Oh Ricky you WERE so fine...

ok... lets see how much you remember...

I dated Jim for about 3 yrs...during those 3 yrs, we took a number of "breaks" from each other...
during one of those breaks, the longest one he and I had.. I was dating Rick....
I was 16.. he was 14 (OMG... Im a cradle robber)

Ricky, was one of those guys, that got up under my skin and found another spot in my otherwise cold heart. He and I dated for aprox 8 months (which I was dating others too when he wasnt around) He lived in a boys home in another town and recieved weekend passes twice a month. Those weekends were full of some magical evenings.
Ricky was one of 8 kids, all of which had been removed from the home for some reason or another. His family was and still is one of the most fucked up, dysfunctional families I have EVER met. 8 children and I dont think his mother knew who half the fathers were of her kids!

Any how.. Ricky and I would have some of the most outreageous weekends when he would visit.
Between the drugs, the partying, the sex it was out of control. It's like we were on a journey together to see how fucked up each of us could get. Trying to out do the other the only way we knew how.

For Instance:
There were a group of us living in an apt. This apartment complex was one huge drug infested, run down, party all the time sess pool. Some of the lowest dregs of society resided here, and of course, this is where I laid my head down at night on a borrowed pillow.

My friend S was dating Ricky's brother J. J showed up w/a quart sized baggy of "shrooms" which I had not done up until that time. So what the hell, I was already drunk I grabbed a handful and downed them. Little did I realize, I was in for a 3 day ride!!!

That was one of my longest, eventful trips in my drug history days.
Sitting in some chick's apartment, I remember taking off my jewelry because I felt as if my skin was crawling, I laid it on the floor next to me, got up went to the bathroom, came back and all my jewelry was gone. My watch, my gold rose ring that my mother had given me for my 16th birthday, my emerald ring that was my Grandmothers... Gone.. gone.. gone..
I looked everywhere, I pow-wowed w/the others looking for it.. I cried, I thought my head & heart was going to burst out of me. I got depressed.. those two rings ment more to me than any other posession that I had and I had lost them.

I remember walking out of that bitches apartment, and thinking to myself that the owner of the apt. had a look on her face that didnt sit well with me. I marched back into her place grabbed her, swung her around slammed her up a against a wall, and looked at her hand. Guess what that bitch had on her hands? My rings, and my watch around her wrist. I made her give my rings back, take off my watch. I put them in my pocket, and then.. I remember beating the living hell out of that bitch. Now... beating a chick or anyone when your so raged, and strung the fuck out.. not a good thing. I think I broke her nose :( But hey.. the cops never did show up!!! :) not this time anyway....

I went back up to the apt I was squatting in.. Me S/J and Ricky... we were tripping out on Christmas lights, because I think it was around that time of year. When all the sudden, Ricky grabs my hand, tells me he loves me, but.. he cant live on this world anymore.. so he's gonna go jump off the bridge. My rage had already left.. I was starting to find a peaceful inner being.. I never reacted.. all 3 of us, sat looked at Ricky and said.. "ok"
Ricky walked out the door, and didnt return.

We all sat there, sadly it never phased us, none of us reacted, we carried on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until, I would say 2 or so hours later, I looked up at S and asked where Ricky was........ the silence.. I remember that silence.. when J finally spoke and said that he went to jump off the bridge.
We jumped up, ran down the road to the bridge, crawled down under there looking for a body, I remember crying, and then the rage again.. Thank God we never found a body.. but as I was crawling back up the embankment, I look across the street of the bridge, where an Arco Station sat, and there sitting on top of a picnic table to the side of the Arco Station was my Ricky.
He had been waiting for us, and watching us. I ran across the street, right up to him, and slapped him across the face, then threw myself on him and yelled at him to never do that again.
He replied, he did it because he wanted to see how much I cared about him. He was about to jump off the bridge, because it had taken me so long to come locate him.

Wow.. Im not sure if any of that made sense, that memory is still really foggy in my head. I was in a mushroom induced state for almost 3 days. That same weekend, I got hauled off to juvi, for beating up some ass hole that lived in the apt I was squatting in. He was 22, sleeping w/a 13 yr old, and so.. I beat his ass.. he ran out of the apt to the pay phone and called the cops on me.. LOL. I found that so fucking hilarious, cuz he got hauled in for statutory rape.. I got hauled in for beatting up a 22 yr old punk ass mother fucker!!! He got more time than I did.. I got 6 days.. I think he got 3 yrs.. because it wasnt his first offense.

It's weird how the memory block's certain memories, some nights I dream of things that happened in the past, then when I awake I dont remember if they were real or not.
Some things I just write.. w/out really thinking about them...

They are just flashes of memory that come and go.. and I have to get them down as I remember them..

Thanks for reading..