Friday, May 26, 2006

So many day's gone bye

Wow... havnt posted in a while
so many thought's running thru my troubled mind
just not sure where to start
I think of things and have beautiful post's written in my minds eye
and yet I go to put them on here and I go blank
I need to get paper and pen to jot down my thoughts
but would I understand them when I go back to read them?

Baseball season for my son is winding up. He's come so far
He pitched in last night's game, he has such beautiful strength and so much
power in his arm, he needs to learn to control it and to calm down. He puts
so much pressure on himself when he pitches...took him a few pitches to get the first batter out... .. 2nd batter up, 3 beautiful pitches and batter out!!!! 3rd batter, strike 1, strike 2, and damn, batter hit's 3rd pitch, pop up fly right in front of the mound... my son run's up, dives for the ball, and catches just before it hits the ground. It litterally brought a tear to my eye. Never have I been more proud of him. The stands went wild... people were standing and clapping and cheering!!! A very proud moment for him.. and for me...

Two more games for the girl child in soccer, she's doing well, not bad really for her first
"organized" sport. I dont think she realized how much running is involved w/soccer. She has made a few beautiful passes, she just needs to be a little more aggressive and not afraid to get kicked. Im so proud of her too.. she's come a long way since that first practice 2 months ago.

Other than that.. things are so ho hum right now.. between work, sports, homework, cooking, laundry (which is never ending) house work, and trying to get some me time. I have nothing overly exciting to report. Ho Hum.. another boring day in my life... its just over and over and over again.. mundane!!!

So, on to other things... (random finger thoughts here) Alot of thought going thru my head lately never sure how to express exactly how I feel, or what Im thinking and when I do try to express myself it seems that my words come out all jumbled and confusing. I have a lack of communication skills maybe. I either say it to blunt and hurt someone's feelings, or I just clam up and make a joke out of it. Either way probably isnt the appropriate way but hell, thats me, dont like it your problem not mine. But still there has to be a way that is more endearing or caring or whatever.

So my oldest dearest friend calls the other day and tells me she is sick of her husband. She wants to leave him.. ok I say.. where you going, who you staying with, when do you want me to help you move.... Now of course Im not going to make excuses for him, I will support her, as she has been my friend for 20+ yrs (damn that just dated me) he's much younger than she, she has one child from a previous relationship and then they have one together. The way he treats those kids differently really pisses me off. I understand one is his and the other isnt, and I understand that he feels intimidated by the oldest child I mean lets face it, he dropped out in 8th grade, can barely read or write, and the oldest is in 5th, and way to smart for her own good. I understand he is trying to prove his "maleness" in the house, but DAMN!!!!! dont be such an asshole!! He wont listen, all he does is yell, and when he drinks.. holy shit... instant Asshole, just add alcohol... I like him I do.. he has a place in my heart, he's a good guy, really he is.. but.. there are things that I do not agree with. I keep my mouth shut for the most part, until he says or does something to me, my kids, his oldest step child or to my friend... then, well.. the she-bitch is unleashed... so far, I have not gone off on himto terribaly bad.. but I can feel deep w/in me the day is coming. They will end up divorced because she is so much older and mature and he is still a young pup. I feel for her.. I really do.. I just wish she would realize that co-dependancy is a disease & hinderance.. and that her relationship w/her husband is jeopardizing the relationship w/her oldest.

Ok.. anyhow.. love.. what is it? seriously? 3 little words that have a very deep and complicated definition. I once thought I had found it, I once thought I knew what it ment. But that was a long time ago. Today, I dont have any understanding of it. I thought I was in love about a year ago. Then I realized I was in love w/the thought of being in love. Two very seperate things. So what is it?
Yeah..still dont know..
so.. I will leave you with that question today.. or tomorrow...or for whenever you come up with an answer. Let me know.. Im dying to find out!

Peace everyone

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