Letter to my son's father.. concerning him thinking he's being so smart.. as to not give his son his birthday present, all because, his son decided to spend his birthday.. the way he wanted to..
I spoke with K-Man last night, he informed me of your decision of not giving him his birthday present , that he instead has to earn it back.
Showing a child his birthday present and then not allowing him to have it, just because you are upset at him, is pretty rough. With his foot surgery, K-Man has been through an awful lot lately and many of the things he likes to do have been "taken away" through no fault of his own.
He made a poor choice, to which he has apologized for, but you basically just taught him that you don't forgive. And that your love is something that is earned, not given freely.
He shouldn't have to earn your love or your forgiveness.
As you certainly can attest, being a parent is about the ups & downs of raising children. Sadly, he will disappoint you from time to time, either with bad grades, lack of judgment, immaturity, or speaking w/out thinking. This is all part of growing up and we will continue to work with those issues as they come up .
K-Mans view is that you don't trust him, nor forgive him for his mistakes.
If you expect K-Man to meet a certain level of expectations, you will have to assist in reaching the levels you are setting. A gift is just that.. a gift, and children are gifts, to be cherished..
On this line is the women in your life... I was trying to get K-Man to open up the evening the two of you showed up, however K-Man doesn't feel he can speak to either of you, because you hold things over his head, and because you don't forgive, and get upset with him when he doesn't attempt to explain how he feels.
However, The women in your lifes condecending tone can be upsetting to him as are the little guilt trips about not coming and visiting. She is always complaining to him about him not coming up, or not calling . But K-Man says that he has to stay in his room in the mornings until either of you are out of bed and that it is cold because the heat is never turned on .
The comment was made by the women in your life the evening you two showed up, " that the two of you refuse to entertain K-Man. " Granted, he can find things to do on his own, however he comes to visit YOU, to spend time w/YOU... things do need to be done w/him... talking to him, playing a game, watching a movie, he is 13, doesn't always make the correct choices, and still does need some supervision.
Last concern.. your Mother.... I realize your Mother is his Grandmother, however, if she does not cease on the religious talk and the "damning" aspects of life, she will push K-Man so far away, he wont ever want anything to do with her. As is now, he doesn't even like to spend long periods of time w/Your Mother due to her preaching at him. When I try to speak to her about this, I make no progress . So.. its up to you to handle that ... or.. she wont have a Grandson, not because of me, but because K-Man doesn't want to hear it.
She is not his mother, and therefore, it is NOT her responsibility to inject religion into his life.
I continuously tell K-Man to use his words w/all three of you, but he continuously explains to me, that he can't. He doesn't feel you listen to him, nor does he feel that you would even take anything he says into consideration. He has feelings, he has thoughts, he has opinions ----He is now a 13 year old boy.
Instead of making him feel guilty for not spending HIS birthday with you, feel appreciative over the fact you have a son, who does want to spend time with you and make the most of it .
I wrote this not to start an issue but simply because your son was hurt by the actions of the last weekend--it is important to me that we give K-Man the best life he can have and teach him the best values we can.
Its been a tough end of year with the foot surgery--I am trying to keep his spirits up the best I can, and hope you will assist with that....
Your Bitchy Ex (as Im sure that's exactly what he will take from it)