Thursday, November 01, 2007

Disclaimer - bad words ahead!

Life has a way of just spiraling out of control like a roller coaster ride... there are only 3 occupants on this roller coaster... two kids in the front car.. and the haggard mother in the last car.. whom cant decide if she should lock the seat belt.. or just let the fate of the gods take it's course.
On one hand, to just sit in the seat and hold on is an option... I mean seriously, whats the worse that could happen... I fall out, and split my skull open, but hell, knowing my luck I would survive it be normal minus the bashed in skull and would have to live out my remaining days on earth looking like some Halloween project gone bad.

Or.. I could buckle up and sit tight and just let all the bullshit wash over me. But seriously, how much bullshit can one person really take? How much before a person just finally breaks down and looses control... claims sanity..or just goes ape shit on another person?

No, life isn't always so fucking dramatic. Sometimes its' all peaches & roses, sweet & nice and everything oh so very nice. But when it rains.. I'm telling ya.. it fucking pours & fucking pours and fucking pours until Katrina looks like mild bath water. Some days are worse cluster fucks than others, but I suppose you take it day by day it's bound to get better.. right? RIGHT!!!

So here's a little of what's going on:

Romance.. I thru cold water on it.. to many weird ass happenings.. and I'm not happy w/myself or my life right now, so how was I gonna even attempt to try to make someone else happy... if I'm not happy, no one else is gonna be.. so fuck it.. that's over.

the boy child: I'm gonna strangle my son... he's done nothing but fuck up.. fuck up.. fuck up.. I feel like the worse mother in the world.. I obviously don't know how to parent.. he did 2 days of ISS (in school suspension) he was back for half a day in classes.. fucked up.. and suspended from school for a day.. oh he's back in today.. and I just got yet another fucking phone call.. and he's back in the office, because he decided to body slam another student.. so.. I told the principle to contact the police and let me know when they were coming.. maybe scaring the shit outta the kid will help! Or something.. cuz if I see him right now.. I'm gonna beat the shit out of him!!!
What did I do wrong? I got him tested for ADD... Dr said he's got it.. but mildly.. so he's on meds.. but really low dosage.. the kid just wont use the lump three feet above his ass.. the brain of his isn't there to be used as a wind tunnel..
So.. I told the principle to call the local police.. maybe some scare tactics will work..cuz I don't know what else to do.. they don't hand out handbooks when you walk outta the hospital

the girl child: OMG!!! she has become so damn argumentative... she just turned 11 and thinks she is ALWAYS RIGHT.. did I say ALWAYS... she will argue about anything.. she walks into my bathroom this morning, grabs my hair brush and tells me it's hers.. uummm excuse me... I try not to argue with her.. I really really do.. I try to reason.. or.. I just tell her to knock it off, I'm the mother.. the adult.. the ONE IN CHARGE... but it's like she doesn't hear me..
I have her in counseling, we are trying to figure out what the issues are..

Work: is a never ending source of entertainment & frustration
that's about all I can say about that. Company meeting a few weeks ago it was stated that our division is up for sale.. so hopefully I will have a job once the company sells.. or I will be hitting the job seeking road.. whatever.. either way I don't care at the moment... sad huh?

OK.. I think that's about it.. for now..
I should probably get to work.. sorry I was MIA for awhile..
but hey..I'm here now :)

I'm off to coffee myself up.. that always makes me feel better..



Anonymous said...

Oh dear. I dunno anything to offer up on the kiddo front. I'm not too old myself, lol. I'm also terrified of the idea of having just one kid of my own. Sigh. I hope the coffee helped you out dear! =o)

Weekends Off said...

I feel your pain Barney, regarding your son. Mine is a handful and I worry endlessly about him. Being that he's 21 turning 22 this month I just sit back and hurt deep because I feel had I been there he would have turned out fine.

Whatever you do, don't blame yourself or your mothering skills. You are damn right, they don't come with instruction manuels. But kids do come with the pre-programmed ability to fuck with you and your head on any given day. I guess that last part was for your daughter.

If it helps, my sister always says to remember that teens brains aren't fully developed yet. Oh sure they can function, but they misfire. I don't know exactly what she said but that was my take on it. She deals with teens in trouble, on drugs, drinking etc. She said half the time logic really doesn't make sense to them because of this misfire. So if it helps any, it's not you, it's them and you are so not crazy or wrong to wonder why the fuck they act the way they do.

I'm sorry about your job, I'll pray for you that you are hired on by the new company or that you find something WAYYYY better!

Oh, and on the relationship front, I think you did the right thing. Relationships are fun but they are also taxing on a person with a full plate.


Barney said...

Amorous = kids are both a blessing and a nightmare... when you have them you have all these ideas of grandeur .... but then reality set's in and you realize.. it's a kind of a 50/50...
But hell.. just coffee yourself up and all's well!!! :)

It makes sense what your sister says, but OMG.. it's so frustrating.. I sit and look at him and my heart just breaks, cuz I know, deep down he's a good kid.. he's just a little lost.. and how that tears me up inside.. but I have to stand firm.. I cant allow him to see the weakness...
things will get better.. his failure is NOT an option!!!

Dont beat yourself up over your son.. he's still young.. I keep having to tell myself that gusy dont fully mature until they are in there 30's.. OMG.. that seems so long from now!! :)