Still nothing new to post..
Life is chugging along at a snails pace.
Current mood is: irritable.. restless...bitchy... I can feel it clawing at the surface, wanting freedom but I'm not allowing it to escape. It's a fine line between words that cut and fists that hurt but I'm holding my own. And I will WIN!!!
The ex is all over me like white on rice, and Ive had enough, so I did allow my venomous words attack him. When ever his life is not going well, he calls me whining about how "fucked" he is.
Like I care. He always does this while I'm at work, because he knows I will not react while I'm sitting at my desk. Well.. yesterday he caught me while a number of things were going on.
1) I'm sick.. I feel like shit, and I'm running a fever, but I cant take time off work..
2) I ache.. due to being sick
3) He is an asshat!!!
So.. I let loose, and my poor co-workers had to listen to me say things that only he should of heard such as:
"Your 37 yrs old, its time for you to put your big boy undies on and grow up. Stop harassing me and laying all the blame at my feet, I'm done.. no you may not stay with me for the next month. It's NOT an option, as I don't wish for you to step foot in MY home. Where I pay the bills, clean, sleep and eat. I have NO desire to be around you, see you, let alone talk to you. I'm D O N E!!!
You are the one who made all the decisions to raise your voice and fist's to me all those years ago, I am no longer the weak women that I once was. You want to threaten me, go right ahead... you can do it while you sit in a 10x10 cell behind locked bars.
Because as Ive said.. I'M DONE! "
I proceeded to hang up. I sat at my desk just seething.. and the room was so quiet, that I thought maybe, just maybe everyone had gotten up and left.. you could of heard a pin drop! Oh no. not that lucky, all the sudden I hear.. "Way to go" "good for you" and other words of congratulations and what nots... I guess I wanted my voice to be heard!
He called and left me a voice mail here at work last night, blaming his life and all his mistakes on me. His transgressions are all my fault. Him being a worthless piece of human flesh, my fault. Him not being able to maintain a steady job due to his lack of commitment, my fault. Him not being able to maintain a relationship between any of his kids (he's got 4 all different mothers) my fault. Yes, you guessed it... everything is my fault.
It's a tough burden to carry on ones' shoulders. The ill will of someone else, all their faults, their life being a sorry state of repair, and for the longest time his little poor me attitude used to get to me and I would carry it all around.
But I'm hear to say.. NO MORE!! I'M DONE!!! I'M FREE!!!
I will NOT be the one to carry around his guilt and his failure at being a productive member of society!
Im F R E E !!!!