Sometimes I wonder why I put myself into situations that I know will cause me more harm than any good.
There is a defective part in my mind and heart that causes me to make poor decisions.
To sit back and think that people do actually change for the better.
What I need to realize and remember is that people don’t change for the better, very often. They just rearrange their spots – so that it becomes harder to identify who they once were and who they have become.
Sometimes listening to the words of someone, wanting so much to believe what is being said, but knowing deep down in your heart or hearts it’s all such crap.
Believing the words of one can make you such a fool.
I am that fool
It is for the best that I do not allow myself to be caught up
It is for the best that I allow the distance and take that stance that has kept me locked up and secure.
I can not allow myself to be caught up in the empty words & promises of someone who has lies so easily fall from their mouth.
I must remember what has happened & the pain it has caused. Regardless of the apologies and the begging of forgiveness
I can not put myself through the pain & sorrow and helplessness that caused me to travel a path that I was lucky to pull myself free from.
You can love someone with everything you have but you can not ever be with that person. There is no life together, no tomorrows, and no dreams of a future.
All I have is what I have gained through the road that I traveled, it is mine and I am a stronger person because of choices that I have made.
I had to close myself off to the promises of tomorrow. The hopes and dreams that once were in my thoughts are no more. The door was slammed shut many times over. Those hopes and dreams will not come true, not the way I once wanted them. The walls that have been erected will not come down easily if ever. This is my choice – however there are leaks and I must fortify what is seeping.
This is the choice that I make. For my own self preservation.
Right or Wrong? I do not know… but it is what gets me from day to day to concern myself with only those that matter. My kids…
They are my all... My reason for closing myself off from outside influence.