Monday, December 10, 2007

Im a whore :(

I have been completely slacking in my post's, things have been so damn crazy that I just havnt had time to get to the really important things in life, and that being keeping all of you updated on my poor existance of life.

So... grab your favorite beverage and here we go!

The guy that I met at the bar, whom I supposedly went to high school with.
I didnt make it to dinner with him, since I found out all that scoop on him I decided that he was gonna cook me dinner at his house (just to see if he would and how he would weasel his way out of it)
At first he was all agreable about it, then around 4:45 on that day he called and told me that he couldnt because his cat got sick all over his front room floor and he just didnt want me at his house, and he wanted to get it all cleaned up before he had me over.
I offered to bring over my steam vac and help him clean it, but that offer was shot down.. gee..I wonder why?
So... I showed up at his door anyway (dumbass gave me his apt #) know answer, knew he was there cuz his car was.
I went over to the managers and sent him a txt message and told him where I was, and that I figured he was in the shower and to let me know when he was done and that I had brought the steam vac... you will never guess what happened.!!!????
He called, said that he had an "emergancy" w/his dad and had to go take care of him.
Supposedly his dad is dying of cancer and needs alot of assistance.
I say supposedly... because my friend knows daddy-dearest... and he's in remission and is doing great!!!

Well...needless to say, by this time I was done playing - there was just to much effort being put into something that was going nowhere. So I told him that I knew everything and he needed to just come clean. He finally did, sort of... gave me a very wide version of everything.... it boiled down to him not being happy w/his current situation and I guess wanting something on the side.
Told him good luck w/that and dont call, dont txt, and if he ever saw me out and about.. pretend he didnt even know me.

I suppose I could of been a lot ruder.. but, Ive come to the realization that sometimes I spend to much energy on trying to hurt people. Why? Why do I feel the need to be so vicious?
What do I gain out of it in the end? Well beside self-satisfaction?
there is something obviously wrong with me!

On other news...
The kids are doing great. We started family counseling, it's part of the program that the boy is on. Im hoping it will help all of our issues. Cuz, come on... everyone has issues.

Oh..Im a whore..
I worked my second job all weekend, so the wee ones were w/their cousins and gone from the house. So.. Friday night my "friend" came over for dinner.. and then we um.. enjoyed each other.
Then Saturday night.. I ran into an ex... ex ex.. from like 6 yrs ago..
and well.. yeah.. I did..
Im such a whore.. what the hell is wrong with me?
It's almost like Im trying to re-establish myself.
Whats that old saying.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Which brings me to another thought..
to put it bluntly..
What..Im good enough to fuck.. but not good enough to have a relationship with?
Good lord.. now Im feeling even lower than low..
Im a dirty rotten whore. slut. easy. whatever you wanna call it.

oh well.. the anger is setting in again
I feel it seeping into my pours.
must be because of the holidays.
Im so NOT int Christmas this year... just have no desire to participate.
I havnt even decorated. No tree, no decorations. No nothing.

Whats wrong with me?


"T" said...

I've been reading but not commenting. I suck, I know.

I think that is excellent how you called that jerk out. He needed that...
MAYBE he will think twice next time, maybe not. But that was great.

Also great the family counseling.

The anger? Hard to get ahold of... but understandable this time of year (especially)

I think we gather all these emotional expectations around the holidays and get a rude awakening

.. or something like that.

Much love though babe. And nope, U R Not A Ho!

You are single. Everyone needs to tear off a piece here and there... as long as it's safe sex.

See why I don't comment? LOL..:)

Weekends Off said...

I was thinking along the same lines as her next to last line there....your single chica, not a whore or a got it going ON though LOL...

I saw use em up and toss them to the side till you find one worth keeping for more than sex. Because right now, these that you are hanging out with aren't worth your valuable time. Just consider them service dogs LOL...

I'm glad things are going better w/ the kiddos, I hope the counseling helps and that you get a good one!

The Bizza said...

You're not a whore. You crave physical stimulus and intimacy just like any other human. Since you're single and aren't hurting anyone else, there's nothing wrong with your actions.

That old double-standard comes into play also. If you were a guy, your actions would make you a stud or a mack. I've always hated that double-standard.

I can totally relate to your holiday blues. I use to get them something fierce about two years ago, even though I was surrounded by family. To quote one of my favorite movies, Mixed Nuts, "lonely feels so much lonlier on Christmas." Everything you perceive to be missing in life is magnified that much more.

For me, it's normally the fact that my youngest daughter is not with me, doesn't know me, and wants nothing to do with me. Also, I miss my other estranged family members back in Chicago.

Even now, while surrouned by people who care about me, those missing items in my life feel like huge voids and sometimes the pain is so unbearable that I crack as many jokes as possible, just to ensure that I'm surrounded by laughter.

I don't have a solution for you. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. Not by a long-shot.

Merry Christmas.