Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Drama cooled off.. and now.. he wont leave me be!!

So the drama finally cooled down..
not after my friend S's friend M called me and wanted me to give her his #
and I got all sorts of pissy again...
standing in my kitchen, and started yelling.. then I took it outside, and was still yelling
and needless to say..we have all come to an understanding..
he and I are still associating w/each other.. it has no reflection on me what he does and whom he does it with, as long as he leaves me and my friends out of it.
S & I decided that we would not discuss him anymore... and that it was a closed issue and she and I are good to go.
J keeps txtng me.... saw him last Saturday and he got pissy that I was ignoring him and not talking to him so he left early. Wanted to know what my problem was and why was I being so grouchy. I wasnt.. Im just disappointed in him, and well, he's not worth my time. I dont get it..
any ideas?

On to other notes.. I have no life!!!
oh.. wait.. hear me out before you judge..
I once befriended a girl at work...she met a guy.. they got together.. I went with her to his house once, his cousin was there.. we all started playing a board game, nothing happened, we all got a little tipsy, she decided to go to bed, the cousin went to bed too that left the BF and I sitting at the table.
I stood up, was standing in the kitchen door way, we were talking. He got up, came towards me, and put his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him and tried to kiss me. I stopped him (never mind that he is extremely attractive and I liked him)
I decided it was time to go home.
the next day I fought w/myself to determine if I should tell my friend or not.. I decided I should..and he of course denied it. So be it.
They were together off and on for a few yrs. Her friendship and mine took it's toll as she was emotionally unstable, I couldnt handle it any longer so I ended the friendship.
He and I stayed in contact, via email and phone.
Then.. one night, he and I got together, and I experienced some mind blowing sex. OMG!!
At the time, she was still my co-worker and had NO clue what was going on between he and I. They were no longer together, however she contineously was contacting him and beggin him for a 2nd chance.
Do you know how hard that is to be laying in bed w/him and listening to him talk to her. Listing to her cry and plead to give her a 2nd chance?
Then to have to face her the next day at work?

Anyhow.... he moved away for some time, to get himself in order and now, he's back.
We have seen each other since he's been back. But we have not been together since he's been back, he told me at one point that he wanted to prove to me that he was not the person he once was. That he's someone else.

I want him. I need to be with him. I could find myself totally falling for him. And that scares the hell out of me. I dont want to fall for him, because he will more than likely hurt me. Why do I think that? Because I sabatoge all my relationships. Waiting for the ineviteble to happen.
But I could find myself loving him.
And that would freak my family out. Why? Because, he's African-American! Not so much my family. But one brother and my father. They would tweak! not that they are prejudice. Just, well, stand-offish..
I have told him that I care. I dont think he believes me, because of the hard-ass core that I portray myself to be.

It scares the hell out of me.
but I would love to be in his arms right now.


1 comment:

~*~ D ~*~ said...

1st - girl you have been tagged by me with a meme - come visit my blog for the questions if you wanna play, if not no hard feelings! :0)

J must be dense if he can't figure out that you aren't as interested in him seeing as how he was so eager to deal with your married friend. I don't blame you either. I mean, sure, he's not married, but IMO if he's willing to help someone cheat he must not find anything wrong with cheating and probably would cheat in his own relationships.

AS for the other issue w/ your co-worker, I can only imagine. They aren't a couple any longer and so he's fair game since you and she aren't friends anymore. I imagine it was hard hearing him talk to her and hearing her cry and then seeing her at work the next day. How did he handle her? Hopefully in a compassionate but firm way.

My family learned to accept my husband, even though they had their opinions on interracial marriage (that it's wrong) they became used to the idea. No one ever said a word to me about it, but I know my family, I was raised by them, I know their attitudes.

I can say that I didn't give a rat's behind what they thought. I loved my man and married him and anyone that wasn't happy for us no longer mattered.