Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rain Clouds

Yesterday my baby turned 11

My baby.. is no longer a baby...
Maybe it wasnt me turning 35 that Im taking so hard, it's my baby no longer being a baby that is causing distress.

My nose is barely above water. Im slowly drowning in circumstances that Im trying to control.
Between all the bills, and everything that the kids need and my job and my family. I can barely keep my nose above water.

I feel like just curling up.. is it depression?
What I feel like doing and what Im actually going to do, are two seperate things..
I am so mad at myself for allowing myself to wallow in this self pity.
It just disgust's me that Ive allowed things to get as far as they have.
But everytime I turn around someone needs something, or something needs to be fixed.
Or it's just SOMETHING!!!!

Im taking it day by day. But, Ive never dealt with depression before so this is something totally and completly new for me. It really pisses me off that Im at this stage in my life. Then again it really pisses me off that Im not at the stage that I think I should be in my life.

Oh well.. a new day, a new dawn
New things..
I just need to stay positive.. positive that all will work out, positive that everything will turn out and positive that Im healthy, my kids are healthy, my family is healthy and that ya'll are healthy too.


1 comment:

April said...

Barney, Barney, Barney...........maybe it's the Seattle rain that has us all down. I'm there too. I've never been depressed but find myself second guessing my life choices, wondering if I've done all right by my kids. And in doing that, sometimes we overlook our strength, what a great job we've done as single moms. Hang in there :-)