Monday, November 10, 2008

You have mail!......

I recieved an email last week from the dead. I was suprised to say the least, as I was unaware that hell had email service. Let alone that it would pass thru the other realms to actually show in my Myspace inbox. But I suppose I shouldnt of been surprised, I mean, the devil has ways of bringing back old memories, long forgotten and buried deep.

He's been dead for 14 years... I put him to rest once.. to find out he's still alive. Granted, someone told me he was still alive. But I kept him dead in my mind. It was easier to let him lay there. Dormant in my memories, to never resurface, never to bring back all those long forgotten days & nights.

I spoke to the dead last night.
I dreamt of the dead last night.
Long forgotten memories surfaced, clouded my memory.
Feelings left dormant brought to boiling now.

It's hard to forget your first.
Your first kiss
Your first experience
Your first love

How do I put him back where he belongs? Gone.. Forever?
I cut ties with that life. It no longer exist's.
Yet, I miss him....
It's been 20 years....
It's been 15 since I held him last.
Kissed those lips
Heared him say he Loved Me

How can it be, hearing a voice can bring back so many painful memories?
And yet, they arnt so painful.
Not painful to bring about hate
But painful to the point of making one's heart hurt, from the sheer force of the love that once was.
The love that is no more.. will never be more...
He was gone... never to be again.

To hear a voice over a phone wire... to talk to him and hear him say he has very fond memories
of the 3 yrs we spent together, to hear him speak as if it ment something.
To hear the sarrow in his voice now, about wasted time gone bye.
To hear that, brought about memories, feelings and a complete sense of unease to my soul.

I need him to be dead to me again.
How do I bury him again within my heart?


Krystal said...

Now what?

Barney said...

Now what?
I suppose it's best to leave things where they are...
buried in the past...

Weekends Off said...

Sometimes leaving it buried is the best idea, especially when it was a painful parting.
I've had those blasts from the past come knocking. It turns everything upside down and confuses the life you are living now and that sucks. So many what if's and I totally HATE what if's.
I don't know how to bury him again, but if it were me wanting this I'd try to remind myself of the reasons why you didn't stay together. That usually helps me.

Krystal said...

Well said!

Anonymous said...

This was sad. :(

Anonymous said...

girlfriend, use spell-check. that was a painful read..

Barney said...

Then Girlfriend.. dont read my blog...!!!