Many years ago I fell in love, with a man who was my everything.. he was the reason I was put onto this earth to breath. We would have great conversations about the future, where it would take us, what we would do, how to get there.. there was nothing to stop us, as long as we had each other. He was the reason why the birds sang, rainbows arch over the sky and everything was right in the world.
Until reality smacked me straight in the left eye.. and my world became a dark rainy, thundering night, and lightening streaks that nightmares were made of.
Fast forward 12 years.. the only reminiscences I have of him, is my daughter... I say "MY" daughter because I'm the one who has raised her, provided for her, supported her. Gotten up in the middle of the night with her, disciplined her, bandaged her, guided her, swatted her butt. She is mine.. not his. Always and forever mine.
He was never there.. when we found out I was pregnant.. the nightmare began.. It's when the most harshest words have ever been spoken to me.
"Your getting an abortion"
I should of known at that time I was on the doorstep of Hell.
I should of known at that time that my life was about to take a drastic downward spiral.
But.. Love cures all.... right?
No.. Love makes you blind. Love makes you stupid. Love turns you into putty in an abusers hands.
I try not to dwell on all the negative.. in some cases I wouldn't change much of my past.. If I had never of met up with him, I would of never had my daughter, if I would of never met up with him, I would of never realized how strong I could of been. If I would of never met him, I would of never over come my fear (at the time) of being alone.
The reason I bring all this up, is because he just called me.. at work..
to tell me that he's found God.. and that because of God, he has found it in his heart
to forgive me, for leaving him, in a snow storm, on the side of the road.
To also tell me that he loves me, and he's sorry for all the things he's done to me over the years and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he wishes he wouldn't of screwed it up all those years ago.
He's sorry for telling me to get an abortion
He's sorry for slamming me up against the wall when I was 7 months pregnant.
He's sorry for spanking my son so hard that he left bruises
He's sorry for segregating me from my family
He's sorry for screwing around on me and getting that other chick pregnant
He's sorry for stealing from me
He's sorry for selling my only car out from under me so he could buy more drugs
He's sorry for lieing to me, cheating on me
He's sorry for never supporting "our" daughter
He's sorry for never acknowledging her
He's sorry for walking away from her
He's sorry for attempting to kidnap her
He's sorry.. he's sorry.. he's sorry
He hopes that I can find it in my heart to forgive him...
Well you know what.. I can.. I can forgive
I can find it in my heart to forgive him..
I will also thank him for giving me my beautiful daughter
I can thank him for making me realize that Im a hell of alot stronger than I EVER gave
myself credit for
I can thank him for teaching me how to respect myself..
I can thank him for bringing me closer to my family
I at least can thank him for teaching me that forgiveness is one of the biggest things you can
give to another person.
Just never forget.. because once you forget, the cycle can start all over again.
I forgive you..
I hope that your life finally turns itself around, I hope that you and your family finally find each other and forgive each other.
I hope that you can forgiveness in your own soul..
Oh.. and let me know how this whole "God" thing works out for you.
God found me years ago.. I walked away from him.. what's amazing is how he continues
to support me, acknowledge me, and understand me... regardless of all the mistakes I make..
and regardless of how many time I curse at him..
You dont need a church to tell you how to pray.. or how to worship.. what you need is to actually allow him into your heart.. and your soul..
Im still trying to do that.. but he knows I still need him..
Hopefully he can do the same for you...