So the day has finally arrived.. where Mr. Beneficial friend has put the question out there.
"Do you want to try to see if this is more than it really is?"
Ive been expecting it, after all, awhile ago he told me he had fallen in love with me.
I blew it off... figured it was just a bunch of bull, and didnt pay much attention to it.
He countered it with a "what do u want from me"
I countered it with telling him I wanted the white picket fence, and the happy ever after...
not expecting him to say "ok"
I already have the 2 kids, I dont want that part of the dream.
So, today..he wants to make it more.
Here's my dilemma...
He's a swinger.. meaning, he likes alot of variety in life.. not men.. but partner swaps...
Im a one guy...one girl kind of girl when Im in a relationship...
I honestly dont think I could handle watching, or knowing he was with another women. I honestly believe that would drive me insane. Yet, he likes to watch me with other men... (mind you, we've only done that once but he wants to do it again)
So.. that brings up the question..how do I actually feel about him?
I like him.. weve been "seeing" each other for almost 5 yrs..
yes, there's been a few in between here and there..
but, we always find our way back to each other.
I care about him, I may love him a little bit.. but.. could I trust him?
I dont know..
I dont know if I could or would trust him.
My problem is, I dont trust men.. I havnt for many many years.. trust me, Ive tried, oh lord have I tried.. I just dont know if I have it in me anymore.
He says he's not like that anymore.. that he doesnt need that type of lifestyle.. that it rarely happens.. and he can turn it down..
What it boils down to.. is me..
Im terrified of getting hurt again..
Can I trust him? Do I trust him?
Once a swinger/player.. always a swinger/player?
So.. what's your thoughts blog world? help me... cuz Im completely and totally confused here!