Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Got a lightbulb?

I started dating someone, actually he was my FB for years.

Once all the nightmare washed away I ran into him one evening and we reaquinted ourselves.
I can honestly say it was the best sex I have had in a very long time.

So, there are a few dilemma's with this situation. Which isnt there always, I mean, when Im involved there is always some form of drama or dilemma

1) He loves me - he told me so, said he has missed me
2) I realized Im in love with him
3) He refuses to be in a committed relationship with me - I hurt him by moving on w/someone else regardless of how bad it turned out, he's hurt - Im sorry for that
4) He's moving - in about 6 months - a few hrs away

I finally told him that I need more. Want more, he's not willing to give it to me so why should I continue to become more attached and keep wanting and longing when what I want isnt going to happen?


After all the bullshit Ive put myself through these last few months, I thought there was finally a light at the end of my tunnel of hell that I created for myself. That light is slowly dimming. Its ok, I know it will become a 100 watter soon, I just gotta get a little bit closer to screw that damn thing back in.

Forgive me while I sit in the darkness for awhile. It's kind of cozy here, besides it keeps the heat out!

5 comments:

lurker in columbus said...

Just to get a clearer picture here;
1)how long has it been since you dumped him?

2)why is he moving, ie a job, to take care of parents, to be close to someone

3)is he someone you could, if he were to stay close, depend on? I mean lift you up and support you in your quest to acheive your fullest (what ever that may be), not just take from the relationship.

Good luck, Barney! Always wishing you the best!

Barney said...

Lurker:
Answers:
1) December... is when we went our seperate ways.. BUT we were never in a committed relationship.. we were beneficial friends.. then when the psycho came to live with me we went our seperate ways.. and once psycho and I were over he and I got back together

2) He's moving because he wants to..He likes the city and wants to live there. No other reason than that.. crazy huh?

3) is he someone I could depend on? Yes.. Is he someone who could/would support me if need be? Yes...

Bottom line... I have really shitty taste in men!

lurker in columbus said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Barney. The only thing I see wrong is his wanting to move just because he likes the new city.

Have fun, take what you can from him while he's here, whether its physical, companionship or a night out. You've earned it, have fun and feel good about yourself while you have him around. You're coming out of an awful relationship, take time to heal.

Your prince will come, or come back.

Ann oDyne said...

Yes what Lurker said "have fun for now". try to think like a guy - 'in the moment'

It's good that he's moving - you can be shocking and amazing and have that great sex, and know you don't have to put up with his faults forever (yes of course he's got 'em).
and it's a nice distraction from The Teens Trauma.

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