Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Dog Rescue!!!

I dont normally do this.. but I was involved in this rescue... the trip into Langley BC was exhausting.. not to mention the control on my anger strings was near to breaking.. it took everything I had not to hurt someone badly, for the way these dogs were treated. I am a member of PNMF - Pacific Northwest Mastiff Fanciers... I help educate, rescue & breed English Mastiffs... Any help would be appreciated.. $5 can go a long long way..
(there is SO much more to this story.. the ordeal that the Breeder and I went thru was horrific! And yet I would NOT hesitate to do it again)

Thursday night one of our club members received a call from someone that they had placed 2 puppies with. (One was placed at 8 weeks, Finnegan, and one was placed as an older puppy, Tony.) This was someone that already had a Mastiff, Loki, from a different breeder…a breeder back east. These breeders both felt that this was a good home or they would never have placed their puppies there.
The oldest, Loki, is almost 4yrs old and the other two, Finny and Tony, are almost 3yrs old. About 8 months ago this puppy buyer lost contact with their breeders. There was concern of drug addiction and other problems in this home at this point. Jumping ahead to very late last Thursday night…the local breeder, one of our club members, received a phone call from this puppy buyer. She was very distraught. 2 of the dogs, Finny and Loki, were currently at the animal shelter. She was no longer living at the home where the dogs had been living. 1 of the dogs, Tony, was at the home of her son’s friend. The other 2 had somehow gotten out of the yard and been picked up by animal control. She was living in an apartment and didn’t have the money to ‘bail them out’.

Without hesitation…our club member said, “No problem…she would get the boys taken care of.” (Both her puppy as well as the one from back east.)Friday morning she, the breeder, waited for the puppy buyer to get back with her to let her know exactly where the dogs were, etc. She also set the wheels in motion to get the other breeder notified and make arrangements for travel to the shelter. Did I mention that this was a shelter in CANADA??

Of course it happened when her SUV was in the shop, too! Now, because of the situation with drugs, etc…she did not feel comfortable going in to this situation by herself. Who was she going to get on such short notice that was able to go to Canada with her?? Her husband was not able to go as he couldn’t find his Birth Certificate. Oh, yeah…has anyone picked up that this was the holiday weekend?? The Thursday mentioned above…yes…that was Thanksgiving!!The other breeder was contacted and she agreed…GET THOSE DOGS OUT OF THERE!!

A friend and new Mastiff owner, that had just made a long round trip drive from Olympia down into Oregon, did not hesitate to go with her to Canada. Yes, she had family over but at a moment’s notice was able to leave the family and kids in the hands of more family and fellow Mastiff owner. Again, no hesitation.

So, with the money set aside for Christmas shopping for her family in hand…these two ladies left late Friday night and drove to Canada, had a couple of fit-full hour of sleep at a hotel, just so that they could track down the puppy buyer and be at the shelter when it opened. After finding the puppy buyer’s apartment they had to pound on her door to get her to answer. And while they probably should not have been…they were shocked by her appearance. This was not the person that the breeder had seen just a year or so before. The drug use had taken it’s toll on her! What else had the drugs affected?? They were about to find out.

The arrival at the shelter was bitter sweet. It was apparent that the dogs were in very serious condition…both physically and mentally. And the worst was yet to come. The following hours were spent fighting for the right to claim these dogs. Contracts, AKC registration papers, Microchips…well, let’s just say that it wasn’t that simple to “prove” ownership. The dogs were in absolutely horrible condition. The shelter had listed Finny as being 6yrs old and Loki as being 7 or 8 yrs old. Not the 3yrs and 4yrs they really were! Finny had gone very grey from his ordeal. Both are suffering from severe malnutrition. Finny was the only one fed at his "home" the son stated he was unable to feed both dogs, so he intentionally starved Loki to feed his "buddy" Finny...

Loki has 2 cruciate injuries (knees). Finny has atrophied muscles in his rear and weakness to the bones, tendons and ligaments due to the malnutrition. And both had many underlying problems such as dehydration, possible UTI’s, etc. And yet both dogs were sooooo happy to see their ‘saviors’!! Loki was listed as aggressive and yet he crawled into our laps and licked our faces and wagged his tail... Loki was released fairly easily because no one wanted him. Can you believe this??

Finny, the dog from our breeder…well, she had to fight for him as the son (who had allowed the starvation and mistreatment of the dogs) wanted him and ownership had to be proven. After many heart wrenching hours and international phone calls…at the very last second…literally (the son had paid the fine and they were bringing the dog out to him) the last second…through the intervention of a very dear lady, who is an attorney…Finny was released to his breeder.

Both dogs had to get rabies vaccinations before they could be brought into the country. More money and more time. More in and out of the vehicle for these poor dogs…and Loki could barely stand!Our breeder and her friend had not eaten since they crossed the border the night before. They didn’t have time! All their time and energy was given to rescuing these poor dogs. After the dogs were safely in the car and they were safely across the border, they did stop for a quick bite to eat…this was late Saturday night.

These girls didn’t get to their perspective homes until around midnight. At that time, our breeder still had to care for the two boys and get them settled in. Her youngest daughter was in tears and didn’t understand how anyone could possibly do this to an animal! Her entire family shaken to the core that one of their babies and his friend were in such a condition…and full of worry for the one not yet saved. So, now these two dogs are safe.

However, there are still many concerns. Loki really needs to get back to his breeder. She is equipped to give him the care that he will need to recover from this ordeal. Both medically and physically. Today we were told that he COULD fly by next week! This is the fastest and best way to get him home. (Back to Alabama to his breeder who wants him back to get him the care he so rightly deserves)

Finny needs a lot of medical care, rehabilitation, etc so that he can go to a forever home that will allow him to live the life he should have had all along! And then there is the one left behind, Tony. Work is in progress to get him home, too!

But, this could be expensive and time consuming.This plea is going out to all of you. We are looking for all the help we can get to help out with these 3 boys. This is a terrible time for everyone…budgets are stretched to the breaking point. We know and we understand. Whatever you can do to help these dogs will be much appreciated!

Shortly there will be a link available from the Pacific Northwest Mastiff Fanciers website (www.pnmf.org) that will take you to a page for the Finny, Loki & Tony fund. Pictures will be posted of the boys when they are available. There will be the availability to donate probably via PayPal or an address to send donations to if you do not do PayPal. On this page you will also be able to find contact information if you are able to help with miles or even if you just have other ideas and ways to help! Our first goal is raising the money to get Loki home within the next 2 weeks. After that will come the medical bills, legal aid, etc. Let’s all pull together to get these boys “Home for the Holidays!” (Any money left over will go to PNMF Education and Rescue, LLC.)Remember…this could be any one of your puppies!!

Drugs can take control of any home at any time. And how many lives are affected by just one person’s drug usage? So, go hug your babies and spread the word!! Regardless of the four legged friend you have in your home.. love them.. (PLEASE…SPREAD THE WORD!!) Let’s see what we can do to help these boys out. I know that if the shoe were on the other foot…these breeders would be there to help us. And as a side note…neither one of these breeders have ASKED for this help!!Permission is given to cross post this!! Until the page is available from the PNMF Website any questions can be directed to mastiffinfo@fairpoint.net.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sad but True

I'm still in love with him... Him...the one who has been resurrected..... is it because that first true love never really goes away?
Is it because he is telling me all that I want to hear?
Is it because it's just something that has presented itself to me out of the blue and seems like it would be fun to re-acquaint myself with?
Or is it because I'm stupid and in denial?

At times he sounds like a well written Hallmark card... telling me that he has missed me like the deserts miss the rain.. that his soul cry's out for my touch, his soul longs for the touch of mine, his heart longs for the passion of my kiss & the twinkle in his eyes are as bright as the sun... he loves me.. that he's never stopped loving me, I have been in his thoughts every day for 15 yrs...little things remind him of me daily.. and so on and so forth.
I'm falling for him all over again, because Ive always longed to hear someone speak to me like that? Because I have always wanted to be truly romanced or am I falling for him because it's an old/familiar?

He's there..
I'm here..
we have not been in each others' presence.. we have not looked into each others eyes.. we have spoken on the phone.. we have emailed.. we have text.. but, can one truly care that much after so many years.. can two people commit to each other based entirely off of words that have been written, spoken to one another over a phone wire and yet not face to face?

Monday, November 10, 2008

You have mail!......

I recieved an email last week from the dead. I was suprised to say the least, as I was unaware that hell had email service. Let alone that it would pass thru the other realms to actually show in my Myspace inbox. But I suppose I shouldnt of been surprised, I mean, the devil has ways of bringing back old memories, long forgotten and buried deep.

He's been dead for 14 years... I put him to rest once.. to find out he's still alive. Granted, someone told me he was still alive. But I kept him dead in my mind. It was easier to let him lay there. Dormant in my memories, to never resurface, never to bring back all those long forgotten days & nights.

I spoke to the dead last night.
I dreamt of the dead last night.
Long forgotten memories surfaced, clouded my memory.
Feelings left dormant brought to boiling now.

It's hard to forget your first.
Your first kiss
Your first experience
Your first love

How do I put him back where he belongs? Gone.. Forever?
I cut ties with that life. It no longer exist's.
Yet, I miss him....
It's been 20 years....
It's been 15 since I held him last.
Kissed those lips
Heared him say he Loved Me

How can it be, hearing a voice can bring back so many painful memories?
And yet, they arnt so painful.
Not painful to bring about hate
But painful to the point of making one's heart hurt, from the sheer force of the love that once was.
The love that is no more.. will never be more...
He was gone... never to be again.

To hear a voice over a phone wire... to talk to him and hear him say he has very fond memories
of the 3 yrs we spent together, to hear him speak as if it ment something.
To hear the sarrow in his voice now, about wasted time gone bye.
To hear that, brought about memories, feelings and a complete sense of unease to my soul.

I need him to be dead to me again.
How do I bury him again within my heart?

Thursday, November 06, 2008

HNT & other Bullshit

I normally don't play HNT.. mainly because I just don't feel good enough about myself to do so.. but today I figured fuck it..why not.. seriously why not? so..yeah.. it's not much..but it's something..

Life is not going according to plan at the moment.. nothing seems to be panning out the way I was intending it to. I have to keep reminding myself that it will get better, it will turn around. Ive been thru much worse and all will be ok.

My son got into a bit of trouble at school the other day. He got so pissed at some little shit at school that my son almost beat his ass, but at the last minute he changed his mind and took his anger out on a glass door.. which shattered.. lovely!

Once I found out what the complete circumstances were, I clld the principal and had a nice little chat with her... here's the breakdown

This little prick at school has been giving my son grief for a few weeks.. I was unaware of this, the kid has been calling my son a fag and gay wad, telling other kids in the P.E. class not to bend over or Monkey Boy (my son) was gonna fuck them in their asses. Now, my son isn't gay..but if he was I would love him regardless... Monkey Boy had had enough.. said some things to this little prick, who in turn ripped off my son's hat, shoved it down his pants rubbed it all over his junk and then smacked my son in the face with it saying.. that's as close to my ball's as you will ever get!

Monkey boy was gonna kick his ass, but decided against it because this other kid is an exchange student from Honduras and Monkey Boy just felt that it would end up turning into a race issue.

I clld the principal and basically told her that Monkey Boy was provoked & that Prick kid was sexually harassing & bullying my son! I would not tolerate it, and if this wasn't dealt with in a timely matter I would take it straight to the Superintendent along w/my lawyer! Lord was I H.O.T!

Monkey Boy begged me and begged me not to march into the school and slam that little Prick up against a wall! As I told the principal, regardless of the sexual orientation of someone, NO ONE should be subjected to that type of behaviour. I was most impressed, after speaking with her, there was resolution w/in 2 hrs... We are not being held liable for the damaged door. The other child has been severally punished.. and that little Prick had the nerve to ask Monkey Boy why he told! He was just "funning" and trying to fit... MB told him that he needed to stop being a prick and to act his age!

Anyhow... Booga Butt.. is hormonal.. OMG.. there I days I cant stand to be around her, and then there are days that she is the sweetest, kindest, most caring child..but sadly most days, I just look at her and wonder what did I do to deserve this type of torture. She did however take first place in her cheer competition.. well her squad anyhow.. that was awesome!!

I have been overly emotional lately... watching President Elect Obama be elected was something. Words cant describe how much joy filled me... and then wondering, I bet a ton of past presidents are rolling over in their graves at the fact that there is an African American in office... LOL..

I really do believe he will do great things for this country..

As for the beneficial friend and I...nothing has been decided. He wants to meet the kids.. my daughter has flat out forbidden me to date.. she just wants our lives to be the 3 of us, no "intruders" as she puts it. That I should just be happy w/her & Monkey Boy... Ive tried and tried and tried to talk to her about it. But she wont listen, I explained everything to beneficial friend.. he's not worried about it, he said sooner or later she will accept him.

We still need to talk.. seriously sit down and talk about a few things, but the timing is never right. We were suppose to get together Friday night and talk, but at the last minute I ended up going out w/friends. Which he wasn't happy about, he did show up, but he brought his best friend with him. Who is female.. he wanted us to meet. He sat in the car as he refused to come into the bar, and she sat there and texted him the whole time telling him what I was doing. I guess he got a little jealous. I'm a flirt.. its who I am..he knows this.. but he got upset at the fact that guys were buying me drinks and dancing with me. Whatever! I don't sleep around.. I flirt.. and with his "lifestyle" choices..what right does he have to be jealous over me?


ok.. that's all I got.. see.. nothing..

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Ass-sphincter says what?

So the day has finally arrived.. where Mr. Beneficial friend has put the question out there.
"Do you want to try to see if this is more than it really is?"

Ive been expecting it, after all, awhile ago he told me he had fallen in love with me.
I blew it off... figured it was just a bunch of bull, and didnt pay much attention to it.
He countered it with a "what do u want from me"
I countered it with telling him I wanted the white picket fence, and the happy ever after...
not expecting him to say "ok"
I already have the 2 kids, I dont want that part of the dream.

So, today..he wants to make it more.
Here's my dilemma...
He's a swinger.. meaning, he likes alot of variety in life.. not men.. but partner swaps...
Im a one guy...one girl kind of girl when Im in a relationship...
I honestly dont think I could handle watching, or knowing he was with another women. I honestly believe that would drive me insane. Yet, he likes to watch me with other men... (mind you, we've only done that once but he wants to do it again)

So.. that brings up the question..how do I actually feel about him?
I like him.. weve been "seeing" each other for almost 5 yrs..
yes, there's been a few in between here and there..
but, we always find our way back to each other.
I care about him, I may love him a little bit.. but.. could I trust him?
I dont know..
I dont know if I could or would trust him.
My problem is, I dont trust men.. I havnt for many many years.. trust me, Ive tried, oh lord have I tried.. I just dont know if I have it in me anymore.

He says he's not like that anymore.. that he doesnt need that type of lifestyle.. that it rarely happens.. and he can turn it down..

What it boils down to.. is me..
Im terrified of getting hurt again..
Can I trust him? Do I trust him?
Once a swinger/player.. always a swinger/player?

So.. what's your thoughts blog world? help me... cuz Im completely and totally confused here!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Friends in high places.....

The last few days have been a whirlwind of on going action and drama.

My birthday....
My babies birthday...
My Sons first formal dance....

Crazy times.. Crazy adventures.. just crazy.....

Funny Monkey (my son) had his pride and joy stolen late Friday night early Saturday morning.
A $400 Fit/Pro or something.. anyhow... called the police to file a report, Officer Friendly would not file a report w/out the serial number. Whatever... seriously? Stolen items are stolen items...

It was suggested that I contact the schools security officer to see if maybe he would be able to obtain some information. I will give huge kudos here...because the security office went above and beyond his requirements to obtain names, addresses, and car information! Come to find out the kids that supposedly stole Funny Monkey's bike don't even attend school with him, they attend school on the other side of town.

I called Officer Friendly back.. who of course isn't in today... please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Yeah? ASAP? No.. I got transferred to one to many departments before I finally had a fit and left a not so nice message on someones voice mail.

So.. I received a call back.. almost immediately.. imagine that..
and what do I hear? A blast from my past!!!!
Deputy H...
As in.. my brothers best friend from high school!!!
Oh yeah... things are looking up for me!!

Long story short, He didn't understand why Officer Friendly wouldn't file a report a stolen bike.. is a stolen bike.. end of story...
As I type this, an officer is headed out to the school to talk to some hoodlums... and I have a case number in my hand..and if all works out well..
Funny Monkey will have his Pro Fit or Fit Pro or whatever back in his hot little hands soon.

Now.. do I press charges on these little shits?
(oooooh... and my son had his IPod stolen a month or so ago out of his gym locker... guess what was returned today at school? yep.. the IPod... some parents were snooping thru their daughters room and found it.. it was given to her by her boyfriend.. they returned it to the school... hmmm.. me thinks that the two will not be allowed to associate much with each other anymore...)

So, it is good to have friends in places of authority....

I so could be a cop.. then again... I don't have the calmness to be a cop...
I'm more of a..attack now, ask questions later...not a good combo!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

To much time on my hands..

To much time on our hands at work.......

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Where's my cake Damnit??!!

Today is the official start of my downslide to 40.

The girls at work love me.. I love them...
I had Almond Joy's all over my desk.. there my favorite!!!!
And a nice big beautiful cake was baked for me..
and I got a box of Honey Bunches of Oats.. LOL.. cuz I eat it every morning
for breakfast..

My daughter decorated the house after I went to bed...

Well... we all went to bed, then all the sudden she jumps up and run's into my room and says..
OMG Mom, I forgot to clean the kitchen!!!
Yeah, Like Im gonna believe that she's all worried and stuff about the kitchen being dirty! HA!

My house looked like a streamer/crepe paper factory threw up.... but it was cute and thoughtful and I love her...

so, yeah, Im officially over the hump.... downsliding to 40....
the big

3 6!

Lets hope that this year brings some much needed.......something!!!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hazy Memories

I woke up this morning in a foggy haze, I dreamt last night, which isn't all that interesting usually but I dreamt of days gone bye, and long ago times.

When my only worries were the simple things in life. Where my next fix was coming from. Who was I going to get to buy that bottle of 20/20 for me. Where was I going to lay my head down that night.

I dreamt of walking thru a train tunnel, walking from the sunshine into complete darkness.
I dreamt of walking along the train edge. Only it wasn't a dream. It was real. I was there. And I lived it.

It was 1989 - the year the big San Francisco earthquake happened. My mom was living in San Fran at the time. I remember walking that train tunnel, hearing the train whistle coming. And thinking to myself.... maybe the train will just take me... maybe the train will smash me into little pieces and I wont have to feel anymore.

But, I wasn't that lucky.. or maybe I was that lucky...
Jim grabbed me as that train came barrelling down upon us.. he grabbed my hand and yanked me back out of the way. He smashed me up against a wall and covered me with his body. I felt the air fly by me. All I needed to do was reach out my hand and I could of touched that train. I remember thinking to myself how that train was a force to be reckoned with. I remember thinking... there goes my chance.

But what was my chance that I was thinking about? I had a death wish that year. I tried so many times to just walk into a train, walk into a lake fully clothed hoping that the weight of my clothing would drag me down. In taking so many chemicals into my body hoping that I would go to sleep and never wake up. But amazingly enough.. nothing I did to my body or attempted to do ever did the trick. I'm assuming it's because of those higher powers that be. Someone was watching out for me. Someone wanted me alive. But Why?

After the train incident, I graced my Father with my presence. I returned home, flying higher than I had ever been flying before. I think my father was both relieved to see me still alive, and disgusted that I was who I was. I remember it was a sunny day, the birds were singing, dogs were running and playing.. life for most was normal.

The earthquake happened. No one was home when I found out. In my drug induced state I wasn't really sure what took place. My neighbor came over to see how I was, he knew that my Mother resided there. I remember just looking at him, not comprehending what he was talking about. He turned on the television.. as I watched in horror the mass destruction that had or was taking place. Still so much of it is hazy in my memory. So much of what happened is just like a faint memory.

I remember it started out innocently.. him comforting me, I kept trying to call my Mother. I was shaking... he was trying to calm me. Rubbing my back, trying to hug me as we were sitting side by side on the couch, looking at troubling images flash on the screen. Then, he started kissing my neck. I still didn't realize what was taking place. I was in a haze - drug induced haze.

His hands were everywhere it seemed. He pushed me onto my back. He tried to take liberties that I was NOT willing to allow. I remember his hand sneaking up my shirt, his other hand rubbing down my side to my thigh and inching it's way to other areas. As if in a dream sequence, I turned my head, and I recall telling him. If he didn't remove his hands and himself, I would kill him.

There was a heated argument between he and I... I remember the agitation.. I remember my heart rate speeding up. I remember opening the front door, and demanding for him to leave. I remember telling him to never look my way again and to never utter another word to me.

I woke up this morning in a haze.
I still feel like I'm in a haze.
That dream was so life like, so real.
Then again, it was a dream.. it was real...
My mother was fine.. thank God...
She was there, but here apartment wasn't demolished and her and her roommate
lived to talk about it. It actually took 3 days to get ahold of her.

A very long 3 days!

Did I relive it?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Moving on

It may be time to shut down my blog....

I dont think there's anyone out here anymore..

No one is reading it.. and if you are, then your just lurking in the backgrounds..

Writing is a great release for me, Im not articulate, I dont write like the great novelist's of our century. But I do what I gotta do, to make myself feel better.

Yet, it would be nice to know that someone out there is reading me.

People need validation, and right now.. Im not getting any!

Ok..Im a needy bitch I'll admit it.

So.. if your lurking out there, reading this, just passing thru.

Let me know..

Even if it is just to drop a
"your a dumb ass" in my comments..
that works for me

Friday, September 19, 2008

Rainy Days

Upon my self-discovery tour, I realized I still have to stop and occasionally smell the flowers. Well in this part of the country, since the flowers are starting to wilt and die, I suppose I have to stop and smell, the rain.. assuming it ever shows again. We've had a rather dry spell lately, and I honestly miss the rain. How can one miss the rain? It's wet, and causes the roads to slick, and leave prints on the carpet and the paws from the doggies are muddy and then they leave muddy prints all over the carpet, not to mention my bed as they seem to think that my bed - since it's the biggest soft cushion in the house - is for them....rotten mongrels.

anyhow.. so, yeah I miss the rain. Nothing is better than sitting on my covered back porch, in the mornings, sipping a nice cup of coffee, with my morning paper or a good book, curled up in a blankie.. listening to the rain... as long as the wind isn't whipping, cuz if the wind is whipping about then well I'll get wet and well I don't want to get wet cuz then I would get cold and worse of all my coffee would get cold and that's just not acceptable.

Anyhow.. where was I.. ooohhh taking time out to enjoy things. Like that walk around the lake w/dogs & kids in tow. Sitting on a park bench in front of the fountains downtown watching the wee children of the community playing. Watching an eagle soar thru the sky. Whatever the case is, taking time out of your busy life to enjoy the small things. I never do that. It brings about a bit of peace, tranquility if you will. Life is so busy and non-stop that if you don't stop and look around you, your going to miss something.

Ive been trying to take the time out each week to do something. To take that extra 1/2 hr and just relax, appreciate, digest, whatever... it's important. I don't know if it actually brings a center of balance or whatever you want to call it. But for me. It helps. I'm always go go go go that I never stop and breath.

I get so worked up with the go go go that I tend to be on edge, not ok.. Ive had a hell of a road re-discovering who I am over the last few years.. the last few weeks have been even more of an eye opener for me. So many realizations of who I really am.. and how I really think. It's been mind opening.. and in some case's embarrassing and in other case's totally disgusting.

I had someone recently ask me to describe myself. I couldn't. How pathetic is that? I can physically describe me.. but to describe what I'm truly like, my thoughts, plans, outlook, who I perceive myself to be... I don't rightly know. Who I thought I was.. yeah.. but who I am upon this discovery road. I don't know.

So.. I asked a good friend of mine & co-worker to describe me. Normally, he has no problems with coming up with something. But he knows that I'm on this re-discovery. So he's going to think on it over the weekend. He says some of it I may not like, some of it may embarrass me, some of it I may argue about. But it will be a true & accurate out look.

Once I receive it.. I'll post it.. well maybe only the parts I like..

Anyhow.. other news:

Ive decided I'm never going to read our local paper again.
I know to many people in this sess pool that I call home.
This week alone, there have been 3 people that I personally know in the paper...
My son's uncle, from his dad's side of the family, he's a loser - meth addict.. got busted for pointing a laser pen at a State Patrol Plane that was in the air..
Then..a kid I used to watch, like 13 yrs ago, just registered as a Level 3 sex offender!!!
Todays paper... an ex friend of mine, had 31 animals seized from her home this week, and is facing animal & child neglect charges.

What a roller coaster week!!! Wow..
I need a new start..
Hmm.. maybe I'll move to Ireland, yeah, I don't know anyone there and I hear it's beautiful country

Peace & have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

WW #21

WW #21

1.) If you caught your partner viewing porn online and masturbating, how would you react?
I have caught my partner doing this, at the time it royally pissed me off, mainly because he and I were having problems, and to me it felt like a form of betrayal. Now, I look back and realized I may of over-reacted a bit.. I have no issues with porn, but when your down and out and not feeling good about yourself and he's sneaking behind your back to look at it, it's wrong. If he would of just been open and honest.. things would of been different

2.) If you caught your partner participating in a sex chat room online, how would you react?
hmmm... again, it's all about honesty.. sneaking is cheating in my book.. as long as their is open communication, I would be cool with it.. hell I may even participate..LOL

3.) Did your parents know when you became sexually active? yes, my father knew
How did they find out? my probation office called him and informed him, and daddy dearest marched me down to the dr and put me on birth control..

4.) How open were/are your parents about sex?
Oh lord.. I will never forget when I asked my Mother about birds & the bee's.. her response was....
The bird is the female, the bee is the male... the bird - or Mommy.. stays home to take care of the home and the bee - the Daddy - goes to work to provide for the family.
Yeah..no shit.. that was her story.. so, I had my first lesson in 4th grade, by a boy I went to school with, who was WAY more experienced than any 4th grader should of been..

5.) When was the last time you had a splinter?
hmmmm.. oooh.. last week

What part of your body was it stuck in? it was on my little toe.. that's what I get for walking around barefoot...

6.) If you could only bring back ONE extinct animal, what would it be and why?
First of all, I never realized there were so many on the endagered species list.
How do you choose just one? Seriously, I think some of them need to be gone, and they were probably ment to be gone.. but on the other hand, they have a purpose, and a reason to be here.. for the good of all..right? Then again.. some of those little critters are NASTY!!!

I guess Im saddened to see that the Polar Bear is running the distinct possibility of becoming extinct. All because of Global Warming.. or whatever.. so I guess as of right now, I would say that I would want to stop this from happening.. but, I reserve the right to change my mind at any time!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Winter Cleansing

For years, I have kept believing I needed to try to be better than others. I kept trying to make myself appear better than others. In reality, I'm no better than anyone... I never seriously thought that I was better than anyone, but I did think I am better than some.. yet.. that's what I finally realized one night, I sat in my living room, in the middle of the night, depression hanging over my head, I was forcing it back, not allowing it to seep into me.. it hung over my head like a demon cloud, I could feel it's cold fingers trying to grab at my soul, trying to gain entry into me. Trying to wrap itself around me. Whispering to me to let it in, to allow the self-doubt, the worry, the coldness, the dampness to take root & to grow. To fester.
The battling of wills...

Which "will" is stronger.. the will to fight & to survive?
The will to just allow the demon to take root. To fester... to grow... to destroy all that Ive worked so long and hard to gain?

I worry... continuously..
I worry about what others see, what others think: About me.
How do they see me? Do they see me as successful? Do they see me and say, I want what she has. I want to be her. I want her accomplishments. Her dreams.
Ridiculous I know. Because, I have nothing. Because to me, having that house, that nice car.. those are accomplishments. Those prove who you are. Those prove you have everything.
In reality.. those things are nothing.
and yet....
You don't define a person by the car they drive. You don't define a person by the house they live in.
So why did my thought process go that way?
I can blame society, the movies.
I can blame my father.
I can blame my friends.
But honestly the only person I can blame is myself. I allowed others to form my opinions.
I allowed others to dictate to me what I had to have in life to prove who I am.

I live in an apartment. I drive an old jetta.
What does that make me?

I don't have the best clothes. I shop at Walmart
My children don't wear name brand items.
We don't have all the fancy gadgets.

All at once, the light seeped thru...
The realization that, there is so much more to life, than the house you live in..
the car you drive... and what the important things are...

What I have, is more precious than all of that..
What "we" have...
is a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs
clothes on our backs
shoes on our feet
beds w/warm blankets to sleep in
hot showers
a car to drive
dogs to love
Most importantly...
we have each other

Does it matter that others see me and think... wow.. she doesn't have anything.
She's a loser
She cant buy her kids all these "things"

But.. I realized, sitting in my front room, in the middle of the night
listening to the silence & the whispering...
I have something so many do not have...


Four letter word.. with such a huge definition

I have love in my home...
I have laughter in my home...
I have happiness in my home....
I have.. what so many people want....
I was just to caught up to realize it...
yes.. we fight..
yes...we argue...
but, it comes back to love & to laughter..

I would be nobody.. and I would have nothing..
if it wasn't for the love of my children....

I pushed that demon of depression, away and out..
I sat in silence..
I listened....
to the peace.. the quiet.. the serenity...
And I realized.. I have everything I need.. right there.. within my walls...
with in my shelter..
I don't "need" anything..

I have:

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Realizations Part 1

Do you ever sit back, look around at what you have and think to yourself, it's just not good enough?

I was cleaning over the weekend, decided to do some much needed deep cleaning. I sat down, and realized, damn I have a lot of shit. How can one person, who has no money to buy frivolous stuff, have so much frivolous stuff?

Then I realized that part of my unhappiness, is because of how I perceive myself. I'm so busy trying to keep up with the Jone's that I didn't realize I was making myself so miserable in the process. Ok... So, my couch & chair arnt from Macy's. My t.v. is a hand me down, my kitchen table is a hand me down. My entertainment center is a hand me down. Ok Ok.. the majority of my stuff is a hand me down. But you know what.. oh well.. does it truly matter?

Being raised as a Jehovah's Witness, one was taught not to worry about materialistic things. Yet, as the years went by, and I left the JW world.. I totally became the person I most detested. Materialistic.

Never happy with what I have, always wanting what I cant have. Never content with the few items I did have, wanting the bigger, better more expensive item. Why?
I thought long and hard about this all weekend... and the realizations I came up with, did not sit well with me. I dug into me... who I am... and some of the answer's that I came up with, flabbergast me... terrify me.... bewilder me... make me sit back and go OMG.. that's who I am?

So.. over the next few weeks.. I will be digging deeper into my sub-conscious thoughts.. Those thoughts that I push at bay because I refuse to really hear them. Think about them... accept them.. These are the thoughts that make me who I truly am.

I never realized how out of control I am... I never realized that I'm just a shell walking around, performing how I think I should be performing, and yet, I'm not a good person.

How do I become the person that I need to be?
I will figure it out.. sit back, grab some coffee,tea, Diet Coke (Weekends) and well, this may get boring.. but hey... I need to do this for me!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hello Hello

Thank you to everyone who sent your thoughts my way.

I think the funk is finally disappearing. I am feeling better, there are moments when the clouds start hanging again.. and I can feel the precipitation wanting to fall, but old habits are hard to break, and they get sucked back in, and I move forward.

However.. things are getting better... the sun is shinning at the end of my misery.. and I can actually see the rays of hope!!! Corny I know.. but hey.. whatever!!!LOL...

School is starting next week. I can not wait. Ive had enough of my kidletts being home all summer. We didn't get as much fun stuff in this summer as I had hoped, the economy just wont allow for much entertainment. We got some camping in, went to Canada for a week, did some camping and visiting. I didn't make it to the ocean like I really wanted to tho. I did take a weekend trip to Idaho to see some friends, w/out kids! I had a good time.

But, alas, summer is gone, and it's time to get back into the grind of things. I got some much needed dental work done.. crowns, teeth re-construction and a nice hefty bill at the end of it..I'm so in the wrong line of work! oh, my dentist is super sexy.. so, I guess that help..LOL

The sad news, my oldest nephew has decided he is no longer family. He has hooked up w/his egg donor, and gone down the path of destruction. He's 19 now, so there is nothing that the family can do. He's living under the bridge, homeless, doing drugs, stealing, and just loosing himself.
I tried to talk to him a few months ago, explaining to him the path that I went down (he's doing some of the same things) but in one ear and directly out the other.

Were all just picking on him. What do we know? He's blaming his path on his step-mother. Which fine, blame it on her, but be strong about it! Prove whoever wrong and succeed.. don't loose yourself! That just pisses me off!
I realize he's got to make his choices, I realize he has to learn from his own mistakes. It just breaks my heart. Knowing what is in store for him, thinking to myself there is something I can do.. but what? Nothing really, absolutely nothing.
I remember those days of long ago, no-one could talk any sense into me.

My biggest fear, is the call will come in.. and I will be standing at the graveside of my nephew.
That scares & saddens me.

Anyhow... My son starts his freshman year of high school. Wow.. High school!
He has so many new adventures ahead of him. Harsh lessons.. and new experiences.
Let the ride begin!!!!

My daughter.. OMG.. where do I start? there are days I just want to throttle her.
Or just not talk to her. I love her with all my heart.. but OMG...!!!
You know when Bill Cosby used to say "I Hope you have one just like you"
during his "Himself" tour...
Oh yeah.. I got one JUST LIKE ME!
We are two south end magnets that repel away from each other....
I swear, I wish she would just start her cycle already.. maybe then things would start falling into some form of.....something!

Anyhow, she's getting ready to start 6th grade. I think and hope that this year will be a huge eye opener. First of all, girls are so vicious! She has a few really good friends, but my daughter is a little on the "thick" side, and the girls now-days are all the size of a pixi stick. So, I'm worried that comments are gonna be made. Not that I'm not worried she cant hold her own, she's one tough cookie.. but it's the after math that is going to be hard to deal with. As her mother, my first reaction will be to take care of it all myself. But I understand that I cant. I have to let them work out their issues.
Then again, she did punch the neighbor kid in the gut the other night, cuz he kept touching her... not like "touching" her, but grabbing her shoulder, and yanking her arm & pinched her butt. She warned him, that if he did it again she would punch him. He did it again, so sure enough.. she reared back and punched him in the gut. Poor little weasel went down with no dignity! HAHAHA.. I had to laugh. She is her Mother's daughter.

Dealing with his mother was a whole separate story, until I politely stated that I could just call the police and have her son busted for indecent liberties. That shut her up.
Where was I? Oh.. yeah, so, this year shall be trying for her. I hope she makes it thru, w/out to many emotional scars.

Ok.. I am off to visit my very pregnant friend.. she's been on bed rest for the last 3 months.. going stir crazy. Little Baby G is due next week. Damn, she's as big as a house! Poor thing.


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pardon me..while I cry...

How am I doing? That's a damn fine question. I dont rightly know. Ive just taken everything and pushed it back in the depths of my mind, and Im refusing to allow any of it to surface. Ive hit that bumpy/rocky spot in life and Im not sure which way to turn. Yep.. Im depressed.. my whole body is sore... my head and heart hurt..and there are days I just want to sleep... but.. I get up and I keep going.

I can feel the claws of anger just scratching away on the inside. I know that my words hurt. Ive been pulled into the boss's off alot lately. With gentle reminders that my tone of voice needs to change. I can feel that red haze engulfing who I am. Once that happens Im not sure if I will be able to pull myself back.

Ive tried talking the the Dr. But when I talk, I feel he's tuning me out. I see the look on his face, and I read the message in his eyes, I get mad, grab my purse and walked out of his office. My dentist treats me better, and he hurts me... nevermind that he's just sexy :)

Im not sure how Im doing. Im not sure how I got where I am at. Im still trying to figure out how to get myself out of the abyss that Im sinking in to. Ive never been here before. Ive always been able to grab the ropes and pull myself back. Ive never allowed myself to actually sink into that dark cacoon of misery and wallow. But lately, it's like an old comfy blanket. A long lost friend that I havnt heard from in forever and we need to catch up.

Do I just need to sit down and have a good cry. Yes, probably.. but for so many years, it was taught to me that crying is a wasted emotion, and solves nothing. I find myself telling my own child that, and that's sad, she needs to be able to release those feelings. I need to be able to release those feelings.

What is wrong with me?

How do I find me again?

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Riding the boat of depression

You ever sit back and wonder where you went wrong? If you would of made other choices thru your stepping stones of becoming an adult, would things of turned out any differently?
would it of made a difference not to turn left in the road of life, and to kep going on the straight and narrow?

would I be a different person? would I be more successful? would I be happier?
If I would of finished college would my job profession be more satisfying? Or would I have gotten bored with that too? would I have had my babies? Would I still have the same life long friends that I do now? Or would I have a whole new set of friends?
Would I be married?

Am I truly unhappy with my lot in life? I mean obviously this is the road that the higher powers that be had intended for me? But seriously, could those higher powers of at least added a little something to my road? Or, is that something else still yet to come?

Yes, Im depressed, I will eventually snap out of it.. there is just so much going on right now, and I just feel so out of control... I need to put things into order & perspective and just move forward... it will work out.. and I will make it all work out.. I just have to get to that point...

anyhow.. on to Wednesday Weirdness...

1. Would you rather be 3 inches taller, or 3 inches shorter than you already are?
Hmm.. since I am 5'9.. I suppose 3 inches shorter.. just to see what it's like, but I actually enjoy my height.. Im ok with it..

2. What are 3 words that could never be used to describe you?

3. Have you ever eaten something at the grocery store while you were shopping, prior to buying it? yep... little things like grapes..although when the kidletts were little I would open a box of crackers and let them munch on thm.

Did you pay for it when you got to the check out line?
Hell yeah.. Im not a thief!!!

4. If you could have any 3 materialistic things in this world without paying a single cent for any of them, what would they be and why?
A house
A car

5. Have you ever fallen asleep or nodded off during sex before?
yes... usually when they guy just isnt that great..

6. What are 3 jobs you’d leave your current job for? If you don't have a current job, just list 3 jobs you would like to have.
I currently have a job..
but.. the three that I would do..
1) I really want to open up my own bar
2) I really want to open up some kind of teen entertainment spot
3) if I had the degree I would love to help at risk youths

7. Do you or have you ever answered the phone during sex?
yes, but it's to damn difficult to focus on the conversation..LOL...

Ok..Im done.. thanks for reading.. play along too..

buh bye

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Hi... nothing really to write about, Ive had a few entertaining events over the last few weeks. But nothing to really write about.
Im in a funk.. just not in the mood for anything.
Im having falling outs' w/my neighbor.. She has told my other neighbors Im a drunk and then started spreading crap about my son..
Im dealing with that.
I just got approved for my home loan, so Im off to find me a house.. cuz I cant STAND living in this freaking apartment anymore.
That's about it really..well no..there's more, but blogger is just kind of loosing it's appeal for me. And, Im in a funk.. I need to snap the fuck outta it!

Ok.. I was kind of tagged... so here we go

5 things found in your bag:
1) chap stick.. I cant go anywhere w/out it.. I have to have it!
2) Debit card.. it's like my american express...
3) car keys.. no keys.. no driving
4) loose change, now I know why my purse is always so freaking heavy, I just throw my change in the bottom, and once a month I take it out and cash it in.. last month I had almost $50 in change.. which explains why my damn shoulder hurts all the time!
5) hair gel.. dont ask.. I have no idea!!!

5 favourite things in your room:
1) my bed..
2) my tv
3) my kids.. even tho they have their own room.. theirs dont have tv's in them.. so my son is always in my room!
4) the dogs..
5) the computer

5 things you have always wanted to do:
1) travel to Ireland
2) live in Boston.. I have No idea
3) live in a skyscraper in some downtown metro area
4) die my hair black
5) get 3 more tattoo's - which I will accomplish!!!

5 things you're currently into:
1) reading.. I read alot.. I love to read.. anything really... it takes me away from my life and throws me into someone else's life..
2) dog showing... well I dont personally show the dog.. but I get the dog to and from.. and my daughter shows.. she loves it..
3) that's it.. I have no life
4) nope.. nada.. that's it.. wow.. sad huh
5) there ya go.. the end.. no more.. buh bye

5 people you want to tag:
Does anyone ever read this anymore? I want everyone to do this..
cuz..well.. I need to feel loved.. let me know if u did them..

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Howdy ya'll... I really have nothing of intelligence to write about today. Please forgive me, it's been a while since my last editorial.. or umm.. last written piece of garbage.

Life is slowly trudging along, been doing alot of traveling, weekend jaunts, went to Idaho for 4 days. Went to Canby, Oregon for a weekend, Yakima WA, Redmond WA.. all in the pursuit of winning that big doggy ring.. But hey.. I have a good time, and I enjoy the majority of the people.

The kids are doing good.. the boy is in summer school, 8-1 M-F... hahaha.. he's not liking it, but I think..and I hope he gets the damn message! The girl.. is bored.. well sort of bored.. the pool is getting alot of use.. and she is so freaking tan.. it's just sickening..
Umm.. hmmm... that's it.. 4th of July, Im having a b-b-que at the house.. your more than welecome to come.. please BYOB & some kind of side dish...

The men department.. its' pretty non-existant.. I have 2 gentleman..if you can call them that.. that are interested.. one of them is married however, says he just wants to be friends.. uh huh...riiiiight... took him 2 weeks to answer the "are you married" question. Good lord, be honest up front.. dumb ass's.. the other guy, it's all player.. but as I sit back and think about it, do I honestly want a relationship? Or just a beneficial friend?

And of course.. there is my already existing beneficial guy.. who is really starting to weird me out.. so Ive cooled it w/him, however I miss him at the same time.. damn complicated!

I got severly burn on my chest.. holy OUCH!!! pools and drinking in 90+ weather..NOT SMART!!!

Take a look at this!!!!
look at that red rim?? OMG.. it hurts.. so bad!!!

Here's a pic of the new puppy.. Barkley.. who is 7 months now.. and just over 100lbs.. it's the best pic I have.. I will get some more this weekend..

Happy 4th of July!!!!


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness....

1. Have you ever rode in a stolen car? What would you do if, in the middle of going somewhere, found out that the driver had stolen the car you were riding in?
Ok.. well.. yes I have ridden in a stolen car... and I knew it was stolen when I got into the car.. long story short.. we took the car across two states, never got busted, amazingly enough.. I will have to blog about this.. it's really not as bad as it sounds.. and the car was returned to the rightful owners... and she and I are still the best of friends..LOL...

2. What is the most amount of money you've spent in a sex shop or porn store at one time? If you've never been to a porn store or sex shop, why?
Hmmm... I would say like $50.. and it was all on gag gifts for a co-worker who had knee surgery.. all my extra curricular toys have always been gifts.. :)

3. What is the most annoying thing about one of your closest friends?
oohh.. I love her.. I really really do.. but.. annoying? she throws me in the middle of her marriage ALL THE DAMN TIME!!!!

4. Have you ever taken someone's prescription medication with or without them knowing and used it for recreational purposes?
OH yeah... remember.. I was a huge drug user back in my teen years.. I would take anything I could get my hands on!!!

5. What is at least one thing you are you insecure about?
my weight..

6. What are some things that you prefer to do alone?
shower.. I know.. I know.. but that's my "me" time.. sometimes it's nice to enjoy a shower w/that someone special.. but.. Im weird like.. I know

7. How would you react if you found out the anonymous babe who writes all your favorite sexy posts on her blog is really your mother?
OMG... ROFLMAO!!! That would be priceless.. my Mommy and I would get one hell of a great laugh outta that.. hahahahaha... I can only imagine...

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness...

1. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Here's the weird thing, I didn't think I would make it to a mature enough age to worry about growing up and becoming anything. You see, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness... so w/all the "church" teachings, the world was coming to an end, and 144k would go to heaven and the rest of us were left here on earth to do what ever it was we were to do... so the future wasn't even a glimmer in my wee little eyes.. then around the age of 12, all hell broke loose in my world and I became an evil evil child... so my teen years were spent druggin, sexin, partyin... but at one point I wanted to be a child psychologist...

2. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side to dip in? If you don't use ketchup, what do you use? If you don't eat french fries, what's wrong with you? (Ok so that last one is just a joke. Kind of. *wink*)
Depending on where I'm at.. if I'm at a restaurant I ask for an side of tartar sauce, I take my ketchup and put a nice big dollop of ketchup in the middle of my tartar sauce and mix it all together.. add a little pepper and YUMMY!!!!
If I'm just getting fries from fast food, I usually tend to eat them plain..

3. When was the last time you had phone sex? If you've never done it, why?
Does text messaging sex count? Actually breathing in ears, talking phone sex.. hmmm.. wow.. ok.. it's been years... since this new age of technology.. Ive had ALOT of text messaging sex.. LOL

4. When was the last time you made someone cry? What did you do to make them cry?
hahahahahah... I make my daughter cry all the time.. but I don't suppose that counts.. I tell her no and she starts crying.. she's such a drama queen..
Other than that, I made my Mom cry a few months ago.. she wasn't around for my teen stupidity years.. and she blames herself for it.. whatever, it was my choice to walk away from life.. Just cant get her to understand that.. anyhow.. I'll have to post about all that sometime

5. How often do you sing in the shower?
Ummm..Never.. I don't need the dogs howling!

6. Have you ever cooked dinner or any other meal naked? If not, would you?
No, I have never cooked dinner naked... nor do I believe I ever would.. mainly because I could just imagine something disaster's happening and I would end up burning a nipple, or something more drastic!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Please read

I finally added some of my favorite sites to my blog roll...

If you are on there and dont wish to be.. please let me know..

If your not on there and want to be.. please let me know..

ok..that's all I got!!!

Evil am I?

How evil are you?
So I took the quiz... and yep.. Im the purest of all evilness..
I guess that sums me up.. I dont work for AOL.. but pretty damn close..
look how far that arrow is in the black? WOOOOOOW...
Yep thats me..

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A month of nothingness

Oh wow.. I just realized I haven't posted in a month..
where the time fly's..

So.. lets see.. what do I have fun and exciting to tell all of you...

I'm down 20lbs.. woo hoo for me.. however.. I lost my boobs!!!
Now THAT is depressing.. I want my girls back.. why is it that they were the first to go?
No No.. I still have more than a handful.. but, there just not all there... and that just really depresses me.. which means, I am going to have to save money up, to have put back what once was there...

Hmmm...what else.. nothing.. work kicks my ass, the kids are kicking my ass, the gas prices are really kicking my ass.. 4.08 a fucking gallon... are u serious?!!!!
Thank gawd I get good gas mileage.. but $50 to fill up the gas tank.. it's getting fucking outrageous.. plus.. food prices are skyrocketing too.. I'm gonna have to sell a kidney just to be able to feed the kids & put gas in the car...

I have no sex life anymore...it's almost as if Ive lost the urge.. what is wrong with me? I'm just so stressed about everything that I just am not so sure about how I would respond to someone right now..Maybe I need to contact my beneficial friend and just take out some aggression.. wonder if that would make me feel better... hmmmm.....

I got a new puppy... here I am bitching about living expenses and what do I do.. I go and get a new freaking puppy.. but damn it.. he's cute.. and HUGE... anyhow..

Nothing else to tell ya, my life has turned into nothing but work, home, dog shows, and that's it.. nada else!!!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness..

during my 2 hrs of internet play today..
I was reading AR's blog..and a new Wednesday game..

So here we go....

Wednesday Weirdness....

1. ) Some people can pull leftovers out of the refrigerator and chow down without warming them up. Others can't. What are some foods that you serve warm but can eat once they're cold?

Pizza - I love cold pizza - it is the BEST hangover breakfast ever!!!
Im not a huge leftover person, no matter what my intention are.. the fam - just doesnt do well with leftovers..

2. ) Have you ever incorporated food into sex before? well yes.. yes I have..
Is ice a food? probably not, but during the hot summer months, when he places the ice into his mouth, and rubs it against my southern regions.. that coldness, up against hot flesh, is such a turn on....
Other than that.. the usual I suppose.. whip cream, warm chocolate syrup or caramel syrup - just make sure its not to hot or u will burn yourself.. I guess Im not a huge food/sex person..

3. ) What is one snack you eat that other people may consider odd?
Peanut butter sammys - not unusual I suppose, except I have to put butter on both slices of bread first, then the peanut butter, then the jam..
uummm.. toasted cheese sammys' - but.. I put the bread into the toaster.. then melt the butter on it when it's done.. then slide the cheese on.. wrap it in a papertowel for a few - allowing the warm bread & butter to soak into the bread.. you have to butter your toast and add your cheese very quickly tho!
My son however loves Flutter-Nutters...
white bread, peanut butter & marshmellow creme puff... or I think it's called Jiffy Puff..

ok.. that was fun.. who else is playing?

Monday, April 28, 2008

I was Tagged...flagged, nagged, shagged..

So.. my beautiful blog mate Ozfemme decided to tag me..
ooohh.. ain't you so sweet...

"five things about myself"

Well.. Ive listed a ton of things about myself in this blog.. things that I probably should share.. but I have shared.. things I'm sure NO one wanted to read.. but I did.. but.. here are 5 more things.. that no one should know ... but here ya go..

1) I have the most UGLIEST toes/toenails in the world..
seriously..my big toe.. is HUGE.. HUGE I tell ya.. and mishapped...and my little toe..
ain't so little either...and my toenail on that big toe.. is thick.. and ingrown.. and the pedicure ladies LOVE me..
cuz I have ugly feet.. and I get to here from my pedi lady..
"you have ugly toe"
"you come in once a month"
"you feet nasty"
then they all talk about me in their oriental language, point and laugh at me.. and call me the ugly toe lady..
But.. I leave there and I have pretty feet.. for at least a week..
until I run around outside barefoot.. and well then.. they not so pretty no more!!!

2) I get bored... and restless w/life.. and when I start getting bored and restless.. I tend to do things I shouldn't do.. like.. do shots of tequila at the bar, and allow random guys to photograph my boobies w/their cell phones...
or.. allow random girls at the bar feel me up.. cuz they don't believe me when I tell them that "yes.. they are real.. homegrown..no implants here"
or, I turn into a real bitch..I mean.. a real bitch.. only at the bar, when guys try to pick up on me.. why? Cuz I find it humorous.. the more bitchy I get.. the harder they try.. and they buy me more drinks.. but when I try to be nice, they don't pay any attention to me..so... I cuss them out, I put them down, I tell them off, I don't encourage them.. the more I do this.. the more drinks they buy me..
Weird really..

3) I love whole in the wall, po-dunk, urine smelling, sweaty, dirty bars. Low class society bars. I feel like I'm the princess among all the derelicts of society... what no one realizes is that I'm just poor as they are :)

4) I spend at least 2hrs a day surfing the web while I'm at work.. my boss would be so disappointed in me... but... It's how I pass the day...

5) The guys at work have come up w/a new nick name for me.. "Rain Women" as in Rain Man... because I rattled network stuff off to them w/out thinking.. I guess that's a good thing right?

Ok.. that's it.. I'm gonna tag..
hmmm.... everyone.. who hasn't been tagged yet..

Friday, April 25, 2008

Thumb wrestling - it passes the time

Went back to the dentist yesterday to figure out why exactly I'm still so sore, and cant open my mouth (probably a good thing I'm single right now.. cuz the poor man wouldn't be getting any blow jobs :)

Come to find out, I have an infection in my cheek.. there's a huge lump in the upper right corner of my cheek that I didn't notice, cuz well ... I didn't.. until the dental hygienist stuck her finger in my mouth and was probing around.. I almost hit her, it hurt so freaking bad!!!!

So, now I'm on antibiotics to kill the infection..but hey. I don't have to go in next week for that other filling.. woo hoo!!!!!

The sun is finally trying to show it's beautiful ray of light.. I'm really really hoping that Spring finally comes out to play!!!!

Got a random text message from my Beneficial buddy... he's always telling me that he doesn't chase tail.. so I figured I was tired of trying to put it together all the time, so I stopped contacting him (I know.. how childish of me) but hey.. he sent me a txt the other day to let me know he's been thinking of me, and wants to get together really soon :) oh yeah..that made me happy.. cuz..well.. I really really need to get laid!!!!

What else.. nothing.. I got nothing.. sad isnt it?
Work is still a pain in my ass.. I know longer enjoy my job.. which really sucks... with that being said, my boss decided to pile more projects onto me.. why?

hmmm... I get to go pick up a dog tonight.. I belong to the local Mastiff Rescue..
So, I get to pick up a 1yr old female tonight.. she's got a bum leg, so I get to get her all healthy, and then ship her off to a permanent home.. that's assuming the kiddletts don't fall in love with her.. and I can pretty much say they will.. but.. she WILL be going to a permanent home!!!!

And that's it.. ain't that sad?
My life is turning into nothing..
But.. Summer is around the corner.. hopefully something exciting will start happening.. cuz Im getting bored and restless.. and when I get this way.. I start doing things I shouldn't be doing!!!!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Ramblings.. of nothingness

.... it's been about 2 weeks since my last post... and I really have nothing exciting to say.

I went in for a routine filling last week, and come to find out, that the two other teeth around it were rotten (all those drugs I did when in high school has totalled my teeth) and so 3.5 hrs later my bottom 3 teeth on my right side had to be drilled and reconstructed. I kept telling the dentist to just yank them all out and give me dentures, but he says that believe it or not, the roots and bones are still good and it would be cheaper to work with what I have..
Another reason why drugs are so damn nasty!!! At least my teeth arnt all black and nasty!
The previous fillings on those other teeth were loose and therfore were rotting underneath.. GROSS!!!

Anyhow... it's been a week, and now my cheek is swollen & hurts like hell, and I cant open up my mouth very wide. Dentist suck!!!!

Ive lost another 1.5 lbs... slowly chipping away at this weight.. lets see.. I have aprox. 27 weeks before leaving for Cabo.. I figure if I can loose a pound a week - that's 27 pds that will be gone.. plus the 12 Ive already lost.. I'll be looking fine as hell!!!!
That's assuming I keep up w/the gym.. like Im suppose to!

Anyhow.. Im looking for a new job.. Ive hit a road bump here, and I dont wanna be here anymore. I want to move back to Idaho so badly.. but there are absolutely NO jobs over there. I got offered one last week, but I would be taking a $1000 a month cut in pay.. that's to much! So, I turned it down and let them know that when they want to pay me more to give me a call ;)

And Im out.. that's all I got..


Thursday, April 10, 2008

I will see you on the other side..

Received a phone call last night..
A very dear friend of the families was killed in a motorcycle accident in Texas on Monday.

Was out running errands, hit some debris in the road, and went approx 20 ft, landed on his head.
Died upon impact.... the bike went approx 225 ft.

Our local coroner arrived at his wife's house, here in town (as he was down there for his job)
to notify her.

She was headed to see him on Tuesday, and he was coming home w/in the next few weeks.
She had just spoke to him an hour prior to his death.

Please explain to me, how a man can be taken so quickly?
There are derelicts of society sitting in our prisons, roaming our streets, that continue to take the breath that you and I breath..... and yet, death takes the life of a man, who was truly good!

The wife has to fly to Texas, pick up his ashes, and bring them home.
Carry her husbands ashes onto the plane, and then put the "box" under the seat.

I can not fathom her agony. I know how I feel, and he wasnt my soul mate....

My heart goes out to the family..
Words can not express the loss...

I will see you on the other side..
Have your "scooter" ready.. we will go for a ride, you can drive.. :)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Down & Dirty

For the past several years, I have had a beneficial friend.. but first, let me provide u with a little background.

I once worked with this girl.. and she would tell you straight up, she only dates bald black men.....
in fact, when I first started my job.. that was on of the first things she told me.. I suppose she felt it was a shock factor.. umm..OK..

She met a guy on line.. she started dating him.. her and I became friends, hanging out together after work.. so forth.. well she decides she's going to fix me up w/his roommate.. who was his cousin.. OK.. sounds good...

That night was a trip to say the least.. I met up w/the cousin.. who stood maybe 5'6 - I'm almost 5'9..I never thought height was an issue, although this night.. it was a little awkward.. we drank, we talked, we had dinner, all very harmless.. well when short man figured out he wasn't gonna get me in bed.. he ran off to bed... my friend ran off too bed as she had had to much to drink..
that left me.. with her boyfriend.. who is one fine fucking bald black man!!!
For those of you who have read my post's before, you have read about him...

That night, he hit on me.. I turned him down.. that ain't right.. in my eyes...
I told my friend the next day... she confronted him.. and he of course denied it.. and that started the downward spiral for her & him.. and her and I..

I did end up hooking up w/the cousin... oh come on people.. a women has got to try things out ;)
and for a short man.. he wasn't bad.. and what does it matter when your laying down? Right? Right..

Fast forward.. they are no more.. her and I are no longer friends..
the boyfriend and I, ended up becoming friends thru the whole thing, alot of drama played out.. he would come to my house for advice, mind you, nothing would happen.. until one night, I decided I couldn't keep my hands off of him.. and one thing led to another, and I had one of THE best nights I had ever had up to that point....

It's now been approximately 5 yrs... and he and I have been enjoying each other's company.. sometimes alot every month.. sometimes, ever few months.. just depends on whats going on in each of our lives...

Once upon a time, I thought I was actually falling for him.. but I gave myself a quick talking to, and decided no.. he was/is way to much of a player for me to get caught up in that shit... I don't need the headache... or the heartache.. so.. I cut things off..
and then he would call.. telling me he missed what we had..
so.. I would invite him back..
then cut things off..
invite him back...
then cut things off...
invite him back..
And each time he came back, the chemistry was more intense.. more fulfilling.. more orgasmic!!!! (is that a word?)

Last time I enjoyed his company.. was on New Years...
oh.. no.. I mean Sunday night..
and.. well.. um... O M F G!!!! (that's = oh my fucking gawd)


I don't know if it was because it had been over 3 months.. I don't know if it was because he has been working out and, holy wow... he is ripped!!! I don't know if it was because Ive been loosing weight, and toning up... so I am a little more open and adventurous.. I don't know..

But I'm here to tell you now.. He's cuming...over tonight..
why do I tell you all this?
Well because..
I'm exercising..oops.. I mean.. sexercising..
toning up..
getting my leg curls in.. and moving my hips.. and practicing my kegels... hehehe...

Ladies & Gentlemen.. I'm getting laid.. oh hell yeah.. laid..
I know.. some people think it's a personal subject.. but I'm here to shout it from the rooftops..
I'm gonna get me some of that man tonight.. and holy shit!!! It's good!!!!!
He makes my body sing!!!

Monday, March 31, 2008

Fat Ass report - 2

Well.. Ive lost 11 lbs!!! The goal is to loose 50 by Oct! I WILL DO THIS!!!
So.. here it goes..

current weight: 230

GAWD!!! Thats hard to look at.. then again.. when I started Weight Watchers.. I weight 241!
So.. 11 pounds.. that's pretty good.. It's been 7 weeks..
I even, started working out at the gym..
Now.. mind you.. I fucking hate the gym..
Believe me when I say I hate the gym.. I HATE the gym..
I hate excercise, H A T E it... but.. Im gonna do this.. I have commited to $30 a month.. money is sacred to me.. cuz well, Im poor..poor white apartment trash.. LOL..hahahahahahaha...... Im kidding... Im kidding..
It's a joke between my son and I....

Anyhow.. Im commited.. 3x a week.. Tuesday, Thursday & Sunday... hey..it's a start..
I will be lighter by October.. when I go to Cabo.. I will be tone... and lean... and tan!!!

Im doing this for me..
Not for anyone else..
For me.. noone else..

So.. yeah.. 11 lbs.. I have to keep reminding myself.. I didnt pack on these extra pounds overnight.. it took time.. to it's not gonna come off overnight.. it will take time..
but Ive noticed it.. and so have alot of other people.. which makes me feel accomplished (or their just being nice) either way.. it makes me feel good...

Im not on a "diet" Im on a life changing plan..
to eat healthier... to live longer.. to be good to my body..

OH Good lord.. I want a donut!!!