, then looks at me... walks over and try's to convince me that I want a lap dance.. Im not drunk enough..Im good..
this gal..who was barely 21.. puts her hand on my shoulder and slowly runs it down my shoulder to the top of my chest... into my shirt..and starts playing w/my nipple..
People.. I was in utter & complete shock.. I wasnt drunk.. but I was slightly buzzed.. and well.. my only response to her was.. Damn..your hands are cold!!!
Dad & Brother laughed.. the girl laughed.. and told me to let her know when I was ready for the lap dance...

Were sitting, were drinking, were watching.. and this guy walks over.. ask's me if I will give the dancer a dollar.. um.. sure.. I walk up to the dancer.. hand her my dollar.. turn around..sit down..
he thanks me.. and then I start asking him questions.. like.. why doesnt he do it.. He's shy.. get over his shyness do it himself.. oh no.. he's to shy... so forth and so on..
he gives me more $$ to take to the next "dancer" I walk up.. try to hand her the $$.. she decides she's gonna take the dollar stick it down my shirt ( I was wearing a tanktop) and pull it out w/her teeth..while her hands were feeling me up.. oh yeah.. that's right..
Then.. she stopped in the middle of her little seductive dance, and asked me where I got my boob job done.. cuz my Dr did an excellent job.. they feel so REAL... um.. honey.. they are real..
natural 42DD that's me.. still firm.. even after 2 kids!!! This gal was amazed.. so she grabs the top of my tank..and rips it down..and expose's my boob.. which.. didnt really bother me.. cuz.. well..Im a flasher.. I will flash my boobs w/no issues.. I dont care.. there just mounds of flesh..

My father & brother were laughing there ass's off.. what a family bonding moment!!!
The evening progressed.. I was D R U N K !!! in fact we all were.. totalled.. gone.. buh buy.. oh my..
toasted.. so much more happene.d. but.. this is long enough..

Lets just say.. my sis n law was P I S S E D at my brother.. cuz he was so toasted.. my step n mommy.. well.. she just laughed it off..

My Dad, Brother and I had 5 hrs of hilarious, good old-fashioned family bonding at the Reno strip club!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I dont see dead people

Well.. I know you all have been sitting on the edge of your seats.. waiting and waiting for me to give you an update.. so here it is..

I don't see dead people..
mainly.. by the time Saturday night rolled around.. I was so exhausted.. that I stayed home
pathetic huh?

Around 10:30 I did receive a phone call, stating that there was someone at the bar waiting for me. However.. I could barely keep my eyes open, and I believe I mumbled into the phone..that's nice, tell him Hi.. and another time.. and hung up :(

Yeah.. I guess sub-consciously I really didn't care if I saw him or not.
Maybe it's best to just keep him in my memory banks.

On to other news:

My son has decided to lie again.. about school, and grades... so.. I did the one and only thing I could think of.. ok..well two things..
I yanked away his summer vacation.. and sighned my happy little liar up for summer school.
Called his father, said.. oh so sorry.. as much as I know you want your son.. and as much as I NEED a vacation.. he will not be coming to Texas.. amazingly enough.. his father agreed, and instead of Wonder Mutt heading to see him, his Pop's will coming here to spend a week w/him while he's in summer school.. that's fine.. have fun..
However, we did discuss that if Wonder Mutt carries good grades, and passe's.. and since Summer school is only 4 weeks.. that maybe.. and I mean MAYBE... he will be able to go to Texas for 2 weeks.. but Im not telling Wonder Mutt that.. he needs to figure out that what Mamma says.. Mamma means!!!

Booga Butt was suppose to go to Minnesota for some time this summer to hang out w/Grammy, but damn if I cant find cheap airfare.. holy hell...
plus.. Im leaving in October to head to Cabo for a much needed week of relaxation.. I figured it's my 35th Birthday this year.. Im going on a freakin vacation w/no wee one's under foot.. no dog's to deal with.. no NOTHING.. just me, 7 close friends.. sand - sun - and a bucket of beer.. or 20!!! :)

Ok..that's it.. I got's to get my ass back to work.. or Im gonna get farther behind.. and trust me.. my ass is big enough!!! hahhahahaha.. I made funny..


Thursday, June 07, 2007

Walking Dead

One of my memories that I posted about on my Friday memories post.. was concerning a guy I dated in high school. I was 16 he was 23. (my apologies Im not sure how to link the post to this, as Im not puter savvy)
About 5 yrs ago, a dear friend of mine called to inform me that he had passed away. It broke my heart, I cried, I mourned, I grieved, I processed I moved on.

Tuesday night.. my dear friend called me, we were talking and all the sudden he says..
"oh.. Jim's not Dead"
As I sat there, processing what he said.. I started thinking.. this is a cruel sick joke.
Which I said out loud..
"seriously.. he's not.. he's been in San Diego for the last 7 yrs... it wasnt his obit in the paper!"
my reply.. "excuse me?"
I believe for every time my friend told me what happened... I continued to say excuse me
As my mind whirled.. my heart beat, and my breathing becomes irratic....
"excuse me? How do you know for sure? Did you see him?"
"yes" he replies " he came back into town on Friday.. and we hung out all day Saturday.. seems there was another guy, same aprox age, same first and last name.. from same area...
Mind boggeling..

So.. he's alive.. in town.. and here...
I have been trippin.. for lack of better words..
my mind has been racing..

So.. Ive decided that Im going to go find him.. I found out where he's gonna be Saturday night..
and Im going to look up my old' high school sweetheart.. and look into those piercing blue eyes.. and just say Hi..

should be interesting to say the least...

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Till Death do us part

Death is on the for front for me today..

Friday a guy I knew.. not really well, but knew of, passed away.
I feel for his family.. he has 2 young children.. and a girlfriend who worshipped him.
He was only 28 yrs old.

This brings things to close to home.. as I sit and think all the "what ifs"

What if, god forbid, I was to pass..
talking about it, makes my skin crawl, it's almost as if I will bring it to close to home.
Im not afraid to die.. it's part of the natural progression of things. But it worries me, just because of my wee ones.

Makes me realize all the things I need to put into place if that day were to come sooner than expected. Who will they live with? The fact that they need to stay together, and that I dont want them split up and I do NOT want them going to be w/their fathers.
Why not their fathers?
Wonder Mutt's dad is fine, they have a good relationship, they love one another, and his father would take good care of him. But then what about Booga Butt?
Her father is worthless, cant hold a job, does drugs, has no place to live. No, that wont do at all..
and shouldnt they be together? Raised together, under the same roof? Allowed to be w/one another to support each other in times of need?

But I know what will happen... there will be a never ending court battle.. each father will want their child. Regardless if it will be the right thing or not.
Wonder Mutt's father, because of love..
Booga Butt's father.. because of the life insurance... not because of the love..

What to do? I need to put something in place.. living will or something..
will it make a difference? Will my wishes be met?
Will the best interest of the children be met?
Will I never find eternal peace?
Because, my soul will never rest until they are of an age to defend themselves.. until I know they are safe. I will forever float the earth, verifying that the wee ones are secure, safe, and loved.

Rest in Peace Kevin... you will be greatly missed by all those that loved you, knew you, and cherished you.


Friday, June 01, 2007

The Beautiful One

Again, Im here.. to write about nothingness
What's up with that?
My life has become so non-existant that NOTHING is happening.
I guess it's to be expected, my teen years were far from ordinary.

So.. I guess I will fill you in on my boy child.. Wonder Mutt!

I recieved a call on Wed from his Science teacher, concerning his low grade average.
So, yesterday morning I decided to drive my Wonder Mutt to school, and have an impromptu conf w/the teacher. Little did I realize, there are panic buttons installed at spots thru out the room to bring other teachers at the drop of a hat.

As I sat there, speaking to his science teacher, I realize she has a look upon her, one of panic or scorn.. or maybe both.. as we sat there, and she starts telling me what a defiant, argumentative child I have, the door opens, and in walks another teacher.. sits down.. and then.. the door opens.. in walks another teacher.. sit's down... by this time.. Im feeling as if Im in the hot seat now. Not Wonder Mutt... me.. the Mommy.. the parent..the giver of life.. Im in the hot seat, I am transformed back to my pre-adolesence.. back to the time's when I was called in front of the teacher w/my own parents. Back to a time when corporal punishment was allowed in schools.
Back to when the words were spoken out of my fathers mouth. "You have my permission to swat her ass!" oh yeah.. I remember that swat from the Principal to this day. I was in 6th grade, got busted for shooting spit wads on the school bus at Lori. I think my ass still stings from that swat, w/the wooden paddle that had holes drilled into it, and was bright red.

Sitting there, listening to those teachers, looking at me, w/wonder on their faces as to what kind of parent am I, these givers of knowledge, wondering, how this young beautiful mother, could be a parent at such a young tender age. How could she, be the mother of this defiant, argumentative spawn. Then my son opens his mouth, to argue w/his teacher, and this young, vibrant, beautiful mother's head starts spinning out of control, and words of hystaria start spewing from her mouth, and she smacks her kid in the arm in front of the teachers.....
Wonder Mutt, doesnt react, he realizes his gorgeous mother has lost her cool...and he best close his mouth
The Givers of Knowledge.. sit in awe... realizing they are in the presence of greatness... that this young beautiful mother will control her young!

Ok..enough bullshit... my kid is a little shit!!! and yes, I did smack the boy in his arm for trying to argue, in front of me, w/the teacher.. I informed the teachers I am but a phone call away ( I only work 10 min away from the school) and I have NO issue w/showing up at school and taking Wonder Mutt by his hand, walking him to each class, and sitting w/him. If he needs me to hold his hand thru the day.. I will be HAPPY to do it..

As you see, this young, vibrant, beautiful Mother.. has a twin, the evil, sadistic Mom.. whose head spins around and spew's words of meanness... and lives to embarrass her young..
I warned the young punk.. that if he didnt behave.. I would wear something so awful to school that I would make DAMN sure I would embarass him, so that in his senior year of high school they will STILL be talking about his crazy ass, sadastic, yet beautiful, Mommy!!!