Tuesday, November 21, 2006


I really have nothing to write about today.. so.. I figured I would do the basic.. what are we thankful for crap.
20 things Im thankful for (lets see if I can come up w/20)

1) My children (that I was never suppose to have)
2) My Family (even after all the shit I put them thru they still
3) My job
4) My friends
5) Not marrying him
6) Rescuing my dog
7) Learning the things I did, when I learned them
8) Blogger
9) Those people that came into my life, and then left when I was done w/them
10) The Rain
11) The smell after a good rain
12) Cucumber Melon body spray
13) My sex drive
14) Having my Grammy be such an important part of my life
15) My first love, w/out him I would of never given love a chance
16) Blogger
17) Quitting drugs
18) Learning the things Ive learned over the years
19) Community Youth Services (w/out them.. I would probably be dead now)
20) My co-workers for dealing w/my shit M-F... 7-5..

Damn.. that was getting sticky at the end..

Im done!! Im outta here
Happy Turkey day to all!!!!

Friday, November 17, 2006

I feel.. ??????

I must be in need of a good cry. Do you ever feel like that? I listen to a song on the radio.. and I can feel my throat start closing up and my eyes start to water.
I was reading a story in the newspaper today, and my throat started to close up and my eyes started to water.
Listening to the DJ's on the radio talking to two sisters who have been looking for each other, for 20 yrs, and you guessed it, my throat started to close up and my eyes started to water.
On the flip side of all this sadness. Im still really fucking angry!!!
At what you ask?
So much.. and yet it's all things that I have no control over.
Tears of Anger... I need 24hrs alone by myself to just vent. Let the tears out.... allow the anger to engulf me then the depression and wait for that rare glimpse of sun that used to follow me around, and then maybe.. just maybe I will start to feel like myself again.
I tend to hide behind a smile and jokes.. making others laugh, these things normally make me feel better. But lately.. I can feel the red fingers of anger on the edges of my mind, trying to grasp me & take control of me.
Im afraid of the damage that will be done if I allow it to control me and take it's full form.

Other Things:
I got into w/a co-worker.. over something so miniscule that it rather irritated me. On Wednesday I got into work late, I asked one co-worker where another co-worker was (the co-worker I asked about is actually a friend of mine.. so I thought)
Anyhow.. Co-worker 2 came back and I asked if all was ok.. and she relays she was in a training session.. ok..no biggie.. and the rest of the day she proceeds to give me the cold shoulder and wont even speak to me. WTF?
So Thursday I ask her what her problem is.. and she states to me " I am here to do a job and Im tired of all the office BS. Im not here to make friends, I come in, I work and I dont appreciate others gossiping about me or asking my where-abouts!"
Again.. WTF?
This was via IM..
my reply to her.. after many delted responses (as Ive stated the red fingers are trying to consume me)
so.. my reply..
First.. I asked where you were because your normally at your desk, and you werent at 9:30 in the morning. I know you have been having some health issues and I was concerned.
Second.. we were not gossiping about you.. I asked.. that was that..
Third.. I do not appreciate you ASSUMING that I would talk about you behind your back. ASSUMING things does one thing.. it makes an ASS out of you.. and me.. and I dont appreciate that. In the future... how about I just dont give a shit if you are here or not!
Have a good day
She came back with the statement.. well Im over it now..
HUH? there was nothing to get over.. whatever..
So.. I guess that friendship that I thought was budding is no more.. fine.. do your fucking job....

Am in the wrong here? What did I do that was so wrong? GAWD people piss me the fuck off.. especially touchy women!!!

Other thoughts:
Yesterday at work the company thru a "mixer"
Company mixer for all the employees w/in the building to mix, eat, socialize..
food, make believe gambling tables ( I say make believe because there was no actual money involved) but there was roulette, poker, blackjack, bingo.. all in good fun.. fake money of course...
and food.. ton's of catered food.. oh.. did I mention the company provided us w/beer & wine too!!
Everyone w/in our company in order to pass background security has to be 21... so there was no issue there.. it's odd though, walking around work carrying a beer.. kind of an odd sensation!!!
Anyhow.. I didnt participate in the games.. I wasnt in the mood to socialize.. but I took them up on the free booze!!!

Another thing:
Im so disappointed w/myself... I was doing so well.. but alas... I didnt follow thru..
I started smoking again.. I know I know...
It was just mainly I would have one when I would drink.. then it was just when I was stressed..
and well now.. Im a smoker again..
however.. I dont smoke at home.. so the kids & family dont know I started again.. duh.. do I really think they cant smell it on me???!!!!
Another point of anger you think?

Ok.... I guess Im done for now..

Have a great weekend..
Peace (Im trying to find some)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Tag.. Im it!!!

1. What is your current age – 34

2. When is your birthday – October

3. Nationality – American

4. Do you have any pets – yep.. 6 dogs, 1 cat & a ferrett

5. Sexuality – yeah.. I have some!!!

6. What colour is your hair- naturally? blonde w/auburn highlights

7. What colour are your eyes- blue

8. What ethnicity are you - Swedish & English

9. Favourite music - I like it all..Im a mood person..depends on my mood ...

10. Favourite films – no particular favorites.. Old School like Breadfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Grease.. stupid films like that.. bring back teen memories..

11. Dating Status – Dating... Im open.. single.. and looking.. sort of..

12. Favourite book – I love to read.. anything..just put it in my hands..

13. Favourite tv show – Greys Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, CSI, Las Vegas, Two & half men, How I met your mother.. I dont know.. other stuff too...

14. Dream man – someone who fits me...

15. Dream woman – someone who fits me..

16. Can you speak any other languages – my own language is challenging enough.. thanks

Monday, November 13, 2006

Rainy Weather

The Great Northwest gets it's share of rainy weather.. Im ok w/that.. Im actually one of those weird people who enjoy the rain. Rain cleans the soul, the earth, waters all the dead brown grass. Keeps our trees, shrub and plant alive.
Washes away all the dirt on the road. And I love the smell.. I cant explain it, but to me.. it's a smell of cleanlyness.

I love a good storm. Thunder & lightening.. the sounds that come and watching the sky light up.
The Pacific Northwest doenst tend to get alot of these types of storms, however when we do recieve natures rath.. she lets us have it! Over the weekend we had some thunder that sounded as if someone was standing outside my bedroom smackin a huge piece of metal w/a hammer. I have never heard thunder quit like this. The sound just vibrated thru me and then I watched the sky light up! Awesome.. I dont know how else to explain it.

Last night.. No lightening.. not in my area.. and the thunder was very minimul. However there were other elements that were just as powerful. The wind & rain were whipping about.... I could hear things crashing to the ground, I heard a tree limb fall and hit the fence. The dogs were howling, not only mine in the house barking, but I could here the coyotes outside. Or maybe it was just the wind that I heard.

Mother nature is so powerful. A force to be reckoned with in itself. She knocked our power out. Toppled a few tree's, caused a mud slide, flooding in multiple area's. And yet... she can be so beautiful too.

Yes.. Im weird. I love the rain.. I love the thunder the lightening...
It holds such Power!!!!

Happy Monday to all!!!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Reno ~ BUSTED!!!!

I took a mini vacation.. paid for by my father.
Which.. in itself, is a miracle.. as daddy is a bit of a tight wad!!!
All parties involved.. my brother M his wife J
My brother B and his wife J.. (so she will be known from here on as WJ)
and my Daddy and steppen Mommy

So here is a quick run-down...

~ Friday ~

Arrieved at the Hotel around 4ish..
got in my room.. freshened up..headed on out
so I hit the Casino by 5:30...
and by 7... I was down $150..
so I decided Im just gonna drink..
and I did.. drink..
then we walked..
Thru the Elderado into the Silver Legacy
into Circus Circus.. where we all proceeded to act
like small children who were never allowed to play...
we pretty much hung out at Circus Circus for 3 hrs, playing the games
winning toys and just having an over all great time..
Headed back towards our hotel.. (Harrahs)
Bed.. by 11.. I was soooo tired!!!

~ Saturday ~
My day to sleep in...awww yeah.... and wouldnt u know it.. my beautiful blue eyes popped open at 6:30 am... lovely.. so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep... 7:05 I was awake again... lovely..
I watched TV.. I relaxed, and finally woke my s-n-l (sis n law) J up at 9 and we headed to breakfast w/my steppen mommy....
then off for some shopping, souvenires for everyone..
ordered my first drink at 11:55, baileys & coffee.. and it was all down hill from there!!! :)
I proceeded to get fucked up (hey..I was on vacation and not driving.. ) I did however somewhere in the evening become the "Designated Walker"
I head back to Harrahs to go to my room for something.. and ran into my Daddy and bro M
we all decide.. ready for this.. yep yep yep.. lets go to the Tittie bar.. (my first experience mind you)
we head over to the Mens Club.. very tasteful if I may add, nice plush leather seats, waitress's that were dressed a little more than the cocktail girls at the casino! dim lighting, good music, the bouncers all wore dress slacks/white shirts and ties..
and the drinks were outreagesouly priced!!! until happy hour!! and Daddy, M and I proceeded to drink, and watch and talk.. and get fuuuuucked up!!!!
Daddy got a lap dance... damn that was funny shit..
and M.. well.. Im not really allowed to talk about it.. but.. lets say.. he had a great time..
somewhere w/in that time frame another male guest came over and asked me if I would tip the dancers for him, as he found it more exciting to watch other women tip then for him to do it.
Sure..what the hell.. Im game..
I took his money and tipped the dancers..
then tipped them some more..
all afternoon.. he kept giving me money to tip the dancers, then he latched himself onto me and I honestly believe he thought he was gonna get lucky w/me.. not a snowball's chance in hell!!!!
He kept asking Daddy & M if it was ok to talk to me.. as he didnt want to offend either of them..he was such a dork.. and lonely.. you could tell, such a lost look in his eyes.. poor lost little dork boy!
the little stripper girl came over.. and her and I started talking.. very nice young lady (as I found out.. damn Im old!!!) 22, graduates from college in May w/a Bachelors in Sociology...
she was paying her way thru school by stripping.. good for her.. very cute blonde.. damn she was tall.. (loved their shoes tho!!!!)
then another little "dancer" came over, and she was a nipple pincher.. she tried to pinch my nipples (as M told her I liked it... did I mentioin we were fuuuuucked up?)
nipple pincher complained my boobs were confined so she decided to put her hand down my shirt and grab my entire breast.. and pinch my nipple....
hmmm... damn her hands were cold!!!!!
the afternoon progressed...
and got more and more entertaining..
I get felt up by women I didnt know..
my face got smashed between a lovely pair of breast's.. and I didnt even get her name!!!
then she complained because my boobs were real and she had to pay for hers..
this was while she flopped my boobs outta my shirt and proceeded to feel me up..
in front of my dad & brother.. LOL... funny shit!!!
then she licked my neck and my ear.. hmmm...
time to go people..
we left the stip club about 5:30
headed back to the casino to meet up w/the rest of the fam-damnily..
and drink some more.... dinner time.. headed to a fab Japenese resteraunt where they cook the meal in front of you.. M had to be put to bed at 6:15.. trashed.. gone.. buh bye!!!
so Daddy, Steppen Mommy, B and myself go to dinner.. WJ (why the W? gotta tell them apart somehow) was back in her hotel room w/upset tummy issues.. and J.. she's a gambler.. that's all she wanted to do.. so we went to dinner.. and proceeded to drink Saki.. WOW... interesting drink.. Saki is..
a young dumb couple sat next to me.. their first date.. he and I start talking.. then the rest of the night.. he wont stop talking to me.. my bro B and Dad are like.. hey V.. he's picking up on ya..
lovely.. poor girlfriend.... so I go into bitch mode and shoot him down..
B, steppen Mommy.. and I.. are doing Saki shots.. Bonzai!!!! every shot..
uuughhh... $300 tab later.. good dinner.. from what I remember..
Daddy goes to bed.. B & Steppen Mommy and I.. head to the craps table..
I make friends w/everyone..Im such a happy drunk..
the pit Boss.. the workers.. whatever.. I proceed to yell at a group of guys who are cussing and yelling standing behind me.. "Excuse me gentlemen.. the pit boss dont like your cussing.. please leave the casino" they look at me.. I look at them.. he goes to say something to me.. I think I shook my head no at him.. and they left.. just like that.. just walked away.. Im such a happy drunk..
We go to the bar.. and drink some more.. and some more.. and talk.. and laugh.. J joins us.. we drink some more.. WJ show's up.. crying.. and upset cuz she dont feel good.. poor girl.. didnt realize she could order room service in the middle of the night to get something to settle her tummy ( I think she has ulcers.. needs to go to the Dr)
Im not positive what time we headed out.. but it was late.. and we was drunken fools.. but you know what.. what a blast we had!!!

~ Sunday ~
Holy Shit.. I was hungover!!!!
breakfast didnt taste good..
lunch was better.. went to the Peppermill.. lost my ass..
by Sunday afternoon.. my $$$ was all gone!!!! buy bye...
had a few drinks around 2... made my tummy feel better.. hair of the dog..
Chocolate Martini.. YUCK!!! was not impressed.. malibu & pineapple juice.. yummy...
dinner... nice Italian resteraunt... damn good prime rib..
bed by 9.. sad huh??? screaming kids in the room next to me.. called the front desk aroun 11.. shut those little screamers up please.. .
alls quiet by 11:30.. nighty night!!!!

~ Monday ~
up at 6..
to the airport.. 2 hr delay into Seattle.. why???? well rain of course.. cuz that's what it does here.. it rains.. high winds.. flooding.. typical.. whatever..
finally got home by 5:30.. just in time for kick off..
oh.. yeah.. Seahawks kicked Raiders ASS!!!! thank you.. GO HAWKS!!!!!
love our team from time to time..
bed time... nighty night..

A fun time was had by all.. that was the first vacation that Dad, M & B & I had taken in 26 yrs...
good time.. great memories..
but I still lost my ass!!!!